For a Fat girl, I'm a fox! (apparently.)???

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  • michellemybelll
    michellemybelll Posts: 2,228 Member
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    SerenityGrace wrote: »
    Please tell the noob what n=1 means, LOL.

    n = the sample size of the experiment. that poster's sample size is herself in her example. therefore n=1. am i missing something?
  • Generic_Excuse
    Generic_Excuse Posts: 607 Member
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    I would have felt (if me with the way I think) that maybe he saw me as an easy target. Using maybe something I had low self esteem about to persuade me I had really scored by him asking me out. I would have declined as well just based on the wording.
  • D_squareG
    D_squareG Posts: 361 Member
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    marinabreeze wrote: »
    DearestWinter wrote: »
    I would find this irritating too, OP. To everyone defending him as being awkward and suffering from foot-in-mouth ... that may be true but that still doesn't excuse what he said. He might not actually be a jerk but he acted like one. Some people are happy to overlook that sort of thing but obviously OP is not one of those people and she shouldn't feel obligated to do so.

    Exactly this.

    I don't know in what world that making such a comment would be considered okay. I'm married also, but even if I were single I wouldn't give someone like that the time of day, because it sounds like I'm some kind of exception to the "rule" that big girls are unattractive - which is pretty rude to imply, even if you think that way. He may not be a bad person, but what he said was rude. What if we replaced "big girl" with other characteristics - would it play so well then?

    Smart observation



  • moto450
    moto450 Posts: 334 Member
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    on behalf of all guys everywhere... I'm so ashamed! :\
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
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    moto450 wrote: »
    on behalf of all guys everywhere... I'm so ashamed! :\

    Ah, no.

    I can speak for myself, thank you very much.
  • iwearthejumper32
    iwearthejumper32 Posts: 57 Member
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    enterdanger wrote: »
    Comments like that are the reason I tried to date guys that only spoke foreign languages for a short time frame in college. Mute is better.

    Brilliant ;)
  • Mick1127
    Mick1127 Posts: 451 Member
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    There is always 2 ways to say something. When you have a date with someone who is flat out ugly you could say "You're so ugly your face could stop a clock." Or, you could say, "When I look into your eyes, time stands still." Lab dude just chose the wrong way to convey his message because he is socially awkward, as are many of us. Accept the compliment and realize it was probably difficult for him to work up the nerve to approach you in the 1st place. The fact he didn't check out your hand for a wedding ring is the first clue he doesn't have a clue.
  • cindytw
    cindytw Posts: 1,027 Member
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    He could have just not found the right words, OR there ARE men who take advantage of large women, small women, too thin women, capitalizing on low self esteem and abusing them via their own low self esteem. You never know without going into it further, which you are not doing.
  • SuperC_sa
    SuperC_sa Posts: 48 Member
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    Good on you girl!

    But yeah the comment "pretty for a big girl" would have put me off too!
  • amusedmonkey
    amusedmonkey Posts: 10,330 Member
    edited March 2015
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    Dragn77 wrote: »
    I find that interesting @amusedmonkey ... in a big way, it really does though, show quite a bit about approach and compatibility. Where there are some of us who would find it offensive to have a guy tell them they are pretty for a big girl, you would take it as a compliment.

    Like, I would not appreciate it if a guy would assume I dont think Im beautiful and tell a buddy that, but thats just me...another woman would be flattered to overhear a guy say that...and therein is the compatibility thing, in that she would likely respond favorably and may spark something with the guy whose approach she was open to, where I would roll my eyes and walk away as if I didnt hear him..and remain single LoL

    I guess it boils down to, theres someone for everyone. Not everyone wants to be approached or flirted with in the same way...

    I agree. choosing to know a person better before basing my judgement on one statement has opened a lot of doors for me, some of which I closed because the person was indeed a self-absorbed individual who thought was doing me a favor... "yeah, I'm not your charity therapy buddy", but more often than not it has resulted in amazing relationships and life-long friendships.

    People who do place such judgement have a better chance at avoiding dealing with the former type, so I can understand this tendency for self-preservation. It may also have to do with the fact that I did not mind being fat one bit (until I got hit by health repercussions) so I was less prone to being offended by things that involved the topic.
  • yesimpson
    yesimpson Posts: 1,372 Member
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    It was a pretty douchey comment, but as someone who opens her mouth and inserts her foot regularly when attempting to flirt, I actually feel a bit bad for him too and definitely think you shouldn't take it personally. The main point he wanted to convey was that you're attractive - the rest was unnecessary, ill advised waffle.
  • ThisGirlWins
    ThisGirlWins Posts: 64 Member
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    KrysKiss87 wrote: »
    I was walking into work this morning and as per the norm, I ended up having to share the elevator with the good looking Lab tech that works on the floor below me. We usually get to work about the same time, so inevitably we end up sharing the elevator. It's almost become part of my morning ritual. Only Today was different.

    I shuffle onto the elevator followed shortly by handsome lab guy. The doors slide shut and we start our ascent. Suddenly out of the blue he turns to me and says "Listen, I've been wanting to say something for awhile now but hadn't worked up the nerve. I wanted to know if you would let me take you to coffee sometime. I find you very pretty for a big girl and I think you are really attractive."

    Say what?

    Though I am flattered that this handsome gentlemen was attracted to my milkshake which does in fact bring all the boys to the yard,(because I'm hella sexy yo) I had to decline.

    First things first. I am VERY happily married. I even wear a shiny ring that is an obvious statement of the fact that I am taken, Unavailable, Kitchen is closed. No soup for you.

    Secondly, if by some chance I was not married, in what universe would this statement actually make me want to go out with you? Maybe the poor guy didn't know what he was saying, maybe he didn't realize that "pretty for a big girl" is not, in fact, a compliment.

    Correct me if I'm wrong, because maybe I'm taking this to heart more than I should, but pointing out the fact that I'm a "big girl" (Which, thanks genius I already knew that) even after a compliment, is a surefire way to make me immediately not find you attractive. "Pretty for a big girl" is like saying "Hey there, I don't think you are sexy in general, but if I have to settle for less than I really want, you aint so bad!"

    Why can't I be just pretty? Why can't someone find me attractive in general instead of itemizing me in a list of a particular body type. I am not at all ashamed of how I look, but to try and "Compliment" me by saying I'm not typically pretty, but for a fat girl I'm a fox..... Not really beneficial to my self esteem. Although I appreciate the compliment, pointing out my weight issue right after is kind of lame.

    So in conclusion, Handsome Lab guy is kind of a jerk. Or maybe just really socially awkward.

    Am I looking at this in completely the wrong way?

    I don't really care about the opinion of some random guy because I am married to one who loves me for who I am and I am completely head over heels for him. But for some reason this whole thing just got under my skin.

    Comments? questions? Snide remarks?


    Well he might be pretty but he's obviously not very smart.... and I would take smart over pretty any day...

    Don't let it bother you. He's ridiculous.

  • ThisGirlWins
    ThisGirlWins Posts: 64 Member
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    enterdanger wrote: »
    Comments like that are the reason I tried to date guys that only spoke foreign languages for a short time frame in college. Mute is better.

    Haha! That's an appealing option I hadn't considered :D
  • jonsmithkidd
    jonsmithkidd Posts: 1,204 Member
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    I hate that 'I'm married' is an automatic response, it kind of justifies the comments and makes it sound like if you weren't married, you would have jumped at the opportunity to go out with this guy.

    I know it snot your fault, it's something just said to get out of these situations quickly, I just wish that in general, the response from whoever, married or not, would be to make the guys/girls realise that what they've said just isn't going to make people jump at the opportunity of a drink with them.
  • Quasita
    Quasita Posts: 1,530 Member
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    Honestly, I think it depends on the delivery. He doesn't sound like he was being a jerk so I'm not sure it's fair to assume he is one.
    Sounds to me like he awkwardly spoke his mind. That is, he's noticed you, and knowing he isn't typically attracted to bigger women, but is attracted to you, is one of your alluring qualities. However, because he doesn't know how to express this without sounding idiotic, he says the simplest thing he can come up with... and it's still an awkward one.

    I've had relationships start off of such awkward comments. The best response, if you're interested, is "For a big girl, eh?" because what that will tell you is whether or not they are a nice dude. Nice dudes who are not jerks will be immediately embarrassed and stammer, blush or even swear about screwing it up. Jerks don't even bat an eye. When the nice guy stammers and blushes, that's when you flirtatiously place your hand on their arm and say "It's okay, I know what you're trying to say" because you know what? YOU KNOW WHAT HE IS TRYING TO SAY. Then you let him buy you the coffee or whatever, and you enjoy it knowing you have a kick booty story about the first time he talked to you.

    Don't let your own perceptions or assumptions about others keep you from enjoying life and enjoying a dang compliment every once in a while.

    I'm 6'1" and over 400lbs, and I get the addendum quite often. Dudes that are not used to being into women as big as men but then find me fascinating or beautiful or whatever it may be end up saying some pretty stupid things, but at the end of the day, being offended is not their problem, it's mine. You can't be offended if you don't empower another to offend you. I may choose to tease you for foot-in-mouth syndrome, but I do it to diffuse the situation and laugh with you, not at you... And I feel sorry for women who are not able to embrace this.

    Just because we live life surrounded by people who are not very nice to us doesn't mean we have to be defensive first, and considering second. Consider it first. Your life will be happier for it.
  • ereck44
    ereck44 Posts: 1,170 Member
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    Say, he was so taken with your pretty face, that he didn't notice your wedding ring after several encounters on the elevator. I'd say, that rocks!
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,520 Member
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    Has anyone pointed out that if this guy works in a lab...there is a real possibility that he has no idea how to talk to women? He might be cute, but he is obviously socially awkward. I wouldn't be insulted. He's probably a mess.
  • Steff46
    Steff46 Posts: 516 Member
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    I'm just wondering how awkard the elevator ride is going to be from now on...yikes!!!
  • Steff46
    Steff46 Posts: 516 Member
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    "awkward"
  • Wiseandcurious
    Wiseandcurious Posts: 730 Member
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    Steff46 wrote: »
    I'm just wondering how awkard the elevator ride is going to be from now on...yikes!!!

    I was wondering that too because, in my experience, most guys get so ego-bruised after a rejection that they go out of their way to act aloof with you sometimes to the point of being rude, even if you rejected them really gently and try to still be nice to them. Not saying this must happen in this case, but it has always happened with me so far...

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