Dating someone 22 years older?

I have a 20 year old daughter and I would have some serious doubts and questions if she brought someone home my age. The thing is, like someone else said, you still have a lot of life to experience and a lot of growing to do. He's done it and been there.

So I'll say to you what I would say to her.

What does a 20 year old bring to the table in a relationship like that? Aside from the obvious. What is he getting out of this (again, aside from the obvious)? I love my daughter dearly, but she's not on the same emotional and philosophical plane as I am so I can't imagine how you can "connect" on all those levels with someone who is an entirely different generation than you.

What happens when you're 40 and he's 62 and getting ready to retire?

On the other hand, I don't know you and I don't know him so I can't make a good guess on this. But my gut reaction is hell no.

#1 I'm 38 and there's only one reason I would "date" someone 20 years old.

#2 As a father to a 15 year old daughter I wouldn't approve of her at your age "dating" someone 22 years older because of my #1 statement.

Also, that is good advice for ANY relationship.

Usually when you "fall in love" with someone you don't think about it like you would think about buying a house or a car

Are you only supposed to date people you fall in love with? (this is not sarcasm, I'm really wondering)

Sure date all you want but you have to ask yourself "what's the point"?

When I was 22 I dated someone who was 38. He was literally 2 years younger than my mom.

We definitely had a lot of fun together in lots of ways, but in the long run, he had LOADS of baggage (although he had no kids or ex-wife). We just weren't on the same page and were never going to be.

The biggest thing is -- you're still growing up and he's grown. That's where the difference lies. You change the most between the ages of 18-24 (at least I did and many of my peers did).

If he has no kids or wife at 38, I think that screams problem.

Usually when you "fall in love" with someone you don't think about it like you would think about buying a house or a car

Are you only supposed to date people you fall in love with? (this is not sarcasm, I'm really wondering)

Sure date all you want but you have to ask yourself "what's the point"?

So if you only date someone you already fell in love with. How do you get to that point with out being in a serious one on one relationship?

Also, the fact that you don't have parents to turn to tells me you may be more vulnerable to this guy in a way that isn't really good for a dating relationship.

Thanks, Dr. Phil

JK

When I was 22 I dated someone who was 38. He was literally 2 years younger than my mom.

We definitely had a lot of fun together in lots of ways, but in the long run, he had LOADS of baggage (although he had no kids or ex-wife). We just weren't on the same page and were never going to be.

The biggest thing is -- you're still growing up and he's grown. That's where the difference lies. You change the most between the ages of 18-24 (at least I did and many of my peers did).

If he has no kids or wife at 38, I think that screams problem.

Wait, why does that scream problem? There could be a lot of reasons why someone in their late 30's/early 40's has never been married or had kids. I personally would prefer a partner without baggage.

Also, the fact that you don't have parents to turn to tells me you may be more vulnerable to this guy in a way that isn't really good for a dating relationship.

Thanks, Dr. Phil

JK

:laugh:

I was young once

you look like you're still waiting for puberty ;p

My dad (50) is marrying his gf of four years (27) in 12 days. They're fantastic together. It all just depends on the couple. If two people work together, age doesn't really matter.

The biggest thing is -- you're still growing up and he's grown. That's where the difference lies. You change the most between the ages of 18-24 (at least I did and many of my peers did).

This is what I was going to bring up. My boyfriend is 15 years older than I am and we've been together for about two and a half years. We have a lot of shared interests and value a lot of the same things, and most of the time our age difference isn't really an issue. But I think of how much I've grown and changed since I was in my early 20s (I'm 35 now). I just don't think I could have handled being with someone with so much more life experience at that age.

Everybody is different, and there's no one right answer here, but the fact that you're worrying what other people think makes me wonder if on some level you're doubting the relationship yourself. On the one hand, I want to tell you not to worry what other people thing, because I wasted too much time doing that when I was younger, but on the other hand, maybe those around you are seeing something you're not. It's a tough call.

My advice? Listen to your instincts. Your apprehension and your request for advice tells me this might not be a healthy choice for you. I believe consenting adults should be free to make their own choices and that age does not necessarily determine maturity. At the same time, people go through a lot of changes in their twenties. Your brain is still developing, and I think it's important to factor that into your decision. It took me ending an unhealthy online relationship with a man 20+ years older than me to realize I still had a lot of growing to do.

While I don't think relationships with large age gaps are inherently unhealthy, I do think the difference in brain development increase that risk. If his language or behavior ever raises any red flags, do not ignore them. Whatever decision you make, think it through carefully. Good luck, OP.

Well how much money does he make?

You do what you want. I personally wouldn't just because I wouldn't feel I had as much in common with a completely different generation. l love that my husband and I get each others pop culture references. We can reminisce about the same/similar things. We have a shared context.

My in-laws, on the other had, are almost 20 years apart. They don't really share many interests. They roll their eyes at each others stories. Not sure why they are together since they have nothing in common and seem bored and irritated by one another. There is a constant power struggle.

That's just my opinion, though. I'm sure inter-generational relationships work out just fine for lots of people.