Online Dating

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Replies

  • iamlynn74
    iamlynn74 Posts: 502 Member
    edited March 2015
    Trayjay33 wrote: »
    Belle8312 wrote: »
    Trayjay33 wrote: »
    Belle8312 wrote: »
    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    Belle8312 wrote: »
    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    Belle8312 wrote: »
    I had a guy send me a message online telling me how interested he was in me, he said he was married and when I asked him why he was willing to cheat he said "it's what society puts out there. Sex is everywhere, and it's hard to deny all the temptation" REALLY? Then WHY are you married?

    This guy is an idiot. That is a BS excuse to cheat.

    EXACTLY! If I had a dollar for every guy that talked to me online that was married, I would be rich enough to buy a husband! LOL! :smiley:

    It's like more and more people are ok to have open marriages. My questions to those is why get married at all too. I know people who are into the swingers life. As fun as that might sound to others I rather not have to do such a thing.

    I completely agree! When I eventually, someday, get married it's not going to be so we can go out and date and/or sleep with other people. If I just wanted to have sex, that's easy. No problem making that happen. Why spend all the time going through the motions of being in a serious relationship or get married just to be with other people?
    Besides, I can get a little bit, well tiny, well miniscule really, kind of jealous and territorial. :smiley:

    In the ideal world being able to control someone's actions would be easy. There is a high rate of cheating and infidelity because people have free will. Where there is a will there is a way. People take vows everyday and break them. I'm not saying you don't hope for the best but you can't lock a man or woman up so they can't be unfaithful to you. There has to be a deeper connection than attraction. That's a dime a dozen. I didn't mean to intrude on your responses but people say "til death do us part" and disregard that due to sickness, financial reasons, unhappiness and more. Hoping I find a good man one day soon.

    I totally get what you are saying, but I was referring more to people having open marriages and being swingers. I just don't understand the lifestyle. I am not saying that it is wrong, and I am in no way judging, but the amount of people that are online on dating sites that are married just baffles me. For me personally, I would not get into a relationship with the intention of seeking an additional relationship elsewhere.

    I understand and I'm sorry if I gave that impression that I thought your opinion was invalid. It confuses me as well. Not only online but in the workplace. I also don't date at my job but the amount of married people who take the opportunity to look for relationships there as well is confusing. I understand a lot of time spent is on the job but again why take the vows if it means nothing. Like you said just have a good time. That was never my intention when online dating and after years of trying it I have decided not to waste my time there and work on building other areas of my life, health etc. Hopefully the right person will come along. I have heard success stories like the previous poster had but online dating sites are just not for me.

    Found this group of comments interesting. I think people overlook one simple thing. One simple question. "Do I love this person or am I settling for a set of good qualities". I think so many people want to find "the one" that they rush it. I think they start looking at what others have (outside looking in) and decide before they are ready for a relationship. Some marry to "do the right thing", a baby is a strong motivator to good people who know and ignore the fact that they are incompatible but for the sake of they try. Some of these are reasons (not excuses) they look for the escape of other arms.
  • Belle8312
    Belle8312 Posts: 2,151 Member
    iamlynn74 wrote: »
    Trayjay33 wrote: »
    Belle8312 wrote: »
    Trayjay33 wrote: »
    Belle8312 wrote: »
    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    Belle8312 wrote: »
    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    Belle8312 wrote: »
    I had a guy send me a message online telling me how interested he was in me, he said he was married and when I asked him why he was willing to cheat he said "it's what society puts out there. Sex is everywhere, and it's hard to deny all the temptation" REALLY? Then WHY are you married?

    This guy is an idiot. That is a BS excuse to cheat.

    EXACTLY! If I had a dollar for every guy that talked to me online that was married, I would be rich enough to buy a husband! LOL! :smiley:

    It's like more and more people are ok to have open marriages. My questions to those is why get married at all too. I know people who are into the swingers life. As fun as that might sound to others I rather not have to do such a thing.

    I completely agree! When I eventually, someday, get married it's not going to be so we can go out and date and/or sleep with other people. If I just wanted to have sex, that's easy. No problem making that happen. Why spend all the time going through the motions of being in a serious relationship or get married just to be with other people?
    Besides, I can get a little bit, well tiny, well miniscule really, kind of jealous and territorial. :smiley:

    In the ideal world being able to control someone's actions would be easy. There is a high rate of cheating and infidelity because people have free will. Where there is a will there is a way. People take vows everyday and break them. I'm not saying you don't hope for the best but you can't lock a man or woman up so they can't be unfaithful to you. There has to be a deeper connection than attraction. That's a dime a dozen. I didn't mean to intrude on your responses but people say "til death do us part" and disregard that due to sickness, financial reasons, unhappiness and more. Hoping I find a good man one day soon.

    I totally get what you are saying, but I was referring more to people having open marriages and being swingers. I just don't understand the lifestyle. I am not saying that it is wrong, and I am in no way judging, but the amount of people that are online on dating sites that are married just baffles me. For me personally, I would not get into a relationship with the intention of seeking an additional relationship elsewhere.

    I understand and I'm sorry if I gave that impression that I thought your opinion was invalid. It confuses me as well. Not only online but in the workplace. I also don't date at my job but the amount of married people who take the opportunity to look for relationships there as well is confusing. I understand a lot of time spent is on the job but again why take the vows if it means nothing. Like you said just have a good time. That was never my intention when online dating and after years of trying it I have decided not to waste my time there and work on building other areas of my life, health etc. Hopefully the right person will come along. I have heard success stories like the previous poster had but online dating sites are just not for me.

    Found this group of comments interesting. I think people overlook one simple thing. One simple question. "Do I love this person or am I settling for a set of good qualities". I think so many people want to find "the one" that they rush it. I think they start looking at what others have (outside looking in) and decide before they are ready for a relationship. Some marry to "do the right thing", a baby is a strong motivator to good people who know and ignore the fact that they are incompatible but for the sake of they try. Some of these are reasons (not excuses) they look for the escape of other arms.


    I think that is extremely good point. I know this may sound like odd timing, but I actually spent the weekend doing some serious soul searching. I think I am going about this whole online dating thing for all the wrong reasons. It's to the point where, and I HATE to admit this, but I am/was starting to get desperate. I'm doing things I normally wouldn't do, I am acting a certain way that I never used to act before, and it's not me.
    At this point in my life, while I would love to find someone to spend the rest of my life with and have a family with, I can't push it. And that's what I am doing. I've gone to some crazy extreme lengths to have some type of connection with someone and it's all ended badly. So that's why I have decided to take a serious break from online dating, and dating in general. So I have deleted all accounts (except for Match, since I paid for it through June).
    It's time to get back to fixing me before I try and add someone, maybe this is the universe's way of telling me I am not ready to meet someone yet. :smiley:
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    lwynd002 wrote: »
    yopeeps025 wrote: »

    Tinder and friends? hmmmmm

    Right?! Shocking

    It is IMO.
  • Belle8312
    Belle8312 Posts: 2,151 Member
    So kind of a random question, but what would you do in this situation?

    There's a woman I work with and she had some guy stop by her desk to talk to her about a week ago about whatever, I don't know, something related to work. I noticed him, he seemed kind of cute. So I guess when he got back to his desk (he works in a different part of the building) he IM'd my co-worker to ask about me. Who's the "new girl", age, am I single, etc. Well she IM'd and asked me what I thought about him because he was asking about me and wanted to know if he asked me out what would I say. I told her to go ahead and tell him I am available.
    Fast forward to two days later and I had a meeting with one of the bosses, and when I came back he had sent me a contacts request for our IM, IM'd me and sent me a FB friend request.

    First of all, a little overboard? So we started chatting and by the end of the day, I had accepted his friend request.
    Now keep in mind, he works IN MY SAME BUILDING! But he hasn't come by once to talk to me in person and hasn't asked me out. What gives?

    Not only that, but he is crazy into fitness. (Another reason why I am posing the question here. :smiley: )
    Like he is a freak of nature fitness crazy. Triathlons, sticks to a specific meal plan each week, etc.

    Now don't get me wrong, I am working on my fitness and eating, and am doing really well sticking to my calories, etc. And maybe someday I could do triathlons, but right now I am not there. I really don't think I would be able to keep up in the event he did ask me out.

    What do you all think?
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    Belle8312 wrote: »
    So kind of a random question, but what would you do in this situation?

    There's a woman I work with and she had some guy stop by her desk to talk to her about a week ago about whatever, I don't know, something related to work. I noticed him, he seemed kind of cute. So I guess when he got back to his desk (he works in a different part of the building) he IM'd my co-worker to ask about me. Who's the "new girl", age, am I single, etc. Well she IM'd and asked me what I thought about him because he was asking about me and wanted to know if he asked me out what would I say. I told her to go ahead and tell him I am available.
    Fast forward to two days later and I had a meeting with one of the bosses, and when I came back he had sent me a contacts request for our IM, IM'd me and sent me a FB friend request.

    First of all, a little overboard? So we started chatting and by the end of the day, I had accepted his friend request.
    Now keep in mind, he works IN MY SAME BUILDING! But he hasn't come by once to talk to me in person and hasn't asked me out. What gives?

    Not only that, but he is crazy into fitness. (Another reason why I am posing the question here. :smiley: )
    Like he is a freak of nature fitness crazy. Triathlons, sticks to a specific meal plan each week, etc.

    Now don't get me wrong, I am working on my fitness and eating, and am doing really well sticking to my calories, etc. And maybe someday I could do triathlons, but right now I am not there. I really don't think I would be able to keep up in the event he did ask me out.

    What do you all think?

    Is this person a child. What adult can't ask for what he wants? Those little games of asking around to get to the person like we still in middle school. He works with you so why hasn't he talked to you in person.

    I didn't know adults do "hey ask your friend I like if she likes me."
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    Belle8312 wrote: »
    So kind of a random question, but what would you do in this situation?


    What do you all think?

    I didn't know adults do "hey ask your friend I like if she likes me."

    ouch, but true.

    really though. I haven't seeing that behavior since middle school.
  • Melissa90xo
    Melissa90xo Posts: 1,020 Member
    The ones who talk about sex straight up or the ones who try to turn the conversation dirty.. NEXT! At 25 years old, I give up :joy:
  • lydiakitten
    lydiakitten Posts: 132 Member
    Well... I had dabbled into online dating when I was a teen, had some disastrous online flings, and swore off it feeling disgusted. I proceeded to only dating people I could physically hang out with, and dated more than a few.

    And then, two years back or so, I met a guy who lived in Canada. We hit it off as friends, but we were both outrageously adamant about not developing an online relationship. "Haha, everyone knows these never work; what are we, children?" we both reassured on another, trying to be as grounded and pragmatic and cynical as possible, while trying to suppress the romantic attraction.

    And now... We're getting married soon, and are looking for a house.

    Point being, you never know where it will come from. Be realistic, be guarded, yes, but don't be closed to opportunity.
  • vickyaida
    vickyaida Posts: 27 Member
    He talked about his ex the whole time.
  • Joannah700
    Joannah700 Posts: 2,665 Member
    Belle8312 wrote: »
    So kind of a random question, but what would you do in this situation?

    There's a woman I work with and she had some guy stop by her desk to talk to her about a week ago about whatever, I don't know, something related to work. I noticed him, he seemed kind of cute. So I guess when he got back to his desk (he works in a different part of the building) he IM'd my co-worker to ask about me. Who's the "new girl", age, am I single, etc. Well she IM'd and asked me what I thought about him because he was asking about me and wanted to know if he asked me out what would I say. I told her to go ahead and tell him I am available.
    Fast forward to two days later and I had a meeting with one of the bosses, and when I came back he had sent me a contacts request for our IM, IM'd me and sent me a FB friend request.

    First of all, a little overboard? So we started chatting and by the end of the day, I had accepted his friend request.
    Now keep in mind, he works IN MY SAME BUILDING! But he hasn't come by once to talk to me in person and hasn't asked me out. What gives?

    Not only that, but he is crazy into fitness. (Another reason why I am posing the question here. :smiley: )
    Like he is a freak of nature fitness crazy. Triathlons, sticks to a specific meal plan each week, etc.

    Now don't get me wrong, I am working on my fitness and eating, and am doing really well sticking to my calories, etc. And maybe someday I could do triathlons, but right now I am not there. I really don't think I would be able to keep up in the event he did ask me out.

    What do you all think?

    I think he's super shy.

    He had the opportunity to turn around while talking to your co-worker and introduce himself - but he chose not to.

    If you're ok with dating a shy guy - then realize it's going to take time for him to warm up. Some people are always going to be socially anxious. If it becomes serious and you have to introduce him to friends and family? It's going to be an ordeal. If you're cool with that, maybe you can try to ease his way into it - teasingly IM him, I'm going to be going past your cubicle in 5 minutes - want to dramatically lock gazes and say nothing while I walk by?

    Don't know if it would work, but it's progress.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    edited April 2015
    So I have a question for a future date. I went on a date last night where of course she wanted to protect herself so I recommended paying for Uber. At the end of the date, I did not know how to ask how she was getting home? I didn't know how to not sound creepy asking her? It didn't matter because she allowed me to take her home. It was still an awkward question I thought to ask.

    ETA: that is was first date and first time seeing each other in person.
  • JeopardyRight
    JeopardyRight Posts: 331 Member
    Only went out with one person twice. Never again.
  • MissMary75044
    MissMary75044 Posts: 517 Member
    I've had a couple of friends that used POF, after hearing their stories I'm staying far, far away from it.
  • JamieM8168
    JamieM8168 Posts: 248 Member
    I'm an expert at having bad dates/relationships from meeting people online. :neutral:

    Some examples;
    -dated for a few months and then he broke up with me because he was getting engaged
    -went on a few dates and then he did the disappearing thing, texted me back a month later asking if I want to be fwb instead
    -we went on some dates and he disappeared then texts me a week later saying he's sorry but his other relationship is getting intense so we can't talk anymore
    -first date and he lectures me that i'm eating too many carbs
    -first date and he grabbed my boob 5 minutes after meeting
    -another first date, he forgot to mention to me he was maybe 4' 10 and an angry attitude yelling at me and the waitress the whole time and then was upset I wouldn't go to his hotel room


    ...so yeah, I'm still single. I actually have a date with someone I met on tinder today BUT I found out after we started talking that he is a friend of a friend type of thing so I'm still optimistic.... kind of.
  • Markdjones83
    Markdjones83 Posts: 852 Member
    I've had a couple of friends that used POF, after hearing their stories I'm staying far, far away from it.

    I attempted a few of the sites, but didn't have much luck. See my previous posts in this thread lol.
  • soldiergrl_101
    soldiergrl_101 Posts: 2,206 Member
    Agreed online dating sucks! I have yet to make it to the actual date because I cant get a guy that says anything other than "Hey babe wanna f***" so i just delete the message and move on...Smh and if they arent saying that its a chick asking me to have a three way with her and her man...Wahhoo I hit the jackpot there :/
  • soldiergrl_101
    soldiergrl_101 Posts: 2,206 Member
    Belle8312 wrote: »
    So I have been on almost every single dating website that has ever been created. The ones that are free, the ones that you pay for, the ones that are literally just for hook ups (POF and Tinder) and ones that seem could potentially be for long term (Match) and I seem to find the exact same thing: guys talk to you for about 2 minutes and then it's, can I have your number, can I have your e-mail address, etc. I'm sorry, but I am not giving you my number after exchanging 3 messages (literally 3, over the course of 10 minutes) with you.
    The best though are the guys who jump straight into sexual conversations (POF and Tinder are the best examples, which in my defense, I didn't really know too much about them at first, so I didn't know that's what they were all about), and want nothing more than a hook up.
    I had one guy who told me I had beautiful eyes and a great profile and that I was the type of girl he was looking for (this was on Match.com) and literally within 2 days of e-mailing back and forth, asked me if I liked a guy going down on me and when were we going to have sex.

    REALLY??? That conversation was quickly ended and deleted.

    It makes you wonder how many girls actually accepted, if you were willing to have sex with a guy you never met with one message that asked for it then its probably a pattern and you should get your downstairs checked out by a gyno LOL
  • kirstycecilia
    kirstycecilia Posts: 30 Member
    I had a first date at a theme park with a guy that didn't like rides! All the queues were long and I stood in them on my own and was the 'single rider' for everything! Not fun- declined date number 2!!!
  • blueyellowhorse
    blueyellowhorse Posts: 708 Member
    I had a first date at a theme park with a guy that didn't like rides! All the queues were long and I stood in them on my own and was the 'single rider' for everything! Not fun- declined date number 2!!!

    Lol was it his idea to go to the theme park?
  • kirstycecilia
    kirstycecilia Posts: 30 Member
    edited April 2015
    I had a first date at a theme park with a guy that didn't like rides! All the queues were long and I stood in them on my own and was the 'single rider' for everything! Not fun- declined date number 2!!!

    Lol was it his idea to go to the theme park?

    I had said on my profile that a theme park would be fun for a date but it would be safer to go for a drink- he picked up and suggested we went. I thought it was really sweet until he wouldn't go on anything!!