Stuff Fat People Do

Deep knee squats to get into jeans; Don't forget the friendly water bottle to "help" loosen them up

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I would do this with CANDY. I would buy it at Target while shopping, and murder it in the car...throw the evidence away. Yes!!

My hubby and I will sometimes take a wet tee shirt or polo and each take a side and stretch the ****ens out of it before hanging it up to dry.

Okay, off topic but it is hilarious that the auto censor blanked out the first four words of my old lady word. It is also the last name of Charles, the author of Oliver Twist and A Christmas Carol.

I did a lot of this stuff.

In middle school, I'd wear sweatpants so I wouldn't have to change for gym. I would be teased mercilessly regardless. Being laughed at when you take off your clothes is uncool.

I've blown out the crotches of many, many pairs of pants, including a pair of nearly new jeans just recently. I squatted, and it couldn't take the pressure. Boom. I haven't had the same problem with rubbing the thighs to death, but I did growing up, I'd go through pants and jeans very frequently.

I spend a fortune buying the few mediocre quality clothes I can afford at Casual Male XL. I go through belts 2-3 a year, just from cinching them tightly enough that I can walk around the block without having to pull my pants up. I over-dress everywhere I go and obsess about style, to make up for being fat. I tell myself that at least I now have the option-- before I was so fat I wore the biggest sizes in the store and could never look anything but ridiculously obese, and now I can layer in such a way that I can at least stand to look at myself. I look at myself in the mirror endlessly, so that I can figure out which facial expressions and angles work best for me, nearly obsessively. Still, even when I feel like I'm looking damn good, it's always 'for a fat guy'.

When I worked at McDonald's in high school I sometimes used to get into eating competitions where I'd put down 7 big macs, with super size fries and a large soda besides, in 20 minutes, or we'd race to see who could do a 20 nugget fastest, or 10 cheeseburgers. I'd drink ~4 large sodas a shift, and eat a big meal there before, during, and after work. I'd go to mcd on lunch break from school and eat a ss value meal AND a big chicken salad, every day. I gained over 100 lbs in 2 years, and with those eating habits, another 100 in the following 4. Things like eating over 100 hot wings at an all-you-can-eat, or routinely eating 4-7 heaping plates of food at chinese buffets. I'd eat a big bag of doritos before dinner, and popcorn after. I'd order 2 $5 medium pizzas from Domino's, intending to make it at least two meals (already a huge meal), and then I'd eat them both entirely, so that I'd be sick from overeating for half a day. Or buy a month's worth of junk food at the grocery store, and eat 2/3 of it in the first 24 hours, entire pounds of nuts in the same hour as a family-size cheez-its. I'd go to hibachi and order hibachi with both rice and noodles AND a sushi deluxe AND gyoza AND fried ice cream. At the buffet line it's rare if I'm not one of the first five in line.

There was once so many empty fast food bags in the trunk of my suv that the pile rose to the top of the back seat. Three garbage bags full of just fast food wrappers.

Swimming with a shirt on, or taking care to spend no more than 10 seconds out of the water without a shirt. Being too self-conscious about the pubic fat to really enjoy a *kitten*.

Not being able to do the outdoors activities I love most, or not enjoying them because of joint or foot pain or inadequate cardio capacity, like skiing, hiking, or bicycling. Not being able to dance or have sex for more than a single song without being drenched in sweat and exhausted. Not wanting to run because the fat roll slapping down was so loud it drowned out the sound of my feet hitting the ground, slap so hard I'd have bruises. Not being able to walk because the gout is so bad that I have to get to the bathroom on crutches.

Being turned down for dates with girls I had good rapport with because she's just not attracted to fat guys. Not daring to ask because I'm worried she doesn't find me physically attractive, however smart or funny I might be. Getting dumped after the first time in the bedroom. First date after first date after first date. Having my low self-esteem ruin my relationships.

Hating spending time with other fat people because I wouldn't be able to see anything in them but all the things I hated about myself.

Resenting my parents for letting me spend two whole years in middle school coming home, getting in a fight with my brother, breaking down in wracking, sobbing fits, and then eating until bedtime, gaining 100 lbs in two years. How in the **** could they not do something about that? How could they not get me the help I needed? Why am I seeing a personal trainer for the FIRST TIME at 32, when I've been morbidly obese since I was 11? All the thousands of dollars of money and gifts they've given me over the years, why didn't they do something to really help me? Sending me to sports camp at 100+ lbs overweight? What the ****? I needed a therapist and a diet, not more being teased about being the fattest kid there and getting picked last for everything.

The real weight I'm losing is not just physical, but the emotional torment and shame and failure and self-hatred and loneliness I now associate with my being fat, that has so impeded my pursuit of happiness the last 20 years.

I feel like this was originally meant to be funny, but really it's pretty ****ing sad.

grimnir, I don't think this thread was ever meant to be funny as in "Ha, ha, ha .. wasn't that fun?" I think it was meant to be an ironic look at something we all had in common so we can remind ourselves of why we deserve better.

i had to slather diaper rash cream under my tummy flap or it would get sore and smelly!:noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway:

i had to slather diaper rash cream under my tummy flap or it would get sore and smelly!:noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway:

That is a new one! And very useful!

What about buying a bunch of whatever you are craving at the moment.......eat it all in the car.......find a garbage can to throw away the garbage so nobody knows what you did???? Now, I know I am not the only one who has done this! :frown:

You most definately are not alone with that one.

I don't do the knee stretch, it leaves weird bubbles in the shirts, but I use my arms to get an even stretch.

Spanx anyone? I'm definitely a fan.

I did a lot of walking around the college campus when I was big... My pants/shorts would bunch up between my elephant legs... I use to pretend to look behind me so that I could do a little side step to release my pants from my leg fat death grip....

Haha! Good post. I have this hoodie that I had to cut slits in the sides so it wouldn't dig into my stomach. Now it's huge on me! Wish I didnt cut it! My Hubby told me not to at that time cause he knew I'd be losing weight, but honestly I was running out of clothes to wear

This post has given me so many laughs! I can't believe so many of the things i've done thinking i was the only one..now hearing so many other people have done it too.....

Do that whole "look behind you" move while walking so that you are able to spread your legs a little farther without being noticeable so that your shorts that are bunched up between your thighs can get free.... or the move i see a lot of other big ppl do where they are walking and kinda do this weird quick little squat thing mid stride to let the bunch of shorts out from the inner thighs...my sis and i call it the "squat 'n drop" lol

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Oh my gosh. I made it through the first 7 pages of this post looking for this. 'Squat 'n drop', too funny! I still wear capri workout pants even in the 85 degree temps here in FL because my shorts ride up when I am walking or running. :ohwell:

Just thought of another one. I would always lock the bathroom door or bedroom door when I did my feet because I didnt want my husband to see all of the strange things I had to do just to be able to reach my toenails!! It is getting soo much easier now!

Bumpity Bump Bump Bump!!