Can your SO access your phone?

Lol omg this thread has just been a disaster for me this morning.

Anyways. The relationship that I have is obviously different from a lot of yours and that's totally fine. What we do works for us and what you do works for you. Some people let their significant others see their phone and some people don't and I can respect that.

I don't really appreciate the serious judgment on my relationship, however, but it's my own fault for being open about it on the internet so I get what I ask for.

I think the problem people are seeing is, if you wanted to have a conversation with your best friend or mom (or vice versa) that you don't want your S/O to see -- you don't have a way to do (when it is a totally normal thing) that without appearing suspicious. That is kind of a red flag.

Lol omg this thread has just been a disaster for me this morning.

Anyways. The relationship that I have is obviously different from a lot of yours and that's totally fine. What we do works for us and what you do works for you. Some people let their significant others see their phone and some people don't and I can respect that.

I don't really appreciate the serious judgment on my relationship, however, but it's my own fault for being open about it on the internet so I get what I ask for.

I think the problem people are seeing is, if you wanted to have a conversation with your best friend or mom (or vice versa) that you don't want your S/O to see -- you don't have a way to do (when it is a totally normal thing) that without appearing suspicious. That is kind of a red flag.

That is a good point. I have conversations with a few friends that I do not necessarily want anyone else to see because of the personal nature of it. Especially if it is the other person's business they were confiding in me. But I think that would be easy for me to explain since she knows the people and I would just tell her that they are going through something.

Lol omg this thread has just been a disaster for me this morning.

Anyways. The relationship that I have is obviously different from a lot of yours and that's totally fine. What we do works for us and what you do works for you. Some people let their significant others see their phone and some people don't and I can respect that.

I don't really appreciate the serious judgment on my relationship, however, but it's my own fault for being open about it on the internet so I get what I ask for.

I think the problem people are seeing is, if you wanted to have a conversation with your best friend or mom (or vice versa) that you don't want your S/O to see -- you don't have a way to do (when it is a totally normal thing) that without appearing suspicious. That is kind of a red flag.

Okay. When I do have a private conversation like that, or if he does, it's still done over text message, but I'll just say, "don't read that, she was talking about personal stuff" and he won't. And if he says that to me, I won't read it either. We still respect each other's privacy when it's asked, which is something that I feel like people think doesn't exist between my bf and I. And that was probably my fault, I can't skip certain facts and then just assume that people will infer all of the points that I've missed.

Everything about my life is open to my husband. That's how our relationship works. His previous two wives cheated on him, so if he felt he wanted to look into my phone or any of my social media, I would give him the password, if only to help him feel better. It's not been an issue, nor would I feel like it's a violation of my privacy. And when a family member or friend tells me something that they say, "don't tell anyone", the first thing I tell them is that I will likely share it with my husband, as he is my best friend and the person I go to for advice and another point of view.

Every one has their own level of privacy. And every relationship is different. As long as what you are doing works for you and your partner, then it's all good.

Yep. My wife can even see my Internet history. *gasp*

I actually insist that my husband clears that out.

i always wanna know how my wife's day went too.


so i ask her, and then we have a conversation about our days.


weird.

^^I think a few more people should try this

My thoughts exactly. Everyone lives life through their phone these days. It's really sad really. Went to a fireworks show on the 4th and a concert a few weeks later and the majority of the people at both events were watching the live event through the screen on their phones instead of watching it happen in real life. I know several people that wont answer the phone if someone calls them and their voicemail actually says "I don't like to talk on the phone, send me a text, I will get back to you faster". Pretty soon people won't talk to eachother at all. It's super sad!!

Lol omg this thread has just been a disaster for me this morning.

Anyways. The relationship that I have is obviously different from a lot of yours and that's totally fine. What we do works for us and what you do works for you. Some people let their significant others see their phone and some people don't and I can respect that.

I don't really appreciate the serious judgment on my relationship, however, but it's my own fault for being open about it on the internet so I get what I ask for.

I think the problem people are seeing is, if you wanted to have a conversation with your best friend or mom (or vice versa) that you don't want your S/O to see -- you don't have a way to do (when it is a totally normal thing) that without appearing suspicious. That is kind of a red flag.

Okay. When I do have a private conversation like that, or if he does, it's still done over text message, but I'll just say, "don't read that, she was talking about personal stuff" and he won't. And if he says that to me, I won't read it either. We still respect each other's privacy when it's asked, which is something that I feel like people think doesn't exist between my bf and I. And that was probably my fault, I can't skip certain facts and then just assume that people will infer all of the points that I've missed.

No, it's not that no one thinks you respect each others privacy. What I don't get is why you are going through his phone and just checking out all his texts? I mean like . . . why? You say you ask him who he talked to then go through his texts and read them. Why? That is what is mind boggling to me. I've never once grabbed my husbands phone for the sole purpose of just going through his texts to see who he talks to all day because I don't care. The off chance I do look at his phone it goes something like:

Me: Oh, your phone went off before. So and so sent you a text.
Him: What did they say?
Me: blah blah blah
Him: Text them back and say XYZ

And pretty much the same as for me. Or if he hears my phone go off and I look at it it's a "Oh boy. What does so and so want?"

Unless we are misunderstanding . . . every post you've done is just pointing to the fact that you both just read each others texts for what seems like no logical reason.

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This...

I'm so baffled by the idea that someone would ask their SO what they did/who they talked to that day and if they talked about anything interesting and then still look thru the phone...I do not believe it's because they are both curious people, I think there may be some trust/control issues, but that's just my opinion.

It is just your opinion. There aren't trust or control issues. We are very open with one another and it's not an issue for us. I can understand that it is something that is an issue for other people, but not for us.

Neither of us have anything to hide. We've been together for seven years and we always talk out our problems and things that are bothering us. During the early stages of our relationship we didn't do that as much and it became an issue, but a very long time ago we decided to be more open with one another and share almost everything. He tells me when he has a problem with something that I do, and he doesn't have a problem with me looking at his text messages and I don't have a problem with him looking at mine. That's it. So I don't see what the big problem is here.

Just because you look at messages, that doesn't mean that there are larger issues. I think if there were previous suspicions that one another had, or if we were doing it behind one anothers back, then yes, that would indicate that a larger problem is afoot. But there isn't one.

I understand that looking at one anothers messages can be a problem for some couples because either one or both parties don't like it and they feel their privacy is being invaded. But for me and my bf, we don't have a boundary like that. So it's a non-issue. That's all.

If I were to hound his Facebook, his emails, message his work buddies all of the time and start tracking his moves, then there would be a problem. But it's literally just me picking up his phone, in front of his face, where he can easily stop me or freak out, but he doesn't. That's all there is to it.

im not in a relationship, but if i was my phone is fair game and id want his to be as well.

i have major trust issues, it was only through "snooping" that i found out my ex had cheated on me and was covering up his hard drug use.

This...

I'm so baffled by the idea that someone would ask their SO what they did/who they talked to that day and if they talked about anything interesting and then still look thru the phone...I do not believe it's because they are both curious people, I think there may be some trust/control issues, but that's just my opinion.

It is just your opinion. There aren't trust or control issues. We are very open with one another and it's not an issue for us. I can understand that it is something that is an issue for other people, but not for us.

Neither of us have anything to hide. We've been together for seven years and we always talk out our problems and things that are bothering us. During the early stages of our relationship we didn't do that as much and it became an issue, but a very long time ago we decided to be more open with one another and share almost everything. He tells me when he has a problem with something that I do, and he doesn't have a problem with me looking at his text messages and I don't have a problem with him looking at mine. That's it. So I don't see what the big problem is here.

Just because you look at messages, that doesn't mean that there are larger issues. I think if there were previous suspicions that one another had, or if we were doing it behind one anothers back, then yes, that would indicate that a larger problem is afoot. But there isn't one.

I understand that looking at one anothers messages can be a problem for some couples because either one or both parties don't like it and they feel their privacy is being invaded. But for me and my bf, we don't have a boundary like that. So it's a non-issue. That's all.

If I were to hound his Facebook, his emails, message his work buddies all of the time and start tracking his moves, then there would be a problem. But it's literally just me picking up his phone, in front of his face, where he can easily stop me or freak out, but he doesn't. That's all there is to it.

I imagine that people are going to conclude that if you're saying if your S/O doesn't have access to your phone and look though it for fun, they aren't communicating openly/have something to hide based on the bolded portions.

My question to you is, what if you wanted to stop letting him go through your phone? What if he wanted you to stop? What if nothing else seems amiss, except that change? Would you two be suspicious of each other?

I lock my phone because I leave it unattended at work and I've had creepy coworkers read it before.. But I have not even had to think about it in the past if my bf grabs it and asks for the password.

I don't really care what he needs or wants it for. And I don't actually recall him asking for my phone, just the password. Didn't think anything of it. Pretty sure he just needed the internet or something. He can read what he wants. He lends me his all the time too. He doesn't lock it though since he keeps it with him in his pocket.

I didn't mean to relate those bolded phrases to all relationships. That's just in relation to my own. So that's not what I'm saying.

At this point I think the other might think that something was happening, but only because we've been sharing our phones with one another for so long. If I were to suddenly say that I'm locking by phone and he's not allowed, at this point, what other conclusion could be drawn?

But at the same time, because we are so open and hash everything out, we would have a real conversation about it and make sure that we're both okay with that. And if one of us felt the need to set up a boundary like that, the other would respect it and understand why that new boundary was needed.

But if "you're so open and hash everything out" then why the need to just randomly go through his phone? I honestly don't get that. And if you do go through each others phone for the fun of it and you just suddenly decided that he is no longer allowed to do that, how could that be ok? What sort of justification could there be for the sudden change that doesn't arouse suspicion?

I trust my husband 100%. I go to him with everything. We have been together a long time and have never had an argument. We disagree but never had a screaming, angry, stomping-out-of-the-house-mad-for-days, argument.

But I still don't see the need to go through his phone and read all the texts he sent out.

This...

I'm so baffled by the idea that someone would ask their SO what they did/who they talked to that day and if they talked about anything interesting and then still look thru the phone...I do not believe it's because they are both curious people, I think there may be some trust/control issues, but that's just my opinion.

It is just your opinion. There aren't trust or control issues. We are very open with one another and it's not an issue for us. I can understand that it is something that is an issue for other people, but not for us.

Neither of us have anything to hide. We've been together for seven years and we always talk out our problems and things that are bothering us. During the early stages of our relationship we didn't do that as much and it became an issue, but a very long time ago we decided to be more open with one another and share almost everything. He tells me when he has a problem with something that I do, and he doesn't have a problem with me looking at his text messages and I don't have a problem with him looking at mine. That's it. So I don't see what the big problem is here.

Just because you look at messages, that doesn't mean that there are larger issues. I think if there were previous suspicions that one another had, or if we were doing it behind one anothers back, then yes, that would indicate that a larger problem is afoot. But there isn't one.

I understand that looking at one anothers messages can be a problem for some couples because either one or both parties don't like it and they feel their privacy is being invaded. But for me and my bf, we don't have a boundary like that. So it's a non-issue. That's all.

If I were to hound his Facebook, his emails, message his work buddies all of the time and start tracking his moves, then there would be a problem. But it's literally just me picking up his phone, in front of his face, where he can easily stop me or freak out, but he doesn't. That's all there is to it.

And I trust my husband 100% and I can go to him with absolutely anything. We have been married 8 years, together for 18 and have never had an argument. We disagree but we have never yelled at each other, stomped off in anger or anything like that. And while I have stated he has access to my phone and vice versa I have never felt the need to just start going through his text messages for no good reason. And that's what I'm not understanding is why the need to do that?

It's just in my nature. You can say that me just being curious is bull****, and based on your experienced with your husband I can understand why you'd say that, but that's literally all it is. I can't give you another explanation because there isn't one.

I don't do it because I feel the need to make sure that he's talking to people that I deem appropriate, it's nothing like that. I've never been insecure in our relationship like that and he hasn't either. This is just something that happens.

This...

I'm so baffled by the idea that someone would ask their SO what they did/who they talked to that day and if they talked about anything interesting and then still look thru the phone...I do not believe it's because they are both curious people, I think there may be some trust/control issues, but that's just my opinion.

It is just your opinion. There aren't trust or control issues. We are very open with one another and it's not an issue for us. I can understand that it is something that is an issue for other people, but not for us.

Neither of us have anything to hide. We've been together for seven years and we always talk out our problems and things that are bothering us. During the early stages of our relationship we didn't do that as much and it became an issue, but a very long time ago we decided to be more open with one another and share almost everything. He tells me when he has a problem with something that I do, and he doesn't have a problem with me looking at his text messages and I don't have a problem with him looking at mine. That's it. So I don't see what the big problem is here.

Just because you look at messages, that doesn't mean that there are larger issues. I think if there were previous suspicions that one another had, or if we were doing it behind one anothers back, then yes, that would indicate that a larger problem is afoot. But there isn't one.

I understand that looking at one anothers messages can be a problem for some couples because either one or both parties don't like it and they feel their privacy is being invaded. But for me and my bf, we don't have a boundary like that. So it's a non-issue. That's all.

If I were to hound his Facebook, his emails, message his work buddies all of the time and start tracking his moves, then there would be a problem. But it's literally just me picking up his phone, in front of his face, where he can easily stop me or freak out, but he doesn't. That's all there is to it.

And I trust my husband 100% and I can go to him with absolutely anything. We have been married 8 years, together for 18 and have never had an argument. We disagree but we have never yelled at each other, stomped off in anger or anything like that. And while I have stated he has access to my phone and vice versa I have never felt the need to just start going through his text messages for no good reason. And that's what I'm not understanding is why the need to do that?

It's just in my nature. You can say that me just being curious is bull****, and based on your experienced with your husband I can understand why you'd say that, but that's literally all it is. I can't give you another explanation because there isn't one.

I don't do it because I feel the need to make sure that he's talking to people that I deem appropriate, it's nothing like that. I've never been insecure in our relationship like that and he hasn't either. This is just something that happens.

But how can you be curious when he's already told you what's in it? That's what's baffling to me.