Do i have the right to be upset?

sassyjae21 · July 2014

Great, thanks!

gls1548 · July 2014

So will we get an update on if he was really just pissed off, didn't show, did show, or was a lying scum bag?! I'm rather curious now what comes of this.

AglaeaC · July 2014

You're gonna end up single because of an MFP thread filled with women with axes to grind.

And some of the WORST views on relationships I have ever heard!

I don't know what your idea of a relationship is but here's mine:
- The couple are each other's best friends
- They keep each other in the loop; it is reasonable to expect one's partner to share what's going on and if you're pissed off and need some time alone just say so, but as long as you shut your partner out, they have no idea of what is going on (since they usually can't read minds) - and once one has told the other either verbally or in text that (s)he needs some space, the other one respects that need
- The couple trust each other - but to be able to trust, one needs some information from time to time; I don't believe in stalking but I also don't believe in withholding information just for the sake of it (I never knew my husband's passwords to cell phone, computer, etc. and I never asked for them either, although in emergencies it might be a good idea to have them)
- The partners make efforts for each other even when the initial reaction would be to do something selfish; I see this as compromise

I do have high standards. I hate loud arguments just for the sake of it and I do believe in filtering what comes out of your mouth. I don't believe the home is where everything needs to be barfed out without any restraints what so ever, but I also believe in making room for frustrations, anger and sadness to be voiced without judgment. Adults communicate. Oh, and I'm also extremely loyal, so if my guy makes efforts for me, he sure receives it back many times. I guess this would be an awful bargain for some, but then we wouldn't be a match.

Here's one of mine:

-Don't start an internet thread airing our private business

Here's another:

-When you believe a crowd of strangers on the internet more than you believe me, we're done

Sure, I never wash my dirty laundry in public, but not everyone is the same. I'm curious what you thought about my requirements.

Well she broke yours too. The guy said he was in a mood and wanted to be alone, she kept texting him. If I was him of course I wouldn't reply, because the only things I'd have to say to her would be very unkind in the moment.

When I say I want alone time, that's what I mean. I don't mean, "You should text me constantly to prove how much you care."

Indeed she did, but I asked you a question since you were kind enough to accuse me of being one of the women, who have "the WORST views on relationships I have ever heard!" You still haven't replied whether the context I have been posting in this thread is completely unreasonable, one of the "worst views" or not.

And I'm not sure you noticed, but I don't have any axes to grind, I haven't encouraged OP to dump the guy either. I just like to offer material for reflection and of course it is subjective since I'm just me.

yopeeps025 · July 2014

Well she broke yours too. The guy said he was in a mood and wanted to be alone, she kept texting him. If I was him of course I wouldn't reply, because the only things I'd have to say to her would be very unkind in the moment.

When I say I want alone time, that's what I mean. I don't mean, "You should text me constantly to prove how much you care."

We have a lot of stage 5 clingers posting.

AglaeaC · July 2014

Well she broke yours too. The guy said he was in a mood and wanted to be alone, she kept texting him. If I was him of course I wouldn't reply, because the only things I'd have to say to her would be very unkind in the moment.

When I say I want alone time, that's what I mean. I don't mean, "You should text me constantly to prove how much you care."

We have a lot of stage 5 clingers posting.

:laugh: HAHA, you sure know women, huh...

sassyjae21 · July 2014

Well she broke yours too. The guy said he was in a mood and wanted to be alone, she kept texting him. If I was him of course I wouldn't reply, because the only things I'd have to say to her would be very unkind in the moment.

When I say I want alone time, that's what I mean. I don't mean, "You should text me constantly to prove how much you care."

We have a lot of stage 5 clingers posting.

:laugh: HAHA, you sure know women, huh...

:laugh:

yopeeps025 · July 2014

Well she broke yours too. The guy said he was in a mood and wanted to be alone, she kept texting him. If I was him of course I wouldn't reply, because the only things I'd have to say to her would be very unkind in the moment.

When I say I want alone time, that's what I mean. I don't mean, "You should text me constantly to prove how much you care."

We have a lot of stage 5 clingers posting.

:laugh: HAHA, you sure know women, huh...

All Im saying is if i dont answer your phone calls for whatever I am doing. Hanging out with the guys will get a ingore and you call over and over and over I am going to get pissed. Now When Im pissed and I don't want to to talk to anyone and someone keep calling over and over I will be furious. Give me some time to chill relax. Why are you calling so much do you thing i'm dead or something.

AglaeaC · July 2014

Well she broke yours too. The guy said he was in a mood and wanted to be alone, she kept texting him. If I was him of course I wouldn't reply, because the only things I'd have to say to her would be very unkind in the moment.

When I say I want alone time, that's what I mean. I don't mean, "You should text me constantly to prove how much you care."

We have a lot of stage 5 clingers posting.

:laugh: HAHA, you sure know women, huh...

All Im saying is if i dont answer your phone calls for whatever I am doing. Hanging out with the guys will get a ingore and you call over and over and over I am going to get pissed. Now When Im pissed and I don't want to to talk to anyone and someone keep calling over and over I will be furious. Give me some time to chill relax. Why are you calling so much do you thing i'm dead or something.

I can't call you, I don't have your number.

ETA
Oh, and don't send it either. I want a guy who wants me to call him and who wants to call me. Sorry to be blunt.

yopeeps025 · July 2014

BUt I do have a quick question for women. If your man did not pick up call number 1-5 why call 20 times and do you think that conversation going to be a good one? I need to understand women logic.
call 1 did not answer. Lets call 10 more times back to back he will answer. Still no answer lets keep calling.

AglaeaC · July 2014

BUt I do have a quick question for women. If your man did not pick up call number 1-5 why call 20 times and do you think that conversation going to be a good one? I need to understand women logic.
call 1 did not answer. Lets call 10 more times back to back he will answer. Still no answer lets keep calling.

I call just once or twice. Never thrice. Sorry I can't help you. I'm sure there are some nuts ladies out there, but I don't smother anyone.

JoRocka · July 2014

You always have the right to feel the way you feel. Everyone is different and everyone reacts differently. (I know it sounds cliche, but so true.)

Truthfully, I would be upset too. I've never done the long distance thing and don't think I could. I know others that it works for, but not me.

I'm very cautious when it comes to my heart and unfortunately will probably never totally fall for someone ever again. I was married 10 years and been divorced about 8 years. -My brain tends to take over almost all my decisions and my heart takes a back seat.

GoodLuck

a lot of wisdom in this.

I have a long distance as well- and we work odd schedules- I wokr 3 jobs- anad he is only here mid (MY) working week. so time is limited. and I have had to cancel on him- and I have had to work- and I have had to be somewhere even on days he has taken off.

it's part of the down side of having a long distance relationship- *kitten* happens.

But you can still be upset. You cannot change the fact you feel upset- it's a feeling- it is not right or wrong.
How you move forward though is a different story.

I would talk to him and see if you can work something out- I can wanted to throw in the towel- driving 2 hours after being really angry is a pain in the a**. I have SERIOUSLY not wanted to go up there- I'm always glad I did- but there are days when I didn't want to.

See if you can go to him- or at least talk to him.

Don't take your shift back- if you don't see him- you still need the time to yourself- that's not bad. Plan a trip or event or something for yourself.

gls1548 · July 2014

BUt I do have a quick question for women. If your man did not pick up call number 1-5 why call 20 times and do you think that conversation going to be a good one? I need to understand women logic.
call 1 did not answer. Lets call 10 more times back to back he will answer. Still no answer lets keep calling.

I don't get why women call 20 times. I do understand maybe once or twice. But on the other side of that if a girl calls once or twice and you don't answer and have the ability to text her, send her a text saying you don't want to talk right now you'll call her later. Then she knows you are okay at least and knows she will get to talk to you later. But girls need to take a chill pill to and understand that people don't always want to talk, people need their space, and sometimes people don't have service, don't have their phone whatever. I think if I was a guy and a girl called me 20 times...next time she was out with her girlfriends I'd call her 20 times just to see how she likes it....(even if she answered all 20 times) ha

yellowlemoned · July 2014

BUt I do have a quick question for women. If your man did not pick up call number 1-5 why call 20 times and do you think that conversation going to be a good one? I need to understand women logic.
call 1 did not answer. Lets call 10 more times back to back he will answer. Still no answer lets keep calling.

I don't get why women call 20 times. I do understand maybe once or twice. But on the other side of that if a girl calls once or twice and you don't answer and have the ability to text her, send her a text saying you don't want to talk right now you'll call her later. Then she knows you are okay at least and knows she will get to talk to you later. But girls need to take a chill pill to and understand that people don't always want to talk, people need their space, and sometimes people don't have service, don't have their phone whatever. I think if I was a guy and a girl called me 20 times...next time she was out with her girlfriends I'd call her 20 times just to see how she likes it....(even if she answered all 20 times) ha

The only legitimate reason to call someone 20 times is if there is a serious emergency, or they said they would be somewhere at x time and it's many hours later and nobody has heard from them, which I would also consider an emergency.

AllOutof_Bubblegum · July 2014

honestly, pretty sure he's lying to you. But to answer your question, yes, I'd be upset.

I agree with this. Having a fight with your mom is not a really valid excuse for calling off plans with your gf. I would think that it would be even MORE important to see you, so you can comfort him and let him vent a little. Shrug. That's how I would feel if I'd just had a fight, anyway.

And the fact that he's refusing to engage and respond to your texts, that's fishy too. Something's not right.

shadowofender · July 2014

So will we get an update on if he was really just pissed off, didn't show, did show, or was a lying scum bag?! I'm rather curious now what comes of this.

RIGHT? I feel like after reading so many crazy freaking posts about it, I have a vested interest in how this all turns out.

AllOutof_Bubblegum · July 2014

BUt I do have a quick question for women. If your man did not pick up call number 1-5 why call 20 times and do you think that conversation going to be a good one? I need to understand women logic.
call 1 did not answer. Lets call 10 more times back to back he will answer. Still no answer lets keep calling.

I don't get why women call 20 times. I do understand maybe once or twice. But on the other side of that if a girl calls once or twice and you don't answer and have the ability to text her, send her a text saying you don't want to talk right now you'll call her later. Then she knows you are okay at least and knows she will get to talk to you later. But girls need to take a chill pill to and understand that people don't always want to talk, people need their space, and sometimes people don't have service, don't have their phone whatever. I think if I was a guy and a girl called me 20 times...next time she was out with her girlfriends I'd call her 20 times just to see how she likes it....(even if she answered all 20 times) ha

The only legitimate reason to call someone 20 times is if there is a serious emergency, or they said they would be somewhere at x time and it's many hours later and nobody has heard from them, which I would also consider an emergency.

That would still not make sense. If there actually were an emergency, the other person still wouldn't be able to respond, so calling 20 times STILL serves no purpose other than to make the caller appear clingy and psychotic. To me, it just send the message "I'm pissed and I demand attention NOW, so I'm going to be as obnoxious as possible until you acknowledge me!!"

The picture of a furious toddler holding her breath and going blue in the face until she gets what she wants suddenly comes to mind. I have no idea why, though...

SunofaBeach14 · July 2014

BUt I do have a quick question for women. If your man did not pick up call number 1-5 why call 20 times and do you think that conversation going to be a good one? I need to understand women logic.
call 1 did not answer. Lets call 10 more times back to back he will answer. Still no answer lets keep calling.

I don't get why women call 20 times. I do understand maybe once or twice. But on the other side of that if a girl calls once or twice and you don't answer and have the ability to text her, send her a text saying you don't want to talk right now you'll call her later. Then she knows you are okay at least and knows she will get to talk to you later. But girls need to take a chill pill to and understand that people don't always want to talk, people need their space, and sometimes people don't have service, don't have their phone whatever. I think if I was a guy and a girl called me 20 times...next time she was out with her girlfriends I'd call her 20 times just to see how she likes it....(even if she answered all 20 times) ha

The only legitimate reason to call someone 20 times is if there is a serious emergency, or they said they would be somewhere at x time and it's many hours later and nobody has heard from them, which I would also consider an emergency.

That would still not make sense. If there actually were an emergency, the other person still wouldn't be able to respond, so calling 20 times STILL serves no purpose other than to make the caller appear clingy and psychotic. To me, it just send the message "I'm pissed and I demand attention NOW, so I'm going to be as obnoxious as possible until you acknowledge me!!"

The picture of a furious toddler holding her breath and going blue in the face until she gets what she wants suddenly comes to mind. I have no idea why, though...

Unless the house is burning, the car was hit by a tornado, and the kiddos have joined a cult it's not okay to call 20 times. Otherwise, it's psycho clinger behavior.

yellowlemoned · July 2014

BUt I do have a quick question for women. If your man did not pick up call number 1-5 why call 20 times and do you think that conversation going to be a good one? I need to understand women logic.
call 1 did not answer. Lets call 10 more times back to back he will answer. Still no answer lets keep calling.

I don't get why women call 20 times. I do understand maybe once or twice. But on the other side of that if a girl calls once or twice and you don't answer and have the ability to text her, send her a text saying you don't want to talk right now you'll call her later. Then she knows you are okay at least and knows she will get to talk to you later. But girls need to take a chill pill to and understand that people don't always want to talk, people need their space, and sometimes people don't have service, don't have their phone whatever. I think if I was a guy and a girl called me 20 times...next time she was out with her girlfriends I'd call her 20 times just to see how she likes it....(even if she answered all 20 times) ha

The only legitimate reason to call someone 20 times is if there is a serious emergency, or they said they would be somewhere at x time and it's many hours later and nobody has heard from them, which I would also consider an emergency.

That would still not make sense. If there actually were an emergency, the other person still wouldn't be able to respond, so calling 20 times STILL serves no purpose other than to make the caller appear clingy and psychotic. To me, it just send the message "I'm pissed and I demand attention NOW, so I'm going to be as obnoxious as possible until you acknowledge me!!"

The picture of a furious toddler holding her breath and going blue in the face until she gets what she wants suddenly comes to mind. I have no idea why, though...

I can understand that if they are unable to answer they probably won't the 20th time either, but lets assume for a minute that they legitimately got hurt in a fairly empty place. If someone walking by happened to hear that phone ringing they would be more likely to stop and look to see where it was coming from and find the person there than if they heard nothing. The other flip side of that coin is if there is a legitimate emergency at home I've told my boyfriend to call 2-3 times consecutively so that I know to answer the phone or call him back while I'm at work, other wise I would ignore it and not call him until lunch time. 20 is a bit excessive, but I don't see anything wrong with calling a handful of times consecutively to let them know that there is something serious that needs attention as soon as possible.

Do i have the right to be upset?

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