Senior Golden Sneakers -March 2011

The local news station was interviewing an 85-year-old lady because
she had just married for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt
like to be marrying again at 85, and then about her new husband's
occupation.

"He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't
mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they
did for a living.


She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly,
explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her
early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, then a preacher
when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, the funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had
married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and patiently explained, " I married one for the money, two
for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

(Oh, just be quiet and send this one on).



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Good morning ladies...although we're a day ahead of most of you, i seem to be a day behind with my postings.

St Parick's day here today so have to find something green to wear...not my usual colour...

This will be my last one - promise

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut, and bruised, and he's walking with a limp.

'What happened to you?' asks Sean, the bartender.

'Micheal O'Connor and me had a fight,' says Paddy.

'That little O'Connor,' says Sean, 'He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.'

'That he did,' says Paddy, 'a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it.'

'Well,' says Sean, 'you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?'

That I did,' said Paddy, 'Mrs. O'Connor's breast, and a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight.'

hOhO

Hello ladies,

MARIE, I'm in Canada, yes province of Ontario. I do not travel to the U. S. though, that would be interesting.

CONNIE, Love it, did you over- hear me explaining to that other lady that she should have a vet approved diet, clearly she needed a low calorie one. I am bad for that too, especially at work (Tims) excuse me.."are those doughnuts fresh"? :noway: My face goes into stone, "no I just found them in the back hall, someone forgot to bring them out front last shift or the other day". "Are you looking to buy a dozen, I will be glad to bring what I can out"? :devil: Meanwhile I get a kick from my front counter person.

Anyone else have those questions, that you want to do something not good, yet you dish a "getting even" answer?

HEART MONITORS -- What is the main purpose of these instruments? Is there a danger you could become number greedy and go overboard on the calorie burning that leads into fatigue, malnutrition, or crazy habits??:noway:

Good grief I have been sitting on my glutes for a long time, nothing done!!! I have to do exercises yet. Been watching the Japan unfold, shake my head, what a tragic thing. New Zealand is still cleaning up, and it may take many months to get things done.
Quebec had a bit of a shake today, from Montreal to Ottawa it was felt. The Ottawa River is on a fault as well, so we (bordering the river) could be in for a nasty surprise some day. :frown: Enough gab me! Time for exercises!

Catch you all tomorrow, behave! Or else have some fun doing it.:laugh:

Marilyn

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: Oh Sandy, my brain doesn't always work. A brilliant idea like Jello, and I don't give you credit. How rude. LOL

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! Do I want a monitor? I love gadgets. Tell me why having one is a good idea. Also, who loves their pedometer and what brand is it. I have two old ones and I don't think either is very accurate.

Connie :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: That Purina story is too much. Judi, I have SAD :sad: too but forget about it when I read the jokes on this forum. :happy:

Sandy, good for you doing the Shred. My 39 year old daughter just got to level 2 and she says it's really giving her a run for her money. Are you glad you got the heart monitor? How is it helpful? Good joke you shared too.

I had a busy day cleaning and baking. The spelt cookie brittle came out just okay. Think I'm giving up on it. Don't need it anyway. Haven't slept well the past two nights and I think it was because I was on the computer too late. It didn't let my brain start shutting down early enough, so this evening I'm going to be done in 20 minutes or so. Tomorrow I'll be in Gettysburg again visiting a friend I haven't see for a while. She had a stroke last April and she's finally driving again, so I'm guessing we'll go somewhere.

Everyone have a nice evening. It's to be as high as 70 tomorrow and Friday. I'm so excited! :bigsmile:

I am still on the OA ot off yesterday but hop right back on this morning. I am afraid if I don't have a good weight lost This month Xyla will drop me. Can't have that. I like this plan too well. While Xyla is in the hospital I may have to report to all of you. II think Barbiecat sort of knows the plan. See you guys later

Marie, I would never drop you as long as you want to continue. Keep sending me your meal plan and I will get back on a computer as soon as I get out of the hospital. I do not know yet how long that will be.

I am having a complete hysterectomy, a bladder repair, and a rectocele repair. Has anyone had this done? I would be very interested in any feedback about this operation.

I loved the jokes today. I hadn't heard any of them and they definitely brightened my day. I have to run, can't read everyone's posts right now. I am off to book club.

Bless you all for your friendship and help!

Hello Everyone,

I am exhausted. I was up at 6 this moring to get eveything ready to start at eleven. We juiced 5 1/2 hours. We did 46 pounds of carrots, 8 pkgs of celery, 10 large red peppers, 10 romaine heads, 15 pounds of tomatos and 10 bags of Granny Smith apples.:noway: All of this was washed and soaked in food grade peroxided for an hour to remove preservative waxes and toxins. We then put it into bottles and frozen. Fresh juice will hold it's nurttritional value for 24 hours before it starts to break down.

I'll get back to you soon, I promise.
:flowerforyou:
Here is a little something to make you laugh::laugh:
I hope you laugh as much as I did........

Little Johnny and his chores
Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.
“Not yet,” said Little Johnny.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he’s a little upset, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
“How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks.
“Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren’t getting any milk.”
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.
Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, “You gonna tell him or should I?”:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Have a good evening!

Connie said:

Ladies, I'm going to take a leave of absence from this thread, too. For the first time in over three years, I've got a bug - don't think it's the flu but probably a good head cold. I feel like I have a temp (I don't), and my nose is running like Jeffrey!! My head hurts, my muscles ache and all I want to do is snuggle in bed.

I'll see everyone when I feel better.

Connie said:

Ladies, I'm going to take a leave of absence from this thread, too. For the first time in over three years, I've got a bug - don't think it's the flu but probably a good head cold. I feel like I have a temp (I don't), and my nose is running like Jeffrey!! My head hurts, my muscles ache and all I want to do is snuggle in bed.

I'll see everyone when I feel better.

Connie, I hope you will be feeling better soon. Get a good book, snuggle up and take it easy. Get well soon!

Hi Everyone, :flowerforyou:
It's 4:30 am and I am wide awake. ..don't know why.:noway: I can tell my body is cleansing because I had a hard chill before I went to bed. So, I don't know why I can't sleep ..probably a combination of cleansing and day light saving time.

Some of you have asked me about my fast/liquid diet. I am drinking juices and a bullet for anything that goes into my mouth. I am choosing organic/fresh/raw fruits and veggies. For protein I use a raw organic egg and Blue Diamond Unsweetened Original Almond Milk. I use the almond milk all the time because I have to be very careful using dairy products. I'll explain a little more about that but back to the juices. Some have asked how much. Carrot - 16-32 ozs a day. Celery/Romaine combo- 16 ozs a day- Granny Smith Apple (they have less sugar than any apple) 16 oz a day. Red Pepper (one of the highest natural vitamin c) -8 ozs- Tomato 8ozs --I supplemented with a raw pico/salsa recipe pureed in to the tomato juice. I add a dash of Redmond's Real Sea Salt/ red pepper and yum. I don't get this much of everything but these are my guidelines. :drinker: :drinker:

The reason I have to be careful with Dairy is that 8 years ago I had COPD/chronic asthma. I was having pneumonia about every 6 weeks. I was on steroids, breathing machines etc...I heard about a naturopathic doctor who had helped a lot of people by nutrition. I did all juices/veggie/fruits for 6 years. I was on 90% raw foods. I took lots and lots of supplements, etc... I did not eat wheat, soy, peanuts, dairy, refined sugar, white flour, or red meat for 4 years. I am very careful to this day. You will see on my diary, that I may do that now but only occasionally. I no longer have asthma or copd.

If you have sinus problems/lung problems, etc..., dairy can cause inflamation in the soft tissues of your body. This will cause drainage. Red meat in excess will do the same thing. Peanuts, wheat, white flour and sugar can cause so many things I won't bore you to tears with my post trying to explain it. If you are interested, I would suggest Googling it.

Elli-:flowerforyou: -The site is acting very weird. I have almost lost my post twice. :noway: I am glad you are back and missed seeing your posts.

Xyla-:flowerforyou: I have had a hysterectomy (actually there were two surgeries, they each have their own name-one for ovaries -one for womb). My mom had the bladdar repair with hers. I haven't heard of the other procedure. I wish you luck and a speedy recovery. Have you had surgery before?

Connie-:flowerforyou: I am really sorry you are ill. That is the "pitts." I assume you have meds or have went to the dr?

Phoebe-:flowerforyou: I hope you are enjoying being at home. Thanks for encouraging my jokes and songs....:bigsmile:

Gayla:flowerforyou: - I think what you picked for appliances will look fine. I hope you really enjoy your new kitchen. I don't blame your for venting. Re-modeling or building houses is tough. I have helped see to building 7 houses and helped see to re-modeling 4...it's tough. If you live in them while it's going on...it will get to you...especially being shut in with the mess. All I can say is what all Southerners say with sympathy..."bless your heart!"

Marie:flowerforyou: - I am glad things are going better for you and your DH. How is your ankle?

Fancylady-Buzz-Judy-Judi-Maddie-Dee and all others...I am going to have to "talk" to you all later today...I am winding down......

I always enjoy the humor and icons/pics/animated creatures/people on this forum. I 'll be back......:bigsmile:

Hello Sneakers. While most of you have been sleeping I've been to the local pool for my weekly swim. It wasn't too busy so I managed quite a few lengths without having to wind my way around other swimmers. We finally had a break from the rain this week and in fact had clear blue skies for most of it which encouraged me to get out and about. On Sunday I walked around our local lake with friends averaging 3 mph. I only know that because we got round in an hour and the walk is 3 miles (that sort of maths I can cope with!!:laugh: ) Here's a link to a site that shows some pictures so you can get an idea of where we walked http://www.photofilecornwall.co.uk/cornwall_local/siblyback/
On Monday we were back out for another walk, this time across the moors that surround us. It was a glorious day and we could hear nothing else but birdsong as we trekked to a point that has the most amazing views across open country for miles and miles.
Tuesday I spent a few hours digging at the allotment and then scrubbing my greenhouse inside and out with disinfectant in order to clear all the bugs before I start off my seed planting. Yesterday I spent hours in my garden clearing winter debris, raking moss out of the lawn but also sitting in the sun enjoying the fresh air with my hen Millie on my lap doing her best to get a few bites out of my apple!!
For all that, and I'm not going near the scales to find out, I don't feel any lighter Hopefully I'll be pleasantly surprised at the end of the month but at least I've become active again and that has to be good.

Jeri ~ Hello. On the subject of sweets, I keep a selection of fruit dotted around the house and especially in the kitchen so if I'm tempted to head for something naughty I pop a couple of grapes in my mouth or munch through a pear or apple. They are sweet enough to take the craving away and my concentration moves on to other things.

Sandy ~ I will take a closer look at Photobucket because I do have some older photos floating up there. I always imagine these storage websites floating in cyberspace with long rows of filing cabinets.:laugh:

Connie ~ Sorry you are feeling unwell. Hopefully a couple of days snuggled under your duvet with a good book will see you through until feeling better.:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

Barbie ~ Your walk in the rain with the poodles sounded wonderful. My neighbour always tells the story of when she was a child and her mother told her to go outside and play when it was raining. When she faltered her mother said "What's the matter, you're not made of sugar are you?" We share the allotment and if it starts to rain when we are down there digging she always quotes her mother and we have a good laugh before continuing our work.

Lynn ~ You probably hate to be told it but you are such an inspiration to anyone struggling to be strong enough to help themselves with fitness and diet issues. It can't have been easy to take such a lifestyle change but you've got the results you wanted so a bloody big hug comes to you from me. If you can source local honey, and it has to be within a few miles of home, get yourself a jar and have a teaspoon a day because folklore tells that it builds up your immune system by taking in local pollen and nectar and also contains natural antiseptic qualities so gets rid of lots of nasties that might be in your system. District nurses over here now use it to heal leg ulcers by spreading it over the open area and a local man who is the equivalent of a horse whisperer has done the same on open wounds on horses for the past 50 years and swears by it.

I'm now starving as I had a light breakfast before my swim so will take my inspiration from Buzz and make a cheese omlette. Thanks Buzz:flowerforyou:

Have a great day everyone.

Jackie

Marie: The rocking chair is still in the box. Can't go to the river till April 15th and then it will stay on the deck for the evenings. I don't fish. I think it's because of the asthma thing, I don't like to seem them wiggling unable to breath :frown:

Connie: Feel better. Been there....no fun!!

Barbie: Do you ever just sit down?????

Jackie: Swimming is my fav....I never thought that I would swim in the river but I love it, love it, love it! Can't wait!!

Just took a 40 minute walk. The direction I chose didn't give me an option to quit. Good thing because I would have quit. Down hill, flat ground, up hill. semi flat, up up and up.....Doo Waa Diddie Diddie Dum Diddie Doo!

***And a joke for Marie: 70-year-old George went for his annual physical. He told the doctor that he felt fine, but often had to go to the bathroom during the night. Then he said, "But you know Doc, I'm blessed. God knows my eyesight is going, so he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I'm done!"

A little later in the day, Dr. Smith called George's wife and said, "Your husband's test results were fine, but he said something strange that has been bugging me. He claims that God turns the light on and off for him when uses the bathroom at night."

Thelma exclaimed, "That old fool! He's been peeing in the refrigerator again!"