Rude comments?

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  • jorinya
    jorinya Posts: 933 Member
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    Just want to share a story about the danger of rude comments:
    Trevor, 13 years old and a little overweight loved football. Some people looked at him and decided he would be a good target to pick on. So one boy started to pick on him, calling him fatty, elephant and other hurtful names. Him and his pals would say, "Hey, fatty, what have you get in your lunch box today?" Then they would take his lunch box, throw his lynch on the ground and then squash it with their feet and tell Trevor it would make him get thin. They would laugh at him and sometimes beat him up. Trevor never told his parents or teachers and would tell him mum the injuries were from playing football. One day Trevor had enough. He went home early, grabbed a rope, tied one end round his neck and the other end round the top banister of the stairs. Wrote a note saying sorry to his mum. Then started walking down the stairs. He wanted to end every harsh word, every torment, every nasty comment. Suddenly, the phone rang, it was his mum, the answering machine got the call. He started to run, forgot the rope, tripped and that was the end. Trevor's mum came home, opened the door and met her only son lifeless.
    Trevor was no more. His mum was never the same again. How do I know? True story, it happened when I was in secondary school and I know his family very well.
    Internet bullying and nasty words can have the same effect. Think before you say something. The person could be like Trevor. We should all be kind to one another and supportive. The world is a nasty place and we need to be united.
    Sorry for the long post, I felt I should share this story.
  • rocknlotsofrolls
    rocknlotsofrolls Posts: 418 Member
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    thank you for sharing that story jorinya. I agree that you don't have to sugar coat anything and still be able to politely answer someone's question without all the sarcasm.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
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    blessedwith3boys wrote: »
    How do you deal with rude comments or people thinking that your not doing enough weather here or in real life?

    dexter-season-8-premiere-date.jpg
  • jorinya
    jorinya Posts: 933 Member
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    rocknlotsofrolls wrote: »
    thank you for sharing that story jorinya. I agree that you don't have to sugar coat anything and still be able to politely answer someone's question without all the sarcasm.
    I just remembered him cos his anniversary is coming soon and his was my vest friend's little cousin. I was bullied too but that was for wearing glasses and been thin. Long story. Trevor is the reason I didn't do anything stupid cos I didn't want my friend to be hurt again. We are all just players in this thing we call life's journey.
  • atypicalsmith
    atypicalsmith Posts: 2,742 Member
    edited April 2015
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    jorinya wrote: »
    Just want to share a story about the danger of rude comments:
    Trevor, 13 years old and a little overweight loved football. Some people looked at him and decided he would be a good target to pick on. So one boy started to pick on him, calling him fatty, elephant and other hurtful names. Him and his pals would say, "Hey, fatty, what have you get in your lunch box today?" Then they would take his lunch box, throw his lynch on the ground and then squash it with their feet and tell Trevor it would make him get thin. They would laugh at him and sometimes beat him up. Trevor never told his parents or teachers and would tell him mum the injuries were from playing football. One day Trevor had enough. He went home early, grabbed a rope, tied one end round his neck and the other end round the top banister of the stairs. Wrote a note saying sorry to his mum. Then started walking down the stairs. He wanted to end every harsh word, every torment, every nasty comment. Suddenly, the phone rang, it was his mum, the answering machine got the call. He started to run, forgot the rope, tripped and that was the end. Trevor's mum came home, opened the door and met her only son lifeless.
    Trevor was no more. His mum was never the same again. How do I know? True story, it happened when I was in secondary school and I know his family very well.
    Internet bullying and nasty words can have the same effect. Think before you say something. The person could be like Trevor. We should all be kind to one another and supportive. The world is a nasty place and we need to be united.
    Sorry for the long post, I felt I should share this story.

    Did he ever ask anyone for advice on how to lose his weight? This is a completely different story than what happens on MFP when people ask for advice, and when they get sensible answers, get hysterical when it's not what they want to hear.
  • jorinya
    jorinya Posts: 933 Member
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    atypicalsmith wrote: »
    Did he ever ask anyone for advice on how to lose his weight? This is a completely different story than what happens on MFP when people ask for advice, and when they get sensible answers, get hysterical when it's not what they want to hear.

    He played football and eat healthy, was under doctor's supervision but nothing seemed to work. I guess the nasty comments made him eat much behind his parents backs. He was so brainy and funny.
  • pwh300
    pwh300 Posts: 99 Member
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    Words hurt....but some people forget that. Do you best to hold your head up high. Sometimes I ignore and consider the source.
  • atypicalsmith
    atypicalsmith Posts: 2,742 Member
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    jorinya wrote: »
    atypicalsmith wrote: »
    Did he ever ask anyone for advice on how to lose his weight? This is a completely different story than what happens on MFP when people ask for advice, and when they get sensible answers, get hysterical when it's not what they want to hear.

    He played football and eat healthy, was under doctor's supervision but nothing seemed to work. I guess the nasty comments made him eat much behind his parents backs. He was so brainy and funny.

    I am terribly sorry about this sweet young man's demise; I know it must hurt you very much to see such a shattered loss. I had both a grandfather and an aunt who committed suicide. Mental illness is not controllable. Weight loss is. I don't mean to sound mean or cynical, but your story has nothing to do with MFP.
  • jenncornelsen
    jenncornelsen Posts: 969 Member
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    unfortunately it is so easy to take comments the wrong way online. i really don't think anyone is trying to hurt others feelings or be rude. but sometimes people forget what it's like to be new and intimidated and sometimes people lose they're patience and should maybe not respond at all. i have done this once or twice. when i realize ive been a jerk i usually will message them personally and say sorry. i think though that most people mean well
  • atypicalsmith
    atypicalsmith Posts: 2,742 Member
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    jenncornelsen wrote: »
    unfortunately it is so easy to take comments the wrong way online. i really don't think anyone is trying to hurt others feelings or be rude. but sometimes people forget what it's like to be new and intimidated and sometimes people lose they're patience and should maybe not respond at all. i have done this once or twice. when i realize ive been a jerk i usually will message them personally and say sorry. i think though that most people mean well

    And you are absolutely right.
  • atypicalsmith
    atypicalsmith Posts: 2,742 Member
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    I thought we were supposed to wait until Friday for this . . .
  • jorinya
    jorinya Posts: 933 Member
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    atypicalsmith wrote: »
    jorinya wrote: »
    I am terribly sorry about this sweet young man's demise; I know it must hurt you very much to see such a shattered loss. I had both a grandfather and an aunt who committed suicide. Mental illness is not controllable. Weight loss is. I don't mean to sound mean or cynical, but your story has nothing to do with MFP.

    Actually it does, it shows how words can hurt and cause someone to do something out of character. We forget that here we use words and are face to face. People react differently to comments and what doesn't seem as offensive to one person can be taken as offensive by another! We all have a right to be heard without the fear of being shot down by nasty comments.
  • stevencloser
    stevencloser Posts: 8,911 Member
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    jorinya wrote: »
    atypicalsmith wrote: »
    I am terribly sorry about this sweet young man's demise; I know it must hurt you very much to see such a shattered loss. I had both a grandfather and an aunt who committed suicide. Mental illness is not controllable. Weight loss is. I don't mean to sound mean or cynical, but your story has nothing to do with MFP.

    Actually it does, it shows how words can hurt and cause someone to do something out of character. We forget that here we use words and are face to face. People react differently to comments and what doesn't seem as offensive to one person can be taken as offensive by another! We all have a right to be heard without the fear of being shot down by nasty comments.

    By that logic you aren't allowed to say anything unless it's all bubbly nice with sugar on top, because someone might feel sad from it. What is a nice way of saying "Your diet is unnecessary, the guy peddling it is trying to sell you s***, go do something sustainable."? Which is a common occurence, which happened again just today, guess how it ended? OP went off in a huff being offended by the people telling her the truth. Because rather than actual advice and the truth she would have rather heard everyone praise her and agree with her.

    You can't make discussion work like that. No matter how you word it, she'd get offended by it simply by the fact that you didn't "say something nice."
  • atypicalsmith
    atypicalsmith Posts: 2,742 Member
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    This isn't school, and if people are so thin-skinned, they have the right not to visit the threads which might hurt their feelings. If anyone commits suicide because of a truthful comment made in answer to their question, they have a much deeper problem.
  • jorinya
    jorinya Posts: 933 Member
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    Should read not face to face but when editing internet went. Its raining here. I joined MFP to get support, to get some answers and to have someone encourage me and tell me off when I cheat on my diet and visa versa. In the real world I have no friends, no support and no one really to hold me accountable, except my wonderful husband. I'm a long way from home and turned to MFP to have what I was missing. If someone doesn't like my comments, opinions or advice well, it doesn't hurt me. Still, we need to take a breath, count to 10 and think about what we say to others before we get ourselves into a huge messy situation. Nasty comments don't pay the bills or help us like we weight. It does nothing helpful.
  • atypicalsmith
    atypicalsmith Posts: 2,742 Member
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    There are no nasty comments here; just people saying what OP doesn't want to hear.
  • MyaPapaya75
    MyaPapaya75 Posts: 3,143 Member
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    Deal with them like any adult would.....as they choose.
  • lemonsnowdrop
    lemonsnowdrop Posts: 1,298 Member
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    atypicalsmith wrote: »
    There are no nasty comments here; just people saying what OP doesn't want to hear.

    Exactly. And the story about Trevor is irrelevant because no one under the age of 18 should be on this site. I'm sorry, but when someone comes to me (which is what they are doing when they post to a public forum) for advice, I will give it in a blunt, matter of fact style so that there is no misunderstanding. If it's not what you want to hear, then fine, you do you, but don't say it's mean, rude, etc. Remember, disagreeing with something =/= being mean.
  • jorinya
    jorinya Posts: 933 Member
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    Ok! Wait someone actually tried to advice a girl that she was spending money on something that was not of benefit to her and she took offense to that? Well, the truth hurts, sugar coated or not. People will believe what they want to believe and sometimes when they hear the truth they are so caught up in thinking they are right that they can't listen to good advice. Spending money on something that is of nob benefit to your health when you trying to get healthy is like putting money into a piggy bank with no cover at the bottom.
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
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    jorinya wrote: »
    People react differently to comments and what doesn't seem as offensive to one person can be taken as offensive by another!

    That's the problem. People take things as offensive all the time that just aren't, to me.

    For example:

    OP: "Has anyone tried this detox?"

    A: "Detoxes don't work, they are scams, save your money."

    OP: "I've already bought it! Why can't you just be supportive? I think it will give me a kickstart!"
    We all have a right to be heard without the fear of being shot down by nasty comments.

    I think you are using "right" incorrectly.

    But in any case, we do not have a right to express an opinion without disagreement, and disagreement, even heated disagreement, on a matter of fact is not "mean."

    I'm not at all sure that's what this thread was about, though.

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