Nagging about saving money for IVF

not judging, just throwing this out there based my personal experience....

Infertility is a bi#ch and IVF is physically and emotionally draining. The financial drain with potentially no child at the end is a bitter pill to swallow too. I was deeply entrenched in infertility hell when a friend said this to me:

So do you want to be pregnant, or do you want to be a mother?

I am mom to two daughters adopted internationally, and I have never looked back.

Bravo.

I want to be Pregnant AND be a MOTHER.! Is that selfish of me? I dont think so at all!

So, adopt a child to call your own, and offer to be a surrogate mother for someone else? You get to have the pregnancy experience, a child of your own, and you don't have to spend 21k to do it

Hey now, not a shabby idea. Save a life, and help someone else in the process.

I know (and trust me I certainly do know) the absolute longing to have a baby and the devastation of it not happening like everyone else, so it is with this wisdom and knowledge that I suggest you do this with one eye on the budget and the other eye on your relationship and marriage. Don't sacrifice one to gain the other.

If anyone has suggestions for me, please share. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for about 4 1/2 years. Our next route is IVF due to fertility issues. IVF costs $21,000.00. So, my husband and I decided we need to buckle down and start saving so we can do the IVF a year from now. The problem is, he keeps spending money. We both are ready to do this and wish it would just happen naturally, but it hasn't. He knows we need to save money and he wants to save money, but he spends money a lot easier than I do. I feel like I am a NAG constantly telling him "we need to start saving money, we don't really need that do we?" I feel like I am constantly nagging him about spending money. Yes, I may be getting a little overwhelmed and obsessive but if we want to do this, we need to start saving. We keep talking about it but can't seam to start saving. Any suggestions on how I can get him to stop spending money without being a total nag??? PLEASE HELP! He does get a weekly allowance of $100.00 and has a credit card for gas for work. But just yesterday he transferred $100.00 from our savings to his account....

To all those that have adopted: Thank you for taking an emotional and financial risk to rescue a pre-existing child that desperately needed a loving home. You saved and enriched a life and had yours enriched in the process.

This sort of mentality really bugs me too, adoption isn't "rescuing" a kid like they're a stray dog. I wanted to adopt because we wanted a child, I wasn't doing it to be heroic, but there were a million roadblocks and it's not as black and white as everyone seems to think.

Yes it's true there are no guarantees either way, but at least if a person is able to conceive and carry a child they can do their best to take care of themselves before the baby is born, and then to raise them well. There's always a chance of health problems, but what I'm saying is when I went to adopt through CAS they said we were literally almost 100% sure to get a child with not one but several serious problems. We just wanted to have a regular family like other people have, like all our friends were starting to have, we weren't ready to take that on.

The thing that I find very frustrating is people seem to think that infertile people have to bear the burden of society's unwanted children, and to do anything other than that is somehow selfish or greedy or whatever. If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first.

Not true at all. I question anyone who has a child; fertile or through medical assistance.... I also question who anyone would support and buy an animal like a dog or cat from a breeder. My thought is, if you want a child, or a pet... Don't have one created when there are so many out there already in need of a loving home. We need to stop bringing more unnecessary life into this world and take better care of the lives already existing.

Generally, it's human instinct to want to procreate. Just because you had some ****ed up childhood where you were an unwanted child in an unloving home and has caused you to have some pessimistic, narrow-minded view of the world doesn't mean that is true of everyone. You have established that you think OP should adopt. You can move on now.

Actually that was in response the this comment : "If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first."

I'm just saying, I don't judge infertile people for choosing to go the medical route and ignore those that conceive naturally. I was saying I feel the same regardless of the situation that brought that child into someone's life. Why bring more life into a crowded world when so many already exist needing care?

Why aren't you considering adoption? Why force your body to do something it's not naturally inclined to do in your case?
Plus, IVF isn't guaranteed. You could end up with 5 babies, or worse, have to "selectively abort" some until you have the choice amount. I all smacks of a puppy mill to me, to be honest.
There are children already existing out there that need you, don't understand why people have to force their hands with this, taking drugs and going into a lab for impregnation (shudder). And before you say "I want my OWN child", I have a little girl that I adopted when she was 8 months old that couldn't be more MINE if I had carried her myself. We have the closest, best bond and I couldn't love her an iota more than I already do.

In my previous posts, i mentioned adoption is my second option if IVF doesn't work. My body IS naturally inclined to have a baby. My husband is having issues with his semen. NO, I WONT end up with 5 babies. They select how many eggs they want to give me. One or two is usually the option. Which in my case, I would opt for 2. They WOULD NOT put 5 eggs back in me. That would just be silly and dangerous for me and the children. Yes, I am willing to go through all the drugs, injections, ect. to try to carry my OWN child. We want our OWN child. If it doesn't happen with IVF (we have 3 tries and get our money back if it doesn't work) then we will look into adoption. Yes, if I adopted a child, that child would be my OWN child regardless of weather I carried him/her or not. Just because we are having trouble getting pregnant doesn't mean we dont have the right to use the medical field to assist us.

So you want to have your OWN child, yet would also consider an adopted child your OWN? Why not just take the step now and save a life?

You dont get it, never mind

To all those that have adopted: Thank you for taking an emotional and financial risk to rescue a pre-existing child that desperately needed a loving home. You saved and enriched a life and had yours enriched in the process.

This sort of mentality really bugs me too, adoption isn't "rescuing" a kid like they're a stray dog. I wanted to adopt because we wanted a child, I wasn't doing it to be heroic, but there were a million roadblocks and it's not as black and white as everyone seems to think.

Yes it's true there are no guarantees either way, but at least if a person is able to conceive and carry a child they can do their best to take care of themselves before the baby is born, and then to raise them well. There's always a chance of health problems, but what I'm saying is when I went to adopt through CAS they said we were literally almost 100% sure to get a child with not one but several serious problems. We just wanted to have a regular family like other people have, like all our friends were starting to have, we weren't ready to take that on.

The thing that I find very frustrating is people seem to think that infertile people have to bear the burden of society's unwanted children, and to do anything other than that is somehow selfish or greedy or whatever. If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first.

Not true at all. I question anyone who has a child; fertile or through medical assistance.... I also question who anyone would support and buy an animal like a dog or cat from a breeder. My thought is, if you want a child, or a pet... Don't have one created when there are so many out there already in need of a loving home. We need to stop bringing more unnecessary life into this world and take better care of the lives already existing.

Generally, it's human instinct to want to procreate. Just because you had some ****ed up childhood where you were an unwanted child in an unloving home and has caused you to have some pessimistic, narrow-minded view of the world doesn't mean that is true of everyone. You have established that you think OP should adopt. You can move on now.

Actually that was in response the this comment : "If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first."

I'm just saying, I don't judge infertile people for choosing to go the medical route and ignore those that conceive naturally. I was saying I feel the same regardless of the situation that brought that child into someone's life. Why bring more life into a crowded world when so many already exist needing care?

Because it is human nature to want to procreate! I realize you are missing this here because your daddy ****ed up your head. If you don't want to procreate, that's great. Less likely of a chance of repeating the cycle. But seriously, stop criticizing people because they want kids and you don't. Your perceptions of the world are not a good fit for everyone, and simply having an opinion doesn't make you right.

Why aren't you considering adoption? Why force your body to do something it's not naturally inclined to do in your case?
Plus, IVF isn't guaranteed. You could end up with 5 babies, or worse, have to "selectively abort" some until you have the choice amount. I all smacks of a puppy mill to me, to be honest.
There are children already existing out there that need you, don't understand why people have to force their hands with this, taking drugs and going into a lab for impregnation (shudder). And before you say "I want my OWN child", I have a little girl that I adopted when she was 8 months old that couldn't be more MINE if I had carried her myself. We have the closest, best bond and I couldn't love her an iota more than I already do.

In my previous posts, i mentioned adoption is my second option if IVF doesn't work. My body IS naturally inclined to have a baby. My husband is having issues with his semen. NO, I WONT end up with 5 babies. They select how many eggs they want to give me. One or two is usually the option. Which in my case, I would opt for 2. They WOULD NOT put 5 eggs back in me. That would just be silly and dangerous for me and the children. Yes, I am willing to go through all the drugs, injections, ect. to try to carry my OWN child. We want our OWN child. If it doesn't happen with IVF (we have 3 tries and get our money back if it doesn't work) then we will look into adoption. Yes, if I adopted a child, that child would be my OWN child regardless of weather I carried him/her or not. Just because we are having trouble getting pregnant doesn't mean we dont have the right to use the medical field to assist us.

So you want to have your OWN child, yet would also consider an adopted child your OWN? Why not just take the step now and save a life?

You dont get it, never mind

And you don't get that your husband's actions are speaking louder than his words. You can "WE" and "OUR" all you like but your delusional to the fact that if he "wanted this more than anything" he would straight up follow the guidelines you (supposedly) both set out for your situation.

To all those that have adopted: Thank you for taking an emotional and financial risk to rescue a pre-existing child that desperately needed a loving home. You saved and enriched a life and had yours enriched in the process.

This sort of mentality really bugs me too, adoption isn't "rescuing" a kid like they're a stray dog. I wanted to adopt because we wanted a child, I wasn't doing it to be heroic, but there were a million roadblocks and it's not as black and white as everyone seems to think.

Yes it's true there are no guarantees either way, but at least if a person is able to conceive and carry a child they can do their best to take care of themselves before the baby is born, and then to raise them well. There's always a chance of health problems, but what I'm saying is when I went to adopt through CAS they said we were literally almost 100% sure to get a child with not one but several serious problems. We just wanted to have a regular family like other people have, like all our friends were starting to have, we weren't ready to take that on.

The thing that I find very frustrating is people seem to think that infertile people have to bear the burden of society's unwanted children, and to do anything other than that is somehow selfish or greedy or whatever. If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first.

Not true at all. I question anyone who has a child; fertile or through medical assistance.... I also question who anyone would support and buy an animal like a dog or cat from a breeder. My thought is, if you want a child, or a pet... Don't have one created when there are so many out there already in need of a loving home. We need to stop bringing more unnecessary life into this world and take better care of the lives already existing.

Generally, it's human instinct to want to procreate. Just because you had some ****ed up childhood where you were an unwanted child in an unloving home and has caused you to have some pessimistic, narrow-minded view of the world doesn't mean that is true of everyone. You have established that you think OP should adopt. You can move on now.

Actually that was in response the this comment : "If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first."

I'm just saying, I don't judge infertile people for choosing to go the medical route and ignore those that conceive naturally. I was saying I feel the same regardless of the situation that brought that child into someone's life. Why bring more life into a crowded world when so many already exist needing care?

Because it is human nature to want to procreate! I realize you are missing this here because your daddy ****ed up your head. If you don't want to procreate, that's great. Less likely of a chance of repeating the cycle. But seriously, stop criticizing people because they want kids and you don't. Your perceptions of the world are not a good fit for everyone, and simply having an opinion doesn't make you right.

Or how about if you post on a f**king public forum expect there to be people that don't agree and wish to share their argument, because I don't know, maybe because you asked a bunch of people on the internet.

To all those that have adopted: Thank you for taking an emotional and financial risk to rescue a pre-existing child that desperately needed a loving home. You saved and enriched a life and had yours enriched in the process.

This sort of mentality really bugs me too, adoption isn't "rescuing" a kid like they're a stray dog. I wanted to adopt because we wanted a child, I wasn't doing it to be heroic, but there were a million roadblocks and it's not as black and white as everyone seems to think.

Yes it's true there are no guarantees either way, but at least if a person is able to conceive and carry a child they can do their best to take care of themselves before the baby is born, and then to raise them well. There's always a chance of health problems, but what I'm saying is when I went to adopt through CAS they said we were literally almost 100% sure to get a child with not one but several serious problems. We just wanted to have a regular family like other people have, like all our friends were starting to have, we weren't ready to take that on.

The thing that I find very frustrating is people seem to think that infertile people have to bear the burden of society's unwanted children, and to do anything other than that is somehow selfish or greedy or whatever. If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first.

Not true at all. I question anyone who has a child; fertile or through medical assistance.... I also question who anyone would support and buy an animal like a dog or cat from a breeder. My thought is, if you want a child, or a pet... Don't have one created when there are so many out there already in need of a loving home. We need to stop bringing more unnecessary life into this world and take better care of the lives already existing.

Generally, it's human instinct to want to procreate. Just because you had some ****ed up childhood where you were an unwanted child in an unloving home and has caused you to have some pessimistic, narrow-minded view of the world doesn't mean that is true of everyone. You have established that you think OP should adopt. You can move on now.

Actually that was in response the this comment : "If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first."

I'm just saying, I don't judge infertile people for choosing to go the medical route and ignore those that conceive naturally. I was saying I feel the same regardless of the situation that brought that child into someone's life. Why bring more life into a crowded world when so many already exist needing care?

Because it is human nature to want to procreate! I realize you are missing this here because your daddy ****ed up your head. If you don't want to procreate, that's great. Less likely of a chance of repeating the cycle. But seriously, stop criticizing people because they want kids and you don't. Your perceptions of the world are not a good fit for everyone, and simply having an opinion doesn't make you right.

Or how about if you post on a f**king public forum expect there to be people that don't agree and wish to share their argument, because I don't know, maybe because you asked a bunch of people on the internet.

Okay... so you think you can convince her not to have a baby?

Hmm... or he could actually have a real addiction to spending money that actually impairs his ability to recognize how his actions are impeding him.

Amd I totally agree that starting a onesided thread on an internet fitness forum is the way to help him and solve the problem. This is obviously for self validation only.

Hmm... or he could actually have a real addiction to spending money that actually impairs his ability to recognize how his actions are impeding him.

And I totally agree that starting a onesided thread on an internet fitness forum is the way to help him and solve the problem. This is obviously for self validation only.