How do you handle tantrums?
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Our rule of thumb is "we don't negotiate with terrorists."
I have left many a store to deal with improper behavior. I don't care what anyone else thinks, but I don't want to raise children who think the world revolves around them and their whims. I don't try distraction. I will sometimes talk with them about it. I.E. Yes, those are pretty bubbles! Then, let them tell me about it for a short while. However, when it is time to go. I tell them and then we leave. You have to decide what method of discipline you are going to do and than stick with it. Consistency is so important. Children need to know exactly what to expect. We also sometimes practice at home behavior expected. I.E. If we are going to the store and I want them to walk by me, we practice holding mommy's hand or skirt as we go for a walk around the yard, driveway, etc. Proactive training helps in so many areas. It is always easier to train ahead of time then have to deal with explosions in the most in opportune times which children are so good at picking. 
Best wishes!
I forgot about this.
It took me way too long to learn with my second one that all he really wanted was to explore the idea of the desirable thing. I was assuming he WANTED RIGHT NOW everything we passed because of remembering those 18 month old moments. lol. We now are able to go by any toy aisle and all we do is talk about how great that thing is or how "cool" it is and go on. Sometimes, of course he still will say he wants the thing but he doesn't really try to put his whole being into getting it right at that moment. We have those talks at home now, come to our understandings and he's heard "no" enough that it sounds like a real reality that he can accept knowing that at some other time, some of the things he wants will be provided. Just not everything...luckily as they get older and able to conceptualize things that are not in front of them and want them they are also able to understand that not everybody gets what they want all the time.
It seems hard while it's happening but it's constantly changing and as some things are getting harder others are getting easier so it evens out.:flowerforyou:0 -
I come loaded with a dum- dum's and fruit snacks
I wanna go shopping with you!
*throws sucker and fruit leather*
I WANT THOSE LOUBOUTINS MUST HAVE THEM NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.polyvore.com/christian_louboutin_so_kate_calf/thing?context_id=3856172&context_type=lookbook&id=112815961
now try explaining to me that they are sold out....0 -
I have a two year old, and when there is an incident out in public, I will let him have his moment, and then ask him a series of questions like "Are you upset?" or "Are you sad?". This is what his teachers do in daycare with all of the children in his class... (They have to use their words, and asking him things help him say something, even if it's a no, than cry)
I know, it's really embarrassing, so I try to make light of the situation and say something funny out loud like "Oh, great, we're THOSE people now"
When he starts to calm down, I'll usually give him my keycard from work for him to play with until it's time to leave... It'll pass...
But it's your kid, and everyone is different! Just because something worked for me, doesn't mean you'll get the same results...
But GOOD LUCK! And rest assure, IT'S NORMAL!0 -
I did the training at home, so hopefully things would go well at the store. At that age they are learning self-control (I'm teaching self-control), so sometimes they were great at the store, sometimes it seemed a disaster lol. Just be as consistent as you can at home, both of you are working hard!
Ultimately I expect my children to be respectful and obedient, but it's a process to get them there through that age until about 3 1/2 years old (in my own experience). And each child is different.0 -
First, I'm going to say I'm not a parent and never will be. Go ahead and attack me for that or ignore my comments if you want, but I'm going to give my 2 cents anyway since I would be the one giving you a death stare in the grocery store.
IF you ignore her tantrum, and do not give her what she wants, and you are visibly embarrased then the lesson she learns is that it might work next time if she tries harder (meaning throw a bigger tantrum). And hey, there is absolutely nothing to lose by throwing a tantrum.
What you should do: DO NOT IGNORE THE TANTRUM! Address it immediately with negative reinforcement. Punish her (different punishment will work for different kids, so no specific advice). Here is why: If she throws a tantrum and nothing bad happens, then it is worth a try next time. If she throws a tantrum and knows she will be punished, then she will weigh the punishment possibility with the possibility it might work next time. Be consistent with this, and she will eventually realize that tantrums never result in rewards and always result in punishment. It won't work overnight... give it a few months of consistency. I'll give less of a death stare next time if you are addressing her tantrum in this way, though.0 -
It helps that I really don't care what other people think so I let her throw her fit and eventually ask if she's done. Besides, old lady stares of disapproval are kinda fun. It's only happened a couple of times outside the house. Little kids have to be taught how to control their emotions and arguing with them or placating them during a tantrum are both self-defeating.0
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First, I'm going to say I'm not a parent and never will be. Go ahead and attack me for that or ignore my comments if you want, but I'm going to give my 2 cents anyway since I would be the one giving you a death stare in the grocery store.
IF you ignore her tantrum, and do not give her what she wants, and you are visibly embarrased then the lesson she learns is that it might work next time if she tries harder (meaning throw a bigger tantrum). And hey, there is absolutely nothing to lose by throwing a tantrum.
What you should do: DO NOT IGNORE THE TANTRUM! Address it immediately with negative reinforcement. Punish her (different punishment will work for different kids, so no specific advice). Here is why: If she throws a tantrum and nothing bad happens, then it is worth a try next time. If she throws a tantrum and knows she will be punished, then she will weigh the punishment possibility with the possibility it might work next time. Be consistent with this, and she will eventually realize that tantrums never result in rewards and always result in punishment. It won't work overnight... give it a few months of consistency. I'll give less of a death stare next time if you are addressing her tantrum in this way, though.
Death stare all you want, I'm the one having to wrangle a two year old.0 -
I'm not a parent, but I do have two nieces that just love to come shopping with Aunt Sara. Obviously I don't know every little thing you do with your daughter in the store, but I see the tantrums a lot, and I sympathize with the parents. I think the kids are usually just bored. Even I get cranky when I've been shopping too long, and I'm 32. Do you let your daughter pull things from the shelf that you need and put them in the cart? It is not really fair to bring someone along for an activity and not allow her to participate. My nieces help me make the shopping list, then they are my little gofers at the store, pointing things out and helping me put things in the cart. I find they get really into searching for things on the list, and are less distracted by other things. I feel that when I keep them engaged in what we are doing, and am not just pushing them around in a frenzy, the tantrums don't happen. Also, if they see something early on in the trip that they like, I will let them hold it while we shop, but am clear we are not buying it. Usually by the time we are done, so is their attention span, and they've already forgotten about it. If not, then you are already at the check out when the wailing starts, so it's just pay and go.0
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Distract them with a toy or something to get their mind off the bubbles, while they're distracted, move away from the problem area.
Out of sight out of mind is a great thing, enjoy it while it lasts
Maybe bring bubbles from home?
I'm thinking blowing bubbles in a store is not a great idea - slippery...
Other than that, I don't have much to add. My boys are 5 and 3 and we are close to past the tantrum stage, now we are in the manipulation stage. I never found any great solutions. I do think they want their feelings to be acknowledged, and I think distraction is key. But even with that, there were some tantrums that were just not to be diverted - and I remember feeling the way you feel. I also remember a stranger saying to me, "don't worry honey, it bothers you a lot more than it bothers the rest of us". I used that exact same line on an airplane with a mother trying to comfort a screaming infant recently...0 -
First, I'm going to say I'm not a parent and never will be. Go ahead and attack me for that or ignore my comments if you want, but I'm going to give my 2 cents anyway since I would be the one giving you a death stare in the grocery store.
IF you ignore her tantrum, and do not give her what she wants, and you are visibly embarrased then the lesson she learns is that it might work next time if she tries harder (meaning throw a bigger tantrum). And hey, there is absolutely nothing to lose by throwing a tantrum.
What you should do: DO NOT IGNORE THE TANTRUM! Address it immediately with negative reinforcement. Punish her (different punishment will work for different kids, so no specific advice). Here is why: If she throws a tantrum and nothing bad happens, then it is worth a try next time. If she throws a tantrum and knows she will be punished, then she will weigh the punishment possibility with the possibility it might work next time. Be consistent with this, and she will eventually realize that tantrums never result in rewards and always result in punishment. It won't work overnight... give it a few months of consistency. I'll give less of a death stare next time if you are addressing her tantrum in this way, though.
Death stare all you want, I'm the one having to wrangle a two year old.
Yup. I always enjoy the spectacle of outspoken arrogance and blatant ignorance0 -
First, I'm going to say I'm not a parent and never will be. Go ahead and attack me for that or ignore my comments if you want, but I'm going to give my 2 cents anyway since I would be the one giving you a death stare in the grocery store.
IF you ignore her tantrum, and do not give her what she wants, and you are visibly embarrased then the lesson she learns is that it might work next time if she tries harder (meaning throw a bigger tantrum). And hey, there is absolutely nothing to lose by throwing a tantrum.
What you should do: DO NOT IGNORE THE TANTRUM! Address it immediately with negative reinforcement. Punish her (different punishment will work for different kids, so no specific advice). Here is why: If she throws a tantrum and nothing bad happens, then it is worth a try next time. If she throws a tantrum and knows she will be punished, then she will weigh the punishment possibility with the possibility it might work next time. Be consistent with this, and she will eventually realize that tantrums never result in rewards and always result in punishment. It won't work overnight... give it a few months of consistency. I'll give less of a death stare next time if you are addressing her tantrum in this way, though.
It is good to know that I am not crazy, there are judgmental people out there who haven't had to deal with children.0 -
First, I'm going to say I'm not a parent and never will be. Go ahead and attack me for that or ignore my comments if you want, but I'm going to give my 2 cents anyway since I would be the one giving you a death stare in the grocery store.
IF you ignore her tantrum, and do not give her what she wants, and you are visibly embarrased then the lesson she learns is that it might work next time if she tries harder (meaning throw a bigger tantrum). And hey, there is absolutely nothing to lose by throwing a tantrum.
What you should do: DO NOT IGNORE THE TANTRUM! Address it immediately with negative reinforcement. Punish her (different punishment will work for different kids, so no specific advice). Here is why: If she throws a tantrum and nothing bad happens, then it is worth a try next time. If she throws a tantrum and knows she will be punished, then she will weigh the punishment possibility with the possibility it might work next time. Be consistent with this, and she will eventually realize that tantrums never result in rewards and always result in punishment. It won't work overnight... give it a few months of consistency. I'll give less of a death stare next time if you are addressing her tantrum in this way, though.
Death stare all you want, I'm the one having to wrangle a two year old.
You are the one who CHOSE to wrangle a two year old. Just as I have chosen not to. The difference is that I did not CHOOSE to have to listen to a screaming brat when I'm trying to shop. The OP is asking for advice on how to best control her child... that is actually admirable and unfortunately is very very very very very rare. I am very happy to see this in contrast to the typical "victim" mentality of parents (where one feels like they have been conned into HAVING to take care of kid), or the idea that one's child can do no wrong regardless of the obvious.
When I was a kid, we didn't do these types of things... if I tried to, I would have my butt spanked so fast... has parenting gotten harder, or are parents just trying less? The OP is trying, and I would have ignored the whole thread if not for that.0 -
First, I'm going to say I'm not a parent and never will be. Go ahead and attack me for that or ignore my comments if you want, but I'm going to give my 2 cents anyway since I would be the one giving you a death stare in the grocery store.
IF you ignore her tantrum, and do not give her what she wants, and you are visibly embarrased then the lesson she learns is that it might work next time if she tries harder (meaning throw a bigger tantrum). And hey, there is absolutely nothing to lose by throwing a tantrum.
What you should do: DO NOT IGNORE THE TANTRUM! Address it immediately with negative reinforcement. Punish her (different punishment will work for different kids, so no specific advice). Here is why: If she throws a tantrum and nothing bad happens, then it is worth a try next time. If she throws a tantrum and knows she will be punished, then she will weigh the punishment possibility with the possibility it might work next time. Be consistent with this, and she will eventually realize that tantrums never result in rewards and always result in punishment. It won't work overnight... give it a few months of consistency. I'll give less of a death stare next time if you are addressing her tantrum in this way, though.
Death stare all you want, I'm the one having to wrangle a two year old.
You are the one who CHOSE to wrangle a two year old. Just as I have chosen not to. The difference is that I did not CHOOSE to have to listen to a screaming brat when I'm trying to shop. The OP is asking for advice on how to best control her child... that is actually admirable and unfortunately is very very very very very rare. I am very happy to see this in contrast to the typical "victim" mentality of parents (where one feels like they have been conned into HAVING to take care of kid), or the idea that one's child can do no wrong regardless of the obvious.
When I was a kid, we didn't do these types of things... if I tried to, I would have my butt spanked so fast... has parenting gotten harder, or are parents just trying less? The OP is trying, and I would have ignored the whole thread if not for that.
That's adorable0 -
I watch like a hawk for toys and other shiny stuff that will distract my kids and do everything I can to keep them from seeing it. Also, in the grocery store is probably not the best place to try explaining something to a toddler. No and move on will be much less traumatic on you and everyone around you.0
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First, I'm going to say I'm not a parent and never will be. Go ahead and attack me for that or ignore my comments if you want, but I'm going to give my 2 cents anyway since I would be the one giving you a death stare in the grocery store.
IF you ignore her tantrum, and do not give her what she wants, and you are visibly embarrased then the lesson she learns is that it might work next time if she tries harder (meaning throw a bigger tantrum). And hey, there is absolutely nothing to lose by throwing a tantrum.
What you should do: DO NOT IGNORE THE TANTRUM! Address it immediately with negative reinforcement. Punish her (different punishment will work for different kids, so no specific advice). Here is why: If she throws a tantrum and nothing bad happens, then it is worth a try next time. If she throws a tantrum and knows she will be punished, then she will weigh the punishment possibility with the possibility it might work next time. Be consistent with this, and she will eventually realize that tantrums never result in rewards and always result in punishment. It won't work overnight... give it a few months of consistency. I'll give less of a death stare next time if you are addressing her tantrum in this way, though.
Death stare all you want, I'm the one having to wrangle a two year old.
You are the one who CHOSE to wrangle a two year old. Just as I have chosen not to. The difference is that I did not CHOOSE to have to listen to a screaming brat when I'm trying to shop. The OP is asking for advice on how to best control her child... that is actually admirable and unfortunately is very very very very very rare. I am very happy to see this in contrast to the typical "victim" mentality of parents (where one feels like they have been conned into HAVING to take care of kid), or the idea that one's child can do no wrong regardless of the obvious.
When I was a kid, we didn't do these types of things... if I tried to, I would have my butt spanked so fast... has parenting gotten harder, or are parents just trying less? The OP is trying, and I would have ignored the whole thread if not for that.
lol, dudebrah, are you mad that you're mom didn't give you bubbles?0 -
I had one tantrum thrower and one who was not. The Not Child threw exactly one tantrum but it was a classic, throw-yourself-on-the-ground kind. I stepped over her and moved to another part of the house. She seemed surprised, quit crying, walked to where I'd moved, threw herself back down and continued. I laughed my guts out. She stopped.
The more regular tantrum thrower has always had a strong will and the need to learn things by experience. Until she was about 3, we had the opportunity to try all different kinds of responses. What worked the best was removing her from the tantrum inducing situation and having a time-in (we called it enforced rocking). The theory was that she was out of control and needed the reassurance that I could provide to help her get back IN control.
At the store, I would just empathize that it was sad that we couldn't get the bubbles but we'd continue on with our shopping.
Finally during one of her tantrums, when she was about 3 or early 4, I asked if she'd ever once received what she was crying for during a tantrum. She thought seriously about this, answered, "no," at which point I suggested she might want to change her tactic. And she did.0 -
Oh the other thing I was going to say is that I think when the adult gets tense/stressed/emotional about the tantrum, that motivates the child to keep going. My husband is way more even keeled than I am, and was always better at diffusing the tantrums than me, who gets really agitated/embarrassed myself and I think the kids sense it and keep pushing. I also noticed at daycare, the teachers are so good at keeping their voices level, acknowledging what it is the kid is upset about, and quickly diverting their attention to something else. I think staying calm is probably easier said than done, at least for me it was, but it does seem to work.0
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My 2yo doesn't throw a lot of serious tantrums (unless she's overtired, then I'm completely effed). I don't know if it's because she's just well-behaved or because of the way I handle tantrums.
First thing you have to do is immediately separate yourself and the child from the situation. You have to do it the second the tantrum occurs. No trying to slink away or finish what you are doing. You should also do this abruptly. Pick the child up, don't say a word and quickly walk away to somewhere to the side (behind a display, around a corner, hell even through the big doors to the employees only area). Hold the child tight to you and calm the little one with back rubs and "shushing" till the tantrum mostly subsides. Once things are pretty quiet and calm, set her down, het on one knee to see her eye to eye and explain that there are bubbles at home and if she can behave for the rest of the trip, you'll break them out at home.
Ever kid is different and so is every parent. Trial and error is the only way you're going to find what works. Good Luck Kiddo.0 -
Take her down the spatula isle. Grab one off the shelf and go to town. Replace spatula. Problem solved.
This. :laugh:0 -
I normally fall on the floor whenever it is necessary.Iif my wife won't let me get Captain Crunch, the cereal aisle is good and sometimes its actually cooling in the summer. :huh:0
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