The not-so-subtle 'fat' comments
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One of my friends was smoking and some woman came up to her and full on shouted at her for several minutes about what a disgusting human being she is for smoking while pregnant, how selfish she was as some people can't have children, then turns to me and says the same thing for 'supporting' her harming her unborn child.
My friend very calmly finishes her cigarette, takes a step closer to the woman and in a voice that could cut glass says 'I'm not pregnant, just fat'
I almost died laughing0 -
SingRunTing wrote: »I used to get the "when are you due" comments all the time. I would reply with "Not pregnant, just fat. Thanks!" and smile. It was always fun to watch the person squirm. And I got them a lot. I'm 28 and been married for almost 5 years. Apparently, its impossible for someone close to 30 who has been married for a few years to not be trying to get pregnant.
I almost rejoiced the day someone asked me "when did you have the baby" because apparently I wasn't fat enough anymore to look pregnant and simply looked postpartum.
My reply to this damn rude question has always been "I'd rather be fat than pregnant" that always shut them up, nearly all the time it was mothers who would ask. Rude cows0 -
The difficult ones are the little children. When I went swimming on Tuesday a little girl turned to her mum and said "mummy that girl is a little bit big" as I got into the pool. That was enough to make me swim harder and faster. If its an adult you can put it down to them being cruel or bullies, but when an innocent child says it not knowing the consequences, there isn't a whole lot you can do but think to yourself, I have to fix this.0
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The difficult ones are the little children. When I went swimming on Tuesday a little girl turned to her mum and said "mummy that girl is a little bit big" as I got into the pool. That was enough to make me swim harder and faster. If its an adult you can put it down to them being cruel or bullies, but when an innocent child says it not knowing the consequences, there isn't a whole lot you can do but think to yourself, I have to fix this.
Well I'd turn around and tell her she's a very rude little girl, she's clearly old enough to have been taught manners0 -
The difficult ones are the little children. When I went swimming on Tuesday a little girl turned to her mum and said "mummy that girl is a little bit big" as I got into the pool. That was enough to make me swim harder and faster. If its an adult you can put it down to them being cruel or bullies, but when an innocent child says it not knowing the consequences, there isn't a whole lot you can do but think to yourself, I have to fix this.
omg yesss! comments from kids are the worsttttt of all
, but you know what i'm not a mother my self but i do have 2 nieces and i talk to them a lot, not only about the fat issue but about how it's wrong to refer to people besides they're own name and don't ever point finger at anyone for anything. and yess i also if I feel they own someone an apology believe they are gonna give it even if it's a stranger, they know that!
i've being witness too many times that a child says something rude and the parents laugh or don't take it serious thinking 'oh they are kids, it's normal"
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The difficult ones are the little children. When I went swimming on Tuesday a little girl turned to her mum and said "mummy that girl is a little bit big" as I got into the pool. That was enough to make me swim harder and faster. If its an adult you can put it down to them being cruel or bullies, but when an innocent child says it not knowing the consequences, there isn't a whole lot you can do but think to yourself, I have to fix this.
Well I'd turn around and tell her she's a very rude little girl, she's clearly old enough to have been taught manners
Uh, I think she was maybe about 3 or 4. I didn't feel it was my responsibility to teach her manners, particularly in front of her mum. If I'd said that her mum probably would have come out with something twice as rude and I feel pretty vulnerable in a swimming costume at the moment as it is. I don't need more attention drawn to myself when wearing next to nothing. 0 -
When I was about 15, my ex brother-in-law saw me getting a frozen strawberry out of the freezer and told me, "that's why you're so big." Yes, strawberries were the reason I was overweight.
His brother once said I was "like a beach ball" and proceeded to imitate a beach ball bouncing around on our front porch.
Keep in mind that I was 5'5" 165 lbs here. Overweight, but not obese. Oh, and they're both now dating or are married to overweight women. Ah, irony.
These comments weren't the reason I lost weight, but they may have helped. They were honestly the only people that ever commented on my weight to my face. I was 125 lbs by the time I turned 17, but my sister and brother-in-law were split up at that point.0 -
I am very much an advocate of the /call them up on how rude their comment is/ tactic, especially since youre probably working damned hard to make lifestyle changes. I am fortunate enough that nobody has ever made comments like that, to my face at least, although it was my mum and dad expressing concerns about my weight that motivated me to loose weight. I think people often forget that what they say can be very insulting. One of my best friends used to come to me crying on a daily basis about comments people made about her weight. People dont like being told they are wrong, rude or insulting though call them up on it ( I do the same when the kids in my placement make negative remarks about homosexuality or use gay as an insult) it sharp makes them think.0
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ElizabethObviously wrote: »I find it a little sad and frustrating that when people in an argument with a heavy set person, the first thing they bring up is their weight. Oh we are breaking up? Well yeah you are fat. Oh you don't agree with my political views? Yeah well you are fat. It is so immature. Like that is the ONLY way to argue? Because they know that is where it hurts most.
I once got into an argument with my then husband, and when everything had calmed down he actually said "yeah, but at least I didn't bring up your weight during the row, surely I get brownie points for that?" Still can't believe I stayed with him after that!0 -
RekindledRose wrote: »I don't know - to me truth is truth. If it's not meant in a mean way then it's our own dang fault if we take offense.
For instance, if I saw two people in the same clothes and one was an Asian woman and one was black would I be wrong to identify one as 'Asian' and other as black?
If one was heavy and the other was thin, why would it be considered insensitive to use the most obvious distinguisher to identify one from the other? If I'm with a young brunette mom who is thin but otherwise we look alike, then for someone to call me the older mom (I have grey hair) or the heavier mom is not a big deal to me. It's truth.
How would you feel if a stranger walked up to you and asked when you were due when you're not even pregnant? Would you be offended then?
I get what you're saying about identifying someone based on color, size, etc. In all honesty though if I were in a situation in a store someone asked who had helped me and the sales girl happened to be on the heavier side I wouldn't say "Oh, the heavy one" I'd say "The one wearing the [insert color] shirt (or pants, or scarf, boots . . .)" you get the point.
Same for any situation really.0 -
I was at work and was reaching up to put food in the microwave when a coworker from another department came in and reaching for my belly said oh I had no idea when are you due?.... Without missing a beat I said well honestly I'm expecting my daily bm anytime thanks for asking... The look of horror on her face was great.... Although that shirt went in the trash that night....0
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Words at this point mean little to me, it's something I've had for, essentially my whole life.
I think the worst of it I've had from the general public, has been the people driving past, winding down Windows and shouting at me that I'm a fat person of questionable parentage. That's happened multiple times in areas around the country. I won't lie, it's driven me to incredibly dark places in the past, the feeling and assumption that everyone is thinking less of you. The more these situations happen, the more it seems to validate your own assumptions.
I think the turning point came after I left my teens, and less and less people would dare say anything to my face. I'm also 6'8, so I'm essentially a less fit version of The Big Show. Now, I've never hit anyone in a fight, and I've only ever used my size maybe 3 times to physically dominate a situation when someone starts getting aggressive, but strangers have no way of knowing how I'm going to react, so they tend to keep comments to themselves. Perhaps I'm lucky in that regard, it's easy for me to say "don't let people bother you" but then I forget just how horrible it can be.
I'm tempted to say give family members an easier ride, because often their intentions are good, but they can often hurt more. The worst thing ever said to me, judged purely by the effect it's had on me was "you'll never find a woman, because you're fat" "why would anyone want you whilst your fat?" Those type of things were said to me by a particular family member throughout my teens, and I understand now the intention was to motivate me, but instead it's caused what I feel is irreparable damage to my mentality towards relationships.
Still, use any tool you have to help you along the way, and if you can turn these things into motivation or discipline, by all means do it!0 -
Oh it gets even better not just weight cracks but "color your hair" . I don't like doing it. You'd rather look like that? Or, senior discount?0
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When I was underweight in high school and in my twenties people were very hateful and thought I was anorexic. It is awful to be looked at and assume that or be called names. Now in my mid 40's and 50 lbs overweight, thank goodness no one says anything to me, helps I don't work in the public, but I can just look at myself and feel huge, hate the way I look myself, thank goodness I don't have to hear crap from anyone else. Just try to live a healthy life, try to have a different view on your food. Log all your food and if you realize something you ate was a bad choice make a better choice next time and just keep on keeping on. I just wish people weren't hateful and could just keep their mouth shut. It's like kicking people when they're already down.
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The difficult ones are the little children. When I went swimming on Tuesday a little girl turned to her mum and said "mummy that girl is a little bit big" as I got into the pool. That was enough to make me swim harder and faster. If its an adult you can put it down to them being cruel or bullies, but when an innocent child says it not knowing the consequences, there isn't a whole lot you can do but think to yourself, I have to fix this.
Well I'd turn around and tell her she's a very rude little girl, she's clearly old enough to have been taught manners
Kids are tricky b/c they have no filter, and generally they aren't trying to hurt anyone's feeling. They think something, they say it.0 -
Oh yes. Been there, done that. My lovely mother-in-law would do that to me all the time. One time she took me shopping to buy me some clothes for a Christmas gift. When we got back to her house she decided it was appropriate to take out the jeans she had just bought me and show my father-in-law and husband how wide the waist on the jeans were, as well, she decided to show them what size they were (17 at the time). As she did this she was making all kind of comments 'look how big these pants are', 'look at the size...it's huge'. On another occasion she told me I was never going to lose the weight and I was destined to be fat forever.
It used to piss me right off as there was no need to embarrass me that way (especially in front of other people), I felt crappy enough about myself.
Fast forward a few years later, I've dropped almost 60 lbs and boy it feels great to shove that in her face (never said anything directly to her but she's not blind and knows I've lost weight as she has asked my parents a few times what diet pills I had used to lose it all). I lost the weight for me, not for her or to prove a point but damn it sure feels great to stick it to her! People need to put a filter on sometimes.
Keep your chin up and do it for yourself, not for anyone else. Don't be afraid to stick up for yourself, I know with customers you really can't, but there are always ways to do it in a nice smart a$$y way.
Feel free to add me if you like!
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JuliannaUnderhill wrote: »rossinator63 wrote: »Tell them they are rude (they are), and walk away. If you didn't ask their opinion, then you don't have to take their rudeness. It is not intended to motivate you, it is intended to make them feel better about themselves at your expense.
THIS.
The last time I got the "When are you due?" I replied "Actually, my water just broke. When did you get the hairpiece?" It made one of my co-workers laugh so hard she snorted.
OMG that is the best comeback ever. You win!!
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The only person I ever get negative weight comments off is my mother. I'm pretty sure she's being thoughtless rather than malicious, but it still upsets me. Plus she always does it in front of the whole family to add to the embarrassment. And I'm not even that overweight - maybe 20 pounds or so.
I just bite my tongue and feel like crap. I was already motivated to lose weight regardless of her comments. All it achieves is me not wanting to spend time with her. Perhaps it would improve if I said something, but frankly I cannot be bothered with the drama and hopefully it will stop when I lose these few pounds. (Who am I kidding?)0 -
The worst one I can remember is when a young woman I worked with & thought I was close to came back to the office in tears because someone had given her the "when are you due" comment. While comforting her, I said something like I wonder what they would've said to me (I'm a bit heavier than she was, but I'm older & no one had ever said such a thing to me). She said, "yeah, I bet they'd ask if you were carrying triplets." I could not believe it. Here I was comforting her & she slammed me. I think that's how you uncover your true friends. It's been years, but it was such a painful comment that it is definitely one of the things motivating me as I try to turn things around now.0
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