Tired of explaining my diet to people
Replies
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OMG, I cannot believe that some folks are actually suggesting that she eat something she doesn't want. Maybe the problem is that she explain too much to even US. It shouldn't matter why she doesn't want it. She doesn't friggin' want it! If the MIL is mad because she won't eat it, so what? That means she just wants to be mad about something. Anything. The OP is an adult, not a child. No one, including her MIL, should be dictating what she eats.
That being said, I can easily order from a chinese restaurant while losing weight. Even sauteed shrimp and broccoli fits the bill. Eat half and save the rest for later. But she doesn't want to so she shouldn't have to.
I must be in an ornery mood because I "wish" someone would actually try to pressure me into eating something I have graciously declined. I think that's actually disrespectful and totally dismissive of the adult OP's feelings. WTH???
Ultimately, that really comes down to the nature of the in-law. A lot of people in here have been rather flippantly saying she'll get over it. That may be the case in their experience, but it's hardly universal. Some will use it as an excuse to insist to the rest of the family that OP hates her. Some will turn around and tell all their friends it just proves their child married beneath them. Some will manipulate it into a sticking point to emotionally abuse OP and spouse for years. Some will simply take it as a challenge to further attempt to sabotage.
Not all people are rational. Not all in-laws are sane. It's not as easy as just flouncing off like dealing with a playground bully when you're bound to the narcissistic or hatefully bored person by marriage, nor is it always something that wold be the daughter or son in law's fault, even something they could control.
In situations like this, what it really comes down to is the parent hearing it from their own son or daughter, not their in-law. I doubt, if OP's in-law was the type to take being told no with a smile and a no problem, this would ever have been posted in the first place.0 -
OMG, I cannot believe that some folks are actually suggesting that she eat something she doesn't want. Maybe the problem is that she explain too much to even US. It shouldn't matter why she doesn't want it. She doesn't friggin' want it! If the MIL is mad because she won't eat it, so what? That means she just wants to be mad about something. Anything. The OP is an adult, not a child. No one, including her MIL, should be dictating what she eats.
That being said, I can easily order from a chinese restaurant while losing weight. Even sauteed shrimp and broccoli fits the bill. Eat half and save the rest for later. But she doesn't want to so she shouldn't have to.
I must be in an ornery mood because I "wish" someone would actually try to pressure me into eating something I have graciously declined. I think that's actually disrespectful and totally dismissive of the adult OP's feelings. WTH???
LOL.
Deep breaths.
Wow.
I wonder what people do when they have, you know, really big family issues that actually matter. Not just one silly Chinese dinner.0 -
OMG, I cannot believe that some folks are actually suggesting that she eat something she doesn't want. Maybe the problem is that she explain too much to even US. It shouldn't matter why she doesn't want it. She doesn't friggin' want it! If the MIL is mad because she won't eat it, so what? That means she just wants to be mad about something. Anything. The OP is an adult, not a child. No one, including her MIL, should be dictating what she eats.
That being said, I can easily order from a chinese restaurant while losing weight. Even sauteed shrimp and broccoli fits the bill. Eat half and save the rest for later. But she doesn't want to so she shouldn't have to.
I must be in an ornery mood because I "wish" someone would actually try to pressure me into eating something I have graciously declined. I think that's actually disrespectful and totally dismissive of the adult OP's feelings. WTH???
Ultimately, that really comes down to the nature of the in-law. A lot of people in here have been rather flippantly saying she'll get over it. That may be the case in their experience, but it's hardly universal. Some will use it as an excuse to insist to the rest of the family that OP hates her. Some will turn around and tell all their friends it just proves their child married beneath them. Some will manipulate it into a sticking point to emotionally abuse OP and spouse for years. Some will simply take it as a challenge to further attempt to sabotage.
Not all people are rational. Not all in-laws are sane. It's not as easy as just flouncing off like dealing with a playground bully when you're bound to the narcissistic or hatefully bored person by marriage, nor is it always something that wold be the daughter or son in law's fault, even something they could control.
In situations like this, what it really comes down to is the parent hearing it from their own son or daughter, not their in-law. I doubt, if OP's in-law was the type to take being told no with a smile and a no problem, this would ever have been posted in the first place.
And so much this.
I honestly think that if OP sucked it up this one time, said thank you and then kindly offered to treat the group to her favorite meal next time, life would be roses.0 -
I wonder what people do when they have, you know, really big family issues that actually matter. Not just one silly Chinese dinner.
Big issues more often than not overflow into small ones.
Not saying OP has "big" extended family issues - we can't know - but it strikes me that this case is not about managing food but about managing a relationship. And none of us can really teach her how to do that.0 -
my mother in law is the same way- last night was her birthday and we went there for supper, she cooks with a LOT of salt, so I don't eat too much when I am there, I had my plate with a piece of turkey, some sweet potato mash, a couple pieces of turnip and some cabbage. I did have a pastry (she is from NL, it is much like a tea biscuit) with about 1 tbsp. of gravy. I was the first one done, as everyone else had their plates rounded, and had to listen to her the whole time.... kept saying get some more, there is plenty. I moved over to the couch, thinking that this would get my point across, but it didn't.
When she brought out her birthday cake, I kindly refused, and had to listen to he say- its sugar free (which it was not), its good for you (no) etc. Really gets under my skin, but I just keep it all to myself and play on my phone!!0 -
OMG, I cannot believe that some folks are actually suggesting that she eat something she doesn't want. Maybe the problem is that she explain too much to even US. It shouldn't matter why she doesn't want it. She doesn't friggin' want it! If the MIL is mad because she won't eat it, so what? That means she just wants to be mad about something. Anything. The OP is an adult, not a child. No one, including her MIL, should be dictating what she eats.
That being said, I can easily order from a chinese restaurant while losing weight. Even sauteed shrimp and broccoli fits the bill. Eat half and save the rest for later. But she doesn't want to so she shouldn't have to.
I must be in an ornery mood because I "wish" someone would actually try to pressure me into eating something I have graciously declined. I think that's actually disrespectful and totally dismissive of the adult OP's feelings. WTH???
Ultimately, that really comes down to the nature of the in-law. A lot of people in here have been rather flippantly saying she'll get over it. That may be the case in their experience, but it's hardly universal. Some will use it as an excuse to insist to the rest of the family that OP hates her. Some will turn around and tell all their friends it just proves their child married beneath them. Some will manipulate it into a sticking point to emotionally abuse OP and spouse for years. Some will simply take it as a challenge to further attempt to sabotage.
Not all people are rational. Not all in-laws are sane. It's not as easy as just flouncing off like dealing with a playground bully when you're bound to the narcissistic or hatefully bored person by marriage, nor is it always something that wold be the daughter or son in law's fault, even something they could control.
In situations like this, what it really comes down to is the parent hearing it from their own son or daughter, not their in-law. I doubt, if OP's in-law was the type to take being told no with a smile and a no problem, this would ever have been posted in the first place.
And so much this.
I honestly think that if OP sucked it up this one time, said thank you and then kindly offered to treat the group to her favorite meal next time, life would be roses.
How do you know that this is the first time that this has happened? And do you really believe that the OP rolling over and playing dead every time the In Laws say so that the OP's life would be better? If the In Laws are so bent out of shape about someone saying no thank you to food, what makes you think that being offered a different meal next time will make things better?
I'll tell you what annoys me the most: her husband. He should be standing up for his wife. He knows that she's actively trying to lose weight. He should diffuse the situation between his wife and his parents.0 -
nicsflyingcircus wrote: »nicsflyingcircus wrote: »anaisbutterfly7 wrote: »You guys are all cracking me up, this is awesome. I feel like I should give some color to what sort of precipitated this aggravation. My in-laws are brining over Chinese food tonight and tonight is my cherished cheat meal night and Chinese food is simply not cheat worthy so it's causing family strife that I told them not to bring me any and I will get my own food, which is what opens up the "diet" discussion. My husband is mad at me for being rude, and my in laws are still trying to get me to tell them what I want from the Chinese restaurant.
I don't get this either, but I have seen it happen to my friends and my brother (who is married). Apparently not eating the exact same thing as the family is rude to some people. If that is the case, and you are willing to modify your day for the idea of family unity, you can eat a healthy meal from the Chinese place and then push your cheat meal to tomorrow.
It's not just not eating the same thing in this case. It's a matter of being grateful for a kind gesture, which is treating them to dinner. If this were me, I'd eat a portion that fit into my calories for the day and save my cheat meal for another night.
Bringing them a meal may be a kind gesture, but it it's not food she wants to eat, why the heck should she have to eat it?
You know what? She doesn't have to eat it. She doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to do. No one is holding her down and force feeding it to her.
Is it how I would handle my important personal relationships with people? No.
I would:
1) want to keep the peace with my inlaws
2) be grateful for a free meal and
3) recognize that it's only one stupid dinner. So much angst for ONE dinner.
And, for the record, if one dinner is going to derail your weight loss then you're doing it wrong.
I've been married over 14 years and have a good relationship with my in-laws. Which means if I tell them politely "no thanks" it doesn't create drama.
Amd I am not of the camp that subscribes to the belief that one day will derail conscientious weight loss effort. I still don't see why her not wanting to eat it makes her the bad guy.
But in her case it IS causing drama.
I don't think anyone is calling her a bad person. No where did I say that.
To me, one Chinese food meal isn't worth the drama this is creating for OP. But that's just me. I don't let silly things like dinner get in the way of my personal relationships.
I think they're just saying your way is not the only way to do things and still be happily married. The in laws are adults. They're not gonna die just because one person said "no thanks" when they want to order take out
I'm perfectly capable of understanding their point of view.
I just don't agree with it, since it's clearly causing angst.
But different strokes and all that.
Angst? She made like two posts about her family seeking input and unlike somebody has actually been laid back and receptive to the humor shared in this thread. You don't have any issues at all with your spouse or in laws? Everything is all roses? Yeah, whatever
Yeah I'd say it's definitely a different philosophy. Basically I'm a firm believer that you can't make everyone happy. Not to say I won't give it a fair shot, but sometimes zhe butt hurt just needs to flow over peoples and they'll eventually get over it
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NJGamerChick wrote: »auntchellebelle wrote: »I wish saying "No thank you" was that easy. I get people who will offer me something and I politely say no thank you and they get ugly. I suffer from Celiac Disease, so I try to stay away from wheat for the most part, not completely, but I do limit it so when people say "one piece of cake won't kill you" it really makes me mad. They are right it won't "kill" me but it sure won't help me!
People just don't get it!
Actually, a trace amount of gluten CAN kill you over time, much like any other poison, which is pretty much what gluten is to anyone with CD. Horrible things, too, can result from constant exposure. Really, join a popular GF group or just ask on here for GF support. There are many of us here who would gladly make suggestions and help you.
P.S. Aldi, if you have one around you, has a delicious GF bread and it's $4 a loaf. It doesn't need to be toasted, either.
It is highly likely that celiacs is what killed my brother, unfortunately there was not as much awareness at the time and an autopsy was not done even though no cause of death was determined. I have recently done multiple test (I thought gluten free was a fad so it took some nagging to get me to do the tests) and have been diagnosed with celiacs disease which does raise the chance that it was in fact cd that killed my brother at the age of 26 leaving behind a wife and 5 month old daughter.
As a secondary note I have learned that it takes your body 6 to 12 months to heal from gluten exposure if you have cd, not something to mess around with.0 -
I went out to a lot of parties and controlled what I was consuming...I never had a problem with weight loss.0
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I know this is a bit of an old thread, but would you have eaten the chinese on a different night, but just picked something which fitted in to your calories for that day?
If the answer to that question is yes, then you just move your "cheat" day.
The whole concept of diets is pointless, you need to be making a life style change, but that means that there will be times when something is happening that doesn't fit in to your perfect eating regime.
So for that one day, you juggle your normal plans to fit in the change and then the next day you are straight back on your normal plan.
If you are eating better, understanding portions and stopping eating when full then you can pretty much accommodate any small changes.0
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