My fiance keeps gaining weight !

You are right to be shallow, you work hard for your body. He should too!

Atkins800 wrote: »

HotMamaInWorks wrote: »

his weight, his eating problems...not yours. Only worry about you.

since I sleep with the person and going to marry this person then his weight is my business and my concern

So it's all about the sex?

I'm so glad my husband still wanted to bang me after I got fat. I'm also glad he respected me enough to wait until *I* was ready to eat better and lose weight. He loved me through all sorts of physical/mental and emotional stuff.

Unless it's a genuine health concern (like his blood work is bad), I think it's s*itty to place so much value on looks. He's going to get old, his ball sack is going to sag and he's going to get more hair in his ears/nose and butt - are you going to demand he change then, too? And will your defense be that you sleep with him so he needs to be what you want him to be?

I'm so glad that I can rest secure that my beloved would love me no matter my weight. I love him regardless of whether he gains weight. Being fit is a means to an end: the ability to maintain an active lifestyle, a very active physical relationship, and an excuse to put our hands on each other while soothing sore muscles.

My ex was very overweight. He was morbidly obese. But he also had beautiful brown eyes and a great sense of humor and I didn't care about his weight beyond the potential health risks. We talked about it, and I encouraged him to make healthier choices, but it never became an issue for us.

If you find that this is an issue in your relationship, you need to be upfront. You need to tell him how you feel so that he can make informed choices. You need to be honest but tactful. And you need to do it sooner rather than later, because it's not just your time that you're wasting if this issue is enough to end the relationship.

Atkins800 wrote: »

when I met him he was 175 lbs but now he is up to 250 pounds. He used to be obese when he was younger and I am concerned he might be heading the same path. He eats big potions of food, eating out of boredom and little to no exercise since we moved in together. He now has a big gut and I am no longer attracted to him. I tried suggesting myfitness pal and invite him to the gym but he gets angry when I bring up his weight.

Anyone ever been in this situation?

Call him fat. Nothing motivates me like my wife saying I'm starting to "fill out" a little. Seriously, he'll get over it or he won't. Problem solved one way or another... right?

Its obvious that no one has a problem with someone that wants their significant other to be healthy or make good choices. And its obvious that no one has a problem with someone that would like to encourage to their significant other to do these things.

Its rather obvious that what people DO have a problem with is someone that is placing so much value on appearance in regards to their relationship. Its a rather juvenile sentiment coming from someone who obviously doesn't know what a relationship requires to be truly successful.

To the original poster, I say this: You are not ready for marriage. By all means, encourage your significant other to be more healthful, but please hold back on a wedding date. You truly have some growing up to do. Don't become the next divorce statistic.

When you bring up someone's weight to them, you're not telling them anything they don't already know. Overweight people know they're overweight, even if they try to bury it and ignore it, they still know.

My husband is 180 lbs and I'm 250 lbs. We're the same height. I used to be 160 before I went to law school, took the bar exam and had two kids in 15 months. Do you think my husband brought up my weight when I was pregnant, or even now? He's seen me at my thinnest and my biggest and has loved me no matter what - that's what truly accepting someone for who he/she is means.

I agree with the others, it sounds like you have way bigger problems than your fiancé's appearance and maybe you should start by evaluating how you're handling this and what you could and should do differently.

Tanie98 wrote: »

jofjltncb6 wrote: »

LOL@the flags being thrown in here.

If only there was a positive flag we could flip too...

...and if only the negative flags actually did anything.

What is the flag button for ?btw

Currently, I think the flag button is just to give us users the illusion of effectiveness. Perhaps one day it will be an integral part of our forum experience.

No its not crappy to want your partner to be sexually appealing to you, but when you go about it the way she has and flat out say, "I work hard to stay in shape and I will dammed if my SO let themselves go to a point were their health are at risk and they are no longer attractive" that's pretty crappy. Expecting someone to look a certain way just because you do is not only crappy to do to the other person, but unrealistic. At least you brought it up and let it go when he asked. He's had weight issues in the past and he has gained a lot and it's probably a sign that he is going through something in his life and coping with food. Instead of nagging him and being self centered that he isn't physically appealing to her anymore, maybe she should ask him if he needs to talk about anything and get anything off his chest then help him through it or be there for him while he deals with things. Be a decent future wife and communicate. She worked hard for her body, good for her, but she can't force him to make changes and she shouldn't and she needs to back off of him and either accept how he is and love him the way he is or move on. He will change when he wants to and nagging him will make things worse for both of them. She also needs to learn that people change in appearance and will over the course of their life and needs to deal with that because even if she dumps this guy, the next one will change too and she can't expect him to stay in tip top shape for his whole life because I bet she doesn't stay the same size her entire life.

Also I agree with the people who said this thread would have blown up if it was a guy talking about a girl. There's a post somewhere around here where her boyfriend or husband is making remarks about her being overweight and everyone is calling him an @$$hole for saying it, and he is, but people are sticking up for this chick here even though she has said that he, "He now has a big gut and I am no longer attracted to him." Not sure if she has blantanly called him fat to his face, but can you imagine what he would feel like if he did join MFP and saw this post? He would be hurt. And if a guy posted saying he expected his wife/girlfriend to stay a certain size, s*** would hit the fan real fast.

I remember reading somewhere that a drop of about 30 pounds approximately = one extra inch "revealed"...uh...where it counts. Maybe you can find that written somewhere in a fitness article or magazine and "accidentally" leave it open on the counter where he'll definitely see it.