"You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?

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  • try4better128
    try4better128 Posts: 61 Member
    I've only gotten "don't lose any more weight" once. Kind of the same thing. My friend who also lost a lot of weight was the one who said it to me. I honestly think it was just a wee bit of concern for herself - she was gaining at the time (pregnant) so I think she might have felt a bit over shadowed in a way (which is funny because I was thinking the opposite "oooh when can I have a baby" thoughts).

    My response worked really well though! I used that common misconception that when a woman lifts she will get bulkier... I said "It's okay, I've started lifting heavy weights now so I'll probably gain weight!" Which is not necessarily true but she responded with "oh that's good, I guess your body will still be changing a lot then".
  • btodd304
    btodd304 Posts: 105 Member
    I am not anywhere near skinny now, but don't let people get to you. I used to feel comfortable in my weight and I was about 175 5'7" and started a new relationship around that time and his family was much larger and I feel like that is when I started gaining weight. Anytime we would go to dinner or have a cookout they would make fun of me eating like a bird and that it was a waste to go out because I didn't eat that much. So I gradually started eating gaining weight and now need to lose about 100lbs. So don't let people get to you because in my case I ended up gaining weight over it all.
  • yeeda1977
    yeeda1977 Posts: 1 Member
    I hear ya, so much. I'm so tired and disappointed in the negativity I get from my friends and family about a choice to be fitter and healthier. The only people I hear anything supportive from are the ones that are fitter or leaner than I am. I was at 132lbs and 5'6 and have since gained 10 of it back. I'm now trying to get back where I was and all I keep hearing is that I look better now, and I was too skinny before and just make sure not to lose too much. I can't help but wonder why it's okay for them to suggest that I stay at a weight that makes me unhappy just so they can feel better about themselves. As many of you have said, it would have been totally unacceptable for them to suggest that I lost weight when I was heavier because they thought I'd look better skinnier. Why is it okay now?
  • opalsqueak007
    opalsqueak007 Posts: 433 Member
    edited June 2015
    yeeda1977 wrote: »
    I hear ya, so much. I'm so tired and disappointed in the negativity I get from my friends and family about a choice to be fitter and healthier. The only people I hear anything supportive from are the ones that are fitter or leaner than I am. I was at 132lbs and 5'6 and have since gained 10 of it back. I'm now trying to get back where I was and all I keep hearing is that I look better now, and I was too skinny before and just make sure not to lose too much. I can't help but wonder why it's okay for them to suggest that I stay at a weight that makes me unhappy just so they can feel better about themselves. As many of you have said, it would have been totally unacceptable for them to suggest that I lost weight when I was heavier because they thought I'd look better skinnier. Why is it okay now?

    I'm with you 100%. It's so very disappointing to continually have these negative comments. The only people who have been positive in my life are lean and fit people. Thank goodness I actuallyknow some - they are rare around here and they counteract the barage of awful comments I get. Today, my neighbour said "Careful with lifting weights - it will make you look like a man" - arghhh. Another person today said "you used to look like Beyonce - now you look like an ironing board". Horrible, but I did have to laugh at that one.

  • FaylinaMeir
    FaylinaMeir Posts: 659 Member
    honestly I'm a *kitten* because once I get to my goal weight, if someone said to me "you're too skinny" my response would be "you're too fat" .
  • Justthisgirl1994
    Justthisgirl1994 Posts: 226 Member
    YES! My mom says it constantly. Others do too in my family, but my mom does it the most. My friends have never outright said you're too skinny, but they've said I'm so skinny with a very concerned look on their face. It's supper annoying. Better than you're too fat I guess hahaha. As annoying as it is, I find it flattering and I just think that they're jealous.
  • dutchandkiwi
    dutchandkiwi Posts: 1,389 Member
    A few months ago my mother was on the phone to me and said; "but the two of you are so slender and almost skinny" This was when I was still very much in the overweight section and my husband at the top end of his BMI. I decided to keep my mouth shut as to her obese mind I am pretty much heading into skinny territory. We did discuss thing a little when face to face, but primarily because she is now getting into mobility issues and is not liking it one bit. Nor did she like what I told her, "lay off the cookies, stop using the car for everything, the shop is only a 15 minute walk away. Start walking more". But according to dad, she did listen a little
  • Morgaen73
    Morgaen73 Posts: 2,818 Member
    No not yet, but I'm looking forward to it :)
  • dopeysmelly
    dopeysmelly Posts: 1,411 Member
    Oh, and the biggest annoyance of mine is when someone says (I get this exact comment all of the time), "You look like you need to eat a cheeseburger." Do I? What is a cheeseburger going to do for me? Other than clog my arteries. People are seriously absolutely completely ignorant. I was actually at a BBQ joint last week and the guy behind the counter said, "You need to eat some beef. You need to put some meat on those bones." I wanted to punch him. I wouldn't walk up to an obese person and say, "You need to eat a salad. You're too fat." I've dealt with it my entire life and it never gets easier or less annoying. I recently saw a magazine cover talking about the worlds biggest model and she weighed like 300-something pounds and people were praising her and basically kneeling at her feet. Why is it okay for people to make comments like, "OMG you are so beautiful just the way you are. Size doesn't matter. Big people are sexy too" and on...and on..but "skinny" people get crap for taking care of themselves?? I needed to get that off my chest. I'm happy to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this.

    Actually, you've hit on something which really resonates with me.

    I don't actually mind the comments from friends/colleagues/family that much. No matter how misguided they are, in their own strange way their expressing their concern and/or love for me. So I get that.

    But random strangers?! No, that really frikkin' annoys me. I just want to lean over and rip their throats out. Telling them to "Mind your g'd business" and then walking out, just doesn't seem strong enough to me.
  • xKoalaBearx
    xKoalaBearx Posts: 181 Member
    I'm not sure people are seeing the bright side of all these comments. Whenever I hear the classic "you don't need to lose anymore" or "you're going to disappear", etc. I never look at the comment as negative. I take them as a compliment and here's why:

    I set out a goal to lose weight, get healthy and it's working. So much so that people feel the need to comment. I LOVE hearing ALL the comments because it tells me what I'm doing is working.

    Think about it the other way... Would you want to work so hard, lose all the weight, get healthy and NO ONE notices? This way is so much cooler.

    So to everyone here who gets offended, realize that these commenters really aren't being negative. WE are interpreting their comments as negative.

    Instead, look at it from a different perspective. And maybe respond the way that I respond to ALL the comments I get:

    Take them as a compliment, smile and say, "Thanks!"

  • Elle_Bronwyn15
    Elle_Bronwyn15 Posts: 296 Member
    I went through the same thing in college...I went from 220 lbs to 154 lbs and everyone would say things like, "Ok, you're done now." "You don't need to lose anymore, you'll look sick." and crap like that. Keep in mind I am only 5'4" so that was still technically "overweight" for my height. I wanted to lose another 15-20 lbs which was reasonable...unfortunately all the flack I got made me second guess myself and I never reached that goal...but I am this time. :) Don't let others opinions over YOUR body bring you down. You look great and keep it up!
  • yesimpson
    yesimpson Posts: 1,372 Member
    I'm not sure people are seeing the bright side of all these comments. Whenever I hear the classic "you don't need to lose anymore" or "you're going to disappear", etc. I never look at the comment as negative. I take them as a compliment and here's why:

    I set out a goal to lose weight, get healthy and it's working. So much so that people feel the need to comment. I LOVE hearing ALL the comments because it tells me what I'm doing is working.

    Think about it the other way... Would you want to work so hard, lose all the weight, get healthy and NO ONE notices? This way is so much cooler.

    So to everyone here who gets offended, realize that these commenters really aren't being negative. WE are interpreting their comments as negative.

    Instead, look at it from a different perspective. And maybe respond the way that I respond to ALL the comments I get:

    Take them as a compliment, smile and say, "Thanks!"

    I think there's a difference between a well-meaning comment like 'you're tiny', and some of the other comments people are reporting on this thread. 'Thanks' would not be an appropriate response to some of them.
  • xKoalaBearx
    xKoalaBearx Posts: 181 Member
    edited June 2015
    .
  • xKoalaBearx
    xKoalaBearx Posts: 181 Member
    edited June 2015
    yesimpson wrote: »
    I'm not sure people are seeing the bright side of all these comments. Whenever I hear the classic "you don't need to lose anymore" or "you're going to disappear", etc. I never look at the comment as negative. I take them as a compliment and here's why:

    I set out a goal to lose weight, get healthy and it's working. So much so that people feel the need to comment. I LOVE hearing ALL the comments because it tells me what I'm doing is working.

    Think about it the other way... Would you want to work so hard, lose all the weight, get healthy and NO ONE notices? This way is so much cooler.

    So to everyone here who gets offended, realize that these commenters really aren't being negative. WE are interpreting their comments as negative.

    Instead, look at it from a different perspective. And maybe respond the way that I respond to ALL the comments I get:

    Take them as a compliment, smile and say, "Thanks!"

    I think there's a difference between a well-meaning comment like 'you're tiny', and some of the other comments people are reporting on this thread. 'Thanks' would not be an appropriate response to some of them.

    I guess that's my point. Well meaning comment or not, what I'm trying to accomplish is working and they are noticing. Always responding with something like "Thanks. I've been working hard to get healthy. Thanks for noticing." And ignoring the fact that someone was being negative allows me to enjoy that what I'm doing is noticeable, I get to take the high road and stay classy, and I get to keep cool under pressure. And it shuts them up because there's really nothing to say after you thank them. Also, why feel bad when I'm looking and feeling better than them at this point? I think it's even more appropriate to respond this way in those situations.
  • FitPhillygirl
    FitPhillygirl Posts: 7,124 Member
    I hear this from time to time and choose to ignore it. I don't care if people think I'm too thin. We are the best judge at what our bodies should look like and as long as we're happy with that, then nothing else matters. I am trying to gain 3 pounds back that I lost since giving up calorie counting. Not because of what others are saying, though.
  • refuseresist
    refuseresist Posts: 937 Member
    The OP never came back...
  • yesimpson
    yesimpson Posts: 1,372 Member
    yesimpson wrote: »
    I'm not sure people are seeing the bright side of all these comments. Whenever I hear the classic "you don't need to lose anymore" or "you're going to disappear", etc. I never look at the comment as negative. I take them as a compliment and here's why:

    I set out a goal to lose weight, get healthy and it's working. So much so that people feel the need to comment. I LOVE hearing ALL the comments because it tells me what I'm doing is working.

    Think about it the other way... Would you want to work so hard, lose all the weight, get healthy and NO ONE notices? This way is so much cooler.

    So to everyone here who gets offended, realize that these commenters really aren't being negative. WE are interpreting their comments as negative.

    Instead, look at it from a different perspective. And maybe respond the way that I respond to ALL the comments I get:

    Take them as a compliment, smile and say, "Thanks!"

    I think there's a difference between a well-meaning comment like 'you're tiny', and some of the other comments people are reporting on this thread. 'Thanks' would not be an appropriate response to some of them.

    I guess that's my point. Well meaning comment or not, what I'm trying to accomplish is working and they are noticing. Always responding with something like "Thanks. I've been working hard to get healthy. Thanks for noticing." And ignoring the fact that someone was being negative allows me to enjoy that what I'm doing is noticeable, I get to take the high road and stay classy, and I get to keep cool under pressure. And it shuts them up because there's really nothing to say after you thank them. Also, why feel bad when I'm looking and feeling better than them at this point? I think it's even more appropriate to respond this way in those situations.

    I would like to be as calm and collected as this haha!
  • adobrev
    adobrev Posts: 108 Member
    I didn't read any of the comments people posted, but I read your post. I know it's hard to ignore their comments, especially when it's people that hold a significant place in your heart saying it. They're not used to seeing you so thin, and maybe it could also be jealousy. You never know. Everyone struggles with their weight, some are better at overcoming it and making a change, like you hsve, and some can't or they complain but, never do anything to change.

    My sister was on the heavier side, and when I was at a normal weight, before I lost a lot and went under, she'd always make me feel bad about being skinny,
    .

    Just keep your head up, look into the mirror wearing the cutest outfit you have and do a 360. Are you happy with how you look? Let me repeat that...are YOU happy with the way YOU look?

    If yes, then forget what they say. Just combat it with "idk what you're saying, but if I do say so myself I look sexy as hell. Thanks." Then smack your butt and laugh :} worked for me .

    Congratulations on your hard work and progression. Don't mind them, at least try not to. :)
  • whmscll
    whmscll Posts: 2,254 Member
    mom2ava07 wrote: »
    I could have written this post. It makes me also question if I have some mental problem such as body dysmorphia.

    I'm 5'5 and went from 167 to 127 and about 20% body fat. In my mind, I don't look that different but considering I went from a size 14 to a 2 or 4, obviously I look drastically different.

    At first it was just family making comments but on a weekly basis some co worker or other aquaintance makes a comment such as "you don't need to lose anymore weight." An older man said to me "if you lose anymore weight I think you will dry up and blow away." I never know how to respond. My step mom straight up asked if I was anorexic last week. I don't get it. I think if they saw me without clothes on they wouldn't feel that way. I just ran while losing weight and did no strength training, so now I'm skinny fat. People think I'm crazy for starting to workout.

    I think it's jealousy from some people who wish they could stick with weight loss.

    I don't know if it's me or them. Probably a little of both but I'm not trying to lose still just be healthy, maintain and tone up.

    I'm 5'5" too, and would love to be 127 again! My goal is 135. But maybe I'll keep going.

    Have you considered body recomposition to help build muscle while losing fat? There's a great thread about it on this board.
  • Thisdivaruns
    Thisdivaruns Posts: 11 Member
    I've heard "You're too skinny" "You're done losing weight now, right?" "Your pants are too big now!" "You don't want to look sickly!" all from people who have watched my journey and have tried and failed their own weight loss battles. I'm no where near looking "sickly" and I've already had to buy plenty of new pants (went from a size 16 to a size 6). I've realized that some people are so insecure with themselves and their own demons that they still have to find a way to throw negative compliments at you.
    I've also noticed more people feel the need to offer up their excuses on why they can't/haven't lost weight- eventhough I make a point to avoid those types of conversations. I want to tell them that they are all just excuses and unless you fight the excuses, you'll never succeed. I was there; I get it!