After 40...what's with the choice between face and body?!!!

mburgess458 wrote: »

For the OP I'm not seeing the problem with the photos. You are 7 years older and you look a little older now. I certainly don't think you look more than 5-7 years older. Of course those aren't super close ups of the spots you think are problem areas.

A couple of years ago my sister lost a little too much weight and it made her look much older. I'm not sure if she gained a few pounds or if it just took time for her body/face to adjust but she looks better/younger now.

I am not sure what photos you are referring to.
I think you are talking about Karen's photos as I don't have any online other than one of my body in the profile (which is probably slightly more plump than I am at this moment).

In Karen's case, maybe you can see that she is just a little bit older now, but as you said, clearly NOT 7 years older.
Besides, she lost no weight in the face which I think helps tremendously. Some people lose a lot of weight in the face when they slim down and others don't.
I tend to belong to the former category.

LAWoman72 wrote: »

OP, as another person who's always been told she looks younger than her age but who still has a good few years to go, I can relate to your fears. One thing that struck me is that you said your face is your ace in the hole (I think that's what you said, anyway). Why? I'm sure you must have a personality, likes and dislikes and so on. Do you really HAVE to stay "very young"-looking forever? Don't people love you for things other than your face? I am sure they do. I think you need to develop more of a sense of self-worth. You are more than just your face.

I am saying this as a 47-year-old, BTW. I'm not just pizzing into the wind as a youngster or anything.

For some weird reason, I was devastated turning 30 because I "wasn't young any more" but 40 was way easier (???) and now I am really looking forward to 50! Something of it just smacks of "she's come into her own" to me. I don't know why, but maybe you can think of aging that way? It might be "me time" coming up. Haven't you always done for others? I have. My children are 20 years apart from oldest to youngest. I have done, done, done for everybody but me for nearly half a century. But at 50, my youngest will be 12, my middle will be 15 (though he has special needs and will always need to be cared for, he DOES have more and more self-help skills) and it might actually be "me time" at least to an extent. I am looking forward to being, hopefully, a fun, kitschy yet elegant "lady in her 50s." Every age is a stage; you can't avoid them, so why not just grab them by the horns and live them, whatever they bring?

Well...here's the deal, given all the alluding to my possibly being a bimbo who is now losing the ONLY thing she's ever been able to rely on (face) or just someone who doesn't get any "loooove".
Reality is in fact at the opposite end.
Yes, I have people who could not care less about how I look: starting with a wonderful husband who is not capable of cheating even if I brought women for him at home (just doesn't have it in him :-)); two children who adore me and believe "my squishy tummy is the best thing ever" :-); a sister I am very close to and great parents.

But, as I said before, all of us have unique psychological histories. All of us have unique motives to feel a certain way or react a certain way to various changes or pehnomena.
The above has zero to do with my sense of "self-worth". I am doing quite well in that department, sometimes my husband argues a little too well. :-)
Yes, as a former fat-ish teen-ager I had my share of complexes and self-esteem issues in my teens and early 20's. But that's long gone.
In my mid 20's I caught on, lost weight, discovered I was far from "unattractive" (some hinted "very far"), and that yes, my face was my biggest asset in the "physical traits" department - which doesn't mean "my biggest asset period".
So yes, people grow up, learn and acquire confidence. Nothing new here.

If I didn't feel quite secure with who I am, overall, do you think I would even bring up such issues on a weight loss/physical appearance forum?
People who have such issues are afraid to admit them even to themselves.

And yes, there are many, many other things about myself - whether personality, brains - all those intangibles, that go into who I am.
Of course I did not walk through life so far relying on my face as a cane. Jeez. In fact, I have been the opposite type.
The girl who always exceeded in school and built a life and an identity on academic excellence and never-ending years of graduate school. I work in higher ed, per profile. Not that this is a guarantee for "brains", but really, those who build a life in higher ed usually don't develop "bimbo" identities. They just don't.
Just check to see how the average woman in the average university looks like. You might need some eye protection at times.
So I have always been considered the "brainiac" in my family and I still remember the age when all girls flourished on cute looks, boyfriends, "cutie-pie" dresses and the like...and I was more something along the lines of Amy in the Big Bang Theory.

In such cases, there comes a time, later on, when such people feel like it would be nice to "make up "for all those "lost" years in the "frivolities" department. Why? Because it is darn fun.
It is fun to be young, look well, dress well and have dresses fit like a glove without having a "mature" face on top.

Some people never got to do that in their late teens and 20's, not even early 30's (when darn grad school and post-grad school related pressures continue) - and when their face was at their best.
Then came the kids and I am not even going to get into that, right?

So then you turn 40 - and finally, with all the acquired technique, confidence, nutritional and fitness knowledge and just plain experience and wisdom... you manage for the first time in your life to pull off what other people had naturally at much, much younger ages.
You'd better be sure someone like this will not be looking forward to embrace the "mature face" look too soon.

And there is another dimension that has NOTHING to do with looks, fashion and fun. It's pure existentialism.
I suffer from health anxiety, aerophobia and probably other things that ultimately boil down to fear of death.
Realizing you're aging is not exactly a "gentle" thing when you deal with these conditions.

So there: my self-esteem and sense of self-worth are super fine.
I simply have other "things" in my psychological make-up and personal history that prevent me from jumping up with joy when I see signs of "maturing" on the face.
And if I can help it, I will. Such as NOT losing any more weight.

Maintenance will be key from here on.