"You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?

xKoalaBearx wrote: »

I'm not sure people are seeing the bright side of all these comments. Whenever I hear the classic "you don't need to lose anymore" or "you're going to disappear", etc. I never look at the comment as negative. I take them as a compliment and here's why:

I set out a goal to lose weight, get healthy and it's working. So much so that people feel the need to comment. I LOVE hearing ALL the comments because it tells me what I'm doing is working.

Think about it the other way... Would you want to work so hard, lose all the weight, get healthy and NO ONE notices? This way is so much cooler.

So to everyone here who gets offended, realize that these commenters really aren't being negative. WE are interpreting their comments as negative.

Instead, look at it from a different perspective. And maybe respond the way that I respond to ALL the comments I get:

Take them as a compliment, smile and say, "Thanks!"

I think there's a difference between a well-meaning comment like 'you're tiny', and some of the other comments people are reporting on this thread. 'Thanks' would not be an appropriate response to some of them.

yesimpson wrote: »

xKoalaBearx wrote: »

I'm not sure people are seeing the bright side of all these comments. Whenever I hear the classic "you don't need to lose anymore" or "you're going to disappear", etc. I never look at the comment as negative. I take them as a compliment and here's why:

I set out a goal to lose weight, get healthy and it's working. So much so that people feel the need to comment. I LOVE hearing ALL the comments because it tells me what I'm doing is working.

Think about it the other way... Would you want to work so hard, lose all the weight, get healthy and NO ONE notices? This way is so much cooler.

So to everyone here who gets offended, realize that these commenters really aren't being negative. WE are interpreting their comments as negative.

Instead, look at it from a different perspective. And maybe respond the way that I respond to ALL the comments I get:

Take them as a compliment, smile and say, "Thanks!"

I think there's a difference between a well-meaning comment like 'you're tiny', and some of the other comments people are reporting on this thread. 'Thanks' would not be an appropriate response to some of them.

I guess that's my point. Well meaning comment or not, what I'm trying to accomplish is working and they are noticing. Always responding with something like "Thanks. I've been working hard to get healthy. Thanks for noticing." And ignoring the fact that someone was being negative allows me to enjoy that what I'm doing is noticeable, I get to take the high road and stay classy, and I get to keep cool under pressure. And it shuts them up because there's really nothing to say after you thank them. Also, why feel bad when I'm looking and feeling better than them at this point? I think it's even more appropriate to respond this way in those situations.

The OP never came back...

I didn't read any of the comments people posted, but I read your post. I know it's hard to ignore their comments, especially when it's people that hold a significant place in your heart saying it. They're not used to seeing you so thin, and maybe it could also be jealousy. You never know. Everyone struggles with their weight, some are better at overcoming it and making a change, like you hsve, and some can't or they complain but, never do anything to change.

My sister was on the heavier side, and when I was at a normal weight, before I lost a lot and went under, she'd always make me feel bad about being skinny,
.

Just keep your head up, look into the mirror wearing the cutest outfit you have and do a 360. Are you happy with how you look? Let me repeat that...are YOU happy with the way YOU look?

If yes, then forget what they say. Just combat it with "idk what you're saying, but if I do say so myself I look sexy as hell. Thanks." Then smack your butt and laugh :} worked for me .

Congratulations on your hard work and progression. Don't mind them, at least try not to.

I've heard "You're too skinny" "You're done losing weight now, right?" "Your pants are too big now!" "You don't want to look sickly!" all from people who have watched my journey and have tried and failed their own weight loss battles. I'm no where near looking "sickly" and I've already had to buy plenty of new pants (went from a size 16 to a size 6). I've realized that some people are so insecure with themselves and their own demons that they still have to find a way to throw negative compliments at you.
I've also noticed more people feel the need to offer up their excuses on why they can't/haven't lost weight- eventhough I make a point to avoid those types of conversations. I want to tell them that they are all just excuses and unless you fight the excuses, you'll never succeed. I was there; I get it!

I've gotten this my whole life, and let me tell you, even though I was thin, my BF% was around 31%! That is overweight. The people that generally say this are out of shape themselves and it makes them feel better to tell themselves that you are "sick" and THEY are really the ideal. It's the same thing when average-sized people see celebrities - they go, "Oh, they must not eat anything." That may be true for some, but most just eat healthy and workout like crazy. It's just an excuse so they don't feel bad about their own habits.

I always thought it was strange how normalized skinny-shaming is. When I was a teen, I was at some department store and I saw some cute jeans. I went to look for the size and on the tag it said "Real Women Have Curves". Turns out they were plus-sized jeans and didn't come in my size. But I was really shocked - so what am I then? A Pretend Woman? Could you imagine if non plus-sized clothing said on the tags "Not for Fatties"?

People also used to come up to me and grab my hipbones and comment on my size all the time. What if I went up and grabbed their fat rolls and made comments? It's a total double standard.

Overall, look at your audience. Is the person making the comment an athlete? Thin? Fit? A doctor? Or overweight and unhealthy? Because honestly, if the person claiming I work out too much or don't eat enough is someone who overeats and out of shape, I don't really want their diet advice.

"They Marathon runners at the front; yeah they guys that are taking it seriously...They're all too skinny!!"....

Said no-one ever...

This is (almost) funny! I got my first "don't lose any more, you look great" at 203lbs, about 8lbs into the obese range!

At 185lbs (bmi 28, clearly overweight, man-boobs for Pete's sake!) I've actually heard it from multiple people including the neighbours.

That and either the cheary "what's your secret", or the hesitant "is everything OK with your health"--as if they just noticed the 18 month process...

HAS415 wrote: »

Yes, I get that all the time. From my family, my trainer, my friends, coworkers, customers, people on here. It's crazy. I'm trying to gain a few more to meet the goal my trainer set for me. I went from 278 down to 142 in two years. I'm 5' 10". I wish I could be 135. Even 145 but I need my trainer's help so what he says goes. But yeah, I get that all the time too. It's confusing because I still see myself as needing to lose 20 more.

well if you lost 20 more you'd be well into "underweight" on the charts....so definitely listen to your trainer. lol

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shell1005 wrote: »

I still think that there is much less "skinny shaming" than "fat shaming" in society if we are being honest. Skinny folk are generally seen as nicer, more attractive, smarter, healthier, more dedicated, etc.

Let's not pretend that skinny or normal body weight folks are some discriminated class of citizens.

I also think 99% of the time those who say don't lose too much or that you are getting skinny are just reconciling the new you with the old you they have known forever. While it may be annoying or bothersome, it's really understandable and quite normal IMO.

shell1005 wrote: »

I also think 99% of the time those who say don't lose too much or that you are getting skinny are just reconciling the new you with the old you they have known forever. While it may be annoying or bothersome, it's really understandable and quite normal IMO.

I strongly disagree with the 99% part. Many of the people who hear this have been at a healthy weight their entire life.

Your example may be true in many cases but nowhere near 99% of the time.

You may be right about fat shaming being more common than skinny shaming, however I do not think one is more acceptable than the other.

bbontheb wrote: »

PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »

I'm sort of glad my mom still thinks I'm too fat (and I am). When my not-fat sister started working on losing baby weight, my mom told her her face was ugly (it's not). Too fat>ugly face.

Ugh. Heart hurt...one of my best friend's mom actually says things like this. "You're getting too fat" (she's like what a size 6?). I don't know why people assume it doesn't hurt when you re an adult. You wouldn't say this to a child (oh man...so awful) why would people talk like this to adults

Unfortunately there ARE people who would say this to their child. Some people are just mean at heart.

TitaniaEcks wrote: »

Here are some comebacks that will shut them up real quick. "You're too skinny!"

"Yeah... for an American, maybe."
"My weight is medically appropriate for my height. How's yours?"
"I know, right? Diabetes and heart disease are really angry that I lost all this weight. Now they have to go find someone else to squat on."
"Does my body displease you? For a while there, my self-esteem was getting too high. I appreciate you bringing me down a notch."
"Thank you. It's good to get an unqualified layman's opinion to counterbalance my doctor's professional opinion."

Just a withering up-and-down glare punctuated with a sarcastic smile is enough to shut them up usually... but make sure you focus your stare for an extra-long time on their midsection so they get your drift.

I personally don't even bother with elaborate comebacks. If someone tells me "You're too skinny," I just retort with "You're just biased because you're fat." Hey, if they were dickish enough to insult my healthy body to my face, they kinda had it coming. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

That said, I don't support body shaming of anyone. It's just that some people need to get a taste of their own medicine in order to understand why what they're doing is wrong.

LUV LUV LUV your comebacks @TitaniaEcks! Now if I could only just remember one and pull it off lol

meganjcallaghan wrote: »

bbontheb wrote: »

PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »

I'm sort of glad my mom still thinks I'm too fat (and I am). When my not-fat sister started working on losing baby weight, my mom told her her face was ugly (it's not). Too fat>ugly face.

Ugh. Heart hurt...one of my best friend's mom actually says things like this. "You're getting too fat" (she's like what a size 6?). I don't know why people assume it doesn't hurt when you re an adult. You wouldn't say this to a child (oh man...so awful) why would people talk like this to adults

Unfortunately there ARE people who would say this to their child. Some people are just mean at heart.

I must be very emotional and pms'ing today because that totally makes me almost cry .

shell1005 wrote: »

I still think that there is much less "skinny shaming" than "fat shaming" in society if we are being honest. Skinny folk are generally seen as nicer, more attractive, smarter, healthier, more dedicated, etc.

Let's not pretend that skinny or normal body weight folks are some discriminated class of citizens.

I also think 99% of the time those who say don't lose too much or that you are getting skinny are just reconciling the new you with the old you they have known forever. While it may be annoying or bothersome, it's really understandable and quite normal IMO.

I disagree. For some strange reason people find it appropriate to say to a thin person "eat a cheeseburger" or "you're too skinny" but if I were to say "stop eating so many cheeseburgers" or "you're too fat" to any of those who have said that to me it would not, in any way, be considered appropriate.