Opinion: why do men feel the need to offer advice to me in the weight room?

raysputin wrote: »

You would have to agree that a woman in the weight area is not as common as a man in the weight area. Rightly or wrongly, most men feel protective towards women and will feel some motivation to assist if they think the lady is in some way disadavntaged such as being in an unfamiliar environment. This comes from thousands of years of social conditioning and is not going to go away overnight because some pressure group declares it to be contemporaneously invalid.

I know that if I offered you any unsolicited advice it would be a clumsy attempt to offer encouragement or an attempt to correct something that will improve your experience or perhaps prevent a possible injury. I certainly would not be trying to hit on you. I think that most men would be in the "trying to be helpful" category. Most of us are good guys - really!

At the same time, there may be some men who are trying to hit on you. I am sure that you are mature enough to tell the difference - adjust your response to suit.

I have no problem with admitting that I'm in the minority in the weight section.

But - despite my initial reservations the men that frequent the weight section have accepted me.

They have not taken turns to hit on me. I leave them to work out - they leave me to do the same.

I'm not having a go at you - I like your response. I picked on yours because I could respond sensibly, rather than unleashing a ton of whoop *kitten* on some of the others! But the few responses before made it sound like "you're picking up heavy stuff - that's man world - expect to get hit on"!

segacs wrote: »

TBH, I find advice like change what you're wearing, wear headphones, smile and thank them, it's no big deal, etc. to be a bit disingenuous.

The OP obviously feels uncomfortable enough with this unwanted attention to post about it here. Whether or not you think you'd feel the same way, the point is, she does. And the onus shouldn't be on her to change her behaviour to discourage these men. The onus is on the men who are bugging her to stop.

Unwanted attention: Not cool, bro.

I want a like button so much right now!

veganbettie wrote: »

but unless she tells each and every one of the guys, hey leave me alone, they aren't going to know that it's unwanted attention.

It sounds like they are genuinely trying to be nice, not a creep.

It's possible, yeah. But from what she described -- just going about her business in a weight room, showing no signs of wanting the attention, being talked to repeatedly even when she ignores them the first time -- it sounds very much like behaviour that crosses the line.

Really, a good gym should foster a better environment than that.

veganbettie wrote: »

but unless she tells each and every one of the guys, hey leave me alone, they aren't going to know that it's unwanted attention.

It sounds like they are genuinely trying to be nice, not a creep.

Riiigggghhhttt because she should have to go up to each and every man in the gym and tell them to leave her alone. If someone's wearing earbuds in the gym I'm pretty sure that it's a signal that they're not interested in conversation.

A guy corrected my form once and I snapped at him a little. I thought it was annoying. But the next time I saw him I introduced myself because, I'm not a mean person, he just caught me off guard. Then he asked me out on a date. So, maybe they want to date you.

segacs wrote: »

veganbettie wrote: »

but unless she tells each and every one of the guys, hey leave me alone, they aren't going to know that it's unwanted attention.

It sounds like they are genuinely trying to be nice, not a creep.

It's possible, yeah. But from what she described -- just going about her business in a weight room, showing no signs of wanting the attention, being talked to repeatedly even when she ignores them the first time -- it sounds very much like behaviour that crosses the line.

Really, a good gym should foster a better environment than that.

I get you, and I agree. Especially considering after her last comment she is wearing earbuds, she didn't feel threatened or anything so, I don't think it was anything other than being nice.

I'm really digging this movement that has women sticking up for themselves. Saying to no cat calling and what not, i've been doing that kind of stuff since I was a kid myself...but it does make me think a little bit more...

one has to wonder though, we are putting all these restrictions on men to not talk to us,
don't look at her, don't smile at her, don't say hi to her, be friendly, but not OVERLY friendly... i'm starting to really feel bad for the nice guys that are just interested in a girl. I mean...If you're single, and ya, you're going to the gym to work out, not necessarily pick up on a man or woman, but if you're single and into fitness the gym is sort of the perfect place to find a like minded person...but if you can't even talk to someone without the fear of people calling you a jerk for saying hi or trying to help you on your form? I mean.... I don't know, it's a fine line....and it's hard for me to explain, and i'm sure i'm going to get flamed here. Obviously if someone is showing signs of not being interested they should be left alone, but you don't necessarily always know that someone isn't interested until you try.

Is the advice good advice or is it just disingenuous attempts at conversation? I think this is important in deciding a way to handle the situation. I have had 1 person ever comment on my lifting at my gym. He did it one time and has never said anything ever again after that.

catb58 wrote: »

fatboyliz wrote: »

I had a guy tell me I was cycling 'wrong' last week. He then changed my programme from 'stamina' to 'fat loss'. Was pretty upset about that!

O...M...G!! If someone did that to me, that would be the last time he'd have the cajones to come within about 10 feet of me ever again. I work in a male-dominated job and have no problem backing them down when they get too big for their britches. Wouldn't have even had to raise my voice. Some of them need to be put in their place when they decide they want to "help the little woman" who surely doesn't know what she's doing.

btw...I just read that to one of the guys I work with and he started laughing about the idea of some strange man in the gym doing that to me or any of our female co-workers.

I was going to say the same. That's way worse than someone watching or correcting form. He actually CHANGED your program. Doofus.