You aren't always going to get support
Replies
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I find that people look to me for motivation because they can see my determination and they want it to wear off on them. They ask me how I'm doing it but I don't know what it is or how to explain it. They have to find it for themselves. Its inside everyone but they have to find it for themselves just like I did1
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On the whole - yes! My husband is supportive because he's doing it too and we plan our meals together because we share the food in our house!
My dad always says that the women in his office who talk about dieting all the time are the ones who are always eating and never losing.
With friends, they're always complimentary whatever size I am but I know the one who'd get upset and jealous if I'm losing. So I don't go on about it in real life. Just on here!1 -
My husband knows I don't want to talk about weight loss with him. I do discuss running with him. Normally if I cut my calories he can tell. He is mostly very helpful but he was raised by a food pusher. She is amazing but she offers you food like every 5 mins. So every once in awhile we will have a moment where he decides to cook ( he ran a resturant at one point) and will get testy if I say things like please don't add oil to that. But that is just him figuring I am telling him how to cook. Or his untrue ideas on calories like oil on food cooks off.
So In those few moments I stand my ground and say I love your cooking but wasn't planning on something that heavy tonight so it is fine if you want to make it that way but I likely will make something else then. This has always worked since I think it makes him realize what I am saying about the food without having to say I am working on losing weight and that doesn't fit in my calories. That would be easier but I have fears talking about with him. Which is about me not him. Mainly my fear is finding out that he isn't attracted to me at my current weight. I have zero reason to believe this but it is a fear so I don't talk about my weight or weight loss with him. But I will talk about fitness and exercise so he actually knows when I am trying to make moves in that direction.
We have different diets ( I am a vegan and he is a meat eater) so we often eat different dinners. He also has an off switch I don't with food. Meaning if he isn't hungry he doesn't eat AND he has a very active job.1 -
Lots of people who take the same classes, usually end up being "gym buddies" and even go out together outside of the gym. Not uncommon for lots of gyms classes to have this.
Support is great if you get it. What I usually find is that support is more prevalent with people who do the same things you do. For example, if one does Zumba, the whole class seems supportive. You don't get the same support from people who do BodyPump (not saying you won't get any at all) because the training style is different and people want others to gravitate to their way of training not something else.elisa123gal wrote: »i totally understand the common sense - that a person should do this all on their own. But if you have support? Life is so much easier. In all struggles in life, it is amazing what just a little support can do to uplift a person who is trying to get out of a bad situation.
The truth is, most people are not supportive..or we fail to make that quality a priority in the people we surround ourselves with....so we're stuck going it alone. I think MFP is that support many of us lack..
I don't know if this is an analogy, but as someone who's taken both classes - it's just a class. If we took the same classes we would physically be in the room at the same time but that's about it. Ultimately training you do or the class you attend is just a preference and people gravitate to different classes for any number of reasons. Finally, in my gym, anyway, the primarily "RPM girl" might randomly show up to take a BodyPump or BodyAttack class. I can't really think of any need to do the same things in order to give or receive support. Just move!
Just to clarify, if someone takes Zumba and they speak to others who take Zumba, the conversations are "wow great class, we should all warm up together and blah, blah, blah" where if you had a BodyPump class member say "hey I take Bodypump, you should come take it" the Zumba person might be, "hey that's a nice class" but really is thinking "not as good as Zumba though".
I agree with you, a class is just a class. But only a handful of people will take several classes, while some gym members only take 1 or 2 at most. And usually it's those classes where they get their most support outside of any from people close to them.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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"Success breeds success" is an old saying. So it's not uncommon for people who are struggling in anything, to get advice or inspiration from people who are "winning" at the same endeavor they are uptaking.Karen_libert wrote: »I find that people look to me for motivation because they can see my determination and they want it to wear off on them. They ask me how I'm doing it but I don't know what it is or how to explain it. They have to find it for themselves. Its inside everyone but they have to find it for themselves just like I did
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Rejection is a fear for anyone. Totally natural. Which is why regardless of gender, one SO will do just about anything for the other SO to retain their attention and love. Is it always that way? No, but people that have a real interest will do what it takes even if it makes them uncomfortable.My husband knows I don't want to talk about weight loss with him. I do discuss running with him. Normally if I cut my calories he can tell. He is mostly very helpful but he was raised by a food pusher. She is amazing but she offers you food like every 5 mins. So every once in awhile we will have a moment where he decides to cook ( he ran a resturant at one point) and will get testy if I say things like please don't add oil to that. But that is just him figuring I am telling him how to cook. Or his untrue ideas on calories like oil on food cooks off.
So In those few moments I stand my ground and say I love your cooking but wasn't planning on something that heavy tonight so it is fine if you want to make it that way but I likely will make something else then. This has always worked since I think it makes him realize what I am saying about the food without having to say I am working on losing weight and that doesn't fit in my calories. That would be easier but I have fears talking about with him. Which is about me not him. Mainly my fear is finding out that he isn't attracted to me at my current weight. I have zero reason to believe this but it is a fear so I don't talk about my weight or weight loss with him. But I will talk about fitness and exercise so he actually knows when I am trying to make moves in that direction.
We have different diets ( I am a vegan and he is a meat eater) so we often eat different dinners. He also has an off switch I don't with food. Meaning if he isn't hungry he doesn't eat AND he has a very active job.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Foamroller wrote: »As mentioned above the difference between inner and outer motivation/drive.
IMO, there's a huge difference between expecting or demanding support and wishing for it. Entitlement is a turn-off for me (long story).
Some people really are energy vampires, constantly wants validation for destructive behaviors.
When people show that they own their problems, attempting to do something by themselves and not expect other people to fix it...I more than happily show support
This is part to protect myself, because I'm the sort of person who takes too much responsibility. So having healthy boundaries is part of being a happy person
I like the idiom: «It is what it is». Sometimes just accepting that something sucks and that the outocome is truly out of your control...is the road to sanity.
TL;DR I can't change other people, I can only change myself and how I deal with things.
EDIT: For those who feel they want more support. At the end of the day, you can't force empathy. Be your own best friend and you'll have a very reliable source for support.
Nice post Foam...I especially like "healthy boundaries" and being your own best friend.
I was not here BTW Although it is Tuesday here still...
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"The moment you become an adult is the moment you no longer need other people to support you, but you are able to support other people."1
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Lol, for me that was only 17 years ago.chivalryder wrote: »"The moment you become an adult is the moment you no longer need other people to support you, but you are able to support other people."
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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For those who feel that family, spouse, friends, co workers, etc., don't support you, they more than likely aren't interested in your own quest to improve your health, fitness, or weightloss. Sorry, but sometimes that's just how it is. They don't care about it, nor want to participate. It's NOT their endeavor to take on.
So you just really have to be diligent and keep yourself accountable because in the end, it's still about you. You will care the most about you.
Have a good weekend.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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atypicalsmith wrote: »Motivation has to come from within. Otherwise, it's just pressure from other people.
I agree!1 -
Lol, for me that was only 17 years ago.chivalryder wrote: »"The moment you become an adult is the moment you no longer need other people to support you, but you are able to support other people."
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
For some people, it's before they even turn 17.0 -
My husband supports me in that our sex life is much better now that I've lost weight. I won't go into details, lol.
But everything else, yeah he's not really interested. He knows he can ask me about calories etc, as he likes the math behind things, but otherwise, he's not interested.
Everyone else just wants to know how I did it and if there was some magic pill involved.1 -
If no one needed a kind word or inspiration or support, and finding like-minded people, or new ideas and those things didn't change the "head game", then why the forums on this site at all?!!1
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This is about me, for me. I support myself.0
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Lots of people who take the same classes, usually end up being "gym buddies" and even go out together outside of the gym. Not uncommon for lots of gyms classes to have this.
Support is great if you get it. What I usually find is that support is more prevalent with people who do the same things you do. For example, if one does Zumba, the whole class seems supportive. You don't get the same support from people who do BodyPump (not saying you won't get any at all) because the training style is different and people want others to gravitate to their way of training not something else.elisa123gal wrote: »i totally understand the common sense - that a person should do this all on their own. But if you have support? Life is so much easier. In all struggles in life, it is amazing what just a little support can do to uplift a person who is trying to get out of a bad situation.
The truth is, most people are not supportive..or we fail to make that quality a priority in the people we surround ourselves with....so we're stuck going it alone. I think MFP is that support many of us lack..
I don't know if this is an analogy, but as someone who's taken both classes - it's just a class. If we took the same classes we would physically be in the room at the same time but that's about it. Ultimately training you do or the class you attend is just a preference and people gravitate to different classes for any number of reasons. Finally, in my gym, anyway, the primarily "RPM girl" might randomly show up to take a BodyPump or BodyAttack class. I can't really think of any need to do the same things in order to give or receive support. Just move!
Just to clarify, if someone takes Zumba and they speak to others who take Zumba, the conversations are "wow great class, we should all warm up together and blah, blah, blah" where if you had a BodyPump class member say "hey I take Bodypump, you should come take it" the Zumba person might be, "hey that's a nice class" but really is thinking "not as good as Zumba though".
I agree with you, a class is just a class. But only a handful of people will take several classes, while some gym members only take 1 or 2 at most. And usually it's those classes where they get their most support outside of any from people close to them.
Hmm, interesting. Have you ever regularly been a participant in an instructor led class?
I can see where people would tend to make friends with those they take classes with. Personally I would probably not invite maybe a BodyFlow (yoga-ish) participant to BodyAttack (use your imagination from the name), and that's not the only kind of supportive friendly conversation we could have. Other than instructors trying to get you to take their class, I just don't see this wanting others to train the way you do phenomenon at my gym. There are so many classes that it's well known that people take whichever classes interest their fitness levels and/or personality types
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Many times. You learn new things and sometimes you need the push.
Lots of people who take the same classes, usually end up being "gym buddies" and even go out together outside of the gym. Not uncommon for lots of gyms classes to have this.
Support is great if you get it. What I usually find is that support is more prevalent with people who do the same things you do. For example, if one does Zumba, the whole class seems supportive. You don't get the same support from people who do BodyPump (not saying you won't get any at all) because the training style is different and people want others to gravitate to their way of training not something else.elisa123gal wrote: »i totally understand the common sense - that a person should do this all on their own. But if you have support? Life is so much easier. In all struggles in life, it is amazing what just a little support can do to uplift a person who is trying to get out of a bad situation.
The truth is, most people are not supportive..or we fail to make that quality a priority in the people we surround ourselves with....so we're stuck going it alone. I think MFP is that support many of us lack..
I don't know if this is an analogy, but as someone who's taken both classes - it's just a class. If we took the same classes we would physically be in the room at the same time but that's about it. Ultimately training you do or the class you attend is just a preference and people gravitate to different classes for any number of reasons. Finally, in my gym, anyway, the primarily "RPM girl" might randomly show up to take a BodyPump or BodyAttack class. I can't really think of any need to do the same things in order to give or receive support. Just move!
Just to clarify, if someone takes Zumba and they speak to others who take Zumba, the conversations are "wow great class, we should all warm up together and blah, blah, blah" where if you had a BodyPump class member say "hey I take Bodypump, you should come take it" the Zumba person might be, "hey that's a nice class" but really is thinking "not as good as Zumba though".
I agree with you, a class is just a class. But only a handful of people will take several classes, while some gym members only take 1 or 2 at most. And usually it's those classes where they get their most support outside of any from people close to them.
Hmm, interesting. Have you ever regularly been a participant in an instructor led class?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Karen_libert wrote: »I find that people look to me for motivation because they can see my determination and they want it to wear off on them. They ask me how I'm doing it but I don't know what it is or how to explain it. They have to find it for themselves. Its inside everyone but they have to find it for themselves just like I did
I used to think so, but not anymore. For whatever reason, determination is something that varies hugely between individuals.
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I still believe it is, but what motivates one (say money prize) won't motivate another. That other may look at ego as the motivating factor (made a bet to reach a goal). But it's going to differ from person to person. One of my clients motivations was to get off meds. Another was to put it in the face of her ex husband.Karen_libert wrote: »I find that people look to me for motivation because they can see my determination and they want it to wear off on them. They ask me how I'm doing it but I don't know what it is or how to explain it. They have to find it for themselves. Its inside everyone but they have to find it for themselves just like I did
I used to think so, but not anymore. For whatever reason, determination is something that varies hugely between individuals.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I still believe it is, but what motivates one (say money prize) won't motivate another. That other may look at ego as the motivating factor (made a bet to reach a goal). But it's going to differ from person to person. One of my clients motivations was to get off meds. Another was to put it in the face of her ex husband.Karen_libert wrote: »I find that people look to me for motivation because they can see my determination and they want it to wear off on them. They ask me how I'm doing it but I don't know what it is or how to explain it. They have to find it for themselves. Its inside everyone but they have to find it for themselves just like I did
I used to think so, but not anymore. For whatever reason, determination is something that varies hugely between individuals.
I agree that different people motivate in different ways, for different things. I've also come to believe that there are people who simply aren't going to be highly motivated by anything or for anything. I don't understand why this would be, but I don't have much doubt that it is real.
I base this on having seen one too many people in literally life and death situations who simply give up without much of a fight.
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Wow! I must be amazingly luck to have the friends, family, support that I get.
If you have people in your life who "don't care" or are actively trying to sabotage your goals it might be a good idea to dumb their *kitten*. Why waist your time and energy on people like that? There are lots of amazing humans on this planets who are actually worth knowing and want to be in your life.
This thread reads like an ad for a personal trainer. All the reasons you NEED to pay for support. Ha!0 -
f1exanimous wrote: »Wow! I must be amazingly luck to have the friends, family, support that I get.
If you have people in your life who "don't care" or are actively trying to sabotage your goals it might be a good idea to dumb their *kitten*. Why waist your time and energy on people like that? There are lots of amazing humans on this planets who are actually worth knowing and want to be in your life.
This thread reads like an ad for a personal trainer. All the reasons you NEED to pay for support. Ha!
Mmm, no it's just that people are busy- they may not notice, and even if they do notice, they might not remember to say anything. And then (as seen in this thread) there are a lot of *kitten* out there too. A LOT. At the end of the day the only person really invested in your health is you. The nice people (and mean people) can't be your motivation.0 -
I have a lot of friends that I have met through Zumba and other dance fitness. I have lots of positive/supportive acquaintances that I've met this way too. It sometimes becomes a community.
My first Zumba instructor has become one of my best friends over the years. He no longer teaches and we've both moved to different cities, but we stay in touch and sometimes travel together. A year ago, we went to a salsa congress together and had a blast.
I like that someone has pointed out the distinction between wanting support and EXPECTING it. The other thing is that you are going to have to BE supportive of others if you want to get that back in the long run. It can take a while to find your new (healthy) people...but if you are open and helpful, it will happen.0 -
christinev297 wrote: »None of them really care. I try not to talk to my hubby about weight loss/exercise at all, and God forbid i bring up the 3 words he hates most of all.... My Fitness Pal
Hahahaha.....so true!0 -
Even though after losing 20 pounds, I am still 40 pounds overweight. Yet people think I am at least 10 or 15 years below my actual age. Can't wait until I lose ALL my weight! Of course, I might have a lot of wrinkles once I do that.0
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Adam, MyFitnessPal Moderator1 -
My husband is the opposite of supportive and I blamed his discouragement for my failure in the past. Honestly he's still discouraging (on top of now competing with me for most weight loss) but now I just don't care. Hahaaaa.1
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Many times. You learn new things and sometimes you need the push.
Lots of people who take the same classes, usually end up being "gym buddies" and even go out together outside of the gym. Not uncommon for lots of gyms classes to have this.
Support is great if you get it. What I usually find is that support is more prevalent with people who do the same things you do. For example, if one does Zumba, the whole class seems supportive. You don't get the same support from people who do BodyPump (not saying you won't get any at all) because the training style is different and people want others to gravitate to their way of training not something else.elisa123gal wrote: »i totally understand the common sense - that a person should do this all on their own. But if you have support? Life is so much easier. In all struggles in life, it is amazing what just a little support can do to uplift a person who is trying to get out of a bad situation.
The truth is, most people are not supportive..or we fail to make that quality a priority in the people we surround ourselves with....so we're stuck going it alone. I think MFP is that support many of us lack..
I don't know if this is an analogy, but as someone who's taken both classes - it's just a class. If we took the same classes we would physically be in the room at the same time but that's about it. Ultimately training you do or the class you attend is just a preference and people gravitate to different classes for any number of reasons. Finally, in my gym, anyway, the primarily "RPM girl" might randomly show up to take a BodyPump or BodyAttack class. I can't really think of any need to do the same things in order to give or receive support. Just move!
Just to clarify, if someone takes Zumba and they speak to others who take Zumba, the conversations are "wow great class, we should all warm up together and blah, blah, blah" where if you had a BodyPump class member say "hey I take Bodypump, you should come take it" the Zumba person might be, "hey that's a nice class" but really is thinking "not as good as Zumba though".
I agree with you, a class is just a class. But only a handful of people will take several classes, while some gym members only take 1 or 2 at most. And usually it's those classes where they get their most support outside of any from people close to them.
Hmm, interesting. Have you ever regularly been a participant in an instructor led class?
Heh, true. One thing for me I guess is that support doesn't necessarily mean being joined at the hip. Again, Some of what is being described seems more like friendship to me, which sounds pretty freakin amazing. When I think of support especially with fellow gym goers/class takers, I'm thinking a kind word to the person you see often that smiles at you and says hello and doesn't yet know many people at the gym. Or during some quick conversations to let the other person know that you experience the same challenges they do, and it's normal. Or if you mention that you've missed someone you haven't seen in a while and inquire of their well being. That sort of thing. We wouldn't necessarily need to be in the same classes to do that, though it helps. For me, anyway1 -
The only thing that frustrates me, is when people make remarks like "you don't need to lose weight" when clearly I do. Its almost like they want you to just give up on it whenever you mention weight loss success!!1
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for me at the beggining refering to my closer circle no one cares at all... but lately id expirience some support words and it feel good, feels like a kind of victory.
when i feel down and dismotivated, i go to instagram... check #myfitnesspal hastag and i find motivation again... i know... its so simple but it work for me like a charm 1
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