Rudeness of a total stranger!
Replies
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So now she can't vent unless it was the worst thing someone could say?
Why do you get to decide what she finds offensive?
I can totally see the original poster's point of view.
I think that stranger was completely rude. He doesn't know her, he doesn't know what she's doing and he is incredibly presumptuous. You don't go up to total strangers and make the kind of comment he did. If she happened to be in a conversation with him and mentioned something about fitness or diet then sure, he could have interjected something at that point. But going up to random people, intruding on their private moments to tell them he can help them..no way.. rude.
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I agree!0 -
it sure is fun watching a train wreck. Would it be inappropriate to approach the engineer without solicitation to tell him you watch Judge Judy and you can help him with his legal problems?0 -
I would have said "who the hell asked you for your help?" Some people, the nerve!
I like going into full sarcasm mode. With a saccharine smile, say something like "No way! The gym could help me reach my weight loss goals? I never would have thought of that on my own. Thanks so much for your help! I don't know what I would have done without you."
Haha, I like it!0 -
One line I use for the more rude people (example: "should you really be eating that/you probably shouldn't be eating that" etc) is...
"Oh really? I'm sorry, what were my macros for the day again? Better yet, what were my macros for the week? It's so nice of you to look out for me so I'm sure you'll be able to easily answer these questions. " Most the time I get "what are macros" to which my reply "Exactly. Take your uneducated Dr. Oz watchin' a** away from me while I enjoy my lunch."
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what did he say that was rude?
REALLY? This stranger clearly crossed the line. Unfortunately, he also hurt someone by being such a know it all.0 -
One line I use for the more rude people (example: "should you really be eating that/you probably shouldn't be eating that" etc) is...
"Oh really? I'm sorry, what were my macros for the day again? Better yet, what were my macros for the week? It's so nice of you to look out for me so I'm sure you'll be able to easily answer these questions. " Most the time I get "what are macros" to which my reply "Exactly. Take your uneducated Dr. Oz watchin' a** away from me while I enjoy my lunch."
EXCELLENT ANSWER!! Love it.0 -
I don't think he meant to be rude. Honestly, to him he could have thought your dining partners were aware of your diet [you went to Subway and were drinking water]. I would have looked at what you were eating and thought the same thing. I think you were offended because it's in our culture-- Western culture-- to not point out things like that. I've read blogs written by expats in East Asia and it seems normal to point out someone's weight to them there. It's never coming from a bad place, just an observation they make to try to help you. I';ve read how some expats would have their weight gain/loss pointed out to them by students they teach and/or co-workers.
Now, if it was me. I would feel the exact way that you feel, but not to the same extent.
But that's only because I've dealt with worse public humilation. Once I was referred to with "that's a big ***** right there" in public by young strangers [I have a large build for a female], so I think I've built a thicker skin to such comments. When it happened, I felt so horrible I wanted to cry though, but I didn't.
I think you handled it rather well.
ETA: A lot of times when I post I feel like I come across the wrong way. I'm not trying to compare mole hills, but use this as motivation to get to where you want to be.
I'm going to start walking up to people in wheel chairs and tell them I can help them with their problems... also any bald person b/c I assume they have cancer- and need the lord jesus in their life.
also this snake oil for 9.99 a bottle- that only lasts one week.
NO. It is NOT OKAY to walk up to someone to discuss something personal.
Just wanted to let you know that I love your snarkiness. Every day. All Day.0 -
I don't think he meant to be rude. Honestly, to him he could have thought your dining partners were aware of your diet [you went to Subway and were drinking water]. I would have looked at what you were eating and thought the same thing. I think you were offended because it's in our culture-- Western culture-- to not point out things like that. I've read blogs written by expats in East Asia and it seems normal to point out someone's weight to them there. It's never coming from a bad place, just an observation they make to try to help you. I';ve read how some expats would have their weight gain/loss pointed out to them by students they teach and/or co-workers.
Now, if it was me. I would feel the exact way that you feel, but not to the same extent.
But that's only because I've dealt with worse public humilation. Once I was referred to with "that's a big ***** right there" in public by young strangers [I have a large build for a female], so I think I've built a thicker skin to such comments. When it happened, I felt so horrible I wanted to cry though, but I didn't.
I think you handled it rather well.
ETA: A lot of times when I post I feel like I come across the wrong way. I'm not trying to compare mole hills, but use this as motivation to get to where you want to be.
I'm going to start walking up to people in wheel chairs and tell them I can help them with their problems... also any bald person b/c I assume they have cancer- and need the lord jesus in their life.
also this snake oil for 9.99 a bottle- that only lasts one week.
NO. It is NOT OKAY to walk up to someone to discuss something personal.
Just wanted to let you know that I love your snarkiness. Every day. All Day.
Yeah, funny stuff.
Although it is easier to help someone lose weight than it is to 1) cure cancer or 2) get a wheelchair-bound individual to walk (although you wouldn't know it from reading these forums).0 -
MAYBE He reached out to you because he felt like he connected to you. MAYBE he had once been over weight and felt like he could make a positive difference in your life.
I don't see why he was rude.
I think if his intent was to help you maybe he just felt compelled. MAYBE he has something to give to the world and he thought you could benefit.
The fact that he reached out makes me think he had good intent.
I think MAYBE you are being sensitive because its a sensitive subject for you.
But then again what to do I know. I wasn't there.
Either way I wouldn't take it personally.0 -
What is wrong with people on MFP who seem to think that being overweight gives strangers the okay to make assumptions and comments on another person's body?? It doesn't matter if the OP is "sensitive" or not. What this man did was inappropriate - PERIOD.
It doesn't matter if the stranger was once overweight or thinks he can make a difference in the obesity epidemic. He does NOT know the OP, he does NOT know whether or not she has any medical issues that have resulted in her being overweight, he does NOT know if this is currently her highest weight or if she's losing weight or if she goes to the gym. He just sees her BODY. And no one's body, no matter how large, small, abled, etc., gives a perfect stranger license to approach that person to make comments about his or her body.0 -
Wow - this thread took off!! I'm in Australia, so when i went to bed it was at 5 pages -
i woke up today and we're at 11!! Thank you all for taking the time to weigh in and offer your insights, opinions, encouragement and for giving various points of view to consider. All good reading. Wishing you all the very best on your continued journey.0 -
Lol I love the "tool" remark. Made my day 0
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I would have said "My, that's very kind of you! I wish I could help you with your problem. You seem to think it's ok to walk up to complete strangers and critique their physique." And when he stammered something like "I was only trying to help" I would say "Well, if I needed help I would ask for it. Have a great day!" Then I would have returned to my yummy turkey sub.0
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You have an awful lot of eye makeup on. I used to wear too much makeup and I don't anymore. I can help you fix your makeup problem.MAYBE He reached out to you because he felt like he connected to you. MAYBE he had once been over weight and felt like he could make a positive difference in your life.
I don't see why he was rude.
I think if his intent was to help you maybe he just felt compelled. MAYBE he has something to give to the world and he thought you could benefit.
The fact that he reached out makes me think he had good intent.
I think MAYBE you are being sensitive because its a sensitive subject for you.
But then again what to do I know. I wasn't there.
Either way I wouldn't take it personally.
Now imagine I said that to you in the middle of a crowded food court in front of all your coworkers. And you never saw me before in your life.0 -
I'm so sorry for your pain. Regardless of what anyone says here, it hurts like hell.0
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Yeah, "gutted" is how I'd feel too. I am so very sorry he was such a d*ck. It isn't you -- it's him.
Incidentally, I wonder how many overweight men he's approached like that. Probably not many, because they're probably big enough to land a serious punch.0 -
In my mind it's no different than a religion person trying to "save" you. Both are offensive.0
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Well, he actually offered to help that is MUCH better than just a rude comment. Take the help, he may end up being a good and HONEST friend.0
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Religon doesn't make you a good person...0
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I am so sorry this happened to you and that people at MFP use it to get their own angry agenda's across.
I would have been upset if somebody said this to me. I am significantly heavier than my co-workers ( my ticker is an intermediate goal) and feel embarrassed enough without a total stranger telling me he wants to help me.
Great job on your loss!!!0 -
I don't understand why this is rude. According to your sticker, you have 100kg to lose. That is a lot. He wasn't trying to hurt you. He sounds like he was genuinely trying to help you. Do you know his story? Maybe someone he loved died from obesity-related causes? Maybe he was once severely obese, changed his life, and now wants to help others.
Would you rather someone tell you that you look fine, to ignore the doctors, to eat up, etc? I don't understand. I would love to have someone reach out to me and offer to help me reach my goals.
It would have been better if he pulled you aside or had been a bit more tactful, but some people do lack social skills. It doesn't make them bad people.0 -
I don't think he meant to be rude. Honestly, to him he could have thought your dining partners were aware of your diet [you went to Subway and were drinking water]. I would have looked at what you were eating and thought the same thing. I think you were offended because it's in our culture-- Western culture-- to not point out things like that. I've read blogs written by expats in East Asia and it seems normal to point out someone's weight to them there. It's never coming from a bad place, just an observation they make to try to help you. I';ve read how some expats would have their weight gain/loss pointed out to them by students they teach and/or co-workers.
Now, if it was me. I would feel the exact way that you feel, but not to the same extent.
But that's only because I've dealt with worse public humilation. Once I was referred to with "that's a big ***** right there" in public by young strangers [I have a large build for a female], so I think I've built a thicker skin to such comments. When it happened, I felt so horrible I wanted to cry though, but I didn't.
I think you handled it rather well.
ETA: A lot of times when I post I feel like I come across the wrong way. I'm not trying to compare mole hills, but use this as motivation to get to where you want to be.
I'm going to start walking up to people in wheel chairs and tell them I can help them with their problems... also any bald person b/c I assume they have cancer- and need the lord jesus in their life.
also this snake oil for 9.99 a bottle- that only lasts one week.
NO. It is NOT OKAY to walk up to someone to discuss something personal.
Physical handicaps and terminal illnesses are very, very different from obesity. It's annoying and short-sighted to make such a comparison. But, hey, this is MFP.0 -
Talking about being approached by strangers wanting to help, has anyone ever been approached on mfp by someone with a friend request offering to help with your weight loss and then to find out later he was actually trying to make a buck by selling you videos he made about how he lost weight & tips for you to help you lose also. It was rude of the guy to approach you not knowing whether you needed help! It is also rude to request someone to be your friend & pretending to be helpful but actually trying to sell you something.0
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I don't understand why this is rude. According to your sticker, you have 100kg to lose. That is a lot. He wasn't trying to hurt you. He sounds like he was genuinely trying to help you. Do you know his story? Maybe someone he loved died from obesity-related causes? Maybe he was once severely obese, changed his life, and now wants to help others.
Would you rather someone tell you that you look fine, to ignore the doctors, to eat up, etc? I don't understand. I would love to have someone reach out to me and offer to help me reach my goals.
It would have been better if he pulled you aside or had been a bit more tactful, but some people do lack social skills. It doesn't make them bad people.
And a lot of them apparently are in this thread.0 -
It doesn't matter if she has 20 lbs or 200 lbs to lose. He doesn't know her and he doesn't know where she is in her life. Just because someone is obese doesn't mean they need the unsolicited "help" of a total stranger. Generally speaking, fat people know they are fat, and don't need a stranger to swoop in and play captain save-a-chub. His intent doesn't matter - it is NOT his place to come over and interject his assumptions where they are not invited. People have a right to their own bodies, and if they want to change, they will choose to make that step themselves.I don't understand why this is rude. According to your sticker, you have 100kg to lose. That is a lot. He wasn't trying to hurt you. He sounds like he was genuinely trying to help you. Do you know his story? Maybe someone he loved died from obesity-related causes? Maybe he was once severely obese, changed his life, and now wants to help others.
Would you rather someone tell you that you look fine, to ignore the doctors, to eat up, etc? I don't understand. I would love to have someone reach out to me and offer to help me reach my goals.
It would have been better if he pulled you aside or had been a bit more tactful, but some people do lack social skills. It doesn't make them bad people.0 -
It doesn't matter if she has 20 lbs or 200 lbs to lose. He doesn't know her and he doesn't know where she is in her life. Just because someone is obese doesn't mean they need the unsolicited "help" of a total stranger. Generally speaking, fat people know they are fat, and don't need a stranger to swoop in and play captain save-a-chub. His intent doesn't matter - it is NOT his place to come over and interject his assumptions where they are not invited. People have a right to their own bodies, and if they want to change, they will choose to make that step themselves.I don't understand why this is rude. According to your sticker, you have 100kg to lose. That is a lot. He wasn't trying to hurt you. He sounds like he was genuinely trying to help you. Do you know his story? Maybe someone he loved died from obesity-related causes? Maybe he was once severely obese, changed his life, and now wants to help others.
Would you rather someone tell you that you look fine, to ignore the doctors, to eat up, etc? I don't understand. I would love to have someone reach out to me and offer to help me reach my goals.
It would have been better if he pulled you aside or had been a bit more tactful, but some people do lack social skills. It doesn't make them bad people.
YEP.
I have fat friends.
Do they know they're fat? Yep.
Do they care that they're fat? Nope.
Do they know they can lose weight if they want? Yep.
Do they still go for walks and exercise when they want to? Yep.
Do they do so because some stranger told them to in a food court? NOPE.
Not everyone who's fat wants to get skinny. And I absolutely agree with everything you said above.0 -
I agree with "rude" and "presumptuous"0
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Yes I think that was very rude! The nerve of him and in front of everyone, just keep moving forward don't give up your doing great!0
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Some people think they are "just trying to help". They are TRYING, but they are not HELPING.0
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Hmm, so, he offered to work out with the OP? He's either a personal trainer or ham-handedly hitting on her. I don't find either particularly offensive, unless he's butt-ugly. Was he butt-ugly? :laugh:
That being said, there are way bigger a$$h*les out there that sometimes say (or do) purposefully hurtful things (some of these are people's parents or relatives on MFP!!!), so it's good to practice defensive tactics like sassy comebacks and/or vicious takedowns when needed. It doesn't matter what shape or size or color you are. If you are insecure in yourself, some bad (or perhaps just socially inept) person (female/male) can throw you for a loop by pointing out that one insecurity that you have and magnifying it...
Don't get mad. Get even. I mean, in a good way. :bigsmile: 0
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