Senior Golden Sneakers -March 2011

A shout out to the wise women of the world - I need some advice.

My beautiful, 25-year old granddaughter has just been told by her fiancee of 6 years (four years while he was in the Army, and two years while he was going to school) that while he loves her, he doesn't love her enough to continue to be with her or marry her.

She is heartbroken. She put her life on hold for six years (almost seven, if you count the last 8 months since he finished school) to support him emotionally and never thought of it as sacrifice because she loves him so much. And his family adores her and is going through emotional hell trying to deal with their son's decision.

She said today that she knows he loves her - just doesn't know where he is in his own life. She's hoping a few months down the line he'll change his mind and decide he cannot face a future without her.

How do I help her? What do I say to her to make her feel better? I'm stumped. I'm angry at the boy (a man, really) for hurting my granddaughter whom I love with all my heart. Where do I go with that anger if they do get back together? I've been tossing and turning at night for three days now. I'm sleep deprived as it is without loosing another hour this morning. Any advice for me???

Connie,:flowerforyou:
I raised two sons and had sisters, cousins and friends, whom I care about. This is what I would tell them. You have spent all this time catering and waiting on him, thinking he loved you as much as you loved him. Don't sit around anymore. Sometimes, when you are too convenient, you are taken for granted. If he loves you let him worry about what you are doing.
The sad truth is, Connie, 99 per cent of the time, when a friend, lover or spouse says what he said to her, they have found "greener pastures." I don't know that to be the case, since I am a stranger.
Anger. Well, if your Granddaughter and this man work things out, he may have to earn back your trust but your love for her supercedes your own personal feelings. If she is happy, then you can be happy for her...just reserving your trust until it is re-earned...this would be my "take" on it.

I am sorry you are going through this. Things that happen to our Children and Grandchildren feel like it's our problem, too.:brokenheart:

Connie,

"What she said"

Barb

Buzz,

You are a bad influence, along with Rachael Ray. I have decided to start the day with a waffle and some turkey bacon. Thank you for the idea.

Barb

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: Connie, my words of wisdom to anyone going through a hard time is "stay in the moment"........don't relive past hurts and don't try to figure out what you're going to do in the future......just stay focused on what you're doing at this moment.:bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:

As usual, I am way behind.... will start reading and addressing as I go so things may get answered later on... this is only way I can try to keep up. This daylight savings change has messed me up totally... as if my flipping schedules to work overnights then back to days isn't bad enough!

JUDIX; Glad you found your bra and are enjoying it now. And we are complaining with oil prices at $3.62/gal.

CONNIE: I would say you are well rounded after having all that experience. Awesome pic of Forsythia bush. We still have a bit of snow coverage here, is melting with all the rain this past week
That is awesome for Tom!.
I remember The Belmonts and listened to them on radio and Am. bandstand.

Your grand daughter is hurting and you can not take that away, but you can be there, hug her, listening and let her vent, then encourage her to go on with her life and live it for herself. I will always remember my "Grammie" and special Aunt who would hug me and let me vent.

MADDIE: You have to have an advocate when traversing the health care system these days,.... it is a sad commentary on our world, :-(
The 'binging 'at night can be, in part, the 'munchies ' that steroids are notorious for.

FANCY ( forgot your real name... sorry) Hope you are enjoying those grandkids.

BARB: Cute take off on Shrove Tuesday LOL ... Shrive is to present oneself for penance or absolution or to priest for confession...Shrove is past tense... there fore = presented oneself for penance.

BARBIE: My Gram used to ride her exercise bike 10 every day in 2-5 mile blocks til she was 92 or 93 because the doctor told her to after knee replacement.

MARIE: continued prayers for you/Alice/Jerry and family.
LYNN: I come from a 'medically challenged' family with a lot of issues as well. I always could get 'lost' in my dancing and the stresses of life would go away for awhile.. We all need to find what works for us. I love your humor; you help many of us with it as well as yourself. Thank you.
I think I missed something... just saw a post about Jerry needing radiation...??? If not too intrusive , may I ask what was the final Diagnosis? Glad to hear no further treatment needed for your daughter.

SANDY: I am sorry I missed your birthday...hope you enjoyed it,,and wishing you a happy healthy year.Wow that movie theater sounds awesome, serving dinner! Big recliners! Nice!
I bet your grand daughter will remember days like this with her 'Grammie/Nanna" . .... I have never had a pedicure.
Lovely pic of you and all the girls at "Blue Man"

JACKIE: I too am computer illiterate... may be we can both learn how to post those cute little pics. Ca''t wait til summer to be able to swim again ( my sister has a pool with open invitation ).
I live in Maine(north eastern most corner of US) and the rhubarb grows wonderful ( and we are cold up here)....you do not have to do anything to it, it self propagates year after year do not pull rhubarb, cut it so will come back.....Love strawberry rhubarb pie.
The date rhubarb chutney sounds delicious.

DEE: I love Leslie. I try to do her every other day mixed with exercise bike and Richard Simmons.
Are you diabetic? spider floaters can be of concern do not put it off! seriously this can be retinopathy, detached retina.... PLEASE get checked ... also be careful with exercises (may want to put on hold til after get eye checked).
Today kids say something is the 'Bomb" if it is great LOL

BUZZ: you are doing better than I... it took me over 4 hrs the other day trying to catch up and I did not, so another2 already today and still only up to 3/10 ( it is 3/12)!

GAYLA: You will have to post pics of new kitchen when done.

IRENE: I too am finding time management is difficult, and this group is so prolific so trying to keep up is difficult.

JUDZ: Glad the tsunami did not get to you and you are safe. Prayers continued for all in harms way and those enduring through.



YEAH!!!! Blow the horns!!!! (toot toot) raise the banners! I have caught all up !
Going to go cook some suppah! I will make enough to take some to my neighbor who is now in a Nursing home... he loves 'home cooked' foods.
All have a good night and will pop in for short while tomorrow. :-) MAE

Hello Everyone,

I am feeling much better and although tired, We took the grandkids back home this morning after having them since Thursday. What fun we had!! You are all very motivating. After sitting here catching up reading all your stories and a couple fabulous jokes, I am heading downstairs to walk on the treadmill. Perhaps I'll even try my elliptical trainer for a bit.

Best wishes to all,

Jeri

Connie My grandaughter is going thru A bad time too. er Ex Live in boyfriend has beaten her up 3 times. this last time they said it was a felony. But they let him out of Jail yesterday . She is under Police protetions But what is the good they will do after it has already happen. She says she has a gun But that can be danerous too. But there is nothing we can do about it. Her niegbors or on alert and will call police if they see or hear anything. I just wish this phase of her life is over with.
I know what you are going thru. You want to help but not too much you can do. I have been keeping an eye on facebook for she tells all on it. oor most of it. We try to stay out of it as much as possible.She has put up with him about 7 years now. So she knowss how he is.But no man should beat up a woman.

We are going to have another wedding in the family

My son daughter is getting married in August Her sister got married last Oct. So my son Bruce kids are all grown and will be married.

Try not to worried to much about your grandaughter too much. time will heal all wounds.

Alice is home and doing fine. My other daughter is off on vacations next week and will take us to the doctor tomorrow. to find out about his treatment. My husband have a tentasive of hearing some things and make up the rest.

I do belive it is raining Outsde.. we sure do need it.

CONNIE---my heart bleeds for you! 25 is a tough age to be told one is loved but perhaps not quite enough! It's also a resilient age...ah youth... and she will adjust better than her dear Nana. I understand the anger you feel; but if you think about it, were he to marry while not madly in love, how long do you think the honeymoon would last? I don't know if he was overseas, but the army changes people in ways difficult to understand. I think your darling young lady needs lots of hugs, a loving "ear" to hear her
sorrow, and a reminder life is full of splendors and disappointments, and we seldom get to choose! And as for your feelings of helplessness, just let her know you are ALWAYS there for her, and your love is unconditional! And a gal of your intelligence really knows you can't absorb her blows so go punch pillows, scream in the shower, and this, too shall pass; and she will learn from it whatever there is for her to glean from it! Sigh! I want you to know I, and everyone here, wish we could give YOU that great big hug , cause we know how hurt you are, and we, too feel helpless. I suspect this is not the first pain you have felt in life, but this one concerns another loved one, and you want to absorb the pain! :noway: Don't you just wish we could? :ohwell:
So for hurting Nana... :flowerforyou: and vent to us (don't forget to punch pillows, too). Love you Connie...

LYNN, BARB, PHOEBE, BARBIE, MADDIE, MAE, and MARIE, all excellent perspectives, wonderful advice, and most of all....the caring and love for Connie shines through. That's actually the only thing we can give those we love; BE THERE!

MARILYN...the problem with the MFP calculator is it probably cannot be exact since we search for the closest approximation of whatever we ate. Mine might have more carrots while yours contains more corn, etc. It's more work, but your idea of using your nutritional values may be the closest to what you actually ate. More power to you!

MARIE...what lovely news about the upcoming wedding! You needed this at this time, too! :flowerforyou:

My husband have a tentasive of hearing some things and make up the rest.

...is that so unusual, dear? I
thought ALL men have selective hearing!!!:laugh:

JERI...I'm impressed with your ticker! Only 8 more to go :flowerforyou:

MAE, hope the neighbor appreciated his suppah, and I can just hear your DownEast inflection, my deah! I'd love to be around when your little blueberries are ripe, and those Maine pies are running juicy! YUM! The big ones we buy now are from Chile, and while better than no berries, they are just not the same!

Well, I'll post my food diary, which is kind of off today, but once that's done, I will fall into bed! I hate housework, and I simply could not put it off any longer since I think my white floors were turning mud color! And that's how I spent most of this morning so sleep sounds great! :yawn: :yawn: :yawn:
Buzz

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: Hello, Sneakers, it is a rainy, windy, gray day in NW Washington.:bigsmile: I took the dogs to the dog park and they had a great time in spite of the rain....it's cleanse day so we've taken it easy.

:flowerforyou: Connie, we do a great line dance to "Runaround Sue"

:flowerforyou: Maddie, you are so right about not worrying or complaining or getting upset about anything.......I am so grateful for the blessings in my life.....I write in a gratitude journal every morning to keep my thinking straight

:flowerforyou: Sandy, I'm so glad to hear about you "stepping" to the TV at night....exercise is possible in so many simple ways.:bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: your pedometer won't help you with calories on something like the 30 Day Shred......there might be some information somewhere on the internet about how many calories you burn or you could do what I do with odd exercises

---

try to compare the intensity of the workout with something like walking that I do and then use the calories burned by walking or jogging or whatever for the same amount of minutes......your family picture is beautiful:bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: I'm glad you all had such a good time:bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: congratulations on losing the next pesky pound :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:

:flowerforyou: Gayla, I'm sure you know how blessed you are to be able to remodel your kitchen and buy the new appliances of your choice...for years I lived in a house that made it impossible to plumb a refrigerator with water and ice dispenser.........it's been 12 years since we moved from that house and bought a new refrigerator and I am still grateful every day for my water and ice dispenser.:drinker: :drinker:

:flowerforyou: Barb, if we're all there with you and Mai Li, Bradley, and Pepper, then I guess Brandy, Sasha, Bernie, and Haifa are there too:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: (and Sammy and Bandit and Daisy and all the other Sneakers' animals:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: )

:flowerforyou: oldtyke, cheese on toast sounds awesome........but I couldn't stop with one, either.....that's why I have neither cheese nor bread in my house :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

:flowerforyou: Mae, you are a sweetheart making food for your neighbor :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:

:flowerforyou: Marie, I'm sorry your granddaughter is going through such a hard time:sad: :sad: :sad:

:flowerforyou: Buzz, you are right about the calorie counter on MFP not being exact.....yesterday when I had the lunch of sloppy joe and potato salad, I found entries that varied by hundreds of calories for the same food......unless you cooked and measure it yourself, you can't have a sense of accuracy about the calories :laugh:

:flowerforyou: Bernie is enjoying daylight savings time----he is still prowling around outside, Haifa is asleep in the laundry basket, the dogs are asleep on the bed, Jake is wrapped in a wool afghan I knitted and we are watching a favorite movie The Wedding Crashers).:bigsmile: life doesn't get any better than this:bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:

May I suggest that everyone put their name at the bottom of their post? Using the signature feature makes this painless.
we can suggest newcomers do this to make it easier to remember their name, and they will see what we mean when they see everyone elses signature on the end of their posts.

Thanks barbiecat for bring that to my attention. You are so correct. I was doing that without my glasses I do not even have Oldtyke on my list. I remember when I first saw oldtyke One day I would get those two mixed up and I did. Sorry Girls I hope the rest are correct. Connie I need an update. It is really hard to keep the names strieght with these OLd MInd. I thank I will change mine to OLD MIND

Checking in. Am discouraged today. As you know, two weeks ago I had to do a mandatory "cleansing" and lost 4 pounds. The weight stayed off all last week until Thursday then all of a sudden it started creeping up and I've gained it back. I also started walking seriously last week (did 8 miles) so I thought that would keep the creeping at bay.....NOT! When I talked to my daughter, she said she gained when she started exercising so she divorced her scales and only visits it once a week. Maybe I'd better start doing that. :grumble: :frown:

Eye update: still have the big floater but it seems to be decreasing in size. The dr said it would hang around for a while.

Tummy update: better today for sure.

Maddie, I never even heard of Rubie but will definitely check her out. I have been watching Biggest Loser for the first time because of Rulon Gardner and I've enjoyed it. It does inspire me.

Break over, back to cleaning. Love this exercise. It gets easier every time. The sun is trying to come out. Maybe I'll get a mile in outside during my lunchbreak. I clocked a mile in my daughter's neighborhood just for that reason.

Love the bride story. :laugh: :laugh:

Hi Marie, hope your ankle is ok. How is your day going? Are you still on your oa plan?
well, Im discouraged too, Ms. Dee.
i even looked into changing my program to WW points plus. I may still do it, and keep the sugars, high carbs out of it.
The reason for this is, I have not lost weight. In spite of my clothes feeling a bit looser, and I thought my tummy looked. Bit smaller. Reminding myself of Barbies mantra, never ever give up, Im going to give it more time. I will try to eat less fat, but other than that, I dont think I can do much until I reach the next stage of my plan. That is where I can add more carbs.
and on that note, Id better find something to eat.

Terrible news from Japan. Just the worst news, and then it gets worse. My heart goes out to them. I hope they can resolve the nuclear problem, prayers are being sent.
once again, good jokes, and we needed them!
have a great Monday