Rudeness of a total stranger!

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  • sslopez24
    sslopez24 Posts: 110 Member
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    [/quote]

    So now she can't vent unless it was the worst thing someone could say?

    Why do you get to decide what she finds offensive?

    I can totally see the original poster's point of view.

    I think that stranger was completely rude. He doesn't know her, he doesn't know what she's doing and he is incredibly presumptuous. You don't go up to total strangers and make the kind of comment he did. If she happened to be in a conversation with him and mentioned something about fitness or diet then sure, he could have interjected something at that point. But going up to random people, intruding on their private moments to tell them he can help them..no way.. rude.
    [/quote]


    I agree!
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
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    h8B665D61

    it sure is fun watching a train wreck. Would it be inappropriate to approach the engineer without solicitation to tell him you watch Judge Judy and you can help him with his legal problems?
  • jc_0324
    jc_0324 Posts: 54
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    I would have said "who the hell asked you for your help?" Some people, the nerve!

    I like going into full sarcasm mode. With a saccharine smile, say something like "No way! The gym could help me reach my weight loss goals? I never would have thought of that on my own. Thanks so much for your help! I don't know what I would have done without you."

    Haha, I like it!
  • KameHameHaaaa
    KameHameHaaaa Posts: 837 Member
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    One line I use for the more rude people (example: "should you really be eating that/you probably shouldn't be eating that" etc) is...

    "Oh really? I'm sorry, what were my macros for the day again? Better yet, what were my macros for the week? It's so nice of you to look out for me so I'm sure you'll be able to easily answer these questions. " Most the time I get "what are macros" to which my reply "Exactly. Take your uneducated Dr. Oz watchin' a** away from me while I enjoy my lunch."

    ;)
  • mckat08
    mckat08 Posts: 79 Member
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    what did he say that was rude?

    REALLY? This stranger clearly crossed the line. Unfortunately, he also hurt someone by being such a know it all.
  • mckat08
    mckat08 Posts: 79 Member
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    One line I use for the more rude people (example: "should you really be eating that/you probably shouldn't be eating that" etc) is...

    "Oh really? I'm sorry, what were my macros for the day again? Better yet, what were my macros for the week? It's so nice of you to look out for me so I'm sure you'll be able to easily answer these questions. " Most the time I get "what are macros" to which my reply "Exactly. Take your uneducated Dr. Oz watchin' a** away from me while I enjoy my lunch."

    ;)

    EXCELLENT ANSWER!! Love it.
  • ehuschka
    ehuschka Posts: 47 Member
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    I don't think he meant to be rude. Honestly, to him he could have thought your dining partners were aware of your diet [you went to Subway and were drinking water]. I would have looked at what you were eating and thought the same thing. I think you were offended because it's in our culture-- Western culture-- to not point out things like that. I've read blogs written by expats in East Asia and it seems normal to point out someone's weight to them there. It's never coming from a bad place, just an observation they make to try to help you. I';ve read how some expats would have their weight gain/loss pointed out to them by students they teach and/or co-workers.

    Now, if it was me. I would feel the exact way that you feel, but not to the same extent.

    But that's only because I've dealt with worse public humilation. Once I was referred to with "that's a big ***** right there" in public by young strangers [I have a large build for a female], so I think I've built a thicker skin to such comments. When it happened, I felt so horrible I wanted to cry though, but I didn't.

    I think you handled it rather well.


    ETA: A lot of times when I post I feel like I come across the wrong way. I'm not trying to compare mole hills, but use this as motivation to get to where you want to be.

    I'm going to start walking up to people in wheel chairs and tell them I can help them with their problems... also any bald person b/c I assume they have cancer- and need the lord jesus in their life.
    also this snake oil for 9.99 a bottle- that only lasts one week.


    NO. It is NOT OKAY to walk up to someone to discuss something personal.

    Just wanted to let you know that I love your snarkiness. Every day. All Day.
  • LiminalAscendance
    LiminalAscendance Posts: 489 Member
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    I don't think he meant to be rude. Honestly, to him he could have thought your dining partners were aware of your diet [you went to Subway and were drinking water]. I would have looked at what you were eating and thought the same thing. I think you were offended because it's in our culture-- Western culture-- to not point out things like that. I've read blogs written by expats in East Asia and it seems normal to point out someone's weight to them there. It's never coming from a bad place, just an observation they make to try to help you. I';ve read how some expats would have their weight gain/loss pointed out to them by students they teach and/or co-workers.

    Now, if it was me. I would feel the exact way that you feel, but not to the same extent.

    But that's only because I've dealt with worse public humilation. Once I was referred to with "that's a big ***** right there" in public by young strangers [I have a large build for a female], so I think I've built a thicker skin to such comments. When it happened, I felt so horrible I wanted to cry though, but I didn't.

    I think you handled it rather well.


    ETA: A lot of times when I post I feel like I come across the wrong way. I'm not trying to compare mole hills, but use this as motivation to get to where you want to be.

    I'm going to start walking up to people in wheel chairs and tell them I can help them with their problems... also any bald person b/c I assume they have cancer- and need the lord jesus in their life.
    also this snake oil for 9.99 a bottle- that only lasts one week.


    NO. It is NOT OKAY to walk up to someone to discuss something personal.

    Just wanted to let you know that I love your snarkiness. Every day. All Day.

    Yeah, funny stuff.

    Although it is easier to help someone lose weight than it is to 1) cure cancer or 2) get a wheelchair-bound individual to walk (although you wouldn't know it from reading these forums).
  • TheLostMermaid
    TheLostMermaid Posts: 122
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    MAYBE He reached out to you because he felt like he connected to you. MAYBE he had once been over weight and felt like he could make a positive difference in your life.

    I don't see why he was rude.

    I think if his intent was to help you maybe he just felt compelled. MAYBE he has something to give to the world and he thought you could benefit.

    The fact that he reached out makes me think he had good intent.

    I think MAYBE you are being sensitive because its a sensitive subject for you.

    But then again what to do I know. I wasn't there.

    Either way I wouldn't take it personally.
  • marinabreeze
    marinabreeze Posts: 141 Member
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    What is wrong with people on MFP who seem to think that being overweight gives strangers the okay to make assumptions and comments on another person's body?? It doesn't matter if the OP is "sensitive" or not. What this man did was inappropriate - PERIOD.

    It doesn't matter if the stranger was once overweight or thinks he can make a difference in the obesity epidemic. He does NOT know the OP, he does NOT know whether or not she has any medical issues that have resulted in her being overweight, he does NOT know if this is currently her highest weight or if she's losing weight or if she goes to the gym. He just sees her BODY. And no one's body, no matter how large, small, abled, etc., gives a perfect stranger license to approach that person to make comments about his or her body.
  • pammyd76
    pammyd76 Posts: 42 Member
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    Wow - this thread took off!! I'm in Australia, so when i went to bed it was at 5 pages -
    i woke up today and we're at 11!! Thank you all for taking the time to weigh in and offer your insights, opinions, encouragement and for giving various points of view to consider. All good reading. Wishing you all the very best on your continued journey.
  • hillmorgan21
    hillmorgan21 Posts: 3
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    Lol I love the "tool" remark. Made my day ;)
  • lilmisfit1987
    lilmisfit1987 Posts: 183 Member
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    I would have said "My, that's very kind of you! I wish I could help you with your problem. You seem to think it's ok to walk up to complete strangers and critique their physique." And when he stammered something like "I was only trying to help" I would say "Well, if I needed help I would ask for it. Have a great day!" Then I would have returned to my yummy turkey sub.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    MAYBE He reached out to you because he felt like he connected to you. MAYBE he had once been over weight and felt like he could make a positive difference in your life.

    I don't see why he was rude.

    I think if his intent was to help you maybe he just felt compelled. MAYBE he has something to give to the world and he thought you could benefit.

    The fact that he reached out makes me think he had good intent.

    I think MAYBE you are being sensitive because its a sensitive subject for you.

    But then again what to do I know. I wasn't there.

    Either way I wouldn't take it personally.
    You have an awful lot of eye makeup on. I used to wear too much makeup and I don't anymore. I can help you fix your makeup problem.

    Now imagine I said that to you in the middle of a crowded food court in front of all your coworkers. And you never saw me before in your life.
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    I'm so sorry for your pain. Regardless of what anyone says here, it hurts like hell.
  • tapirfrog
    tapirfrog Posts: 616 Member
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    Yeah, "gutted" is how I'd feel too. I am so very sorry he was such a d*ck. It isn't you -- it's him.

    Incidentally, I wonder how many overweight men he's approached like that. Probably not many, because they're probably big enough to land a serious punch.
  • jakichan
    jakichan Posts: 109 Member
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    In my mind it's no different than a religion person trying to "save" you. Both are offensive.
  • SantiMig
    SantiMig Posts: 13
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    Well, he actually offered to help that is MUCH better than just a rude comment. Take the help, he may end up being a good and HONEST friend.
  • SantiMig
    SantiMig Posts: 13
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    Religon doesn't make you a good person...
  • angela233Z
    angela233Z Posts: 312 Member
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    I am so sorry this happened to you and that people at MFP use it to get their own angry agenda's across.
    I would have been upset if somebody said this to me. I am significantly heavier than my co-workers ( my ticker is an intermediate goal) and feel embarrassed enough without a total stranger telling me he wants to help me.

    Great job on your loss!!!

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