Online Dating
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chrisskellinton wrote: »chrisskellinton wrote: »Question: how many of you have trouble figuring out what to share when? One of the tough things for me in early communication is trying to avoid revealing too much too early while also not being purposely dodgy. It's a struggle to answer some of those ice-breaker questions early on ("Tell me about your family" and "Why haven't you been married?") when the honest answer can be quite complicated (and potentially TMI).
I had this dilemna when I was pregnant (as a surrogate). How much to explain on the profile vs. when to bring it up when messaging back and forth. I didn't want to arrange a meeting for coffee and show up visibly pregnant and have to explain as quickly as possible before he ran off. But when I put on my profile that I was pregnant, I got messages from MANY guys wanting me to send them pics of my bare baby bump. Or asking if I could still have sex. Or asking if my milk had come in yet.
You were worrying about dating while you were pregnant???????Srsly?
I wasn't "worried" about dating while I was pregnant as a surrogate. That's like worrying about dating while I'm donating blood, or while I'm out singing karaoke, or while I'm reading a book. Why should doing something I enjoy or something that is part of who I am prevent me from dating? My first surrogacy I started dating a guy when I was in my first month of pregnancy. We broke up for reasons unrelated to pregnancy 2 months after I delivered.
My only concern was at what point in the dating process I should bring it up to potential suitors.
I don't think you get my point. But I do think most people should know immediately.
No being a surrogate is not like donating blood etc. Having a kid whether it is yours or not is way more life changing to the other person than just doing something randomly like donating blood or singing karaoke.
Me being a guy and let's say I had recently broke up with a woman who was pregnant with my child. I think the other person should know that right away because it will affect them too and their choice to want to be with me.
You're right; I'm not seeing your point.
I wasn't pregnant with another guy's child from a prior relationship. I entered into a surrogacy contract to carry someone else's child (not related to me). Theoretical boyfriends would only be "affected" by my surrogacy in that they couldn't share their sushi with me, they'd always have me as a desginated driver, or my hormones might fluctuate a bit more than normal. But if a guy doesn't want to be with me because I'm helping people - honestly, I don't want to be with him, either.0 -
Got a message from someone this morning, someone who I have never even talked to, "you like oral, right? So do I, so let's meet up".
What about, "looking for a serious relationship" or anything on my profile gave you that seriously delusional indication?
Seriously about to delete my accounts.0 -
Captain_Wobbles wrote: »She made me sleep on the wall side of the bed , and had me be the big spoon until the morning. I legit felt like a prisoner lol
Not to diminish what a sh*tshow this experience was for you, or anything
but .....your writing style is hilarious. Please start a dating blog.0 -
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I wonder if that kinda line actually works (like SPAM emails - we wouldn't get em if some of em didn't pay-off), which might be the reason to even send a message like that.
This is an advantage of paid sites that limit your introductions/week--spammy approaches are ineffective, and being banned for abusive behaviors is meaningful. When I was online dating I paid $15/mo or so, and I think that helped me avoid the worst of the worst.
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CA_Underdog wrote: »I wonder if that kinda line actually works (like SPAM emails - we wouldn't get em if some of em didn't pay-off), which might be the reason to even send a message like that.
This is an advantage of paid sites that limit your introductions/week--spammy approaches are ineffective, and being banned for abusive behaviors is meaningful. When I was online dating I paid $15/mo or so, and I think that helped me avoid the worst of the worst.
Agreed. I use to use POF and it was awful. I finally decided to suck it up and pay for match.com... met my husband in the first week I was on Match.
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@ captain wobbles- that story made me snort. I have to admit I trap my dog in bed with me though.0
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I met my husband on craigslist, of all places. I was new to town and looking for someone casual. We met within the week, he moved in with me 3 months later (I lived closer to his work than he did, so made more sense than me moving in with him) and a year later, we got married.
Seems like this happens when you aren't looking for any kind of long term commitment. I had a bad previous marriage and so did he. But, I knew the first time I met him that leaving it at something casual was going to be difficult. I just didn't say anything until months later because I was enjoying being around him and didn't want him to freak out and bounce.
As a side note, the first picture he ever sent me was NOT a face picture, lol, and I made fun of him for being so shameless.0 -
I went on a date with a guy from POF. He was nice enough - I wasn't attracted to him at all, but I thought maybe I could be friends with this guy.
Then I started getting the drunk texts about how hard it is to work as an assassin for the CIA and never be able to tell anybody...0 -
I went on a date with a guy from POF. He was nice enough - I wasn't attracted to him at all, but I thought maybe I could be friends with this guy.
Then I started getting the drunk texts about how hard it is to work as an assassin for the CIA and never be able to tell anybody...
I would keep him around for the entertainment.0 -
wolfsbayne wrote: »I went on a date with a guy from POF. He was nice enough - I wasn't attracted to him at all, but I thought maybe I could be friends with this guy.
Then I started getting the drunk texts about how hard it is to work as an assassin for the CIA and never be able to tell anybody...
I would keep him around for the entertainment.
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I'm so bad at dating. I'm soooo bad at dating. I just assume that my best dates could fall into anyone else's worst category.
For example, on my first date with this one guy, he took me to a strip club. And now I've been with him for more than 9 months because I have no shame.0 -
Oh! Or! One time I met this guy and he was alright. A little weird, but whatever, so am I. Four months later, I let him know that I'm moving to Montana (from Chicago). He's like, oh, cool, I want to go. Wow! Someone loves me! Alright, let's go. We get to Montana, applying for apartments, I find out his name is completely different from what he told me initially - first and last names, completely different. Whatever, it's fine. We stay together, date for a total of 4 years, and we're engaged for about one and a half years before I realize that he's a liar about more than just his name, which should have probably been obvious.
I'm such a cotton-headed ninny-muggins sometimes, but it's cool. He was still very nice and I hope he stops lying so he can be happy.0 -
I've never done the online dating thing, and these responses show all the reasons why. There's some crazy *kitten* people out there.0
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I met this guy online, and we met up a few weeks later for our first date at a concert. My girlfriends thought that was an awful first date, but I'm different from some girls and thought it was a cool idea. We meet up at the venue and grab some food and a few beers at a bar next door. It was great -- conversation was awesome, we made each other laugh, it was all really easy and natural for us. We head back to the venue, go in, have a great time. It ends, and we leave and start the long walk to our cars in the parking lot. He stopped me halfway there to kiss me, and it was an awesome kiss. Everything was perfect. We get to his car and he starts having a panic attack about driving home. He wants to go home with me. I'm nowhere near being comfortable with that, but I offer to drive him home and then he can pick his car up with someone tomorrow. He collapses to the ground in tears and starts sobbing, asking me why I don't trust him...?? I couldn't figure out if this was some crazy attempt at going home with a girl or if he genuinely was freaked out. Then he threw up on my shoes. I was really grossed out but also felt so bad for him, I asked him if I could call anyone for him. He begged me again to take him home with me so he could buy me new shoes tomorrow. I again say no. He finally asks me if I can get his mom's number out of his phone and call her to come get him. He was 30 at the time, but his 70-something year old mother drove into the city of Atlanta to pick up her slightly unbalanced son regardless. I stayed with him until she got there to make sure he was okay, and she apologized to me and told me that he was "a sensitive boy."
I still feel really bad for the guy, but that was CRAZY.0 -
Oh! Or! One time I met this guy and he was alright. A little weird, but whatever, so am I. Four months later, I let him know that I'm moving to Montana (from Chicago). He's like, oh, cool, I want to go. Wow! Someone loves me! Alright, let's go. We get to Montana, applying for apartments, I find out his name is completely different from what he told me initially - first and last names, completely different. Whatever, it's fine. We stay together, date for a total of 4 years, and we're engaged for about one and a half years before I realize that he's a liar about more than just his name, which should have probably been obvious.
I'm such a cotton-headed ninny-muggins sometimes, but it's cool. He was still very nice and I hope he stops lying so he can be happy.Oh! Or! One time I met this guy and he was alright. A little weird, but whatever, so am I. Four months later, I let him know that I'm moving to Montana (from Chicago). He's like, oh, cool, I want to go. Wow! Someone loves me! Alright, let's go. We get to Montana, applying for apartments, I find out his name is completely different from what he told me initially - first and last names, completely different. Whatever, it's fine. We stay together, date for a total of 4 years, and we're engaged for about one and a half years before I realize that he's a liar about more than just his name, which should have probably been obvious.
I'm such a cotton-headed ninny-muggins sometimes, but it's cool. He was still very nice and I hope he stops lying so he can be happy.
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Met a guy. Talked with him for a while. Seemed nice and funny. We met for lunch and he never let us order any food. And he talked the ENTIRE time. Wouldn't let me get a single word in. We left after three hours of him talking nonstop and us eating only chips and water. He wrote to me saying he "didn't think we connected." YA THINK?
He also had tiny hobbit hands. Weirded me out.0 -
Markdjones83 wrote: »Oh! Or! One time I met this guy and he was alright. A little weird, but whatever, so am I. Four months later, I let him know that I'm moving to Montana (from Chicago). He's like, oh, cool, I want to go. Wow! Someone loves me! Alright, let's go. We get to Montana, applying for apartments, I find out his name is completely different from what he told me initially - first and last names, completely different. Whatever, it's fine. We stay together, date for a total of 4 years, and we're engaged for about one and a half years before I realize that he's a liar about more than just his name, which should have probably been obvious.
I'm such a cotton-headed ninny-muggins sometimes, but it's cool. He was still very nice and I hope he stops lying so he can be happy.Oh! Or! One time I met this guy and he was alright. A little weird, but whatever, so am I. Four months later, I let him know that I'm moving to Montana (from Chicago). He's like, oh, cool, I want to go. Wow! Someone loves me! Alright, let's go. We get to Montana, applying for apartments, I find out his name is completely different from what he told me initially - first and last names, completely different. Whatever, it's fine. We stay together, date for a total of 4 years, and we're engaged for about one and a half years before I realize that he's a liar about more than just his name, which should have probably been obvious.
I'm such a cotton-headed ninny-muggins sometimes, but it's cool. He was still very nice and I hope he stops lying so he can be happy.
Tell me about it. Beer my 4 years of my life back.0 -
Met a guy. Talked with him for a while. Seemed nice and funny. We met for lunch and he never let us order any food. And he talked the ENTIRE time. Wouldn't let me get a single word in. We left after three hours of him talking nonstop and us eating only chips and water. He wrote to me saying he "didn't think we connected." YA THINK?
He also had tiny hobbit hands. Weirded me out.
I think I went on a date with that same guy.0 -
VintageMisery514 wrote: »I met this guy online, and we met up a few weeks later for our first date at a concert. My girlfriends thought that was an awful first date, but I'm different from some girls and thought it was a cool idea. We meet up at the venue and grab some food and a few beers at a bar next door. It was great -- conversation was awesome, we made each other laugh, it was all really easy and natural for us. We head back to the venue, go in, have a great time. It ends, and we leave and start the long walk to our cars in the parking lot. He stopped me halfway there to kiss me, and it was an awesome kiss. Everything was perfect. We get to his car and he starts having a panic attack about driving home. He wants to go home with me. I'm nowhere near being comfortable with that, but I offer to drive him home and then he can pick his car up with someone tomorrow. He collapses to the ground in tears and starts sobbing, asking me why I don't trust him...?? I couldn't figure out if this was some crazy attempt at going home with a girl or if he genuinely was freaked out. Then he threw up on my shoes. I was really grossed out but also felt so bad for him, I asked him if I could call anyone for him. He begged me again to take him home with me so he could buy me new shoes tomorrow. I again say no. He finally asks me if I can get his mom's number out of his phone and call her to come get him. He was 30 at the time, but his 70-something year old mother drove into the city of Atlanta to pick up her slightly unbalanced son regardless. I stayed with him until she got there to make sure he was okay, and she apologized to me and told me that he was "a sensitive boy."
I still feel really bad for the guy, but that was CRAZY.
Poor guy. This story is actually quite sad.
Yeah I was thinking the same. Sounds like he had panic/anxiety issues which are terrible0 -
Markdjones83 wrote: »VintageMisery514 wrote: »I met this guy online, and we met up a few weeks later for our first date at a concert. My girlfriends thought that was an awful first date, but I'm different from some girls and thought it was a cool idea. We meet up at the venue and grab some food and a few beers at a bar next door. It was great -- conversation was awesome, we made each other laugh, it was all really easy and natural for us. We head back to the venue, go in, have a great time. It ends, and we leave and start the long walk to our cars in the parking lot. He stopped me halfway there to kiss me, and it was an awesome kiss. Everything was perfect. We get to his car and he starts having a panic attack about driving home. He wants to go home with me. I'm nowhere near being comfortable with that, but I offer to drive him home and then he can pick his car up with someone tomorrow. He collapses to the ground in tears and starts sobbing, asking me why I don't trust him...?? I couldn't figure out if this was some crazy attempt at going home with a girl or if he genuinely was freaked out. Then he threw up on my shoes. I was really grossed out but also felt so bad for him, I asked him if I could call anyone for him. He begged me again to take him home with me so he could buy me new shoes tomorrow. I again say no. He finally asks me if I can get his mom's number out of his phone and call her to come get him. He was 30 at the time, but his 70-something year old mother drove into the city of Atlanta to pick up her slightly unbalanced son regardless. I stayed with him until she got there to make sure he was okay, and she apologized to me and told me that he was "a sensitive boy."
I still feel really bad for the guy, but that was CRAZY.
Poor guy. This story is actually quite sad.
Yeah I was thinking the same. Sounds like he had panic/anxiety issues which are terrible
Absolutely. I checked on him the next day because I felt bad and was concerned, but he was pissed at me for not taking him to my place, and we never spoke again.0 -
VintageMisery514 wrote: »Markdjones83 wrote: »VintageMisery514 wrote: »I met this guy online, and we met up a few weeks later for our first date at a concert. My girlfriends thought that was an awful first date, but I'm different from some girls and thought it was a cool idea. We meet up at the venue and grab some food and a few beers at a bar next door. It was great -- conversation was awesome, we made each other laugh, it was all really easy and natural for us. We head back to the venue, go in, have a great time. It ends, and we leave and start the long walk to our cars in the parking lot. He stopped me halfway there to kiss me, and it was an awesome kiss. Everything was perfect. We get to his car and he starts having a panic attack about driving home. He wants to go home with me. I'm nowhere near being comfortable with that, but I offer to drive him home and then he can pick his car up with someone tomorrow. He collapses to the ground in tears and starts sobbing, asking me why I don't trust him...?? I couldn't figure out if this was some crazy attempt at going home with a girl or if he genuinely was freaked out. Then he threw up on my shoes. I was really grossed out but also felt so bad for him, I asked him if I could call anyone for him. He begged me again to take him home with me so he could buy me new shoes tomorrow. I again say no. He finally asks me if I can get his mom's number out of his phone and call her to come get him. He was 30 at the time, but his 70-something year old mother drove into the city of Atlanta to pick up her slightly unbalanced son regardless. I stayed with him until she got there to make sure he was okay, and she apologized to me and told me that he was "a sensitive boy."
I still feel really bad for the guy, but that was CRAZY.
Poor guy. This story is actually quite sad.
Yeah I was thinking the same. Sounds like he had panic/anxiety issues which are terrible
Absolutely. I checked on him the next day because I felt bad and was concerned, but he was pissed at me for not taking him to my place, and we never spoke again.
Yeah, he was probably slightly embarrassed and thought that meant you didn't like him. Obviously he has anxiety issues which probably played into his overthinking in. You did what you could 0 -
Uh, no. It is never safe for a woman to bring some random dude back to her place. He should know better. I feel less sorry for him now.
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I meant I felt sorry he had a panic attack not sorry he just assumed she would take him home
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Markdjones83 wrote: »I meant I felt sorry he had a panic attack not sorry he just assumed she would take him home
Oh, I know. I was responding to her comment, not yours! (I haven't quite mastered the new quoting format...) 0 -
I had a guy set up a date to meet at a restaurant, and he didn't show. It was the one time that I've ever been stood up. I tried calling, texting, and messaging on the site we met on, and no answer. An hour later, a friend showed up and we had a good time.
The next day, the dude apologized and said he had some "family issues" and that he was so stressed that he just turned off his phone. Rude. Then he said he still wanted to take me out. I told him I was going with friends to a bar and he was welcome to show up, but I wasn't making any effort to go out of my way to meet him again. He then tells me he's an alcoholic and if he shows up, I would have to give him a ride home. I told him nevermind.
Just how much nope can one guy inspire?
He tried once more to ask me out even after all that, and I said that I had too many guys who treat me well asking me out to bother saying yes to one who doesn't. And also...nope.0 -
Im from Costa Rica and i met a guy on chatroulette haha just to fun and talk, we had same interests and he was funny, couple months later he told me he had cancer then we start to say to me that he loves me and those things and i was like what the *kitten*... but i swear this guy malipulates my mind and all my life even living so far, he told me he lives lone, and he had his own company, i talked with him on skype so this guy appear with suit in a office and in his house laying most of the time because he was aick, he showed me things like medicines, even toilet paper with boold, he said her girlfried cheated him and he was alone, so six months later i met this person here in costa rica and he stay for 3 day, the bad part is that he looks better on cam and i did not feel atracted i think i just felt sorry for him and he just said all the things that i wanted to hear... when he came back to USA he appear on skype crying and he told me that everytjing was a lie, he hd a girlfrien 3 months preagnant, he did not has cancer and he lived with his girlfriend all that time oh and he did not has a job... so he gave my name to his girlfriend and my numbers and she start to
Harass me, and started calling my house and my job, she told my mom what i had done with him, and posted pictures of me naked, when i decide end all comunication he said to me that if i did not stay with him he was going to kill him self and actually he almost do it but he survive.. he start to harissan me on email, phone, facebook... i was really paranoid he knew some friends of mine that was the most creappy *kitten* i had lived on my life.. i just turn off my computer for almost 7 months, change my numbers and he and his crazy girlfriend disappear0 -
90bulgarellu wrote: »Im from Costa Rica and i met a guy on chatroulette haha just to fun and talk, we had same interests and he was funny, couple months later he told me he had cancer then we start to say to me that he loves me and those things and i was like what the *kitten*... but i swear this guy malipulates my mind and all my life even living so far, he told me he lives lone, and he had his own company, i talked with him on skype so this guy appear with suit in a office and in his house laying most of the time because he was aick, he showed me things like medicines, even toilet paper with boold, he said her girlfried cheated him and he was alone, so six months later i met this person here in costa rica and he stay for 3 day, the bad part is that he looks better on cam and i did not feel atracted i think i just felt sorry for him and he just said all the things that i wanted to hear... when he came back to USA he appear on skype crying and he told me that everytjing was a lie, he hd a girlfrien 3 months preagnant, he did not has cancer and he lived with his girlfriend all that time oh and he did not has a job... so he gave my name to his girlfriend and my numbers and she start to
Harass me, and started calling my house and my job, she told my mom what i had done with him, and posted pictures of me naked, when i decide end all comunication he said to me that if i did not stay with him he was going to kill him self and actually he almost do it but he survive.. he start to harissan me on email, phone, facebook... i was really paranoid he knew some friends of mine that was the most creappy *kitten* i had lived on my life.. i just turn off my computer for almost 7 months, change my numbers and he and his crazy girlfriend disappear
Wow. I think you win for worst internet date.
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My question is why people try cyber dating when we can meet real people outside at work, at college, etc. and date there.
I'm a single mom with an office job. The only possible places I could meet a guy were at the gym (I'm not there to chit-chat) or at the grocery store. Online was an easy way to talk to guys when I had spare time right before bed.
Well, It all occurs to me that most of us use online dating because we miss the opportunity to be in real-world dating. otherwise we wouldn't choose this.
So can we regard ourselves as unlucky people?
Do you think online dating is really a date or mostly a way to chit chat and waste some time?
Because to me as a guy in most cases it proves to be a waste of time. It doesn't have the seriousness of the real date.0 -
yourradimradletshug wrote: »My question is why people try cyber dating when we can meet real people outside at work, at college, etc. and date there.
1.) My workplace is mostly women. I work with 2 guys, both are married and too old for me.
2.) I do online college so that's out.
There are a lot of bars in my area but I don't really go out and drink and most guys at bars are kind of skeezy and are just looking for a hookup. I have had guys try to hit on me at the gym but c'mon if I am in the middle of a workout I don't want to stop so you can use some cheesy pick up line. Honestly, I like that with online dating you can talk first and feel the person out a bit before going out. You dodge a lot of awkwardness that way.
Do you find online dating more trustworthy than real dating?
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