Can your SO access your phone?

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  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    Lol omg this thread has just been a disaster for me this morning.

    Anyways. The relationship that I have is obviously different from a lot of yours and that's totally fine. What we do works for us and what you do works for you. Some people let their significant others see their phone and some people don't and I can respect that.

    I don't really appreciate the serious judgment on my relationship, however, but it's my own fault for being open about it on the internet so I get what I ask for.

    I think the problem people are seeing is, if you wanted to have a conversation with your best friend or mom (or vice versa) that you don't want your S/O to see -- you don't have a way to do (when it is a totally normal thing) that without appearing suspicious. That is kind of a red flag.
  • doughnutwretch
    doughnutwretch Posts: 498 Member
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    My phone is completely unlocked and very often left where my husband is when I'm elsewhere. Like he's in the kitchen and I'm upstairs. As for my husband's phone, he's got one of those fingerprint scanners and my print is recorded in it so I can access it if I need. Neither of us have anything to hide and therefore don't worry about one another having access to our phones or account passwords, etc. That being said, mostly when we use each other's phones it's to pull up a song or something like that and we don't make it a point to go through texts, emails and the like.

    I suppose every relationship is different, but I definitely think it's a big red flag if one or both parties is very private about their phones and what's on there.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    Lol omg this thread has just been a disaster for me this morning.

    Anyways. The relationship that I have is obviously different from a lot of yours and that's totally fine. What we do works for us and what you do works for you. Some people let their significant others see their phone and some people don't and I can respect that.

    I don't really appreciate the serious judgment on my relationship, however, but it's my own fault for being open about it on the internet so I get what I ask for.

    I think the problem people are seeing is, if you wanted to have a conversation with your best friend or mom (or vice versa) that you don't want your S/O to see -- you don't have a way to do (when it is a totally normal thing) that without appearing suspicious. That is kind of a red flag.

    That is a good point. I have conversations with a few friends that I do not necessarily want anyone else to see because of the personal nature of it. Especially if it is the other person's business they were confiding in me. But I think that would be easy for me to explain since she knows the people and I would just tell her that they are going through something.
  • Smirnoff65
    Smirnoff65 Posts: 1,060 Member
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    We both the same lock codes but the thought of ever reading through her mails or messages would never cross my mind, have been known to frape her facebook account occasionally though :laugh:
  • MeganAnne89
    MeganAnne89 Posts: 271 Member
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    Lol omg this thread has just been a disaster for me this morning.

    Anyways. The relationship that I have is obviously different from a lot of yours and that's totally fine. What we do works for us and what you do works for you. Some people let their significant others see their phone and some people don't and I can respect that.

    I don't really appreciate the serious judgment on my relationship, however, but it's my own fault for being open about it on the internet so I get what I ask for.

    I think the problem people are seeing is, if you wanted to have a conversation with your best friend or mom (or vice versa) that you don't want your S/O to see -- you don't have a way to do (when it is a totally normal thing) that without appearing suspicious. That is kind of a red flag.

    Okay. When I do have a private conversation like that, or if he does, it's still done over text message, but I'll just say, "don't read that, she was talking about personal stuff" and he won't. And if he says that to me, I won't read it either. We still respect each other's privacy when it's asked, which is something that I feel like people think doesn't exist between my bf and I. And that was probably my fault, I can't skip certain facts and then just assume that people will infer all of the points that I've missed.
  • suremeansyes
    suremeansyes Posts: 962 Member
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    I have a lock on my phone so my kid doesn't see my nudes or snoop on my phone, because, teenagers, you know?

    My girlfriend knows my lock code, but I'd be pissed if she was using/looking through my phone without asking me first. Yeah, I have nothing to hide, but sometimes my friends/kid/mom/who-the-****-ever have private conversations with me, and how would they feel knowing that I broke that privacy?

    Your SO doesn't need to know every single thing everyone tells you. There are some things I tell my best friend that I'd be horrified if she talked about it with her friends or spouse.
  • cstringfellow2013
    cstringfellow2013 Posts: 172 Member
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    Everything about my life is open to my husband. That's how our relationship works. His previous two wives cheated on him, so if he felt he wanted to look into my phone or any of my social media, I would give him the password, if only to help him feel better. It's not been an issue, nor would I feel like it's a violation of my privacy. And when a family member or friend tells me something that they say, "don't tell anyone", the first thing I tell them is that I will likely share it with my husband, as he is my best friend and the person I go to for advice and another point of view.

    Every one has their own level of privacy. And every relationship is different. As long as what you are doing works for you and your partner, then it's all good.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,012 Member
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    My cell phone contains confidential work data, and corporate policy is that it must be locked. In fact, if I tried to take the lock off, the management software would take a conniption fit and probably wipe the phone, or at least cut off my access to the corporate network. If I give out the password, and work found out, then I could be disciplined up to and including termination. Frankly, it's not worth the risk, no matter how miniscule.

    So no, my SO can't access my phone.

    You don't have a personal phone? It's not a good idea to look at porn from your work phone.
  • QueenBishOTUniverse
    QueenBishOTUniverse Posts: 14,121 Member
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    Yep. My wife can even see my Internet history. *gasp*

    I actually insist that my husband clears that out.
  • thepandapost
    thepandapost Posts: 117 Member
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    Yes, both my SO and I have the access codes to each others phone. I have no problem with him picking up my phone to do something (it is searching the web, not snooping). Nothing to hide here :smile:
  • branflakes1980
    branflakes1980 Posts: 2,516 Member
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    i always wanna know how my wife's day went too.


    so i ask her, and then we have a conversation about our days.


    weird.

    ^^I think a few more people should try this

    My thoughts exactly. Everyone lives life through their phone these days. It's really sad really. Went to a fireworks show on the 4th and a concert a few weeks later and the majority of the people at both events were watching the live event through the screen on their phones instead of watching it happen in real life. I know several people that wont answer the phone if someone calls them and their voicemail actually says "I don't like to talk on the phone, send me a text, I will get back to you faster". Pretty soon people won't talk to eachother at all. It's super sad!!
  • bugaboo_sue
    bugaboo_sue Posts: 552 Member
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    i always wanna know how my wife's day went too.


    so i ask her, and then we have a conversation about our days.


    weird.

    ^^I think a few more people should try this

    My thoughts exactly. Everyone lives life through their phone these days. It's really sad really. Went to a fireworks show on the 4th and a concert a few weeks later and the majority of the people at both events were watching the live event through the screen on their phones instead of watching it happen in real life. I know several people that wont answer the phone if someone calls them and their voicemail actually says "I don't like to talk on the phone, send me a text, I will get back to you faster". Pretty soon people won't talk to eachother at all. It's super sad!!

    They were probably video taping it which is why they were "watching" it. I've seen people do that and wonder "Are you really going to watch it again?"

    But yeah, people should talk.

    And sadly I am one of those "doesn't like to talk on the phone" people. I always have been. It's just me but I don't have my VM specifically say that. If I don't want to talk I just don't answer.
  • bugaboo_sue
    bugaboo_sue Posts: 552 Member
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    Lol omg this thread has just been a disaster for me this morning.

    Anyways. The relationship that I have is obviously different from a lot of yours and that's totally fine. What we do works for us and what you do works for you. Some people let their significant others see their phone and some people don't and I can respect that.

    I don't really appreciate the serious judgment on my relationship, however, but it's my own fault for being open about it on the internet so I get what I ask for.

    I think the problem people are seeing is, if you wanted to have a conversation with your best friend or mom (or vice versa) that you don't want your S/O to see -- you don't have a way to do (when it is a totally normal thing) that without appearing suspicious. That is kind of a red flag.

    Okay. When I do have a private conversation like that, or if he does, it's still done over text message, but I'll just say, "don't read that, she was talking about personal stuff" and he won't. And if he says that to me, I won't read it either. We still respect each other's privacy when it's asked, which is something that I feel like people think doesn't exist between my bf and I. And that was probably my fault, I can't skip certain facts and then just assume that people will infer all of the points that I've missed.

    No, it's not that no one thinks you respect each others privacy. What I don't get is why you are going through his phone and just checking out all his texts? I mean like . . . why? You say you ask him who he talked to then go through his texts and read them. Why? That is what is mind boggling to me. I've never once grabbed my husbands phone for the sole purpose of just going through his texts to see who he talks to all day because I don't care. The off chance I do look at his phone it goes something like:

    Me: Oh, your phone went off before. So and so sent you a text.
    Him: What did they say?
    Me: blah blah blah
    Him: Text them back and say XYZ

    And pretty much the same as for me. Or if he hears my phone go off and I look at it it's a "Oh boy. What does so and so want?"

    Unless we are misunderstanding . . . every post you've done is just pointing to the fact that you both just read each others texts for what seems like no logical reason.
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
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    I guess most of us aren't getting why though you would feel the need to check his phone as you're asking him who he talked to and if they talked about anything interesting. I mean I might ask my husband if he's talked to someone recently but I won't grab his phone and check to make sure he really did in fact talk to that person.

    It just seems a bit weird to me.

    We're just curious people, is all it really boils down to. I don't look at who he talked to in order to corroborate his story. It's not like that at all. It's just a habit. In our relationship we've never had the boundary of "don't you dare look at my phone, you're a bad SO if you do!" kind of attitude. I guess it really just comes down to that. We have our own set of boundaries, I suppose.

    We've just always been open about everything (and to that person who commented that they still close the bathroom door, that is definitely one of our boundaries. That still ALWAYS happens). Even when our relationship first started, we never established that kind of privacy boundary with one another.

    I've never told my SO to not touch my phone. He will look at texts that come in on my phone and/or answer them for me if I'm not around. I send texts out for him, answer his phone when he's not around (and when I can run fast enough to answer it) and send emails for him.

    I'm curious too but it doesn't mean I'm going to grab his phone and flip through his messages as I am asking him who he talked to. If you ask and he answers why the need to check his phone as well? And don't give me that "I'm just curious" BS. Like I said I'm curious too but I"m not going to double check with his phone.

    This...

    I'm so baffled by the idea that someone would ask their SO what they did/who they talked to that day and if they talked about anything interesting and then still look thru the phone...I do not believe it's because they are both curious people, I think there may be some trust/control issues, but that's just my opinion.
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
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    My cell phone contains confidential work data, and corporate policy is that it must be locked. In fact, if I tried to take the lock off, the management software would take a conniption fit and probably wipe the phone, or at least cut off my access to the corporate network. If I give out the password, and work found out, then I could be disciplined up to and including termination. Frankly, it's not worth the risk, no matter how miniscule.

    So no, my SO can't access my phone.

    You don't have a personal phone? It's not a good idea to look at porn from your work phone.

    Why would I pay for a phone bill, when work is already paying for one for me?

    The loss of phone porn browsing is hardly earth shattering. At least for me. YMMV.
  • MeganAnne89
    MeganAnne89 Posts: 271 Member
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    This...

    I'm so baffled by the idea that someone would ask their SO what they did/who they talked to that day and if they talked about anything interesting and then still look thru the phone...I do not believe it's because they are both curious people, I think there may be some trust/control issues, but that's just my opinion.

    It is just your opinion. There aren't trust or control issues. We are very open with one another and it's not an issue for us. I can understand that it is something that is an issue for other people, but not for us.

    Neither of us have anything to hide. We've been together for seven years and we always talk out our problems and things that are bothering us. During the early stages of our relationship we didn't do that as much and it became an issue, but a very long time ago we decided to be more open with one another and share almost everything. He tells me when he has a problem with something that I do, and he doesn't have a problem with me looking at his text messages and I don't have a problem with him looking at mine. That's it. So I don't see what the big problem is here.

    Just because you look at messages, that doesn't mean that there are larger issues. I think if there were previous suspicions that one another had, or if we were doing it behind one anothers back, then yes, that would indicate that a larger problem is afoot. But there isn't one.

    I understand that looking at one anothers messages can be a problem for some couples because either one or both parties don't like it and they feel their privacy is being invaded. But for me and my bf, we don't have a boundary like that. So it's a non-issue. That's all.

    If I were to hound his Facebook, his emails, message his work buddies all of the time and start tracking his moves, then there would be a problem. But it's literally just me picking up his phone, in front of his face, where he can easily stop me or freak out, but he doesn't. That's all there is to it.
  • 6ftamazon
    6ftamazon Posts: 340 Member
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    I have no problem with letting my so look at my phone. My ex, on the other hand would randomly grab my phone away from me and go through my messages/text people. He wouldn't let me go near his phone though. I did get a hold of it one day and found some very interesting stuff. So my theory is, if you're so guarded about your phone, you have something to hide.

    Eta: I don't ask to see my so'is phone. I think if you suspect something, you should follow your instincts. But making it a point to hide your phone is pretty questionable.
  • elv1ra
    elv1ra Posts: 146 Member
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    im not in a relationship, but if i was my phone is fair game and id want his to be as well.

    i have major trust issues, it was only through "snooping" that i found out my ex had cheated on me and was covering up his hard drug use.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
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    I don't lock my phone and I leave it laying around. If he is looking at it, I haven't seen him doing it. He can look, there isn't anything on there I wouldn't want him to see. He leaves his unlocked and laying around as well, I haven't had a reason to want to snoop.

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