Rudeness of a total stranger!
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I don't understand why this is rude. According to your sticker, you have 100kg to lose. That is a lot. He wasn't trying to hurt you. He sounds like he was genuinely trying to help you. Do you know his story? Maybe someone he loved died from obesity-related causes? Maybe he was once severely obese, changed his life, and now wants to help others.
Would you rather someone tell you that you look fine, to ignore the doctors, to eat up, etc? I don't understand. I would love to have someone reach out to me and offer to help me reach my goals.
It would have been better if he pulled you aside or had been a bit more tactful, but some people do lack social skills. It doesn't make them bad people.0 -
I don't think he meant to be rude. Honestly, to him he could have thought your dining partners were aware of your diet [you went to Subway and were drinking water]. I would have looked at what you were eating and thought the same thing. I think you were offended because it's in our culture-- Western culture-- to not point out things like that. I've read blogs written by expats in East Asia and it seems normal to point out someone's weight to them there. It's never coming from a bad place, just an observation they make to try to help you. I';ve read how some expats would have their weight gain/loss pointed out to them by students they teach and/or co-workers.
Now, if it was me. I would feel the exact way that you feel, but not to the same extent.
But that's only because I've dealt with worse public humilation. Once I was referred to with "that's a big ***** right there" in public by young strangers [I have a large build for a female], so I think I've built a thicker skin to such comments. When it happened, I felt so horrible I wanted to cry though, but I didn't.
I think you handled it rather well.
ETA: A lot of times when I post I feel like I come across the wrong way. I'm not trying to compare mole hills, but use this as motivation to get to where you want to be.
I'm going to start walking up to people in wheel chairs and tell them I can help them with their problems... also any bald person b/c I assume they have cancer- and need the lord jesus in their life.
also this snake oil for 9.99 a bottle- that only lasts one week.
NO. It is NOT OKAY to walk up to someone to discuss something personal.
Physical handicaps and terminal illnesses are very, very different from obesity. It's annoying and short-sighted to make such a comparison. But, hey, this is MFP.0 -
Talking about being approached by strangers wanting to help, has anyone ever been approached on mfp by someone with a friend request offering to help with your weight loss and then to find out later he was actually trying to make a buck by selling you videos he made about how he lost weight & tips for you to help you lose also. It was rude of the guy to approach you not knowing whether you needed help! It is also rude to request someone to be your friend & pretending to be helpful but actually trying to sell you something.0
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I don't understand why this is rude. According to your sticker, you have 100kg to lose. That is a lot. He wasn't trying to hurt you. He sounds like he was genuinely trying to help you. Do you know his story? Maybe someone he loved died from obesity-related causes? Maybe he was once severely obese, changed his life, and now wants to help others.
Would you rather someone tell you that you look fine, to ignore the doctors, to eat up, etc? I don't understand. I would love to have someone reach out to me and offer to help me reach my goals.
It would have been better if he pulled you aside or had been a bit more tactful, but some people do lack social skills. It doesn't make them bad people.
And a lot of them apparently are in this thread.0 -
It doesn't matter if she has 20 lbs or 200 lbs to lose. He doesn't know her and he doesn't know where she is in her life. Just because someone is obese doesn't mean they need the unsolicited "help" of a total stranger. Generally speaking, fat people know they are fat, and don't need a stranger to swoop in and play captain save-a-chub. His intent doesn't matter - it is NOT his place to come over and interject his assumptions where they are not invited. People have a right to their own bodies, and if they want to change, they will choose to make that step themselves.I don't understand why this is rude. According to your sticker, you have 100kg to lose. That is a lot. He wasn't trying to hurt you. He sounds like he was genuinely trying to help you. Do you know his story? Maybe someone he loved died from obesity-related causes? Maybe he was once severely obese, changed his life, and now wants to help others.
Would you rather someone tell you that you look fine, to ignore the doctors, to eat up, etc? I don't understand. I would love to have someone reach out to me and offer to help me reach my goals.
It would have been better if he pulled you aside or had been a bit more tactful, but some people do lack social skills. It doesn't make them bad people.0 -
It doesn't matter if she has 20 lbs or 200 lbs to lose. He doesn't know her and he doesn't know where she is in her life. Just because someone is obese doesn't mean they need the unsolicited "help" of a total stranger. Generally speaking, fat people know they are fat, and don't need a stranger to swoop in and play captain save-a-chub. His intent doesn't matter - it is NOT his place to come over and interject his assumptions where they are not invited. People have a right to their own bodies, and if they want to change, they will choose to make that step themselves.I don't understand why this is rude. According to your sticker, you have 100kg to lose. That is a lot. He wasn't trying to hurt you. He sounds like he was genuinely trying to help you. Do you know his story? Maybe someone he loved died from obesity-related causes? Maybe he was once severely obese, changed his life, and now wants to help others.
Would you rather someone tell you that you look fine, to ignore the doctors, to eat up, etc? I don't understand. I would love to have someone reach out to me and offer to help me reach my goals.
It would have been better if he pulled you aside or had been a bit more tactful, but some people do lack social skills. It doesn't make them bad people.
YEP.
I have fat friends.
Do they know they're fat? Yep.
Do they care that they're fat? Nope.
Do they know they can lose weight if they want? Yep.
Do they still go for walks and exercise when they want to? Yep.
Do they do so because some stranger told them to in a food court? NOPE.
Not everyone who's fat wants to get skinny. And I absolutely agree with everything you said above.0 -
I agree with "rude" and "presumptuous"0
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Yes I think that was very rude! The nerve of him and in front of everyone, just keep moving forward don't give up your doing great!0
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Some people think they are "just trying to help". They are TRYING, but they are not HELPING.0
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Hmm, so, he offered to work out with the OP? He's either a personal trainer or ham-handedly hitting on her. I don't find either particularly offensive, unless he's butt-ugly. Was he butt-ugly? :laugh:
That being said, there are way bigger a$$h*les out there that sometimes say (or do) purposefully hurtful things (some of these are people's parents or relatives on MFP!!!), so it's good to practice defensive tactics like sassy comebacks and/or vicious takedowns when needed. It doesn't matter what shape or size or color you are. If you are insecure in yourself, some bad (or perhaps just socially inept) person (female/male) can throw you for a loop by pointing out that one insecurity that you have and magnifying it...
Don't get mad. Get even. I mean, in a good way. :bigsmile: 0 -
I am sure that you felt embarrassed. People have said a lot to me over the years about my eating habits, never once has anyone ever offered to work out with me.
I never really thought about how I looked like to the outside world as I overate, but I recall the lengths I went to make sure I couldn't be seen while I ate.
The reality of the matter is anytime we eat people are going to think we are overeating if it's not salad.
Anyway, he could have had good intentions maybe he had a relative die of obesity.0 -
What is wrong with people on MFP who seem to think that being overweight gives strangers the okay to make assumptions and comments on another person's body?? It doesn't matter if the OP is "sensitive" or not. What this man did was inappropriate - PERIOD.
It doesn't matter if the stranger was once overweight or thinks he can make a difference in the obesity epidemic. He does NOT know the OP, he does NOT know whether or not she has any medical issues that have resulted in her being overweight, he does NOT know if this is currently her highest weight or if she's losing weight or if she goes to the gym. He just sees her BODY. And no one's body, no matter how large, small, abled, etc., gives a perfect stranger license to approach that person to make comments about his or her body.
This is the best post here. Rule for life: Not your body? Not your *expletive* business!0 -
A lot of people consider themselves to have a food addiction. Whether they do or not, I think it's safe to say that people generally over eat and gain weight due to emotional issues, right? I know I do. I basically engage in self destructive behaviour to cover up a emotional problems.
I did the same with cigarettes years ago. I believe that alcoholics and junkies do the same with alcohol and drugs. The underlying cause in all these cases is emotional.
It's socially acceptable to reach out to smokers, alcoholics and junkies to try and help them to kick the habit and improve their lives. In fact, it's actively commended the majority of the time. It isn't always welcomed by those with the addiciton, but that is not usually seen as a reason not to reach out.
So, why would reaching out to someone who over eats not be perceived in the same way? It's still a self-destructive habit, with emotional reasons at it's core, is it not? What's the difference.
I know that, in this case, the OP has already made changes and that, yes, it was wrong of this guy to make the assumption that she hadn't. But, speaking generally, why is OK to reach out to people with engaging in one type of self destructive behaviour and not another?0 -
It's socially acceptable to reach out to smokers, alcoholics and junkies to try and help them to kick the habit and improve their lives. In fact, it's actively commended the majority of the time. It isn't always welcomed by those with the addiciton, but that is not usually seen as a reason not to reach out.
Complete strangers in food courts approach smokers, alcoholics and junkies who are just sitting there eating lunch and offer to help them?
Where is this happening?0 -
It's socially acceptable to reach out to smokers, alcoholics and junkies to try and help them to kick the habit and improve their lives. In fact, it's actively commended the majority of the time. It isn't always welcomed by those with the addiciton, but that is not usually seen as a reason not to reach out.
Complete strangers in food courts approach smokers, alcoholics and junkies who are just sitting there eating lunch and offer to help them?
Where is this happening?
It certainly happens in my town, in the UK. Obviously this doesn't tend to happen in a food court, as you can't smoke in such places in the UK, but it does happen in public places. And in all other towns I've lived in. I imagine it must happen everywhere.
No smoking campaigns have seen scores of people out on the street approaching passing smokers, and offering them help to quit. And there are plenty of outreach programmes for alcoholics and junkies that have people reaching out to strangers to try and help them.0 -
It's socially acceptable to reach out to smokers, alcoholics and junkies to try and help them to kick the habit and improve their lives. In fact, it's actively commended the majority of the time. It isn't always welcomed by those with the addiciton, but that is not usually seen as a reason not to reach out.
Complete strangers in food courts approach smokers, alcoholics and junkies who are just sitting there eating lunch and offer to help them?
Where is this happening?
Not in Merrica.... Thank goodness I live in Merrica.0 -
https://nationalcareersservice.direct.gov.uk/advice/planning/jobprofiles/Pages/substancemisuseoutreachworker.aspx
Part of the job involves:
- building relationships with community organisations such as tenants' groups
- giving talks to increase understanding and gain support
- going with police patrols around pubs and clubs
- helping with needle exchange services
- running workshops in schools and youth centres.0 -
It's socially acceptable to reach out to smokers, alcoholics and junkies to try and help them to kick the habit and improve their lives. In fact, it's actively commended the majority of the time. It isn't always welcomed by those with the addiciton, but that is not usually seen as a reason not to reach out.
Complete strangers in food courts approach smokers, alcoholics and junkies who are just sitting there eating lunch and offer to help them?
Where is this happening?
It certainly happens in my town, in the UK. Obviously this doesn't tend to happen in a food court, as you can't smoke in such places in the UK, but it does happen in public places. And in all other towns I've lived in. I imagine it must happen everywhere.
No smoking campaigns have seen scores of people out on the street approaching passing smokers, and offering them help to quit. And there are plenty of outreach programmes for alcoholics and junkies that have people reaching out to strangers to try and help them.
First of all, not everyone who is obese has a food addiction.
Second of all, again, I would just love someone who thinks this is ok to answer my question:
IF this was a visible personal care issue BESIDES obesity (say, acne), would this still be acceptable to you?0 -
IMO, this person has balls ! How RUDE..... he doesn't know you, he doesn't have the right to speak to you about something personal and I think it's wrong!
Sorry you had to deal with this and keep on keeping on - you are doing GREAT....slow and steady wins the race, remember!0 -
OK. So seeing someone smoking on the street you know that person is a smoker. And I guess if someone is snorting cocaine or shooting up in public (is this happening??) you know that person is a drug addict. But how do you know someone (who you have never seen before) is an alcoholic?It's socially acceptable to reach out to smokers, alcoholics and junkies to try and help them to kick the habit and improve their lives. In fact, it's actively commended the majority of the time. It isn't always welcomed by those with the addiciton, but that is not usually seen as a reason not to reach out.
Complete strangers in food courts approach smokers, alcoholics and junkies who are just sitting there eating lunch and offer to help them?
Where is this happening?
It certainly happens in my town, in the UK. Obviously this doesn't tend to happen in a food court, as you can't smoke in such places in the UK, but it does happen in public places. And in all other towns I've lived in. I imagine it must happen everywhere.
No smoking campaigns have seen scores of people out on the street approaching passing smokers, and offering them help to quit. And there are plenty of outreach programmes for alcoholics and junkies that have people reaching out to strangers to try and help them.
And, seriously, not knowing anything about a person, you approach her in front of her colleagues at the mall and offer to take her to the gym.
This is rude. It is not OK. And if I were a smoker and some stranger approached me to tell me to quit or offer to help, I would tell that person to bugger off. Smokers know smoking is bad. If they want to quit, they will reach out for that help if they need it. Leave people alone.0
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