I got my feelings hurt.
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So then why even bother having the conversation if a simple comment that isn't offensive is going to hurt her feelings. Why even talk about the tummy tuck? What you're basically saying is that the OP's husband would be wrong no matter what he says.arditarose wrote: »Maybe what he said wasn't wrong, or jerky...but that doesn't mean her feelings can't be hurt. Sorry, I'm not quoting one specific person, I saw a few comments about not having thick skin. Some of us just don't, especially when it comes to certain topics.
Wait? What? No, I said he possibly didn't do anything wrong-but it doesn't mean that her feelings can't still be hurt. That's all.
Maybe I missed something about the original conversation they were having together? I dunno.0 -
arditarose wrote: »
So then why even bother having the conversation if a simple comment that isn't offensive is going to hurt her feelings. Why even talk about the tummy tuck? What you're basically saying is that the OP's husband would be wrong no matter what he says.arditarose wrote: »Maybe what he said wasn't wrong, or jerky...but that doesn't mean her feelings can't be hurt. Sorry, I'm not quoting one specific person, I saw a few comments about not having thick skin. Some of us just don't, especially when it comes to certain topics.
Wait? What? No, I said he possibly didn't do anything wrong-but it doesn't mean that her feelings can't still be hurt. That's all.
Maybe I missed something about the original conversation they were having together? I dunno.
She's the one who brought it up because she is the one who wants the surgery. All he asked was how she ended up with the extra skin.
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mistypile wrote:He proceeded to ask me how I got all that excess skin on my belly. I was so hurt and I cried.
YAY!I've let him know that his comments hurt and he is very, very apologetic and assures me that he loves every bit of me
At 5'4", going by BMI you should be 110 - 140. So you're at a healthy weight already. Stay steady with the calories, increase your weightlifting to tone up all over. Oh, and drink enough water.Apparently his ex-wife didn't have any problems rebounding after 2 kids ...
I was over 180 at one time and got down to 120
http://www.shapeup.org/bmi/bmi6.pdf
That being said, I'm down almost 60 lb myself and am not having any problem with loose skin.
Everyone's different.
I'd (generally) prefer that my S.O. (when I have one) be honest with me.should be telling me I'm beautiful no matter what
LOL! I like the way you think.how did you handle issues when he asked you questions that made you sensitive in the past?
handle it the same way. therapy, a nice talk, beheading0 -
laurenjill wrote: »
Seriously. She's human, and her emotions are valid. Not everyone is the same, and some people are sensitive. I can't believe the lack of empathy I see on here sometimes.arditarose wrote: »Maybe what he said wasn't wrong, or jerky...but that doesn't mean her feelings can't be hurt. Sorry, I'm not quoting one specific person, I saw a few comments about not having thick skin. Some of us just don't, especially when it comes to certain topics.
(*) (*) (*) (*) (*)
That did deserve five stars. And no, not for a "mean people" post, or throwing out there, "oh, MFP is just full of meanies!" But it is true, compassion and empathy does go a long way. My skin is as thick as a crocodile's scales. I need to get out the ol' Credo Knife every now and then, and shave a few of them off. HOWEVER, I realize, that not everyone just shakes off things like I do. I don't take to heart anything what people on a message board say. I'll debate all the live long day with anyone. I was one of the "mean people" on the Debate Board I used to be a member of, that would go for the jugular in a debate and sleep just fine at night, yet, I realize, there ARE people who will sit up all night long, worried to death about it.
Each person has their own thoughts and feelings about things, we're all wired differently, and we all feel things and react to things differently. Just because we can't personally fathom being upset by something, doesn't mean it isn't a big deal to another person. No, I typically don't have sugar-coated replies, and there are times my advice or posts are just like they were on the debate board- raw, and to the point. However, I do try to be considered of the poster. I try to keep people's feelings in mind, realizing that there *are* real people behind these screen names, with thoughts and feelings. Some many not have anyone else to go to for help, or genuinely, may not know how to phrase what they're asking in a different way. I try to be patient, although, God knows that's not one thing I'm terribly good at.
As I've gotten older, I've realized that empathy doesn't cost a dime, and it's one of the most important things we can share with one another. Just like kindness. It doesn't cost a dime, either. Sprinkle that *kitten* everywhere. No, I'm not calling anyone out, or saying, "Oh noes! We have a bunch of meanies here on MFP!" We all know better than that, but the next time you're thinking about a snarky remark (myself included here), really think about the context of the post/thread.
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MonikaBori wrote: »IF the extra skin is from stretch marks, no amount of lifting weights is going to take care of it. A stretch mark is a place that your body actually MADE more skin because the skin your body had couldn't stretch as far as it needed to. It's frustrating when people assume it can be made to go away by lifting weights. It's there to stay. You can tone the muscle beneath the skin, but you can't lose skin, short of surgery.
THANK YOU. So tired of the misinformation on these forums sometimes. I've been lifting for over a year, my loose skin hasn't gone anywhere. It's so bad that it just hangs there when I bend over.
OP, I don't really get it though... Did he not see your body before you married him? Did it never come up? I mean, if I started seeing someone now, I can't imagine how that wouldn't come up.0 -
arditarose wrote: »
So then why even bother having the conversation if a simple comment that isn't offensive is going to hurt her feelings. Why even talk about the tummy tuck? What you're basically saying is that the OP's husband would be wrong no matter what he says.arditarose wrote: »Maybe what he said wasn't wrong, or jerky...but that doesn't mean her feelings can't be hurt. Sorry, I'm not quoting one specific person, I saw a few comments about not having thick skin. Some of us just don't, especially when it comes to certain topics.
Wait? What? No, I said he possibly didn't do anything wrong-but it doesn't mean that her feelings can't still be hurt. That's all.
Maybe I missed something about the original conversation they were having together? I dunno.
She's the one who brought it up because she is the one who wants the surgery. All he asked was how she ended up with the extra skin.
Right okay. So he was just curious. Like I said-he didn't mean any harm. She was sensitive to it regardless. Happens a lot.0 -
I would have grabbed my stomach and shook it at him and said made with Love!!0
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I think you're being way too sensitive.
You're 130 lbs... Your "pooch" can't be that bad. If you want to see bad pooches, search for them on Google images. I'm sure that will make you feel better about yourself.
Not all women can have perfectly flat stomaches. Because well, there's something called genetics. You need to accept it.
Lastly, you don't need a man to tell you you're beautiful. YOU need to believe you're beautiful.0 -
From what I've read, it sounds like it was him wanting her to get the tummy tuck, and her stomach isn't that bad. That would hurt my feelings, too. (If that's how it was).0
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It would hurt my feelings if I said something insensitive and my husband went online and made a thread about it instead of talking to me.
I find it hard to be empathetic to anyone who talks crap about their spouse to strangers.0 -
Lourdesong wrote: »It would hurt my feelings if I said something insensitive and my husband went online and made a thread about it instead of talking to me.
I find it hard to be empathetic to anyone who talks crap about their spouse to strangers.
oh yeah, that would hurt my feelings too.
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macedinthedick wrote: »
I like your name. Seriously.0 -
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That's exactly what I thought. Since he's seen you naked for at least all the time you've been married, what brought the question up now?_dracarys_ wrote: »Had he not seen your abdomen before today? Regardless, it's a legit question and it doesn't sound like he asked in a way to purposely hurt you, but I wasn't there.
That sounds like a question a boyfriend you've just gotten lovey with might ask...but a husband?
Heavy weight lifting is helping me immensely.
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Quick, undo the jinx!mistypile wrote:He proceeded to ask me how I got all that excess skin on my belly. I was so hurt and I cried.
YAY!I've let him know that his comments hurt and he is very, very apologetic and assures me that he loves every bit of me
At 5'4", going by BMI you should be 110 - 140. So you're at a healthy weight already. Stay steady with the calories, increase your weightlifting to tone up all over. Oh, and drink enough water.Apparently his ex-wife didn't have any problems rebounding after 2 kids ...
I was over 180 at one time and got down to 120
http://www.shapeup.org/bmi/bmi6.pdf
That being said, I'm down almost 60 lb myself and am not having any problem with loose skin.
Everyone's different.
I said that, too, as I neared sixty pounds. Guess what I have at seventy-three? Lots of loose skin. And I have like fifty or so more pounds to go.
Throw some alt over your shoulder, knock on wood, do all the things, lol!
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You mean people can be like that.meridianova wrote: »men can be insensitive like that.
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maybe i have been overweight for so long that i stopped feeling shame over every little thing that makes me "imperfect"..... but i did. for the longest time, feel shame over my body, to the point where something as simple as mentioning it or asking a question would send me into a dark place of self hatred.
at some point i had to learn to accept myself enough that speaking about a truth didnt make me hate myself or the person who dared speak it....
if you have something that is part of you, and all he did was ask about it, when it was appropriate to the topic, i dont get how someone as intimate with you as your husband should be banned from speaking about a truth. and how you should be ashamed that he recognizes it.
the problem isnt him, in my opinion. but then again it could be, since we get only a snippet of your life here. but based on the information given thats my opinion.
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I'm sorry that that happened! I would have been very hurt too. My stomach is the biggest issue I have and even at 148lbs and 5'9 I can't fix it. I have been considering surgery.0
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I'd rather have a pooch than some of the really gnarly tummy tuck scars i've seen... ugghh no, grossss0
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I'm too tired to read all the 4 pages of responses but could someone explain to me why that question would hurt feelings or let me know if it's already explained in the previous 4 pages? I'm curious.
One time I got asked about the stretch marks on my back (I think it was something like "what are those" or "what's that on your back") and it surely wasn't someone as close to me as a spouse. I didn't have issue explaining where they came from. It was a legit question. Was it hurtful just cause husband's question wasn't just honest curiosity?
Obviously I need to go to sleep if I am wondering over such things.0 -
FatFreeFrolicking wrote: »I think you're being way too sensitive.
You're 130 lbs... Your "pooch" can't be that bad. If you want to see bad pooches, search for them on Google images. I'm sure that will make you feel better about yourself.
How in the world do you know without seeing a picture, considering we don't know how much she's lost? I'm 132 pounds and my pouch is huge, as if I was carrying 5 extra pounds of fat in my belly.0 -
Men are wired a different way. To them that would be a legit question and would have no idea that you were emotional about the question. Always communication is key. Please tell him how you feel about it. Even the best of husbands over the time of your marriage, forget that we as women are wired very differently! Keep the communication open.0
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If it's bothering him so much - then he can pay to fix it? amiright!?!0
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harlequin0318 wrote: »If it's bothering him so much - then he can pay to fix it? amiright!?!
did you even read the thread? smh0 -
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Wow ~ his belly must be perfect for him to feel comfortable making such a judgmental statement. Shake it off and focus on you. Your work toward You should be only about You; i.e., you've got to learn to disregard his rude remarks, since he apparently doesn't know how to filter.0
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Men are wired a different way. To them that would be a legit question and would have no idea that you were emotional about the question. Always communication is key. Please tell him how you feel about it. Even the best of husbands over the time of your marriage, forget that we as women are wired very differently! Keep the communication open.
Best thing I've heard through out! Yes, my husband says a few insensitive things and really sometimes doesn't even mean them. I would use his 'ignorance' of sorts, to fuel you to push on. Also def check with a doctor because its their job to promote wellness and he may be able to shed some light on the subject.
Also agree with one guy earlier asking about equality lol seriously, women can be catty a holes too, and they MEAN to do it! But you have to look past all that and do what YOU need to do. No one else matters when it comes to your health and self esteem. Its YOUR self esteem, you build or knock it down. You are the one being amazingly resilient to continue to lose weight ! Stay gorgeous ladies (*ahem*... And gents)
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