Opinion: why do men feel the need to offer advice to me in the weight room?

1235

Replies

  • w734q672
    w734q672 Posts: 578 Member
    Maybe you don't know what you're doing...
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    dbmata wrote: »
    MyChocolateDiet wrote: »
    dbmata wrote: »
    ElliottTN wrote: »
    Stop setting up your yoga mat in the power rack and everyone will leave you alone.

    I will use my flower covered gaiam mat every time I do floor presses, thank you. Only hard work ever done on a gaiam mat, I'll have you know. ;)

    this is my favorite subtext of the thread, when the lady is feeling slighted and objectified based on her gender and then making fun of feminine things becomes the thing.

    My turn...

    I'm gonna do my yoga on a giant overnight kotex. with wings.
    Everyone's gotta cry aboot something eh?

    What aboot it implies to you and your personal gender bias that my gaiam mat is gender based objectification?

    Is it that men aren't allowed flowers? Is it that men aren't allowed gaiam mats?

    You implying I'm straight and only use flowery gaiam mats for comedy effect?

    Interesting.
    But I had a gay bestie for years and neither he nor his flatmate liked flowers. AT ALL! I know b/c I tried to put some in their place numerous times.

    I guess my n=2 extrapolation was invalid.

    my apologies.

    also I have a bud now who is and he doesn't like it either.


    it was about the flowers. not the mat. i do yoga with men with mats all the time. never EVER saw one with flowers though. Ever. Paradigm shift.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
    MyChocolateDiet wrote: »
    dbmata wrote: »
    MyChocolateDiet wrote: »
    dbmata wrote: »
    ElliottTN wrote: »
    Stop setting up your yoga mat in the power rack and everyone will leave you alone.

    I will use my flower covered gaiam mat every time I do floor presses, thank you. Only hard work ever done on a gaiam mat, I'll have you know. ;)

    this is my favorite subtext of the thread, when the lady is feeling slighted and objectified based on her gender and then making fun of feminine things becomes the thing.

    My turn...

    I'm gonna do my yoga on a giant overnight kotex. with wings.
    Everyone's gotta cry aboot something eh?

    What aboot it implies to you and your personal gender bias that my gaiam mat is gender based objectification?

    Is it that men aren't allowed flowers? Is it that men aren't allowed gaiam mats?

    You implying I'm straight and only use flowery gaiam mats for comedy effect?

    Interesting.
    But I had a gay bestie for years and neither he nor his flatmate liked flowers. AT ALL! I know b/c I tried to put some in their place numerous times.

    I guess my n=2 extrapolation was invalid.

    my apologies.

    also I have a bud now who is and he doesn't like it either.


    it was about the flowers. not the mat. i do yoga with men with mats all the time. never EVER saw one with flowers though. Ever. Paradigm shift.
    Flower arranging is an old hobby of mine. :) My mom got me into it when I was 5.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    I see it as their natural protective nature and an instinct to help out girls. I don't find it patronizing.

    It's like when a little kid trips and falls down and every mom in the room jumps up. They aren't patronizing the actual mom, they are just reacting on instinct.

    My mantra is not to assume there are enemies where there are none. We all have plenty of real conflict that there is no need to put some in the gym too.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
    yoovie wrote: »
    It's like when a little kid trips and falls down and every mom in the room jumps up. They aren't patronizing the actual mom, they are just reacting on instinct.

    Half of them recording it to put it on Worldstar... ;)
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    ha! 2 pts
  • 212019156
    212019156 Posts: 341 Member
    I have done this in the past, but only if they were doing something that would get them hurt or if they ask. Otherwise I never offer unsolicited advice.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    I have never really had someone correct my form before unless it was as a peer.

    I don't deal with being talked down to and I don't deal with correct from complete strangers- so I don't.

    But I get pretty comfortable with the regulars- I trust a few certain of them and they trust me- I know they keep an eye out for people and are willing to help as needed under heavy unspotted loads.

    I do the same for them.

    I do understand these random instances happen- but I mostly just look at them and go- you like what you see? (usually the answer is yes)... and then I say- well clearly what I'm doing is working- which means I don't really need help.

    And often times- if you just show up and keep doing the work- they stop realizing your the girl lifting and someone who came to train- and they don't "bother you" they do head nods- and ask if you need a spot- because perhaps you ACTUALLY need it. You become a member of the community- not an oddity.

    Work out intently- don't be afraid to tell people you cant' talk b/c you're mid set or you're in the middle of something and just move on. It's not about emotions- it's about getting work done- lay that ground work out- and you'll be good to go.
  • kpchefai
    kpchefai Posts: 54 Member
    dbmata wrote: »
    Kalikel wrote: »
    Wear a wedding ring. See what happens. :)

    There's a reason I don't wear mine. Wanna see why?

    Haha I wore mine yesterday cause I went right after work and left with nasty blisters.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    dbmata wrote: »
    MyChocolateDiet wrote: »
    dbmata wrote: »
    ElliottTN wrote: »
    Stop setting up your yoga mat in the power rack and everyone will leave you alone.

    I will use my flower covered gaiam mat every time I do floor presses, thank you. Only hard work ever done on a gaiam mat, I'll have you know. ;)

    this is my favorite subtext of the thread, when the lady is feeling slighted and objectified based on her gender and then making fun of feminine things becomes the thing.

    My turn...

    I'm gonna do my yoga on a giant overnight kotex. with wings.
    Everyone's gotta cry aboot something eh?

    What aboot it implies to you and your personal gender bias that my gaiam mat is gender based objectification?

    Is it that men aren't allowed flowers? Is it that men aren't allowed gaiam mats?

    You implying I'm straight and only use flowery gaiam mats for comedy effect?

    Interesting.

    Another totally undeserving flagged post. I will fight these unnecessary flaggings with every fiber of my being!

    don_quixote-la_mancha3.jpg
  • dockholiday8234
    dockholiday8234 Posts: 43 Member
    I saw a girl doing straight leg deadlifts today totally rounding her back over. I said nothing.
  • ryanwood935
    ryanwood935 Posts: 245 Member
    dockholiday8234 wrote: »
    I saw a girl doing straight leg deadlifts today totally rounding her back over. I said nothing.
    Yesterday I saw a man teaching his (presumably) girlfriend how to deadlift. On a smith machine. Round back like I've never seen! Never had to work so hard to restrain myself.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    ^you guys. lol.
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,603 Member
    dbmata wrote: »
    Kalikel wrote: »
    Wear a wedding ring. See what happens. :)

    There's a reason I don't wear mine. Wanna see why?
    If it's sexual, No, thank you.

    If it's gross, Hell, yes. I live for that stuff. :)

  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    dockholiday8234 wrote: »
    I saw a girl doing straight leg deadlifts today totally rounding her back over. I said nothing.

    this is even tough for me, if I see a girl doing something in a way that can harm her, it takes everything for me to leave her alone so she doesnt go log on to the internet and write a tirade on the MFP forums about how some elitist fitness snob was trying to correct her in the gym. SO I end up watching them out of the corner of my eye instead, like please stop please dont get hurt please stop and move on.

    one time I was starting my deadlift sets with my warm ups - and you know how good form really only locks into place when you have enough weight to require, you know, effort? Well i did my couple warm up sets, which are like 105/125/135 just to get going, right? and this guy comes over and starts telling me while im in the middle of a set that if i put some weight on there it would make a real difference.

    this is when you wanna take your barbell and ram it right up -

    there's safety advice and then there is ignorant arrogance.

    I think girls should measure intent before going all hulk on a guy cause he let her know her back was rounded.

    I know not everyone is there for the brotherhood of physical fitness - but at least there are people out there that want to help and want to see you do well.

    I'd rather have that happening than the opposite. what a lonely world that would be. There wouldnt even be forums because it would be a complete everyone for themselves attitude.

  • sumnerc1
    sumnerc1 Posts: 1 Member
    Same thing happens to me on the driving range. There is an assumption that I don't know what I'm doing. I simply request that they not give me any advice. Most back off right away.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    This content has been removed.
  • MyRummyHens
    MyRummyHens Posts: 141 Member
    I think there is a line in the sand here. Men (or women) who genuinely want to help and have a good reason for stepping in (like preventing someone from hurting themselves), and there are people who use the opportunity as a either a pick up line or to boost their own ego.

    The difficulty is that it can be very hard to tell in a split second whilst you are concentrating hard on working out to make that decision whether you have someone genuine, or someone with a different agenda.

    It's really sad as there are some really nice guys at a gym class I attend, and they are all terrified of talking to any of the women unless the gal's engage them first in case general politeness is mistaken for something else. I've worked out along side a couple of guys for months and it's taken forever to break the ice!
  • brdnw
    brdnw Posts: 565 Member
    whenever i see someone with bad form i want to say something...but i never do, just bc i also don't ever want to be bothered while at the gym, but i understand in that scenario.
  • LazyFoodie
    LazyFoodie Posts: 217 Member
    Some guys commented on how I should do a lift today. I actually appreciated it. The only problem is I probably would not know bad advise from good advise.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
    edited November 2014
    Kalikel wrote: »
    dbmata wrote: »
    Kalikel wrote: »
    Wear a wedding ring. See what happens. :)

    There's a reason I don't wear mine. Wanna see why?
    If it's sexual, No, thank you.

    If it's gross, Hell, yes. I live for that stuff. :)
    Heh, take a gander.

    deglovedspecialaffects2.jpg

    That's a sample from a special fx person. So that's not real, which is why it's so clean, and exhibits an extremely low level of trauma. However, this happens. Particularly possible during rock climbing as well.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
    yoovie wrote: »
    I'd rather have that happening than the opposite. what a lonely world that would be. There wouldnt even be forums because it would be a complete everyone for themselves attitude.
    Squats for Tea Party Jesus?
    .... sadness....
  • JeffseekingV
    JeffseekingV Posts: 3,165 Member
    JoRocka wrote: »
    I have never really had someone correct my form before unless it was as a peer.

    I don't deal with being talked down to and I don't deal with correct from complete strangers- so I don't.

    But I get pretty comfortable with the regulars- I trust a few certain of them and they trust me- I know they keep an eye out for people and are willing to help as needed under heavy unspotted loads.

    I do the same for them.

    I do understand these random instances happen- but I mostly just look at them and go- you like what you see? (usually the answer is yes)... and then I say- well clearly what I'm doing is working- which means I don't really need help.

    And often times- if you just show up and keep doing the work- they stop realizing your the girl lifting and someone who came to train- and they don't "bother you" they do head nods- and ask if you need a spot- because perhaps you ACTUALLY need it. You become a member of the community- not an oddity.

    Work out intently- don't be afraid to tell people you cant' talk b/c you're mid set or you're in the middle of something and just move on. It's not about emotions- it's about getting work done- lay that ground work out- and you'll be good to go.

    Girl, no one is going to correct your form when you're lifting more weight than them. haha
  • JeffseekingV
    JeffseekingV Posts: 3,165 Member
    212019156 wrote: »
    I have done this in the past, but only if they were doing something that would get them hurt or if they ask. Otherwise I never offer unsolicited advice.

    Agreed. As long as they aren't going to kill themselves, I'll tend to keep my mouth shut
  • JMoore221979
    JMoore221979 Posts: 266
    Because most are dbags...I see people all the time with bad form etc but hey that's their thing not mine. I don't think I have ever talked to someone that hasn't initiated conversation. I'm not there for social hour.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    dbmata wrote: »
    yoovie wrote: »
    I'd rather have that happening than the opposite. what a lonely world that would be. There wouldnt even be forums because it would be a complete everyone for themselves attitude.
    Squats for Tea Party Jesus?
    .... sadness....

    no no no

    Atlas Shrugs.

  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
    yoovie wrote: »
    dbmata wrote: »
    yoovie wrote: »
    I'd rather have that happening than the opposite. what a lonely world that would be. There wouldnt even be forums because it would be a complete everyone for themselves attitude.
    Squats for Tea Party Jesus?
    .... sadness....

    no no no

    Atlas Shrugs.

    HAH!

    Cute+Cat+Laugh.jpg
  • Sam_I_Am77
    Sam_I_Am77 Posts: 2,093 Member
    Probably because you're hot and they're dbags. I don't stop and give anybody advice and there were a couple times where I was really afraid these individuals might seriously hurt themselves and I wanted to, but I figured they would just be pissy and write a thread on MFP about me. LOL
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
    Sam gave me advice once.

    I had to take penicillin afterwards.
  • Sam_I_Am77
    Sam_I_Am77 Posts: 2,093 Member
    dbmata wrote: »
    Sam gave me advice once.

    I had to take penicillin afterwards.

    I don't wear protection either. I may have accidentally touched the Smith machine before I chatted with you, probably why.
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