Lame Jokes. And I mean REALLY lame.

1356

Replies

  • Riffraft1960
    Riffraft1960 Posts: 1,984 Member
    How could George Washington throw a silver dollar across the Delaware?

    Money went further in those days
  • NewLIFEstyle4ME
    NewLIFEstyle4ME Posts: 4,440 Member
    I told my doctor that when I woke up in the morning I couldn’t stand looking at myself in the mirror. He said, “At least we know your vision is perfect.”

    What does an annoying pepper do? It get’s jalapeño face

    My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

    Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

    “Knock knock”
    “Who’s there?”
    “Europe”
    “Europe who?”
    “No you’re a poo!”


    When’s a good time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
  • Riffraft1960
    Riffraft1960 Posts: 1,984 Member
    What do you call a Rabbit who was raised in a home and never leaves?

    An in-grown Hair (Hare)
  • AmandaLipphardt
    AmandaLipphardt Posts: 80 Member
    A dyslexic walks into a bra...
  • Riffraft1960
    Riffraft1960 Posts: 1,984 Member
    I love corny jokes, I am that Dad, embarrassing my kids was always fun
  • tincanonastring
    tincanonastring Posts: 3,944 Member
    What time did Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?
    About ten-ish
  • deucemon69
    deucemon69 Posts: 647 Member
    why did the cowboy get a dauchsund? So he can get a long little doggie
    what do you call a man with no nose and no body? nobody knows
    what do you call an alligator wearing a vest? an investigator
    what did the one goldfish say to the other in the tank? you man the gun I'll drive
    why was 6 afraid of 7? because 7 was a registered 6 offender
  • AgentOrangeJuice
    AgentOrangeJuice Posts: 1,069 Member
    A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in the front of his pants, the bartender says "Hey Pirate! you've got a steering wheel in the front of your pants!" The pirate responds

    ARGHHHHH! IT'S DRIVIN' ME NUTS!
  • AmandaLipphardt
    AmandaLipphardt Posts: 80 Member
    What do you call a man in a tree holding a suitcase? A branch manager
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    I stayed up all night wondering where the day went. Then it dawned on me.
  • JSurita2
    JSurita2 Posts: 1,304 Member
    Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella? FO DRIZZLE
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Did you know grapes don't fight back when you step on them? They do wine a little bit though.
  • Riffraft1960
    Riffraft1960 Posts: 1,984 Member
    Why do elephants paint their toe nails red?

    To Hid in Cherry trees.

    Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?

    Works doesn't it
  • Just_Ceci
    Just_Ceci Posts: 5,926 Member
    Why was 6 afraid of 7?
    Because 7 8 9.
  • deucemon69
    deucemon69 Posts: 647 Member
    what did the one fish say to the other after hitting a wall? dam
  • JSurita2
    JSurita2 Posts: 1,304 Member
    A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
  • JSurita2
    JSurita2 Posts: 1,304 Member
    Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"
    Brunette: "I don’t know."
    Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"
  • Riffraft1960
    Riffraft1960 Posts: 1,984 Member
    a big guy walks up to a little guy knocks him down and says that was karate from japan. Little guy gets up and brushes himself off. the big guy knocks him down and says that was ta kwon do from korea. Little guys again picks himself up and brushes himself off. Once again the big guy knocks him down and says that was Kung fu from China. Little guy picks himself up and tells the big guy to wait a minute I will be right back. Little guy leave and comes back in a few moments and BAM right in the back of the head of the big guy. Little guy gathers the people who had been watching all of this and says, when he wakes up tell him that was crowbar from Wal-Mart.
  • tjcuipylo
    tjcuipylo Posts: 21 Member
    where do cows go for their first date?

    the mooooooooovies!
  • AgentOrangeJuice
    AgentOrangeJuice Posts: 1,069 Member
    A Brunette, a red head and a blonde were at the hospital about to give birth.

    The Brunette says "I was on top so I'm going to have a boy"

    The red head says "I was on bottom so I'm going to have a girl"

    The Blonde starts crying uncontrollably "I'm going to have puppies, waaaaaaa"
  • Texasgntlman
    Texasgntlman Posts: 50 Member
    Where is Moscow?
    In the barn next to Pa's cow
  • NewLIFEstyle4ME
    NewLIFEstyle4ME Posts: 4,440 Member
    Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
    In case he got a hole in one


    What kind of cheese isn't yours?
    Nacho Cheese


    What did the letter say to the stamps?
    "Stick with me and we'll go places"


    What did the baby corn say to the mama corn at the dinner table?
    Where's pop corn?
  • Rivers2k
    Rivers2k Posts: 380 Member
    edited March 2015
    5 old guys stand around talking

    Guy 1 says after I hit 70 I cant't take a really good pee
    Guy 2 says after I hit 70 I cant have a really good bowel movement
    Guy 3 says after I hit 70 I can't get and erection.
    Guy 4 says after I hit 70 I can't sleep past 6am
    Guy 5 says every morning around 6 am I pee, have a bowel movement, and get an erection, only problem is I don't wake up till 8am

    I am always afraid this is going to happen to me when I get old just for telling this joke so often.
  • Rivers2k
    Rivers2k Posts: 380 Member
    This is better said than written.

    Did you hear about the wine made by Long Island Housewives .... (said in winey voice) but I waaanna go to miamiiii
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
    How do you find Will Smith in the snow?



    Look for the fresh prints.
  • KrysKiss87
    KrysKiss87 Posts: 124 Member
    A snare drum and a cymbal fall out of a tree.

    *ba-dum ching*
  • Texasgntlman
    Texasgntlman Posts: 50 Member
    KrysKiss87 wrote: »
    A snare drum and a cymbal fall out of a tree.

    *ba-dum ching*

    Good one.. Makes me think of:

    How do Chinese name their kids?
    ..they go to the kitchen and throw silverware in the air and listen as it hits the floor -
    "Ching ...Chang.. Chong ..."
  • Hornsby
    Hornsby Posts: 10,322 Member
    Hornsby wrote: »
    So two snare drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff…


    Ba Dum Tssh
    KrysKiss87 wrote: »
    A snare drum and a cymbal fall out of a tree.

    *ba-dum ching*

    I feel like I have heard something similar before... ;)
  • KrysKiss87
    KrysKiss87 Posts: 124 Member
    yeah, I didn't read through them all. Sorry for the repeat.
  • Hornsby
    Hornsby Posts: 10,322 Member
    KrysKiss87 wrote: »
    yeah, I didn't read through them all. Sorry for the repeat.
    :) No need to apologize, just pickin' on ya.

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