Lame Jokes. And I mean REALLY lame.

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  • AgentOrangeJuice
    AgentOrangeJuice Posts: 1,069 Member
    Knock Knock

    Who's there

    Lettuce

    Lettuce Who

    Lettuce in and you'll find out
  • Rivers2k
    Rivers2k Posts: 380 Member
    This one might get me beat up.

    Why does a woman where white on their wedding day. So they can match the other kitchen appliances.

    I don't really believe this please don't hurt me.
  • klkateri
    klkateri Posts: 432 Member
    This one is my own creation.... ENJOY!!

    Q: Where do Arctic Lesbians like to hang out?
    A: At the Klondike Bar!!
  • Rivers2k
    Rivers2k Posts: 380 Member
    quiksylver296 wrote: »
    My son's favorite:

    What do you call a penguin on the moon?

    LOST!

    I am so corny I literally LOL at this.
  • YanskaNY
    YanskaNY Posts: 103 Member
    Did you hear about the giraffe who walked into a bar?

    He said " Hey everyone! The High Balls (Hi Balls) are on me!" :)
  • cskone38
    cskone38 Posts: 50 Member
    So, a dyslexic man walks into a bra........
  • Texasgntlman
    Texasgntlman Posts: 50 Member
    This one is fun to do to people.. Ask if they like a good knock-knock joke.. They say "sure"
    Then you say "ok- you start it.." They say "knock-knock" ...you say "whose there?" -then laugh :)
  • fernandesg
    fernandesg Posts: 54 Member
    edited March 2015
    What do you call a fish with no eyes? ..... A fsh

    Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? ..... Because the 'P' is silent.

    Where did Napoleon keep his armies? ..... In his sleevies

    Two dyslexics walk into a bra......

    :wink:
  • Rivers2k
    Rivers2k Posts: 380 Member
    what do you get when you mix a dyslexic, agnostic, philosopher.... someone who sits around contemplating the existence of dog
  • Texasgntlman
    Texasgntlman Posts: 50 Member
    What do you call a dog with no legs?
    It doesn't matter-he won't come anyway
  • Rivers2k
    Rivers2k Posts: 380 Member
    Not really a joke but something I think is funny in a corny way

    Why to they call a nose job rino-plasty isn't that just hurtful to the people getting it done.
  • marvybells
    marvybells Posts: 1,984 Member
    A bear walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says "Can I have a large Gin and............................................................Tonic?"


    The Bartender says "Yeah sure, but what's with the big pause?"


    The bear holds up his paws and says "Cause i'm a bear!!"
  • JSurita2
    JSurita2 Posts: 1,304 Member
    Hornsby wrote: »
    What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A "Lickalottapuss"
    What do you call a male gay dinosaur? A "Megasoras"

    LMAO...too funny!
  • 100_lbs_Plus
    100_lbs_Plus Posts: 95 Member
    This one is actually my favorite joke of all time.

    Are you ready?

    "A farmer is out standing in his field"
  • knitapeace
    knitapeace Posts: 1,013 Member
    edited March 2015
    What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idear.
    What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinocerous? 'Ell if I know.
    Why won't sharks eat clowns? Because they taste funny.

    (These jokes are required telling on the tour bus at the San Diego Zoo. Just ask my husband, a dad joke connoisseur if there ever was one.)
  • kjm3579
    kjm3579 Posts: 3,974 Member
    What do you do when your new wife walks into the living room?
    Shorten the chain, she shouldn't be out of the kitchen.
  • Texasgntlman
    Texasgntlman Posts: 50 Member
    There is a whole list of jokes about a guy with no arms and no legs: I'll start it and you can ad too it.
    What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of the door? -Matt
    What do you call a man with no arms and legs floating in the lake? -Bob
    What do you call a man with no arms and legs beside a hole in the ground? -Doug
  • tincanonastring
    tincanonastring Posts: 3,944 Member
    So, this one is dumb and awesome at the same time:

    How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
    Fishbowl
  • Hornsby
    Hornsby Posts: 10,322 Member
    I went to the zoo the other day, and it was completely empty. It only had one dog in the whole park....

    It was shih tzu
  • TheBeachgod
    TheBeachgod Posts: 825 Member
    What do you call a woman with no arms and legs lying in a cow pasture? Patty.
  • Hornsby
    Hornsby Posts: 10,322 Member
    edited March 2015
    Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

    He worked his problem out with a pencil.

















    It was #2 pencil.
  • Just_Ceci
    Just_Ceci Posts: 5,926 Member
    NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »
    Knock, Knock
    Who's there?
    Orange.

    Knock, Knock
    Who's there?
    Orange.

    Knock, Knock
    Who's there?
    Orange.

    Knock, Knock
    Who's there?
    Orange you glad I'd didn't say orange again.
    My grandson's favorite version of this:

    Knock, Knock
    -Who's there?
    Banana.
    -Banana, who?

    Knock, Knock
    -Who's there?
    Banana.
    -Banana, who?

    Knock, Knock
    -Who's there?
    Orange.
    -Orange, who?
    Orange you glad I'd didn't say banana?
  • Hornsby
    Hornsby Posts: 10,322 Member
    What does Forrest Gump use as a password?

    1Forrest1
  • Hornsby
    Hornsby Posts: 10,322 Member
    Knock Knock

    Who's there?

    Brittny Spears

    Knock Knock

    Who's there?

    Oops, I did it again.
  • cskone38
    cskone38 Posts: 50 Member
    edited March 2015
    I hate when people tie knots in the bread package. Now I gotta be a dang Macguyver or James Bond just to make a sandwich!!!??
  • Hornsby
    Hornsby Posts: 10,322 Member
    So two snare drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff…


    Ba Dum Tssh
  • Texasgntlman
    Texasgntlman Posts: 50 Member
    Hornsby wrote: »
    What does Forrest Gump use as a password?

    1Forrest1

    I like that :-)
  • techgal128
    techgal128 Posts: 719 Member
    Why did the bubblegum cross the road?

    It was stuck to the chicken.
  • Riffraft1960
    Riffraft1960 Posts: 1,984 Member
    What do you call the situation where a Bull swallows some dynamite?

    abominable ( A Bomb in a Bull)

    What do you call the situation after the dynamite goes off?

    Noble (No Bull)
  • Texasgntlman
    Texasgntlman Posts: 50 Member
    What do you call the guy with no arms and no legs at the poker table? -Chip

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