Rudeness of a total stranger!

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  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    OK, seriously? I'm reading through this and on page 2 and I cannot believe there are people who think what this guy did was in any way appropriate or not rude. What he did was NOT OK.

    DO NOT DO THIS. Not to strangers and not to people you know unless they ask you to.
  • llUndecidedll
    llUndecidedll Posts: 724 Member
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    I don't think he meant to be rude. Honestly, to him he could have thought your dining partners were aware of your diet [you went to Subway and were drinking water]. I would have looked at what you were eating and thought the same thing. I think you were offended because it's in our culture-- Western culture-- to not point out things like that. I've read blogs written by expats in East Asia and it seems normal to point out someone's weight to them there. It's never coming from a bad place, just an observation they make to try to help you. I';ve read how some expats would have their weight gain/loss pointed out to them by students they teach and/or co-workers.

    Now, if it was me. I would feel the exact way that you feel, but not to the same extent.

    But that's only because I've dealt with worse public humilation. Once I was referred to with "that's a big ***** right there" in public by young strangers [I have a large build for a female], so I think I've built a thicker skin to such comments. When it happened, I felt so horrible I wanted to cry though, but I didn't.

    I think you handled it rather well.


    ETA: A lot of times when I post I feel like I come across the wrong way. I'm not trying to compare mole hills, but use this as motivation to get to where you want to be.
  • yellowlemoned
    yellowlemoned Posts: 335 Member
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    He probably meant well, and just didn't realize how out of line his comment was. Or he's just a douche bag who feels like everyone needs to fit into his cookie cutter idea of what's acceptable.

    The important thing is to not let it ruin your day or your progress. You're here because you want to make a change, and you want to do it for you. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, what matters is how you feel about yourself.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    I don't think he meant to be rude. Honestly, to him he could have thought your dining partners were aware of your diet [you went to Subway and were drinking water]. I would have looked at what you were eating and thought the same thing. I think you were offended because it's in our culture-- Western culture-- to not point out things like that. I've read blogs written by expats in East Asia and it seems normal to point out someone's weight to them there. It's never coming from a bad place, just an observation they make to try to help you. I';ve read how some expats would have their weight gain/loss pointed out to them by students they teach and/or co-workers.

    Now, if it was me. I would feel the exact way that you feel, but not to the same extent.

    But that's only because I've dealt with worse public humilation. Once I was referred to with "that's a big ***** right there" in public by young strangers [I have a large build for a female], so I think I've built a thicker skin to such comments. When it happened, I felt so horrible I wanted to cry though, but I didn't.

    I think you handled it rather well.

    See, and again, I have to ask...if this was another kind of personal problem besides weight (ex. acne), do you still think it would be appropriate to comment?

    I think that people think that they can comment on weight more freely because it's something we all have to manage but, in reality, it's just as inappropriate as commenting on any other personal care issue.
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,592 Member
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    OK, seriously? I'm reading through this and on page 2 and I cannot believe there are people who think what this guy did was in any way appropriate or not rude. What he did was NOT OK.

    DO NOT DO THIS. Not to strangers and not to people you know unless they ask you to.

    im disappointed but not surprised by all the people on this website thinking this sh1t is ok

    seriously OP I would of said something like "and who the fvck are you fvck off" to that bullsh1t of a "i am only saying these things so i can feel good about myself " man
  • whovian67
    whovian67 Posts: 608 Member
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    And for a mere $50.00 a pop... I am sure he would "work out" with you as a trainer...

    HIs business must suck right now.. and you are the innocent bystander whom he thought was an easy mark..

    MOVE ON... he is a stranger that you will never see again.. keep striving towards your goal....

    8 kg.... congrats!! Keep it up
  • llUndecidedll
    llUndecidedll Posts: 724 Member
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    I don't think he meant to be rude. Honestly, to him he could have thought your dining partners were aware of your diet [you went to Subway and were drinking water]. I would have looked at what you were eating and thought the same thing. I think you were offended because it's in our culture-- Western culture-- to not point out things like that. I've read blogs written by expats in East Asia and it seems normal to point out someone's weight to them there. It's never coming from a bad place, just an observation they make to try to help you. I';ve read how some expats would have their weight gain/loss pointed out to them by students they teach and/or co-workers.

    Now, if it was me. I would feel the exact way that you feel, but not to the same extent.

    But that's only because I've dealt with worse public humilation. Once I was referred to with "that's a big ***** right there" in public by young strangers [I have a large build for a female], so I think I've built a thicker skin to such comments. When it happened, I felt so horrible I wanted to cry though, but I didn't.

    I think you handled it rather well.

    See, and again, I have to ask...if this was another kind of personal problem besides weight (ex. acne), do you still think it would be appropriate to comment?

    I think that people think that they can comment on weight more freely because it's something we all have to manage but, in reality, it's just as inappropriate as commenting on any other personal care issue.


    I understand what you're saying. I don't think it was appropriate for this stranger to make such a comment at all. I think that it was inappropriate, but it wasn't coming from a bad place.
  • ljminto
    ljminto Posts: 52
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    what did he say that was rude?

    Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!


    It's RUDE where i come from too!! You handled it better than I would have, but I'm a *****! I probably would have pointed out some "flaw" of his...like "no matter IF you are trying to help or no matter if you are "fit", you still are rude and that is ALWAYS ugly!!!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Why in the world does it matter if he "meant well"????

    He was unbelievably rude and inappropriate. His parents failed him miserably when it comes to interacting with other people in society.
  • Commander_Keen
    Commander_Keen Posts: 1,181 Member
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    Maybe he was 500lbs when he was 19 years old and know how hard it was lose the weight..
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    That's bizarre. I'm sorry you encountered that.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    I don't think he meant to be rude. Honestly, to him he could have thought your dining partners were aware of your diet [you went to Subway and were drinking water]. I would have looked at what you were eating and thought the same thing. I think you were offended because it's in our culture-- Western culture-- to not point out things like that. I've read blogs written by expats in East Asia and it seems normal to point out someone's weight to them there. It's never coming from a bad place, just an observation they make to try to help you. I';ve read how some expats would have their weight gain/loss pointed out to them by students they teach and/or co-workers.

    Now, if it was me. I would feel the exact way that you feel, but not to the same extent.

    But that's only because I've dealt with worse public humilation. Once I was referred to with "that's a big ***** right there" in public by young strangers [I have a large build for a female], so I think I've built a thicker skin to such comments. When it happened, I felt so horrible I wanted to cry though, but I didn't.

    I think you handled it rather well.


    ETA: A lot of times when I post I feel like I come across the wrong way. I'm not trying to compare mole hills, but use this as motivation to get to where you want to be.

    I'm going to start walking up to people in wheel chairs and tell them I can help them with their problems... also any bald person b/c I assume they have cancer- and need the lord jesus in their life.
    also this snake oil for 9.99 a bottle- that only lasts one week.


    NO. It is NOT OKAY to walk up to someone to discuss something personal.
  • bon_poole
    bon_poole Posts: 1 Member
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    Know how you feel. Was buying chocolate for my skinny kids and had a complete stranger advise I could join the local over eaters anon. Try not to let it get to you as some people don't understand how hard it is to lose the weight. They think they are being helpful but it really hurts. I personally have enough going on in my life that I dont have time to pay attention to what other people are eating / buying. I think people who have time for it must not lead very exciting lives =D
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    Options
    I don't think he meant to be rude. Honestly, to him he could have thought your dining partners were aware of your diet [you went to Subway and were drinking water]. I would have looked at what you were eating and thought the same thing. I think you were offended because it's in our culture-- Western culture-- to not point out things like that. I've read blogs written by expats in East Asia and it seems normal to point out someone's weight to them there. It's never coming from a bad place, just an observation they make to try to help you. I';ve read how some expats would have their weight gain/loss pointed out to them by students they teach and/or co-workers.

    Now, if it was me. I would feel the exact way that you feel, but not to the same extent.

    But that's only because I've dealt with worse public humilation. Once I was referred to with "that's a big ***** right there" in public by young strangers [I have a large build for a female], so I think I've built a thicker skin to such comments. When it happened, I felt so horrible I wanted to cry though, but I didn't.

    I think you handled it rather well.


    ETA: A lot of times when I post I feel like I come across the wrong way. I'm not trying to compare mole hills, but use this as motivation to get to where you want to be.

    I'm going to start walking up to people in wheel chairs and tell them I can help them with their problems... also any bald person b/c I assume they have cancer- and need the lord jesus in their life.
    also this snake oil for 9.99 a bottle- that only lasts one week.

    clapping.gif
  • SCW250
    SCW250 Posts: 21 Member
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    Keep you head up!!

    Reminds me while at the gym when the trainers roams the floor looking for obese people to train.

    Recently, I was minding my business doing my routine bike session before lifting and this trainer elected to lecture me about doing cardio before lifting. I had to look at him with a stern face and instructed him to learn how to assist the so called morbidly obese and get back with me.

    People can be jerks..
  • katematt313
    katematt313 Posts: 624 Member
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    And OP, I think the guy could have been more tactful, but I think his heart was in the right place.

    As someone who has lost a bit of weight, I occasionally want to reach out to people that I see that are just like I was - I don't think I'd ever do it, but it's crossed my mind.

    +1

    I also have had these thoughts about reaching out and offering to help another person struggling with morbid obesity, which I have also struggled with. I am still overweight.

    That being said, I would not randomly approach a stranger. Also, it is just not okay to do it in front of a group of people. I'm sure that OP's friends have working eyes and realize that she is overweight. Having a stranger walk up and point it out, even if well-intentioned, is awkward, embarassing and uncomfortable.

    There are other ways to be kind and supportive. Smile and say hello. Make yourself approachable and available to others. When you see someone at the gym who seems uncomfortable, introduce yourself and see if they would like to exercise with you. No need to be a creep about it!
  • Indygirl_81
    Indygirl_81 Posts: 142 Member
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    You can continue to get healthier with hard work & determination, but I'm guessing there is very little chance that hard work will improve his propensity to be a tool.

    Great comment!
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
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    what did he say that was rude?

    This. He didn't do anything wrong. He was honestly trying to help. If you don't want help., that's fine, but he didn't say anything offensive. You chose to take offence. It's not like he came and told you to "put the sandwich down", now THAT would have been rude.
  • determinedgirl1
    determinedgirl1 Posts: 128 Member
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    I am so sorry that happened to you. It is not "helping" you...if this jerk wanted to "help" anyone, the correct way to do that would be to walk up to the table and say, "Hi, I am Joe from Joe's gym. I just wanted to introduce myself and tell you about my gym and what we do." He should have addressed the entire table and presented it more as a sales pitch rather than direct it at one person.

    If it had happened to me, First, I would have cried, then I would have gotten angry and called the gym where he works and told them how their insensitive trainer just cost them a customer...because I would NEVER go to that gym.

    As far as he knows, you could be 100% happy with who you are and maybe you dont need help. That is infuriating. So sorry!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    what did he say that was rude?

    This. He didn't do anything wrong. He was honestly trying to help. If you don't want help., that's fine, but he didn't say anything offensive. You chose to take offence. It's not like he came and told you to "put the sandwich down", now THAT would have been rude.
    *headdesk*

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