Starvation Mode is Real, and ugly

Hello My Fitness Pals--

Many of you don't know me-- been around here since 7/08. My story is a sad one, that breaks my heart-- and I'll no doubt sob as I type it. Having lived life as a chubster, I decided in June '08 to finally conquer my demons once and for all. I found My Fitness Pal on 7/22 and I never looked back.

I vowed to take off 50 pounds by my 45th birthday in June of '09. And while I'd come up a wee short, by the end of August '09 I had taken off 47 pounds. Pictures are on my profile-- for the first time in my life I was fit, and wonderfully active and healthy.

My exercise consisted of TaeBo, Turbo Jam, and I began to run, entering 5k races, and I decided in the winter of '09 to train for a half marathon, to be held in '9/10.

Through it all, I faithfully counted calories, and because I was still not yet at goal, faithfully stayed at 1400 calories. I am anal about counting all calories, and would go so far as to measure and log my coffee cream. At last count, I have, I believe, the longest "faithful logging" period on here-- at 423 days, and counting. 423 solid days of logging my food, exercising faithfully, and making myself accountable to a small, lovely, strong and inspirational core group of friends here.

What's the problem, you ask???

Well, to try and make my long story short, in the fall of '09, weight began to accumulate around the midsection. I was on medicine for psoriatic arthritis, and thought it may be due to that, so took myself off the medicine. I'd rather have pain and swelling from the arthritis than put on my hard fought weight!

But, the problem persisted. By March of '10 I was up 10 pounds. By the end of June, 20. I went to doctor after doctor, seeking help-- thyroid? Ovarian cancer? Cushing's Disease? I cried in office after office, showing them my pictures of summer of '09, and of my diet and exercise logs, trying to prove to them that I wasn't just some old hormonal lying nut, sneaking food and looking for an excuse.

Doctor after doctor blew me off. I was finally diagnosed with mild hypothyroid, and hashimoto's disease-- which accounts for some of the problem. However, my TSH numbers are now good, and the weight still won't budge.

I'm now 35 pounds up from my lowest. My food diary is pristine. My exercise log shows my faithfulness. So what the hell??

Endocrinologist, in layman's terms, told me basically I had put my body into starvation mode. My body needed more fuel than I was giving it. 1400 calories for that long was death to my body, whose genes wanted to be fat. I come from big stock-- everyone in my family is obese. That's what my body wanted to do.

And with the lack of calories, and hard core exercises-- weight training, half marathon training, Insanity, P90x-- I shut down my metabolism.

he's not sure I'll ever get it back. But, what I've begun is to put myself on a 2100 calorie base, and let my body know that there IS enough fuel. It's not starving. And I hope to turn the tide.

Please, please, please DO NOT starve yourself. While I was within the guidelines, I was not giving myself enough to live on, and my body rebelled. It devastates me-- I worked so hard to get it off, and now I'm up 4 sizes. I have no idea if or when I'll ever see my old clothes again, and it is gut-wrenching...pardon the pun.

So when you hear of starvation mode here and there, scoff at it at your own peril.

it's real.

I'm living it.