"You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?
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My sentiment echoes this reply from previous in the thread:michaelbyfield wrote: »The truth is that you're not too skinny. Society is WAAAAAAAY too fat. Being in shape brings it home to them and they don't like it. They would prefer you were a lot bigger which would allow them to validate themselves as 'about average' when in truth they are just too big.
There's a lot of truth to this I think, and it's one of the big contibutors to why people sucessful with their weight loss efforts get told they're too thin or skinny. We are just not used to seeing what the human body looks like naturally anymore.
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Someone has probably already said this, but.......It's hard for people that have known you for a long time because they are used to seeing you as a "larger person" than you are now. So it seems very drastic to them despite the fact that you're healthy. If you're at a good BMI and body fat % and you're balancing your healthy meals with your exercise, then its just something that they are going to have to get used to. It's your journey and life, not theirs. End of story.
Just remember this (this is my favorite quote): "There are two sides to every story. So until you've read my book, dont judge me."
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HardcoreP0rk wrote: »opalsqueak007 wrote: »I have gone from an obese 194lb to 142lb. People keep telling me I am so thin, too skinny, etc on a daily basis (not my family). Yesterday, a neighbour said "Do you actually eat anything?" and another man (who I work for) said "when are you going to stop?". I am 5'7" and built like a barn door. The only thing I can think of is that they have only known me as a big person and the contrast seems wrong to them. It's amazing how rude it is though, to comment uninvited on someone's body - someone who you only know vaguely.
It's extremely rude! And I almost find it worse when they think they're being complimentary. Once again, yesterday I got the "but you're going to slow down after your race, right?" Umm no. I'm going to train like animal for the next race, and the next one. "But I don't want you to lose anymore weight, ok?" No. Not ok. You just dismissed my goals and objectives while projecting your own preferences *about MY body* onto me. On what planet is that cool?
I've had more than one person suggest I cut down my cardio (so I can focus on lifting, which I'd like to do) but I really enjoy running. People seem to tune out when I say that, though.
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@cushman5279
I cant believe she said that! I randomly looked at your diary diary tho... please take care okay? You have a very large deficit most days
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HardcoreP0rk wrote: »Once again, yesterday I got the "but you're going to slow down after your race, right?" Umm no. I'm going to train like animal for the next race, and the next one. "But I don't want you to lose anymore weight, ok?" No. Not ok.
"the trick is to keep losing weight until your friends and family ask you if you've been sick. then you know you're within 10 pounds. if they start whispering to each other, wondering if you've got cancer or aids, you're within 5. when they actually do an intervention, you're at race weight." - Slowman (Dan Empfield)
I'm 5'7" male, going below 150 lbs again - believe me I hear it to no end. I don't take it personally or as an insult as they've just lost their barometer of what healthy/lean looks like. USA has a lot of really big people and it skews what normal is.
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I'm 5'7" male, going below 150 lbs again - believe me I hear it to no end. I don't take it personally or as an insult as they've just lost their barometer of what healthy/lean looks like. USA has a lot of really big people and it skews what normal is.
Around 70% of the adult US population is overweight or obese. I have heard plenty of people say that once they get down into the overweight BMI category, they will stop losing weight because they don't want to turn into skeletons or that they would look emaciated at a normal weight. TBH, I sort of thought the same thing, but my BMI is now 21.9 and I still have plenty of body fat and I don't look like I am starving to death.
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I get comments like these too. I'm 5' 3" and weigh 115lbs, but well within the healthy BMI range. I've lost three stone over the last year and am so proud of myself, but now people's comments are getting me down a bit. My stomach is my problem area and I'm working on it, but the more weight I shed goes from my neckline, which does sometimes make me look a bit gaunt. Sigh. Oh well! I tell people I'm happy and shimmy into skinny dresses...0
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Here are some comebacks that will shut them up real quick. "You're too skinny!"
"Yeah... for an American, maybe."
"My weight is medically appropriate for my height. How's yours?"
"I know, right? Diabetes and heart disease are really angry that I lost all this weight. Now they have to go find someone else to squat on."
"Does my body displease you? For a while there, my self-esteem was getting too high. I appreciate you bringing me down a notch."
"Thank you. It's good to get an unqualified layman's opinion to counterbalance my doctor's professional opinion."
Just a withering up-and-down glare punctuated with a sarcastic smile is enough to shut them up usually... but make sure you focus your stare for an extra-long time on their midsection so they get your drift.
I personally don't even bother with elaborate comebacks. If someone tells me "You're too skinny," I just retort with "You're just biased because you're fat." Hey, if they were dickish enough to insult my healthy body to my face, they kinda had it coming. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
That said, I don't support body shaming of anyone. It's just that some people need to get a taste of their own medicine in order to understand why what they're doing is wrong.8 -
I get it often myself people saying things like 'you have lost too much weight your starting to look ill'. I have pointed a few of them to this picture of me asking which version of me looks the most unwell lol :-)
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Nice success zeze.
Hmm, I'm going to go a little counter to the idea of "omg, how rude?! Making comments about my body?!"
A few years back I lost a lot of weight, bike race training, life stress had me at the low end of my goal weight. I work in a field with a lot of health care people. And my ex-boss, a good woman and a doctor with whom I got along well, asked me, "hey, you've lost a lot of weight - it's been really fast - are you ok?" As we talked her real concern was that I might have a cancer.
This shouldn't effect my sense of self or confidence - my loss had been reasonably fast (3 months 20 lbs) and stress fueled. Her question made me have a legitimate overview of how I felt, was the weight reasonable, and to question my health. I got checked out. No this isn't a story of how magically I discovered I had cancer thanks to a comment. I didn't. But it's a valid question when someone loses too much too fast. I'm glad she asked. (And I admit, I was shocked by the question at the moment) I maintained and raced at that weight for about half a year and decided that was enough.
My goal weight today is about 15 lbs higher than that. I'm approaching it now form the "woops, too many croissants" side of the scale.
"I'm concerned about you" comments might be inappropriate or reflect more on the mental state of the person stating them but how you take them and how you react say a lot about your comfort about your own body and your own self assurance.
I don't melt down if someone says "are you ok, you look tired" either.1 -
Women are expected to have a little padding in most eyes of society. So since they are not used to seeing that, they probably can't differentiate between an athletic 18% and barely enough 13%.
A lot of people are saying "it's none of their business" or people shouldn't say anything about anybody else's weight" but if someone with your stats dropped another 15-20 pounds that person would be very underweight. If people held to the "I shouldn't say anything" mentality then no one would say anything. If it was then determined that person had an eating disorder that had gone unchecked for years then I think that the forums would be saying someone should have spoken up sooner. So where is the line?
For the most part, I think that people should keep their mouth shut, but there should be a few people that you trust enough to tell you if you are starting to look bony or sick and to not get upset by it. I think you look great and healthy and you have wicked taste in clothes.
excellent , agree0 -
meganjcallaghan wrote: »opalsqueak007 wrote: »I have gone from an obese 194lb to 142lb. People keep telling me I am so thin, too skinny, etc on a daily basis (not my family). Yesterday, a neighbour said "Do you actually eat anything?" and another man (who I work for) said "when are you going to stop?". I am 5'7" and built like a barn door. The only thing I can think of is that they have only known me as a big person and the contrast seems wrong to them. It's amazing how rude it is though, to comment uninvited on someone's body - someone who you only know vaguely.
haha...i'd whip out the "shall we go talk to Human Resources and see how they feel about one employee giving unsolicited comments on another's body?"
Hahaha, or just say, "can you repeat that a little slower so I can write it down for Human Resources."
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I get these comments ("too skinny", "don't lose any more", "people can lose too much, can't they", "if you have an ED, please let me know and I can help", "you are OK, aren't you" etc.)from friends/work colleagues all the time (I went from near 200 lbs to 125 lbs in 9 months). They are genuinely concerned, even if their concern comes primarily from a skewed expectation of what is "normal" and how they are used to seeing me. I also get kinda fun comments like my boss's boss who calls me "Half-A-DopeySmelly" (I just say "Thanks Mom"..).
I've never, ever been interested in what other people thought of my physical appearance and that hasn't changed so I just ignore them, even though it worries me that they have such a skewed perception themselves.
On the other hand, I was complimented by someone at my gym the other week, who (a) told me that I inspired her to get in shape and lose weight (she looks really great after losing a lot of weight now), and (b) told me she was watching me work out and that my muscles were absolutely AWESOME. I felt so wonderful from those two comments I nearly combusted from a weird combination of pride and humility.
Now, random strangers commenting?.. Er, no.0 -
I've been hearing stuff like this from certain family members since Christmas. As in, each time I see them. Now I make fun of the change in a sarcastic way with them. Especially those that put forth a deeper level of negativity on me. Works, just for that day.0
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krissyreminisce wrote: »HardcoreP0rk wrote: »opalsqueak007 wrote: »I have gone from an obese 194lb to 142lb. People keep telling me I am so thin, too skinny, etc on a daily basis (not my family). Yesterday, a neighbour said "Do you actually eat anything?" and another man (who I work for) said "when are you going to stop?". I am 5'7" and built like a barn door. The only thing I can think of is that they have only known me as a big person and the contrast seems wrong to them. It's amazing how rude it is though, to comment uninvited on someone's body - someone who you only know vaguely.
It's extremely rude! And I almost find it worse when they think they're being complimentary. Once again, yesterday I got the "but you're going to slow down after your race, right?" Umm no. I'm going to train like animal for the next race, and the next one. "But I don't want you to lose anymore weight, ok?" No. Not ok. You just dismissed my goals and objectives while projecting your own preferences *about MY body* onto me. On what planet is that cool?
I've had more than one person suggest I cut down my cardio (so I can focus on lifting, which I'd like to do) but I really enjoy running. People seem to tune out when I say that, though.
I lift heavy, and there are so many cardio haters in my gym. They give me so much grief for running so much, but I'm a competitive runner AND I play soccer. It's hard to convince them that I just like it...lol
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Some people of course do take it too far. You have to be mindful if weight and shape concerns are going overboard in your life (determining all of your self view, weighing/exercise taking up inordinate amounts of time, etc.) and if you have physical signs of being underweight which would be being cold all the time, fatigue, hair loss, muscle wasting, loss of menstruation, etc.
If you are thin and feel good and have balance in your life, then trust that you are doing the right things for you
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Seriously!? immediate family member decides to inform me that we need to talk, they r concerned abt me
Me: puzzled look on face, silently listens as
Relative: you r so small....
Me: I am not discussing my weight/looks with you. According to my doctor I am healthy as I walk away with an extra sway of my hips.
Relative: LOL, I was j/k ..no apology give
After thoughts
-I am so proud of myself 4 keeping my cool, for not insulting the family member
-This person needs to loose a few pounds
-I'm 5'4",127lbs, 33yrs old, measuring 35:26:36 with a medium build. The last time you saw me I was at 185lbs. We have been around me for 8 months, seen me almost every day, taken me out for fast food and suddenly u r worried abt my size...
-turns out my relative was on the phone w/anthr relative and thought it would be funny
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I'm going to invite both of them to workout with me and to create a meal plans several times
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andddd this just happened to me. twice in the last two days i have been asked if i have been sick.
i eat two breakfasts and two lunches and have dessert every day. it was apparently ok to be a size 16, but now that i am a size 4, i am unhealthy? it makes me feel very uncomfortable and i have no idea how to respond. i just want to enjoy having enough energy to zip up the stairs, stay up past 11pm, and enjoy this newfound mental clarity without someone trying to steal my joy... 0 -
andddd this just happened to me. twice in the last two days i have been asked if i have been sick. i eat two breakfasts and two lunches and have dessert every day. it was apparently ok to be a size 16, but now that i am a size 4, i am unhealthy? it makes me feel very uncomfortable and i have no idea how to respond. i just want to enjoy having enough energy to zip up the stairs, stay up past 11pm, and enjoy this newfound mental clarity without someone trying to steal my joy...
Congratulations!!! You've earned it. Try not to let anyone still that joyous feeling. Kill them with kindness is my motto. People spend thousands of dollars and literally dying to obtain the mental clarity and joy you speak of....too often their comments come from a place of envy vs concern and we can't control that.0 -
andddd this just happened to me. twice in the last two days i have been asked if i have been sick. i eat two breakfasts and two lunches and have dessert every day. it was apparently ok to be a size 16, but now that i am a size 4, i am unhealthy? it makes me feel very uncomfortable and i have no idea how to respond. i just want to enjoy having enough energy to zip up the stairs, stay up past 11pm, and enjoy this newfound mental clarity without someone trying to steal my joy...
First of all, congratulations!
...and I feel your pain. It's so annoying. I get everything from concern to hostility. I went from a size 12 to a 4. Soooooo...the size 12 was awesome looking? It's weird to feel so good only to be torn down. (I'm not one of those magical people who can automatically dismiss what people say.)
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I'm 5'8" and 136 and have this problem too. Funny thing is this generally comes from people who say they're dieting and then are drinking dr pepper and snacking on candy. For some I think they are trying to justify their own inability to lose weight. I simply say that I eat a healthy diet with tons of veggies and work out 5-6 days a week. Also need to take into consideration that it has become " normal" to be overweight so a healthy weight appears abnormal.0
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I really think a lot of these kinds of comments come from people seeing so many overweight and obese people (and so few normal weight people) that normal weight looks abnormal and unhealthy to them.
Where I live, there are relatively fewer overweight folks and very few truly obese people. I never hear comments from people here about looking too thin, and I'm back down to 0 or 00 with a tiny frame. To be clear, my bmi is between 19.5 and 20, so I'm at a healthy weight and would have to lose almost ten pounds to be considered underweight. But if I spend time in the Midwestern U.S., I get comments on my size a lot. I can also find lots of small-size clothes on the clearance racks there, whereas those are slim pickings in my size where I live, so I try to ignore the comments and enjoy the cheaper clothing shopping when I'm there.0 -
I get variations on the "Don't lose any more weight" crack all the time. It will make me furious if I let it; but usually I just count to ten, and don't engage. After all, *I* sometimes have trouble associating the 175-lb. guy I see in the mirror with the 255-lb. guy I was 2 years ago, and I guess other people find it hard, too ...0
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HardcoreP0rk wrote: »Once again, yesterday I got the "but you're going to slow down after your race, right?" Umm no. I'm going to train like animal for the next race, and the next one. "But I don't want you to lose anymore weight, ok?" No. Not ok.
"the trick is to keep losing weight until your friends and family ask you if you've been sick. then you know you're within 10 pounds. if they start whispering to each other, wondering if you've got cancer or aids, you're within 5. when they actually do an intervention, you're at race weight." - Slowman (Dan Empfield)
I'm 5'7" male, going below 150 lbs again - believe me I hear it to no end. I don't take it personally or as an insult as they've just lost their barometer of what healthy/lean looks like. USA has a lot of really big people and it skews what normal is.
I've been asked if I am sick, and i still have love handles. Then their are the people who say "if you loose anymore you will disappear". I just nod and ignore them. Most of the comments come from people who used to be skinnier then me, but are now have a high BF%. it makes them feel superior, at least in their own minds.
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UGH! I hate that. I'm 5'8" and weigh between 139 - 141 and I get that sometimes. Usually from women who wear a size 4! and I wear a size 8 or 10. Trust me, I'm not too skinny and my doctor is happy with my weight. I just smile and change the topic.0
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It is sadly reassuring to read all of these comments. I think it just really shows that many people have lost sight of what a healthy weight range looks like. At my highest weight I was 135 (I'm 5'3") and my MD was telling me I was getting chubby, while many of my friends and family were still telling me to eat a burger. I got to reply "huh, my doctor tells me to stop eating them. Think I'll take her advice...". She at least weighs me, takes my bp, and reads my blood work. Everyone else is just judging.
Some very good advice here on responding to those demeaning comments.0 -
After I lost about 30lb and got back to a size 8, I lost another 2 sizes over the next year from working out. I'm pretty tiny now, but I actually weigh 127lb at 5'3" so I ignore everyone. lol
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I lost a great deal of weight last year, nearly 100 pounds. I am also 5' 6". I currently weight 165 and have a goal of 145. I currently wear a size 6/8 depending on cut and style. I am 56 years old so my BMI at 145 puts be in the avg range for height and age. I will admit that I have a great deal of excess tummy skin which adds a few pounds. But I have been told also that I don't need to lose more weight. I take 4 exercise classes a week plus am training to do a triathlon in August so I bike miles and miles each week. I feel if you feel good, the doctors give you clean bill of health and you enjoy the workout, we'll go for it and tell everyone thank you and move on.0
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