Online Dating
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chrisskellinton wrote: »Question: how many of you have trouble figuring out what to share when? One of the tough things for me in early communication is trying to avoid revealing too much too early while also not being purposely dodgy. It's a struggle to answer some of those ice-breaker questions early on ("Tell me about your family" and "Why haven't you been married?") when the honest answer can be quite complicated (and potentially TMI).
I had this dilemna when I was pregnant (as a surrogate). How much to explain on the profile vs. when to bring it up when messaging back and forth. I didn't want to arrange a meeting for coffee and show up visibly pregnant and have to explain as quickly as possible before he ran off. But when I put on my profile that I was pregnant, I got messages from MANY guys wanting me to send them pics of my bare baby bump. Or asking if I could still have sex. Or asking if my milk had come in yet.
You were worrying about dating while you were pregnant???????Srsly?
I wasn't "worried" about dating while I was pregnant as a surrogate. That's like worrying about dating while I'm donating blood, or while I'm out singing karaoke, or while I'm reading a book. Why should doing something I enjoy or something that is part of who I am prevent me from dating? My first surrogacy I started dating a guy when I was in my first month of pregnancy. We broke up for reasons unrelated to pregnancy 2 months after I delivered.
My only concern was at what point in the dating process I should bring it up to potential suitors.0 -
CA_Underdog wrote: »
It's more time-efficient than chatting up random ladies only to discover they're taken, seriously incompatible, or not interested. My profile announced, "I'm a single dad!" presumably, anyone who messaged me was at least open to the idea of dating a single parent.My question is why people try cyber dating when we can meet real people outside at work, at college, etc. and date there.
Unfortunately, I found that announcing "I'm a single mom" also attracts a few creepers. I met a guy for coffee and we really hit it off. I was going to see him again. I came to my senses the following day and searched his name...bingo! registered sex offender.
His offense was related to children:/
Scary!!! Sick fuqs.
I wouldn't be making that kind of thing public. Or going into too much detail about your kids with complete strangers online.
I knew someone that had 4 kids and would add guys as friends on her f.book within hours of talking to someone new.
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I was a fan of online dating until after six months of no success whatsoever.
So, I'm in the Northeast; he is from Alaska, Montana, Iowa - are you planning to move here?
He has defined himself as boring, sedentary and other various and sundry pejorative adjectives; is this a turn-on?
He has two kids living at home; I am childfree by choice. ...or, he has one picture - of his kids (for real)
He has hacked my account, changed my email, password, profile and is not a real member of the site.
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Does Backpage.com count as on-line dating?0
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Lets see... hmmm oh i know how about the guy I met on POf that was super cute and charming. Met him in real life and he was super creepy looking and creepy personality. Went to a sports bar because I wanted to go bowling and he wanted to drink... spent the whole date complaining about how hungover he was. God he wreaked of cigarettes and booze. He had about 10 cigarettes then we went to see a movie which consisted of him breathing heavily for 2 hours and everytime I made a move to scratch my nose he'd jump to grab my hand and and god his hands were sweaty. Then at the end of the movie he pinned me to the chair and started trying to make out with me and i was like " uh I have to pee" Ill never get the taste of cigarettes out of my mouth.
ETA: Since that date, I always insist on meeting for coffee. No more awkward movie dates... Is it too much to go to a movie with someone and actually want to see the movie??0 -
I've always told myself i wouldn't date anybody until i would date myself. I started not hating my body so much and decided to give online dating a try since I'm so inexperienced with talking to women and it seemed so much easier. Not more than 2 hours after setting up my profile on POF I get a message. We end up chatting back and forth for a bit before exchanging numbers since neither of us wanted to keep using the site messaging feature. *mistake #1* About a week later she texts me saying her car is acting up and how she wishes she had a man in her life that was good with cars so she wouldn't get ripped off by evil mechanics. Stupidly i tell her i was a mechanic for years before i decided coming home with grease covered fingernails wasn't something i wanted to do forever. I volunteer to check out her car since the symptoms she was saying the car was having seeming like something minor. *mistake #2* I end up getting to her house after getting lost twice, I plug in my scanner and get the fault her car is throwing and check under the hood to find that a sensor was unplugged . *most likely on purpose since there is no way vibration made it come loose from it's clip.* I plug it in and take it for a drive and all is well. She asks me how she can repay me, and I tell her it's fine since I enjoy helping when i can, but she was having none of that. She invites me up for a drink. She ends up getting me good and drunk and starts becoming more and more aggressive. Call me old fashioned but I wanted to get to know her a bit more than what she said in texts.I suggest watching a movie, and ordering chinese. Nope. She looked at me like i just killed her grandma for bringing it up. I try putting up my force-field but her power level was too strong. Fast forward a bit, and she's asking me questions like "why don't you find me attractive?" "are you gay?" "why won't you take me?" I remind her how I told her in our chats that I'm far from normal. I'm awkward , and inexperienced, and everything is moving way too fast for me even though I'm pretty drunk and my inhibitions have been significantly lowered. I ask her if she just wants me to leave and I get the death stare again. She made me sleep on the wall side of the bed , and had me be the big spoon until the morning. I legit felt like a prisoner lol, she had my arm in a death lock, and I had no way to escape. The next morning I had to practically beg for my clothes and she STILL wouldn't let me leave until I gave her a kiss goodbye. I get a text as soon as I get home..."so are you gonna be my valentine?" I promptly changed my phone number. I think I can officially say women scare the crap out of me.0
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Captain_Wobbles wrote: »I've always told myself i wouldn't date anybody until i would date myself. I started not hating my body so much and decided to give online dating a try since I'm so inexperienced with talking to women and it seemed so much easier. Not more than 2 hours after setting up my profile on POF I get a message. We end up chatting back and forth for a bit before exchanging numbers since neither of us wanted to keep using the site messaging feature. *mistake #1* About a week later she texts me saying her car is acting up and how she wishes she had a man in her life that was good with cars so she wouldn't get ripped off by evil mechanics. Stupidly i tell her i was a mechanic for years before i decided coming home with grease covered fingernails wasn't something i wanted to do forever. I volunteer to check out her car since the symptoms she was saying the car was having seeming like something minor. *mistake #2* I end up getting to her house after getting lost twice, I plug in my scanner and get the fault her car is throwing and check under the hood to find that a sensor was unplugged . *most likely on purpose since there is no way vibration made it come loose from it's clip.* I plug it in and take it for a drive and all is well. She asks me how she can repay me, and I tell her it's fine since I enjoy helping when i can, but she was having none of that. She invites me up for a drink. She ends up getting me good and drunk and starts becoming more and more aggressive. Call me old fashioned but I wanted to get to know her a bit more than what she said in texts.I suggest watching a movie, and ordering chinese. Nope. She looked at me like i just killed her grandma for bringing it up. I try putting up my force-field but her power level was too strong. Fast forward a bit, and she's asking me questions like "why don't you find me attractive?" "are you gay?" "why won't you take me?" I remind her how I told her in our chats that I'm far from normal. I'm awkward , and inexperienced, and everything is moving way too fast for me even though I'm pretty drunk and my inhibitions have been significantly lowered. I ask her if she just wants me to leave and I get the death stare again. She made me sleep on the wall side of the bed , and had me be the big spoon until the morning. I legit felt like a prisoner lol, she had my arm in a death lock, and I had no way to escape. The next morning I had to practically beg for my clothes and she STILL wouldn't let me leave until I gave her a kiss goodbye. I get a text as soon as I get home..."so are you gonna be my valentine?" I promptly changed my phone number. I think I can officially say women scare the crap out of me.
Wow
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You ladies still talking about me, I see. At least I was memorable, right?0
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Interesting blog post someone put on facebook. I have only been at it for about a month, but i'm with this guy. Women need to be more up front in my opinion as well though too.
http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/06/19/dear-single-men-time-man-figure/0 -
Well, i have began tweaking my profiles online stating what I want and that I don't want to be texting back and forth for a month before ever meeting just to find out they aren't attracted or who knows what. In this last month, i've been pretty guilty of it myself
I need to just man up and state my intentions!
Now ladies, who wants to go to sleezy hotel room and get thrown onto the bed!? lol j/k
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Captain_Wobbles wrote: »I've always told myself i wouldn't date anybody until i would date myself. I started not hating my body so much and decided to give online dating a try since I'm so inexperienced with talking to women and it seemed so much easier. Not more than 2 hours after setting up my profile on POF I get a message. We end up chatting back and forth for a bit before exchanging numbers since neither of us wanted to keep using the site messaging feature. *mistake #1* About a week later she texts me saying her car is acting up and how she wishes she had a man in her life that was good with cars so she wouldn't get ripped off by evil mechanics. Stupidly i tell her i was a mechanic for years before i decided coming home with grease covered fingernails wasn't something i wanted to do forever. I volunteer to check out her car since the symptoms she was saying the car was having seeming like something minor. *mistake #2* I end up getting to her house after getting lost twice, I plug in my scanner and get the fault her car is throwing and check under the hood to find that a sensor was unplugged . *most likely on purpose since there is no way vibration made it come loose from it's clip.* I plug it in and take it for a drive and all is well. She asks me how she can repay me, and I tell her it's fine since I enjoy helping when i can, but she was having none of that. She invites me up for a drink. She ends up getting me good and drunk and starts becoming more and more aggressive. Call me old fashioned but I wanted to get to know her a bit more than what she said in texts.I suggest watching a movie, and ordering chinese. Nope. She looked at me like i just killed her grandma for bringing it up. I try putting up my force-field but her power level was too strong. Fast forward a bit, and she's asking me questions like "why don't you find me attractive?" "are you gay?" "why won't you take me?" I remind her how I told her in our chats that I'm far from normal. I'm awkward , and inexperienced, and everything is moving way too fast for me even though I'm pretty drunk and my inhibitions have been significantly lowered. I ask her if she just wants me to leave and I get the death stare again. She made me sleep on the wall side of the bed , and had me be the big spoon until the morning. I legit felt like a prisoner lol, she had my arm in a death lock, and I had no way to escape. The next morning I had to practically beg for my clothes and she STILL wouldn't let me leave until I gave her a kiss goodbye. I get a text as soon as I get home..."so are you gonna be my valentine?" I promptly changed my phone number. I think I can officially say women scare the crap out of me.
Is this a for real story?0 -
Signed up to POF in March 2013, deleted my profile two weeks ago after zero dates and a string of women messaging me to say how ugly, out of shape and short (5'8") I am.
Confidence is now at zero, addicted to lifting due to BDD and I've become a panic-attack suffering gynophobe
Say what!? That makes no sense unless your MFP profile pictures aren't you.0 -
I will say I think the pay sites are better because it clearly filters out morons who aren't using these sites for their intended purposes. I've been married for 7 years (I think!) so perhaps things were different "back in the day".0
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I would like to know why people play this different persona online than in person and expect for it to end well?0
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paintguru77 wrote: »I will say I think the pay sites are better because it clearly filters out morons who aren't using these sites for their intended purposes. I've been married for 7 years (I think!) so perhaps things were different "back in the day".
I think this depends person to person. I signed up for eharmony thinking it would weed out a lot of the guys that were just looking to get laid. 95% of my matches are people that haven't signed on in over a month which I would guess means they've let their subscription lapse. The handful of people that were current users, I wasn't at all interested in. Like I said, it could vary person to person, I could just be unmatchable. I did change my distance settings to "anywhere" the last month of a three month subscription just to see what would happen. Still the same odds, just more profiles to click through. Also, I noticed a lot of overlap between eharmony and pof. For me, paying wasn't worth it.0 -
iwillsucceed0444 wrote: »From reading this thread I see a lot of decent, good-natured, attractive folks. Whoever ends up with you guys are all very lucky people. Know that, know that you are a good person! Don't give up that, don't give up on yourself. Try online dating but also try looking harder IRL too. Do things out of your comfort zone. See that good-looking guy at the grocery store? Go up and ask him where a certain product is. Who knows, he could be married, or he could be a great match for you! You never know until you try! Best of luck everybody.
I wouldn't say to force it but your right, you never know until you approach someone.0 -
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Captain_Wobbles wrote: »
Yikes. Me and my friends have a check-in system. If they don't hear from me by a designated time, they call in the cavalry. Hasn't been needed yet - but they would have come rescued me and driven my car home.
It's ok for men to have a check-in system too - for people you meet online or the old-fashioned way.
And regardless, the first meeting is ALWAYS in public. But I wouldn't discount online dating - it at least gives you an opportunity to practice your flirting.0 -
Joannah700 wrote: »Captain_Wobbles wrote: »
Yikes. Me and my friends have a check-in system. If they don't hear from me by a designated time, they call in the cavalry. Hasn't been needed yet - but they would have come rescued me and driven my car home.
It's ok for men to have a check-in system too - for people you meet online or the old-fashioned way.
And regardless, the first meeting is ALWAYS in public. But I wouldn't discount online dating - it at least gives you an opportunity to practice your flirting.
I second this. There are a lot of crazy people and a lot of people that aren't looking for what you're looking for in the online dating world, but there are also a good number of normal people. Don't let the crazy chick keep you from potentially meeting someone you click with, just be smart about it. Any of the normal ones would have been happy to find you.0 -
I love that there are creepers on this very thread. LOL0
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