Dating someone 22 years older?

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Replies

  • Leggylass
    Leggylass Posts: 215
    , i'd like to meet a man over 40 that could keep up with me never mind a 20 yr old lol).
    Right here. Although as stated before I couldn't stand the immaturity of a 20 year old compared to a mid-late 20 something.

    Thats what i would expect any guy to say! haha .. (no offence nothing personal :wink: ) but to find if your intellectually compatible you would have to get to know them in more depth wouldn't you.
  • sculli123
    sculli123 Posts: 1,221 Member


    Thats what i would expect any guy to say! haha .. (no offence nothing personal :wink: ) but to find if your intellectually compatible you would have to get to know them in more depth wouldn't you.
    I'm in better shape than 90% of the 20 year olds I come across in the Army. I have no doubt I can keep up with anyone. But I also wouldn't waste my time with dating a 20 year old regardless. I'm very picky about who I'd actually date which includes a pretty specific age range..
  • Leggylass
    Leggylass Posts: 215


    Thats what i would expect any guy to say! haha .. (no offence nothing personal :wink: ) but to find if your intellectually compatible you would have to get to know them in more depth wouldn't you.
    I'm in better shape than 90% of the 20 year olds I come across in the Army. I have no doubt I can keep up with anyone. But I also wouldn't waste my time with dating a 20 year old regardless. I'm very picky about who I'd actually date which includes a pretty specific age range..

    Good for you and there's definitely nothing wrong with being picky about who you date, I'm the same.
  • RainRedfield
    RainRedfield Posts: 597 Member
    I personally don't see a problem with it. If you meet someone and you click with them on every level, you should love them as deeply as possible for as long as possible.

    I loved someone that deeply once... We weren't 22 years apart, but there was a sizable age gap. She's gone now and I've give about anything for more time with her.
  • johnseitz
    johnseitz Posts: 30
    youre a jerk!
  • SofaKingRad_II
    SofaKingRad_II Posts: 591
    If I were 42 and single, I'd date a 20 year old.

    But I wouldn't want my daughter to date a 42 year old.

    Double standard? Sure, but it's the truth!
  • bugaha1
    bugaha1 Posts: 602 Member
    I’m 56 and I think my min. would be at least 5 years older than my daughter who is 36 and I still prefer closer to my age. I think this age difference and you being 20 is creepy.
  • Mama_Jag
    Mama_Jag Posts: 474 Member
    I think it depends where you both are in life. For example, does he have kids if so would he eventually want more. If not and you want kids, move on. Do you have things in common, if so great, if not move on. Think about the future, do you want to be 40 married to someone who is 62, if not move on. You get the idea.

    Yes -- all of this.

    My boss is 51 and her husband is 66. While she never says so, I get the feeling that until recently their age difference of 16 years was never a big issue...but at this particular time, he's really seeming older and not up to doing much of anything but sitting around the house and she is still vibrant & active. It just seems sad.

    On the other hand, there are really no guarantees -- even with a same age or younger partner. My husband is a few years younger than me but he could suddenly have some sort of illness or injury. You just never know.

    I do think it's important to go into a situation with your eyes wide open though.

    I am close to someone in a similar situation, and it IS sad. 15 years ago the age difference didn't matter - it does now.
  • fattymcrunnerpants
    fattymcrunnerpants Posts: 311 Member
    Pft, who cares? I'm 27 and my husband of 9 years is 53. If he makes you happy and you make him happy it doesn't really matter how old you are. Unless you're under 18 then there's legal issues.
  • MityMax96
    MityMax96 Posts: 5,778 Member
    What do you think about someone who is 20, dating someone who is 42.

    I really need advice.

    That is a big generation gap.

    Just sayin.

    What your goals/intentions?
    And his??
  • kimnsc
    kimnsc Posts: 560 Member
    I don't see how a 20 year old and a 42 year old could have anything in common but hey it's your life. Do what makes you happy and like my mother always said "Follow your heart but take your brain with you".

    There is only a 10 year age gap between my husband and I and in the last few years the age difference has definitely become more noticeable.
  • MityMax96
    MityMax96 Posts: 5,778 Member
    I'm 41 and would not date a 20 year old. 25 is my limit on the lower age bracket and that's pushing it.

    I am in the same boat...

    I am 36, and ~26 would prolly be the youngest, and that I feel is pushing it.
  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
    There's pretty much no way that someone who is 22 years older could keep up with me. People my own age can't keep up. I need to be active and not bored.
  • sculli123
    sculli123 Posts: 1,221 Member
    There's pretty much no way that someone who is 22 years older could keep up with me. People my own age can't keep up. I need to be active and not bored.
    Let's find out. j/k I see you did the Spartan Race too though. ;)
  • leggup
    leggup Posts: 2,942 Member
    20 dating 42: 1. Hello daddy issues. 2. Either he's reallllly immature or they have a very surface relationship. I was an extremely mature 20 year old, but I still can't see myself having had anything in common with someone age 42. The fact that you're asking the internet also speaks volumes (as in, "I want reasons why this isn't a good idea")

    Fast forward 25 years:

    45 year old dating a 67 year old: He's elderly and she's still rearing to go. Resentment. Declining health. Life in your 40s is about travel, kids all out of the house, doing things you put off while you were establishing yourselves.

    Also, think of children. If the 20 year old wants kids, they will never get the time with their dad that other kids have. This will also lead to resentment. If they waited 4-5 years to have kids (which is about average), when said child is 8 years old and wants to play baseball or go to the park or interact with dad.. dad will be 55 years old. He'll be dead before the kid hits 30 years old (based on average life expectancy of US Males being 77.4 yrs). My husband had an elderly father. His dad was in his 40s when he was born. It meant that his dad couldn't go on boy scout trips or show him how to play sports or even wrestle. His dad died when my husband was 26. My husband's mom is 15 years younger and spent most of the years before her husband's death whining about how she was married to an elderly man, how she'd have to take care of him for all of her good years. It was a miserable situation.
  • MityMax96
    MityMax96 Posts: 5,778 Member
    There's pretty much no way that someone who is 22 years older could keep up with me. People my own age can't keep up. I need to be active and not bored.

    Somehow I believe you. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Wouldn't mind trying to though.
  • MityMax96
    MityMax96 Posts: 5,778 Member
    20 dating 42: 1. Hello daddy issues. 2. Either he's reallllly immature or they have a very surface relationship. I was an extremely mature 20 year old, but I still can't see myself having had anything in common with someone age 42. The fact that you're asking the internet also speaks volumes (as in, "I want reasons why this isn't a good idea")

    Fast forward 25 years:

    45 year old dating a 67 year old: He's elderly and she's still rearing to go. Resentment. Declining health. Life in your 40s is about travel, kids all out of the house, doing things you put off while you were establishing yourselves.

    Also, think of children. If the 20 year old wants kids, they will never get the time with their dad that other kids have. This will also lead to resentment. If they waited 4-5 years to have kids (which is about average), when said child is 8 years old and wants to play baseball or go to the park or interact with dad.. dad will be 55 years old. He'll be dead before the kid hits 30 years old (based on average life expectancy of US Males being 77.4 yrs). My husband had an elderly father. His dad was in his 40s when he was born. It meant that his dad couldn't go on boy scout trips or show him how to play sports or even wrestle. His dad died when my husband was 26. My husband's mom is 15 years younger and spent most of the years before her husband's death whining about how she was married to an elderly man, how she'd have to take care of him for all of her good years. It was a miserable situation.

    Not to mention don't women ~40, start having their sex drive ramp up??
  • kristen2713
    kristen2713 Posts: 253 Member
    Well, when I was 30, I dated, lived with and was considering marrying a 43 year old. For the better part, the age difference meant nothing to me until we broke up and I started dating someone my own age. I then realized how much I had hindered myself and my activity by dating someone so far out of my age group. But it works for some, I'm just sharing my experience. The final kicker for me was when we passed the funeral home in his town and he was looking to see who died that week on the marquee.....yup...I had a light go on :noway: Personally, I would advise you to stick within a closer range of 8-10 years, even if you are the more mature 20.
  • the_arghbowl
    the_arghbowl Posts: 63 Member
    If you do... be sure to take out an epic life insurance policy on him.
  • boehle
    boehle Posts: 5,062 Member
    When I was 29, my boyfriend was 51
    We dated for almost 2 yrs.
    Live together and we just were not a match
    He spent too much time going out, while I was still at home raising a kid.
    He was also very selfish and thought only about him.
    He didn't have an issue with thinking it was ok to "have relations" with girls online.
    It didnt work for us but doenst mean it couldn't work for others.
    You just have to be on the same page.
  • LoneWolf_70
    LoneWolf_70 Posts: 1,151 Member
    if his wife doesnt mind, i say go for it.
  • JONZ64
    JONZ64 Posts: 1,280 Member
    I know I'm an adult and I shouldn't care what the public thinks. I was honestly just asking since I don't have parents to ask and I didn't know who else to ask.

    I guess the question should have been more like 'if you had a 20 year old daughter would you approve of her dating a 42yo'

    NO! If I had a 20yr old Daughter I would beat the 42yr old senseless and if some 42 yr old Cougar went after my 20 yr old son I would have my wife beat her senseless. People always say "Age is just a number" but They're wrong! It's life lived, it's experience and it does matter. Why would a grown adult go after a child. Yes 20 is a child (or should be ) to a 42 yr old man. In your twenties you are finding your way in life. Finding your likes & dislikes, who you are , who you want to be, having adventures. At 42 you should be settled into life.
  • LoneWolf_70
    LoneWolf_70 Posts: 1,151 Member
    I know I'm an adult and I shouldn't care what the public thinks. I was honestly just asking since I don't have parents to ask and I didn't know who else to ask.

    I guess the question should have been more like 'if you had a 20 year old daughter would you approve of her dating a 42yo'

    NO! If I had a 20yr old Daughter I would beat the 42yr old senseless and if some 42 yr old Cougar went after my 20 yr old son I would have my wife beat her senseless. People always say "Age is just a number" but They're wrong! It's life lived, it's experience and it does matter. Why would a grown adult go after a child. Yes 20 is a child (or should be ) to a 42 yr old man. In your twenties you are finding your way in life. Finding your likes & dislikes, who you are , who you want to be, having adventures. At 42 you should be settled into life.

    F that. Im 43, if a 42yo tried to date my daughter, id beat the ever living crap out of the guy. He should know better. Rule of thumb...half your age +7.
  • Alastair007
    Alastair007 Posts: 673 Member
    Some people never find happiness. If you are happy and have found love you probably have more than most, no matter how long you have it ...............enjoy the moment who knows where it will take you.
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
    If it makes you happy.. Sure, go for it. What are a bunch of strangers on MFP going to say that will change your mind? Were you possibly wanting to here that it wasn't a good idea?
  • JustAnotherGirlSuzanne
    JustAnotherGirlSuzanne Posts: 932 Member
    My husband's grandma married a man 18 years her senior. He's passed away now but she still refers to him as her sweetheart. There really aren't any rules when it comes to that.
  • BekaBooluvsu
    BekaBooluvsu Posts: 470 Member
    When I was 18 I dated a 42 year old man. I didn't think it was awkward at all but he did, so we ended it. If you are both happy, then who cares. In my experience, older men are calmer in general,
  • Escloflowne
    Escloflowne Posts: 2,038 Member
    GROSS!!! Unless I'm the one who is 42....
  • bciloveme2014
    bciloveme2014 Posts: 213 Member
    No, I would not date a person 22 years older than me. My sister did it and at the beginning everything was fine, but like a year later, she was complaining that he was boring , sick and needed a lots help to have sexual activity. O.P. depends of how serious you want to take this relationship, and if you are willing give up all the fun things that a 20 year old girl can do.
  • kristanvdub
    kristanvdub Posts: 50 Member
    From personal experience I would say don't do it. You're still young and changing and becoming you. He's done with that and he isn't going to be willing to change who he is as a person for you.

    Also and I'm sorry to say this but there's really only one reason why men that much older want to spend time with girls that much younger than them. While I am sure there are exceptions to that rule I find that hard to believe,

    I've been through this crap twice and I finally learned not to go there ever again. But my main and biggest reason is that the ego that goes with this type of guy the "Hey look at me I have this beautiful young girl, look at me look at me!" type thing.

    Just be careful but if I were you I'd run.

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