Rudeness of a total stranger!
Replies
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If that were true, wouldn't THE LORD have sent someone she'd respond to instead of someone who made her feel so lousy she rejected him?It can be humiliating when you are trying... You did mention your church group and community outreach. Perhaps since you are in a church you are a believer and if that is the case, could it be that the Lord sent someone to you to partner with you in your efforts?
Perhaps the ways of THE LORD are not only mysterious, but are also outside the boundaries of acceptable behavior.
Nah.0 -
I'm also astounded that anyone thinks that is appropriate behavior.
What can I say there's a lot of self important elitist jerks out there who think they are gods gift and that everyone who is different must have a "problem". I gave up a while back. Kind of lol to come back like a day later and check the topic to see 350 odd replies lawl.0 -
Jesus that's horrific
*hugs* I'm sorry 0 -
That makes me so sad, that people have no filter, Always try to look at the positive.. maybe in his heart he really was trying to help, but in reality did so much damage. I am sorry for that. However cuddo's to your co-worker for standing up for you! Only move forward from that moment, don't stay in it, or that stranger will have done so much more damage than he already has.0
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At my heaviest I was at least 465 pounds. I would complain about my weight to my friends and the typical response was, "you're not really fat. You're just big." After a while of hearing that, you start to wonder if maybe you are just too critical of yourself and that it's not as big a problem as you think. The reality is that my "polite" friends were not doing me any favors and were doing me a disservice. One day, a friend did offer unsolicited criticism along with help. It infuriated me. It was offensive. It was humiliating. It was hurtful. It was transformative! At the time, I hadn't been on a date in over 13 years. Since then, I've had several girlfriends and met my fiancée. I've also sat comfortably on an airplane, walked up multiple flights of stairs without gasping for air, hiked the Grand Canyon twice, ran a few half marathons, been able to fit in the driver's seat of a compact car, lowered my cholesterol, blood pressure, pulse rate.
In the years when the pounds went on, the only persons who said anything were doctors and the advise was always pretty lousy: "just cut your Calories by about 250 a day and you'll be fine." or "Let me refer you to a weight loss surgeon." Not once did they ever look at my chart to realize that over the last 6 months, I gained 50 pounds and that a 250 Calorie reduction may not even get me to my equilibrium Calories. Not once was I referred to a nutritionist or dietician.
At the end of the day, is it more polite to sit by quietly as someone's behavior takes years off his/her life or is it more polite to offer assistance?0 -
Not seeing anything about there being a free gym membership here so dunno why people keep saying that. He offered to work out with her/be a gym partner. I'm assuming she'd still have to pay for the gym membership. Approaching a stranger in general to tell them they have a problem is just wrong. Period. Doesn't matter if she's around friends or not. Doesn't matter if people think she's being sensitive. It's wrong. She's not sitting on the curb with a cardboard sign that says "TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT. IN NEED OF GYM PARTNER".
My room mate, who is a personal trainer and devotes his life to helping people with their fitness journeys, would never humiliate someone like that. And that's exactly what it is. Humiliation. The people on here who don't realize that just don't have common sense or don't care so feel they can say whatever they say. They're wrong. End of story.0 -
how rude honestly. Its not up to a total stranger to decide whether you need help.
For all he knows you could be morbidly obese and loving life.
(not saying that your morbidly obese I haven't even looked at your profile pic)
but ya even coming from a friend I would find that offensive.0 -
I don't think he meant to be rude. Honestly, to him he could have thought your dining partners were aware of your diet [you went to Subway and were drinking water]. I would have looked at what you were eating and thought the same thing. I think you were offended because it's in our culture-- Western culture-- to not point out things like that. I've read blogs written by expats in East Asia and it seems normal to point out someone's weight to them there. It's never coming from a bad place, just an observation they make to try to help you. I';ve read how some expats would have their weight gain/loss pointed out to them by students they teach and/or co-workers.
Now, if it was me. I would feel the exact way that you feel, but not to the same extent.
But that's only because I've dealt with worse public humilation. Once I was referred to with "that's a big ***** right there" in public by young strangers [I have a large build for a female], so I think I've built a thicker skin to such comments. When it happened, I felt so horrible I wanted to cry though, but I didn't.
I think you handled it rather well.
ETA: A lot of times when I post I feel like I come across the wrong way. I'm not trying to compare mole hills, but use this as motivation to get to where you want to be.
I'm going to start walking up to people in wheel chairs and tell them I can help them with their problems... also any bald person b/c I assume they have cancer- and need the lord jesus in their life.
also this snake oil for 9.99 a bottle- that only lasts one week.
NO. It is NOT OKAY to walk up to someone to discuss something personal.
Just wanted to let you know that I love your snarkiness. Every day. All Day.
Yeah, funny stuff.
Although it is easier to help someone lose weight than it is to 1) cure cancer or 2) get a wheelchair-bound individual to walk (although you wouldn't know it from reading these forums).
Point- clearly missed.
My point was that it is about as equally appropriate to walk up to someone with those problems as it is to walk up to someone with a weight issue and ASSUME I a.) know what their problem is b.) that the person is potentially unaware of their problem and c. the person isn't getting help and D. that I - the random intrusive stranger knows enough to make an educated decision on how to help "fix" this completely stranger.
and by "equally appropriate" I mean 110% WHOLLY UNACCEPTABLE AND INAPPROPRIATE.Physical handicaps and terminal illnesses are very, very different from obesity. It's annoying and short-sighted to make such a comparison. But, hey, this is MFP.
you know what's annoying and short sighted? assuming you can walk up to a complete stranger and embarrass them about their weight and think you have enough answers to "fix" them.
Again- I'd like to repeat myself- all of you who think this is totally okay- go ahead and extrapolate this out to other things
Sex- sex is great.
But you aren't having any- so let me give it to you- because clearly you need some and I know that you do.
that's a conversation to have with someone you are close to- you don't just walk up to fat people and say- hey you're fat let me help.At the end of the day, is it more polite to sit by quietly as someone's behavior takes years off his/her life or is it more polite to offer assistance?
You think they don't know? seriously- how vain do you think you are that you know better- and can assume to help someone.
I am flabbergasted by those of you who think this is okay- I'm a very forward and honest person- but seriously- I would NEVER approach a complete stranger and say- hey you have a problem.
Just so not appropriate.0 -
At my heaviest I was at least 465 pounds. I would complain about my weight to my friends and the typical response was, "you're not really fat. You're just big." After a while of hearing that, you start to wonder if maybe you are just too critical of yourself and that it's not as big a problem as you think. The reality is that my "polite" friends were not doing me any favors and were doing me a disservice. One day, a friend did offer unsolicited criticism along with help. It infuriated me. It was offensive. It was humiliating. It was hurtful. It was transformative! At the time, I hadn't been on a date in over 13 years. Since then, I've had several girlfriends and met my fiancée. I've also sat comfortably on an airplane, walked up multiple flights of stairs without gasping for air, hiked the Grand Canyon twice, ran a few half marathons, been able to fit in the driver's seat of a compact car, lowered my cholesterol, blood pressure, pulse rate.
In the years when the pounds went on, the only persons who said anything were doctors and the advise was always pretty lousy: "just cut your Calories by about 250 a day and you'll be fine." or "Let me refer you to a weight loss surgeon." Not once did they ever look at my chart to realize that over the last 6 months, I gained 50 pounds and that a 250 Calorie reduction may not even get me to my equilibrium Calories. Not once was I referred to a nutritionist or dietician.
At the end of the day, is it more polite to sit by quietly as someone's behavior takes years off his/her life or is it more polite to offer assistance?
I think that your situation is entirely different than having a stranger confront you in a public setting. You were approached by a friend.
Did you ask to be referred to a nutritionist or dietician? If you did and your doctor refused then you should have taken your business somewhere else.0 -
If that were true, wouldn't THE LORD have sent someone she'd respond to instead of someone who made her feel so lousy she rejected him?It can be humiliating when you are trying... You did mention your church group and community outreach. Perhaps since you are in a church you are a believer and if that is the case, could it be that the Lord sent someone to you to partner with you in your efforts?
Perhaps the ways of THE LORD are not only mysterious, but are also outside the boundaries of acceptable behavior.
Nah.
Well, if this was The Lord, it proves he's fallible. It didn't work. It wasn't what the OP needed and it did her no good.0 -
If that were true, wouldn't THE LORD have sent someone she'd respond to instead of someone who made her feel so lousy she rejected him?It can be humiliating when you are trying... You did mention your church group and community outreach. Perhaps since you are in a church you are a believer and if that is the case, could it be that the Lord sent someone to you to partner with you in your efforts?
Perhaps the ways of THE LORD are not only mysterious, but are also outside the boundaries of acceptable behavior.
Nah.
Well, if this was The Lord, it proves he's fallible. It didn't work. It wasn't what the OP needed and it did her no good.
How can you even FATHOM what this has done for the OP? She brought the topic up to us and came back and said that she read it all. She said NOTHING about how her mind could have changed now that some time has past.
And even if it didn't do her any "good" the road to get where you going isn't always good but good things can happen at the end because of the "bad".
MAYBE because of this she can have a little more patience with people. Or maybe it will make her skin a little thicker and realize that the only opinion that matters is HERS.
I don't think anyone should speak on behalf of the OP besides her.0 -
Wow - this thread took off!! I'm in Australia, so when i went to bed it was at 5 pages -
i woke up today and we're at 11!! Thank you all for taking the time to weigh in and offer your insights, opinions, encouragement and for giving various points of view to consider. All good reading. Wishing you all the very best on your continued journey.
Just in case you didn't read what she had wrote on page 110 -
It never ceases to amaze me when it comes to the ignorance of others. I once quit a gym because a guy there felt the need to come up to me while I was laying on the bench about to do a press and stand right over my head in shorts and tell me he could fix my form, because I benched like his ex wife. I left that day any never came back. I know how you feel, because believe it or not it happens to people all across the spectrum. My coworker had a moment last week, she has put on weight over the summer and someone asked her if she was pregnant. I felt so bad. I am a runner and have always been pretty thin, but it has not stopped people from saying rude things to me as well. I once had a guy I was seeing tell me because I ran I was a drug user. I am not trying to take away what happened to you, but it does happen more than it should when people should really just keep there mouth shut. Congratulations on your progress and good luck in the future and screw everyone else.0
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how rude honestly. Its not up to a total stranger to decide whether you need help.
Christians decide I need help all the time. They think I need to know about Jesus and they just walk up to me unsolicited and offer to help. It's rude.0 -
Wow. Yea. This was rude. Mind your own f****** business. I don't even talk to my friends about their weight. Unless you specifically reach out to me or the topic comes up, sorry; it's never appropriate to comment on someone's weight. They know themselves better than you do, and when they're ready, if they want your stupid help, they'll ask. You don't do this with friends (unless you think they're in danger) and you certainly don't do this with people you don't even know. Good grief, people are stupid. I suspect many of you who are claiming it wasn't rude would be right here in this same topic complaining about it, had it happened to you. Or if someone told you they could fix your face. Or your hair. Or your skin. Or whatever else they think is wrong with you. *eye roll*0
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So he has "some gym experience." Doesn't mean his form is correct. Doesn't mean he has any real clue how to help her. He knows what works for him.
But you don't know anything about the guy. What makes you so sure his help would be at all useful?Coming outta left field on this one ... I might have taken his "help".
But I'm pretty much a newbie and if someone wanted to help me and knew a thing or two around a gym I'd jump on it. Especially for the price of free.. js.
If he was rude or not .. that's all perspective.
Even certified trainers often give terrible advice and this is some random dude off the street.
You act like she said she was going to marry the guy.
Perhaps she would handle it the same way one handles those "certified" trainers. If it works out, great. If not, move on.
Although she called herself a "newbie." Pretty much anyone with some gym experience would be able to help out.
Or, maybe she just makes a friend (this is where everyone can chime in that the dude is obviously not worth being anyone's friend).
I'm not acting like she's going to marry him. I'm being realistic about taking such "help" from a complete stranger. You can injure yourself exercising wrong. Or he could advise her to eat in a way that is counter to her goals. She knows nothing about him and as a newbie she doesn't yet have the tools to know when she's being given wrong advice.
This guy was offering free help, and you guys are busy with your convoluted logic, trying to twist what may have been an actual opportunity for the OP.
That's ok, she'll never see the insides of a gym. Mission accomplished.
I'll leave you the last word.
Just because something is free (and Im not sure what he was offering) - that doesnt make it ok to approach a stranger in a food court and offer it to them.
Just like it wouldnt be ok to offer a stranger a free haircut because you think their hair is crap or free tweezers because you think they have facial hair or a free fashion magazine because you think their dress sense is crap.
None of these things are a strangers business and they should just say and do nothing and mind their own business.
and not seeing how whether OP ever goes to the gym is relevant here - she is acheiving her goals her own way.and anyway that is none of the stranger's business either.0 -
oh....my.....word. How utterly rude. I can not even imagine. I know that if that had happened to me when I was still large I would have cried after. I am so sorry that happened to you. Please don't let that person discourage you. I am sure he had good intentions...but I think people who have never experienced what it is like to be overweight just have no clue how a comment like that can affect a person. Keep your chin up!! 0
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That is rude..I also hate it when someone says..OhYou HaveSuch a Pretty face!...What's that suppose to mean...lol0
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Just because something is free (and Im not sure what he was offering) - that doesnt make it ok to approach a stranger in a food court and offer it to them.
Just like it wouldnt be ok to offer a stranger a free haircut because you think their hair is crap or free tweezers because you think they have facial hair or a free fashion magazine because you think their dress sense is crap.
None of these things are a strangers business and they should just say and do nothing and mind their own business.
and not seeing how whether OP ever goes to the gym is relevant here - she is acheiving her goals her own way.and anyway that is none of the stranger's business either.
good lord this.
lots of this.0 -
And your interpretation of what that means is ...?Wow - this thread took off!! I'm in Australia, so when i went to bed it was at 5 pages -
i woke up today and we're at 11!! Thank you all for taking the time to weigh in and offer your insights, opinions, encouragement and for giving various points of view to consider. All good reading. Wishing you all the very best on your continued journey.
Just in case you didn't read what she had wrote on page 110 -
And your interpretation of what that means is ...?Wow - this thread took off!! I'm in Australia, so when i went to bed it was at 5 pages -
i woke up today and we're at 11!! Thank you all for taking the time to weigh in and offer your insights, opinions, encouragement and for giving various points of view to consider. All good reading. Wishing you all the very best on your continued journey.
Just in case you didn't read what she had wrote on page 11
That you have no idea how this effected her. Maybe you should also read the post above that one.0 -
I know people like that, they wind me up and they're not even strangers!
If you happen to see him again, just approach him and say:
"Hey, I'm a plastic surgeon and I want to help you, your face looks like a baboon's bottom!!!0 -
And your interpretation of what that means is ...?Wow - this thread took off!! I'm in Australia, so when i went to bed it was at 5 pages -
i woke up today and we're at 11!! Thank you all for taking the time to weigh in and offer your insights, opinions, encouragement and for giving various points of view to consider. All good reading. Wishing you all the very best on your continued journey.
Just in case you didn't read what she had wrote on page 11
That you have no idea how this effected her. Maybe you should also read the post above that one.
You mean this one:What is wrong with people on MFP who seem to think that being overweight gives strangers the okay to make assumptions and comments on another person's body?? It doesn't matter if the OP is "sensitive" or not. What this man did was inappropriate - PERIOD.
It doesn't matter if the stranger was once overweight or thinks he can make a difference in the obesity epidemic. He does NOT know the OP, he does NOT know whether or not she has any medical issues that have resulted in her being overweight, he does NOT know if this is currently her highest weight or if she's losing weight or if she goes to the gym. He just sees her BODY. And no one's body, no matter how large, small, abled, etc., gives a perfect stranger license to approach that person to make comments about his or her body.
Also, are you going to take me up on my offer to give you the free service of fixing your eye makeup? Really, it's way too much. I can help you with your problem!0 -
Utterly out of line; don't waste any more energy stressing over it. If this is "normal" behavior for this putz, eventually he's gonna offer his callous, unwanted advice to the wrong person. And then he's likely gonna get a lifetime supply of whoop-a**!
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And your interpretation of what that means is ...?Wow - this thread took off!! I'm in Australia, so when i went to bed it was at 5 pages -
i woke up today and we're at 11!! Thank you all for taking the time to weigh in and offer your insights, opinions, encouragement and for giving various points of view to consider. All good reading. Wishing you all the very best on your continued journey.
Just in case you didn't read what she had wrote on page 11
That you have no idea how this effected her. Maybe you should also read the post above that one.
You mean this one:What is wrong with people on MFP who seem to think that being overweight gives strangers the okay to make assumptions and comments on another person's body?? It doesn't matter if the OP is "sensitive" or not. What this man did was inappropriate - PERIOD.
It doesn't matter if the stranger was once overweight or thinks he can make a difference in the obesity epidemic. He does NOT know the OP, he does NOT know whether or not she has any medical issues that have resulted in her being overweight, he does NOT know if this is currently her highest weight or if she's losing weight or if she goes to the gym. He just sees her BODY. And no one's body, no matter how large, small, abled, etc., gives a perfect stranger license to approach that person to make comments about his or her body.
Also, are you going to take me up on my offer to give you the free service of fixing your eye makeup? Really, it's way too much. I can help you with your problem!
Pretty sure the OP didn't say that
And SUUUUUUUURE if you have some helpful hints on how to better my eye make up I'd sure love it
Unlike some people on here I actually like people. If someone reached out to me I wouldn't have taken it negatively.
OH WAIT!
I have had people give me unwanted advice before and with the UNWANTED advice I merely disregarded it because at the end of the day the only opinion that matters is my own.
I think the way you all are turning this man into a monster is sad. We as people should want to help people. Sounds like he was being kind and thoughtful.
But clearly since I don't know how to do my eye make up what do I know....
I don't see why make up keeps getting brought up. If I looked like Meme from the Drew Carry show I sure as **** would hope someone would pull me aside and tell me.0 -
If that were true, wouldn't THE LORD have sent someone she'd respond to instead of someone who made her feel so lousy she rejected him?It can be humiliating when you are trying... You did mention your church group and community outreach. Perhaps since you are in a church you are a believer and if that is the case, could it be that the Lord sent someone to you to partner with you in your efforts?
Perhaps the ways of THE LORD are not only mysterious, but are also outside the boundaries of acceptable behavior.
Nah.
Well, if this was The Lord, it proves he's fallible. It didn't work. It wasn't what the OP needed and it did her no good.
How can you even FATHOM what this has done for the OP? She brought the topic up to us and came back and said that she read it all. She said NOTHING about how her mind could have changed now that some time has past.
And even if it didn't do her any "good" the road to get where you going isn't always good but good things can happen at the end because of the "bad".
MAYBE because of this she can have a little more patience with people. Or maybe it will make her skin a little thicker and realize that the only opinion that matters is HERS.
I don't think anyone should speak on behalf of the OP besides her.
And since you obviously missed it the first time here you go 0 -
He may have meant well but he certainly could have approached it in a different way! Maybe waited until you got up and came to you personally instead of announcing it to the entire table, though I would never have the balls to approach a complete stranger in public about their weight. Slipped you a piece of paper with his phone number and what he wanted to say, politely on it. I know I would be embarrassed if someone approached me about my weight and made a comment like that!0
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I'm afraid I would have said, "Oh, and I can help you in return with your problem!!" Him: "What problem?" Me: "Being a complete dumb *kitten*!!!"0
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You told me to "read the post above that." I quoted the post above it.
And your interpretation of what that means is ...?Wow - this thread took off!! I'm in Australia, so when i went to bed it was at 5 pages -
i woke up today and we're at 11!! Thank you all for taking the time to weigh in and offer your insights, opinions, encouragement and for giving various points of view to consider. All good reading. Wishing you all the very best on your continued journey.
Just in case you didn't read what she had wrote on page 11
That you have no idea how this effected her. Maybe you should also read the post above that one.
You mean this one:What is wrong with people on MFP who seem to think that being overweight gives strangers the okay to make assumptions and comments on another person's body?? It doesn't matter if the OP is "sensitive" or not. What this man did was inappropriate - PERIOD.
It doesn't matter if the stranger was once overweight or thinks he can make a difference in the obesity epidemic. He does NOT know the OP, he does NOT know whether or not she has any medical issues that have resulted in her being overweight, he does NOT know if this is currently her highest weight or if she's losing weight or if she goes to the gym. He just sees her BODY. And no one's body, no matter how large, small, abled, etc., gives a perfect stranger license to approach that person to make comments about his or her body.
Also, are you going to take me up on my offer to give you the free service of fixing your eye makeup? Really, it's way too much. I can help you with your problem!
Pretty sure the OP didn't say that
And SUUUUUUUURE if you have some helpful hints on how to better my eye make up I'd sure love it
Unlike some people on here I actually like people. If someone reached out to me I wouldn't have taken it negatively.
OH WAIT!
I have had people give me unwanted advice before and with the UNWANTED advice I merely disregarded it because at the end of the day the only opinion that matters is my own.
I think the way you all are turning this man into a monster is sad. We as people should want to help people. Sounds like he was being kind and thoughtful.
But clearly since I don't know how to do my eye make up what do I know....
I don't see why make up keeps getting brought up. If I looked like Meme from the Drew Carry show I sure as **** would hope someone would pull me aside and tell me.
No one is trying to speak for the OP except you. We all read what she wrote. She did speak for herself. She was humiliated and angry and hurt. "Gutted" was the word she used.0 -
seriouslyI have had people give me unwanted advice before and with the UNWANTED advice I merely disregarded it because at the end of the day the only opinion that matters is my own.
I think the way you all are turning this man into a monster is sad. We as people should want to help people. Sounds like he was being kind and thoughtful.
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it's not JUST the unwanted advice- it's a complete unwanted invasion of her space0
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