My Husband!.... NOT ATTRACTED TO ME!
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I'm also a crappy housekeeper. But, at least I don't fool around! And, you know, he's 9 years older than I, so he gets to go to bed with a younger woman every night. Winning.
This is ME! Except for all the homespun stuff. I do kind of WANT to do all that kind of stuff..I went so far as to collect books on container gardening and gardening on .25 acre and buying a bunch of earthy bulk things like couscous and Quiona and stocking up on "staples" so I could bake stuff. I just never get beyond the planning it out phase. I love planning things like that out - a whole LIFESTYLE CHANGE...then pffffzzzzzzttt. Fizzles out.
But I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THE FACT THAT HE GETS TO GO TO BED WITH A YOUNGER WOMAN EVERY NIGHT. That's way awesome. Thank you.
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Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »ok, so all the folks saying this is bad, and that this is the lowest of the low...
how many ya'll cheated in the past? #gauntlet #barbarianneedsfoodbadly
hahaha. Not me, sunshine. I caught my ex (at the time he was my fiance) cheating on me the night before a wedding we had both gone to. Thankfully it wasn't our wedding.
Anyway, after the wedding rehearsal festivities died down, a group of us were hanging out. I went to go to bed when the group started breaking up since I was exhausted and ended up passing out for a few hours. I woke up, realized he wasn't next to me and went to find him. We were at an outdoor wedding a bit in the boonies so I wanted from the camping tent we were sleeping in to the renovated barn (very redneck meets hipster) we had been hanging out in before.
As I approached the barn, I saw the lights on but the doors were shut. I looked through one of the slats in the barn door, ready to open the door when I realized that he was standing and she was *ahem* driving downtown to get some ice cream so-to-speak. I tried to open the door, found it was locked, and started beating on it.
She escaped out of a side door with her dog. No one was around except the three of us and, not thinking clearly, I took off after her to absolutely beat the snot out of her. She was much faster than I was so I never got to throw any punches; however, when my ex caught up to me, he started spewing apologies left and right. I remember taking off the ring, handing it to him, telling him to go eff himself, and then walking three feet and throwing all up.
Thankfully I saw what he was before I vowed to spend the rest of my life with him.
Why would you want to beat the crap out of her? She has no loyalty to you? Surely it's your ex you should have been punching?
Sorry, it just really annoys me when women fight the other woman rather than their cheating, scumbag partners. That's the person who has broken a promise to you.
The bridesmaid and I were merely acquaintances; however, she also knew we were engaged as we had hung out together previously. Trust me, he was next on my list.
I don't care whether or not she "had lotalty". It's a *kitten* thing to do to another person. Hopefully you've never been cheated on and never have to know what it is like.
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SconnieCat wrote: »Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »ok, so all the folks saying this is bad, and that this is the lowest of the low...
how many ya'll cheated in the past? #gauntlet #barbarianneedsfoodbadly
hahaha. Not me, sunshine. I caught my ex (at the time he was my fiance) cheating on me the night before a wedding we had both gone to. Thankfully it wasn't our wedding.
Anyway, after the wedding rehearsal festivities died down, a group of us were hanging out. I went to go to bed when the group started breaking up since I was exhausted and ended up passing out for a few hours. I woke up, realized he wasn't next to me and went to find him. We were at an outdoor wedding a bit in the boonies so I wanted from the camping tent we were sleeping in to the renovated barn (very redneck meets hipster) we had been hanging out in before.
As I approached the barn, I saw the lights on but the doors were shut. I looked through one of the slats in the barn door, ready to open the door when I realized that he was standing and she was *ahem* driving downtown to get some ice cream so-to-speak. I tried to open the door, found it was locked, and started beating on it.
She escaped out of a side door with her dog. No one was around except the three of us and, not thinking clearly, I took off after her to absolutely beat the snot out of her. She was much faster than I was so I never got to throw any punches; however, when my ex caught up to me, he started spewing apologies left and right. I remember taking off the ring, handing it to him, telling him to go eff himself, and then walking three feet and throwing all up.
Thankfully I saw what he was before I vowed to spend the rest of my life with him.
Why would you want to beat the crap out of her? She has no loyalty to you? Surely it's your ex you should have been punching?
Sorry, it just really annoys me when women fight the other woman rather than their cheating, scumbag partners. That's the person who has broken a promise to you.
The bridesmaid and I were merely acquaintances; however, she also knew we were engaged as we had hung out together previously. Trust me, he was next on my list.
I don't care whether or not she "had lotalty". It's a *kitten* thing to do to another person. Hopefully you've never been cheated on and never have to know what it is like.
Oh I've been cheated on. You have no idea. My ex's girlfriend threatened to kill me and our children when he broke it off with her (because I found out and he wanted me to forgive him - I still divorced him, of course.) And there was a whole lot more that I won't go into. So don't act the martyr. I still stand by my point. Women do themselves a disservice by focussing on the other woman and cat fighting like something out of the Maury show over a pathetic cheating guy. I think it lets cheating men off the hook because it takes the focus off them..She's not the one who married you or promised to be faithful to you. She's owes you nothing. He does. If your going to punch someone, punch him.0 -
Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »ok, so all the folks saying this is bad, and that this is the lowest of the low...
how many ya'll cheated in the past? #gauntlet #barbarianneedsfoodbadly
hahaha. Not me, sunshine. I caught my ex (at the time he was my fiance) cheating on me the night before a wedding we had both gone to. Thankfully it wasn't our wedding.
Anyway, after the wedding rehearsal festivities died down, a group of us were hanging out. I went to go to bed when the group started breaking up since I was exhausted and ended up passing out for a few hours. I woke up, realized he wasn't next to me and went to find him. We were at an outdoor wedding a bit in the boonies so I wanted from the camping tent we were sleeping in to the renovated barn (very redneck meets hipster) we had been hanging out in before.
As I approached the barn, I saw the lights on but the doors were shut. I looked through one of the slats in the barn door, ready to open the door when I realized that he was standing and she was *ahem* driving downtown to get some ice cream so-to-speak. I tried to open the door, found it was locked, and started beating on it.
She escaped out of a side door with her dog. No one was around except the three of us and, not thinking clearly, I took off after her to absolutely beat the snot out of her. She was much faster than I was so I never got to throw any punches; however, when my ex caught up to me, he started spewing apologies left and right. I remember taking off the ring, handing it to him, telling him to go eff himself, and then walking three feet and throwing all up.
Thankfully I saw what he was before I vowed to spend the rest of my life with him.
Why would you want to beat the crap out of her? She has no loyalty to you? Surely it's your ex you should have been punching?
Sorry, it just really annoys me when women fight the other woman rather than their cheating, scumbag partners. That's the person who has broken a promise to you.
The bridesmaid and I were merely acquaintances; however, she also knew we were engaged as we had hung out together previously. Trust me, he was next on my list.
I don't care whether or not she "had lotalty". It's a *kitten* thing to do to another person. Hopefully you've never been cheated on and never have to know what it is like.
Oh I've been cheated on. You have no idea. My ex's girlfriend threatened to kill me and our children when he broke it off with her (because I found out and he wanted me to forgive him - I still divorced him, of course.) And there was a whole lot more that I won't go into. So don't act the martyr. I still stand by my point. Women do themselves a disservice by focussing on the other woman and cat fighting like something out of the Maury show over a pathetic cheating guy. I think it lets cheating men off the hook because it takes the focus off them..She's not the one who married you or promised to be faithful to you. She's owes you nothing. He does. If your going to punch someone, punch him.
Lol. A martyr. Oh my god that's funny. Thanks for making me laugh.
genuinely. . . No sarcasm. And I know I didn't give the whole picture so you're assuming that I let him off the hook. No worries. Again, I didn't give the complete story as I should have so you were right to assume. I suppose I just hope both parties - when people know that someone is in a relationship - would be respectful of that. But it doesn't happen.
I did confront him. And in the in the end, he did get his. And we were never married. Engaged. So I dodged that bullet.
I hope that you're in the better place. Best of luck to you.0 -
The person he cheats WITH is just as guilty as the cheater - UNLESS the person doesn't know that there's another person involved.1
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He's trying to make you feel like it's your fault. NO WAY! He wants to be a jerk and talk to another woman like that ... He's the problem. Dealt with this crap before. Don't you dare put yourself down. That's his goal - to make himself feel better for what he's doing. B. S.0
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This never came up during dating or engagement?????
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5 months in and this is happening!! I am 25 years in and have never experienced this with my husband! I agree with the others it seems he has the issues not you or your weight it seems it could be a little deeper ... communication, talk it over with him and see if there is a way to move forward. But with no kids involved it will be easy to just give up and put yourself first!!0
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5 months in? And he's doing that. This is supposed to be your "honey moon stage". Sheesh. (I'm 15 years married)0
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Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Well... I never thought I'd be here...ALREADY!. Ive been married for almost 5 months. This weekend I saw my husband talking to another female on his phone about our sex life. He told her he was not physically attracted to me. He also told her he is attracted to her... his exact words TO HER, "i'm attracted to u". I'm devastated and really cant believe i'm experiencing this already. It is the MOST hurtful thing EVER!. I admit I have put on a few more pounds since we got married, HE HAS as well. And I have taken note of it and started exercising. Sadly , on one end I cant blame him for not being attracted to me, I am not even attracted to myself. I HATEEE What I see in the mirror. Im not sure what hurts the most, the fact that I think he is justified in not being attracted to me, or that he is not, and is attracted to another woman. This hurts super bad!
Get out quickly while you can. This has nothing to do with the weight. Sounds like he thinks he married the wrong person. It will be hard, but 5 months is nothing, compared to 5, 10, 20 yrs. and then trying to get out. I've been married for 23 yrs through which both of us had some major weight gain (50+lbs), but we accepted this and worked through it. Together. Because we care for each other. He obviously has other issues going on. I'm sorry you are going through this, but a comment like he made is bordering close to the next step - cheating.0 -
Weight isn't the issue like everyone says. The guy has issues and think of it as fortunate you find this out this early. Not meaning that to sound shallow or cruel. But meaning it in the matter that kids are not involved which makes it easier to move on. You don't want to be stuck with someone like that the rest of your life. Stick it to him!0
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Can I ask your age. I think you should get an annulment asap. If he is looking to other women already your in for a long road of hurt. Get out while it's still new before you get stuck in the pattern of him saying oh I love you it won't happen again. But it will trust me. I'm married 6 years and he has never made me feel I can't trust him. If he did I wouldn't stay with him.0
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Oh your so young still. Run!0
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You caught him this time. He's going to be a lot more careful the next time.... The trust is gone, you'll always be wondering and trust me this will be a miserable and sickly way to live your life. "Sickly" meaning that sick feeling in your gut everytime his phone goes off, everytime he goes out or comes home etc etc etc
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Counseling, like, right now. Respect, boundaries, trust... these things are needed in any healthy relationship. He should not be telling female friends he is attracted to them and not attracted to you. Even if its true. What a prick. And if he wont go to counsiling with you... please make an appointment for yourself. This is about much more than weight or body type. I dont know you, or your relationship... only you know how hard to fight. If I was in your shoes I would have torn him to shreds... then served divorce papers to what's left of him the next day. What a prick!0
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My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..0 -
BlueInkDot wrote: »When two people get married, each person is obligated to put their best foot forward and do their utmost to sexually satisfy their partner as best as they can. This is a two-way street. He says he "wants you to do more." Okay, well what is HE doing? What do YOU like in bed? What kind of things really get you going? What makes your heart race? Have you talked about it? There are LOTS of activities you can do together in a sexual sense, and they can be as cliche or as crazy-sounding as you want, what's important is that you talk about it SUPER DUPER OPENLY. Do either of you have any fantasies? What kind of sexy things do each of you look at on the internet? What kind of themes are there on these websites? Maybe share those websites with each other. YES it's embarrassing and scary to share these things that are usually private, but when you got married, part of the deal is that you were going to do this for each other as best as you can.
Sexual satisfaction is a big part of marriage, in my opinion. That's why I ended up not marrying first-boyfriend like I thought I would... Our sexual tastes just did not click at all. We weren't sexually compatible, and it was never going to work out. If that's the case for you, then I doubt your marriage is in a good place. But better to find this out now before you have kids then later.
Try your best to think about YOUR well-being and YOUR happiness and not blame yourself too much. Make an effort, do what you can, but try to know when you've just done everything you could and it's a lost cause.
Good luck.
This. So much this. Gone are the days when sexual satisfaction is only for men.0 -
Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »ok, so all the folks saying this is bad, and that this is the lowest of the low...
how many ya'll cheated in the past? #gauntlet #barbarianneedsfoodbadly
hahaha. Not me, sunshine. I caught my ex (at the time he was my fiance) cheating on me the night before a wedding we had both gone to. Thankfully it wasn't our wedding.
Anyway, after the wedding rehearsal festivities died down, a group of us were hanging out. I went to go to bed when the group started breaking up since I was exhausted and ended up passing out for a few hours. I woke up, realized he wasn't next to me and went to find him. We were at an outdoor wedding a bit in the boonies so I wanted from the camping tent we were sleeping in to the renovated barn (very redneck meets hipster) we had been hanging out in before.
As I approached the barn, I saw the lights on but the doors were shut. I looked through one of the slats in the barn door, ready to open the door when I realized that he was standing and she was *ahem* driving downtown to get some ice cream so-to-speak. I tried to open the door, found it was locked, and started beating on it.
She escaped out of a side door with her dog. No one was around except the three of us and, not thinking clearly, I took off after her to absolutely beat the snot out of her. She was much faster than I was so I never got to throw any punches; however, when my ex caught up to me, he started spewing apologies left and right. I remember taking off the ring, handing it to him, telling him to go eff himself, and then walking three feet and throwing all up.
Thankfully I saw what he was before I vowed to spend the rest of my life with him.
Why would you want to beat the crap out of her? She has no loyalty to you? Surely it's your ex you should have been punching?
Sorry, it just really annoys me when women fight the other woman rather than their cheating, scumbag partners. That's the person who has broken a promise to you.
I read somewhere that it's a biological imperative thing. Females have more chance of their genes being propagated if their male partner is totally focused on their offspring, which means fighting off the competition. Males have more chance of propagating their genes if they mate with multiple partners - there is basically no limit to the number of children a male can father. That said, I don't remember there bring any disadvantages of the female mating with multiple partners....
Of course there's no reason we have to conform to biological imperative.
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yopeeps025 wrote: »Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...
What he said....
I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and inappropriate...
...some of the things he said:-
- He just got caught up
- Its not that he is really attracted to her
- Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
- He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
- we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.
I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.
So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.
Other notes:-
We were both virgins before we got married
Yes there were other offences before
I was questioning getting married to him
Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
I am bolding all the parts that support my evidence of a troll thread.
you said you were both virgins but then say that he expected more out of your sex life? If he was a virgin then how could he have higher expectations...??? Unless he is watching porn all the time and that is what he is basing his expectations off...
Actually, that bit made lots of sense to me. I can see a 30 year old virgin to have built up in his head all of the OMG MAGICAL FURNITURE BREAKING SEXYTIME! And then be bitter and resentful when his partner (also a virgin) isn't a living Kama Sutra.
Dudes who have done the deed tend to know what to expect, you know? And, seriously....HE is inexperienced and disappointed? I'd guaranfuckingtee (pun intended) that if he was really and truly a virgin until 30? Poor OP is REALLY missing out. Because if he's got unrealistic expectations of HER, I'd wager lots of internet dollars on a definite lack of skillz on his part.
Like any consistant couple it takes time to learn the others likes. Even if they are both virgins then they have time to learn and grow together.
Now does he have expectations of what he has never had before her. I would say 100% he does. How many possibilities?
Yes, but I'd guess that the learning curve is exponentially steeper when you are dealing with total two total noobs. They're figuring out their own preferences as well as their partner's. And, seriously, given dude's willingness to be "disappointed" and having a borderline emotional affair only 5 months in to their sexual relationship? I'm guessing that he's not really dedicated to learning about HER wants and preferences. And, you know, generally speaking, the ladyjunk tends to be a little less self-explanatory for new operators, you know?
LOL
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Don't be discussing this type of stuff on social media - TALK TO HIM! Straight up! Sooner the better. Get it all out on the table and then start working to salvage this marriage. You both have a lot of relationship work to learn and grow on. Good luck.0
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