My rock bottom... trying to get out :(

I can't even address the "suggestions" from you husband without getting irate, so I'll skip that. I did want to tell you that the fact that you have been alcohol free and that you continue to abstain is AMAZING! THIS is the inner power and strength you need to use to keep you going. You already have it - it's there waiting for you to tap it's energy.

I'm SO sorry for your situation. I've been in an abusive marriage that lasted way too long. You know what? I'm grateful for it every day because it shaped me into who I am today. Life challenges us and we are fully capable of succeeding. Please stay strong!

Abusive men make me kinda twitchy.

First off, Congratulations for taking control of your life, second, never ever go back to that pitiful excuse of a husband. You don't need that kind of abuse in your life. Friend request sent.

I hope you never go back to your husband. That is all I can say right now... my heart breaks for you and what he has put you through.

ManagingIntake wrote: »

I know it sounds insane. He said if I only have water for 30 days I should be able to talk to him within a month because that should do the trick.

Thanks palwithme.

That's the worst thing I've ever read. Please don't walk, run away from this guy.

I believe one of the parts of AA is to avoid new relationships for 1 year. There is a reason for that, and I'll just bet sticking with the program will help you along in many more ways than helping with controlling the addiction to alcohol.

Seeing a counselor is fantastic and I really think you should reach out to an old friend. Maybe someone you were close with before the husband, before college just reconnect, remember who you were before you had life responsibilities.

You truly are stronger than you believe, you may just not be able to see that yet but give it some time and you'll see YOU again in the mirror no matter what you're weight.

Thanks for answering. Will your parents support you and do they have any idea just what is going on?

What country are you in? Is there a refuge you can talk to?

What do you think is keeping you with him and why wont you leave? I say that without and judgement. I'm interested if you understand why you wont leave. I'd think everyone here would say the future with this abusive man is more misery as he will never change and he could become worse. He is toxic for you.

One of the important things when ive assisted friends to leave is that they all agree that even if they are miserable, dont have much money, it was their own misery and not being dictated by someone else. They had hope.

As a lawyer you should analyse your situation objectively and realise he is bad news and you deserve better for yourself. You are still doing a great job with AA and getting help, but he is the real problem. He sounds like he has many bad traits, selfish, cruel, bully, ignorance you can do better.

Keep going anyway. I think the diet is irrelevant and importnatly its giving you a time out for dealing with a more importnat issue.

I took a quick peek at your profile and saw that you and I are about the same age.

While our situations are not at all the same, I wonder if some of your fears are similar to what I've experienced. This idea that at my age, I should be at some certain place in my life.

I got fired from my job two years ago. It was really traumatic for me. I'd been there for seven years. I worked my way up from entry level admin stuff to management. I was making good money, I bought a house, I bought a dog. And then the rug got swept out from under me.

I could not find another job that paid anywhere near that. I had to start over completely, at an entry level job. I ultimately couldn't afford to keep my house, I had to sell it. I had to find my dog a new home and move into a cheap basement apartment.

What I can tell you is this: huge changes in life are scary. But YOU WILL BE OKAY. You don't have to stay with an abusive husband because you don't know what else to do. You don't have to stay in a job you hate because you don't know what else to do. Will it be hard? Yes. It's hard. It's scary. There are times when you don't know how it's going to work. But IT WILL.

It was really hard for me to accept failure. That at my age, I was starting over with basically nothing to show for it. I had invested all this time in a job and building this life and then it was gone and I was back at square one. No husband, no kids, no career, nothing.

It strikes me that this may be your fear. You've invested your whole life in this man. Who are you going to be without him?

The answer is that no one knows. And that's scary. But I promise you can do it. It sounds like you have a great support system. People who will help you. I had family who supported me through my hard times. I am so much happier now. That job I was in was toxic. This low paying receptionist job I have now? I love it. Sometimes I feel dumb when people ask me how old I am. They assume I'm 23 and I'd rather let them believe that. I'm embarrassed still about what I haven't accomplished. But I know in my head that it's dumb. I have no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed. And neither do you.

And BELIEVE me I know depression. I have the emotional and physical scars to prove it. You HAVE to take your medication. You just do. You already know that. But there's no substitute for it. Take it. Every day.

I'm sorry for everything you are going through. I can see how its is overwhelming. And its a snowball effect, you don't feel good about yourself so you eat or drink more and then you feel worse. Not to mention, having a spouse who is not supportive and, even worse, causing you pain, makes everything worse.

I was struck by one thing in your post - you sought out help but are not taking it. If the doctor prescribed some medication, take it. If the doctor gave you tools to help you thru the alcohol dependency, use them. You may not have created your situation but you are the only one that can get yourself out of it.

Start small, just take that pill every day, no excuses. And in a few days, add something else - go for a ten minute walk, increase it to twelve minutes the week after. A few days after that, try to have one less drink and then cut back another one. Eat a salad for one meal instead of junk food, or try cutting out late night snacking. Sooner or later, you will start to feel better and you will start the snowball effect for the positive.

You can do this, I know you can. Don't worry about your husband, don't stress about your boss, just focus on you. On my worst days, I think of a line from a cartoon....'put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be walking out the door'. Just take a small step. Good luck!!

Hey, I am also a lawyer and my first job out of law school sounds exactly like what you have going on. I was so miserable, I used to take walks at lunch and just stand on the freeway overpass looking down at traffic and wishing I could jump. Most miserable I have ever been, in my entire life. Getting fired was the best thing that ever happened to me and probably saved my life. I don't know what I would have done if I also had an abusive husband at home. I hope things improve for you quickly.

Thank God that a**hole of a boss lost the election. Your are a frigging lawyer! You are intelligent, brave, and a great person. Tell that husband of yours to drive his truck off a cliff. You don't need his sh** anymore. You can take care of yourself. Then tell him to take his 30 days of water and give himself an enema that goes straight up to his useless brain. As you can tell, I am pi**ed off for you.

Beautiful.
Kind.
Caring.
Loving.
Trusting.
Strong.
Brave.
Concientious.
Intelligent.
Honest.
NOT PERFECT but still Beautiful.
Kind.
Caring.
Loving.
Kind.
Trusting.
Strong.
Brave.
Conciencious.
Intelligent.
Honest.
Not perfect, but still a very beautiful woman.

I read all of your posts and this is who I see. I didn't
choose random words. Each one relates specifically to something you wrote.

You should look carfully at the people in your life and run to the ones who see the real you, the beautiful woman. Cling to them for support. Be honest so that they can give you wise counsel base on the whole truth.

Take care of you until you truly feel whole no matter what it takes. You can't change you husband or your boss, but you can take care of youself. When you are healthy and whole your world will work itself out.

You have already take so many positive steps in your life. A critically important next step is to shield yourself from this abuse. Your husband and your boss are abusing you. Allowing that abuse in your life is self abuse. You deserve more.

You deserve peace.
You deserve unconditional love.
You deserve happiness.

I was with a guy for 4 years who verbally abused me and told me how unattractive I was. I developed bulimia, and I stayed with him. I lost weight. He didn't love me more for it. I thought about breaking up, but I I was afraid of how I'd pay the bills, if I could afford furniture once he took everything that belonged to him, how my family would react. I was worried no one else would ever love me - not that he loved me, he just loved controlling me. But never once did I worry about what would happen to him. I wanted him gone so badly, I just couldn't figure how to get out.

Once I did leave, I figured out the money. My family was 100% supportive of my decision because they love me much, much more than they ever loved him. And I'm now married to a man I adore, who adores me, who treats me like a queen. Who empowers me. Who brings out the best in me and allows me to bring out the best in him.

All of this to say: leave your husband. He is destroying you. What kind of person denies someone he claims to love important medication, forces you to get an education and job you hate so he can stay at home and be a bum, insult you, hit you, and shatter your self-esteem? You should feel empowered by someone who loves you, not shackled. Leave him, leave him, leave him.

I wish I could tell you to leave your job as emphatically, but we have to pay rent somehow. Do what you have to do to make it. Keep going to counseling, hopefully you'll get to a place where you have the energy and will to find a better job in a less hostile environment. You can do this, you can. And you NEED to do this, you're worth it. You are too valuable as a person to waste away like this.

Awesome, awesome job on staying sober. That's tough. Look how strong you are for sticking to it!