My rock bottom... trying to get out :(
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crystalflame wrote: »ManagingIntake wrote: »P.S. Just as I posted that last message, my husband texted me "how are you doing?".
Why do I have the urge to reply? I won't... But I want to reply with something that will make him feel bad or want to change...
Argh!
There are things about him you love. You fell in love with him for a reason, and you haven't left him because from time to time you still see the things you love. You want to change him so you'll have the man you fell in love with AND a man who treats you right, and you won't have to go through a massive life overhaul. If he would just be kind and loving, everything would be perfect. But he's not going to. If anything, you've made it sound like he's gotten worse over time.
He might actually start to get better for awhile. She's on her own now, and not on a close string he can constantly yank. He might start being super nice to get her back where he can have better control.
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He's texting you to make sure he's still in control. Do not respond. He doesn't regret or feel sorry about what he's done to you, he feels it's his right. Do not tell him anything about what you are doing. You do not want him to know where you are, when you'll be somewhere, who you are with.
I know it's hard right now. You feel like part of you is missing bur remember that the part that is missing is the negative, violent and controlling part. Only you control your life so from now on, please try to think that way. You have all of the control.
He thinks if he threatens you, belittles you, or makes you feel you can't survive without him, he wins. He did you a BIG favor making you leave. He will come to realize that instead of you crawling back to him, begging him to let you back in, he has lost total control. He has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, look it up. Because of the years of him being able to make you do anything he wishes, he is assuming things will return to the way they were once you come home and "obey" his orders to lose weight, follow a schedule, check in with him, breathe correctly, whatever he dictates. You should remember that the more you try to bend to his control, the less he respects you and the worse it will get. You cannot win with a Narcissist.
Today is the day you get your life back.
exactly this.
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ManagingIntake wrote: »
A couple weeks ago another lawyer in my office who is 6 years sober took me out for lunch and told me she knows I am drinking and said she would accompany me to AA. I felt horrible that I was obvious about this downfall, but agreed to go only because I would die otherwise... either by alcohol poisoning or suicide.
Dont feel horrible. You are not a failure, neither are you an obvious one. This friend at work recognized things no one else will see because of personal experience.
I went through some similar things. When I was in it, I felt like you and thought it would never get any better. That there was no hope. It gets better. You can do it, but it will take time. It took me years and years. I would say probably 5 years total to go from rock bottom to doing fabulously well.
But you can start today. You can have a good day today. I think you probably need to take a break though, and seek inpatient care.
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Wow i am very sorry for what you are going through right now. The one thing i would like to say to you is you are a strong woman and you will find your way! If you need a friend to talk to i am here for you to help you with the good and bad, i will listen to your pain and i would cry with you all to help you find your iner self that needs to shine! If you need a friend.0
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ManagingIntake wrote: »Thank you billr9mm. I will take your suggestion into consideration. The last time I went home to get stuff, when my husband was in the shower, my dad came with me and made sure I was safe.
I just got back from my latest AA meeting and when it was my time to share, I talked about all the great support that I have been receiving on this thread and from my new MFP friends.
zacksnana so kindly set up a group called SUPPORTIVE WOMEN (with a beautiful picture of roses, I might add) that may be a more appropriate way to discuss my situation and any other situation similar (or not similar) to mine that other women might be going through. Of course men who support healthy relationships and respect to women are invited too! It will stay open for joining for a few days until it will be "request to be in group only".
You are all making such an impact in my life and will NEVER forget this.
Link? I can't seem to find it with a google search.0 -
azulvioleta6 wrote: »ManagingIntake wrote: »Thank you billr9mm. I will take your suggestion into consideration. The last time I went home to get stuff, when my husband was in the shower, my dad came with me and made sure I was safe.
I just got back from my latest AA meeting and when it was my time to share, I talked about all the great support that I have been receiving on this thread and from my new MFP friends.
zacksnana so kindly set up a group called SUPPORTIVE WOMEN (with a beautiful picture of roses, I might add) that may be a more appropriate way to discuss my situation and any other situation similar (or not similar) to mine that other women might be going through. Of course men who support healthy relationships and respect to women are invited too! It will stay open for joining for a few days until it will be "request to be in group only".
You are all making such an impact in my life and will NEVER forget this.
Link? I can't seem to find it with a google search.
Invite sent.0 -
I've been lurking since this thread began and have nothing but good intentions and support for the OP. Can I please get an invite too?0
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versusveritas wrote: »I've been lurking since this thread began and have nothing but good intentions and support for the OP. Can I please get an invite too?
Sending.
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versusveritas wrote: »I've been lurking since this thread began and have nothing but good intentions and support for the OP. Can I please get an invite too?
Hey there - I just sent you an invite.0 -
versusveritas wrote: »I've been lurking since this thread began and have nothing but good intentions and support for the OP. Can I please get an invite too?
Hey there - I just sent you an invite.
Lol. Me too.0 -
Me, three. Thank you.0
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Link for me too? It will be so great when MFP gets the group features ironed out again...0
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crystalflame wrote: »Link for me too? It will be so great when MFP gets the group features ironed out again...
Invite coming.0 -
Yay for all the women joining this group!!!0
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Could I have an invite also?0
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I think the invites have to be sent by zacksnana or palwithme, but since it's still open for a few days, you can search for it on the "Groups" tab and join... yay for joining us!0
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I didn't read all the comments. I just want to reach out and encourage you. I am not of much help but I'm sorry for what you're going through. You are strong and you will get past this and realize the life you deserve.0
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Ok send me a pic because that is not a bad weight at your height. It's unfortunate that your husband treats you this way. Sadly even if you lose all the weight he will always reference it because he knows that's your hot button. It's not love if he makes you feel that way. You know what I'm saying is true as hard as this will be first two things you need to do is realizing you can make it without him and do so, then stay with your aa meetings and surround your self with positive people who will love you and care about you for who you are. Any time you need to hit me up again send me a pic because in sure your beautiful and he's just using your hot button against you.-6
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I joined the group yesterday. I keep checking up on you, ManagingIntake. You honestly have such a beautiful, strong soul and I wish you the best of luck with everything and anything that comes along your way. So many amazing responses. This thread will not only help you but other women that are going through something similar.
Hugs hugs hugs all around!
<3 0 -
Invite please?0
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Invite here too please0
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Sorry you are going through all this. Your husband is a jerk you need better support. I will say this, try to focus on your stability right now. Focus on your basic needs, like food, roof over your head, transportation etc. Maybe put losing weight on the back burner for now to focus on the most important things. If you are having a bad day/night and need someone to talk to on the phone I'd be willing to do that. I have dealt with similar stuff like this before but not so much anymore.-2
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Wow...someone flagged my post?? I guess trying to be nice is a bad thing.0
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I think someone thinks I have some type of ulterior motive.0
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Anyway, I've been her friend on here prior to this thread and have given her advice and support in PM before. I've been in a rock bottom situation before and have gotten out. If she or others would think my advice/support had any value then they are free to seek it. That's all.0
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Anyway, I've been her friend on here prior to this thread and have given her advice and support in PM before. I've been in a rock bottom situation before and have gotten out. If she or others would think my advice/support had any value then they are free to seek it. That's all.
Yeah, I wouldn't worry about the flags, then. I think sometimes posts get flagged accidentally because that button is so close to the quote button. Or, someone is just being presumptuous. If she would like your help, I'm sure she knows it is there.0
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