Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
Options
Replies
-
quiksylver296 wrote: »I have 2 confessions.
1. My HUGE naked *kitten* has hung in a public art gallery for the world to see. Worst thing is it was a self portrait lol
2. I also write erotic fiction.
Those are strong first contributions to this post. Well done! @asflatasapancake take note!!!
That is funny! Good confessions and funny follow up by @quiksylver2960 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »I have 2 confessions.
1. My HUGE naked *kitten* has hung in a public art gallery for the world to see. Worst thing is it was a self portrait lol
2. I also write erotic fiction.
Those are strong first contributions to this post. Well done! @asflatasapancake take note!!!
That is funny! Good confessions and funny follow up by @quiksylver296
I'm gonna get @asflatasapancake to give up something good!0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »spacequiztime wrote: »
My only experiences with Facebook come from a fake account I set up to get emails about movie screenings and trying to fix something for my parents. I'm a fairly quiet and reserved person outside the 'net. It's just weird to think of people used to that side of me more open.spacequiztime wrote: »
Oh god, the idea of someone I know in real life recognizing me online scares me. I think I'd deactivate and remake if that happened here.I do not ever reveal my name online because it is ridiculously unique (I'm serious; I was named after my mom's best friend from high school) and I'm paranoid that someone who knows me will see it and know it's me.
Why? Don't most people have Facebook? I'm surprised I don't have stalkers or anything because I'm so lax about information about myself. It's a blessing and a curse I'm so naive and want to believe everyone is good! You'd think after working with juveniles, being a corrections officer, and now working in child support I'd be the exact opposite!
Ahh okay I see now! I'm the same here, there, everywhere haha Loud and I love to talk!
I'm actually the only Sawsan Al-Hadhrami on Facebook (at least I was as of last year or so), so the whole world can find me. But I don't really care, because I share next to nothing online (except in this thread... I share way too much in this thread!) and so I just use my real name everywhere. I've got nothing to hide, at least nothing in what I share online!
I facebook stalked you
. Those cookies look AWESOME!
I just did too, and they do! And I sent a friend request.
This is scary. This thread is moving into real life? I wonder if I need therapy?
16 almost 17 years ago I was on a a similar (but different) thread of sorts. Some of the women from this ivillage thread over time formed a yahoo group. There has been some attrition but nearly 17 years later we still check in nearly daily with each other. All of us have met some of us but we have never managed yet to all get together. We know each other's phone numbers and home addresses. It was carefully screened and we took time to get to trust each other but sometimes internet does move very nicely into real life.
We have been there through good and bad times and really have some great friendships.
I have a similar group of Marine wife friends. There are probably 20 of us, and we've followed each other from message board to message board since 2002. Not all of our husbands are still in, but we also check in every day on our Facebook group. I consider those women some of my best friends now.0 -
-
xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »So I'm doing the happy dance- I wore a pair of pants to work that although they say size 6, let's be real, they're vanity sized and I'm really more like a 10. But... I haven't been able to wear these pants since before I was pregnant with my 9 month old, so almost 2 years? 2 years? something like that.
And I'm now down to 21.6 lbs til goal. I'm also 1.6 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight. I was hoping to do the "9 months on, 9 months off" thing, but it's looking like it'll be closer to 9.5 months off. Oh well. What's important is that I'm doing it, right?
I have a hard time with pants. I lost 160 lbs in 2008-early 2009 and kept it off even after my 1st pregnancy, then gained 20 lb back, got pregnant with my son and had 20 lbs left from that. So all together, I had 40 to lose. I still kept 75% of my weight loss off, so ok not too bad. But I honestly need a paniculectomy (spelling?) I have stomach skin that hangs badly and I have to tuck it into my underwear (I know, gross, sorry). I was waiting until I maintained my goal weight and was done having kids (we are) until I started saving for the surgery. Also, I checked into it- surgeons want you as low of a BMI as possible so they know they're just cutting skin, not all the fat/blood vessels underneath.
So in the picture below, that's the weird lumpy thing around my hips- stoopid skin
But I got cute orange pants on, so yayyy!
Aw yayy!!! That's so exciting- way to go!0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »whatyouwill wrote: »Big confession. I got down to 203 lbs, from 227 lbs. Just 14 lbs from my long term maintenance target...
This was back in November 2014...
Since then, I have binged, forgotten what exercise is, and have ballooned to 235 lbs. No self-esteem, no fitness, nothing. Time to make a change, and get back into the game!
Baby steps! You can do this! A lot of us have been there.
What @quiksylver296 said, story of my life! It's hard to keep it off; drug abusers can stay away from situations where they come into contact with drugs, but everyone needs to eat! It always seems so unfair how long it takes to lose the weight and build the fitness compared to how quickly you can put on the weight and lose the fitness. You can do it though, we all can. We just need some willpower, some support and to go easy on ourselves from time to time.
0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Jumping in on the name thing- I am Cecilia, named after my grandfather Cecil. One of my first bosses called me CC, which I morphed to Ceci. (My family calls me C-ya) My married name is of Greek origin and I love that I have a unique name!
I named my daughter Samantha (would have been Samuel if a boy), because I wanted a Sam. (She goes by Sami now.)
I love the name Cecilia! So pretty! I don't have kids or pets so I name my cars My first car in high school and college was named Goldie because she was gold, I know real original! My second car was named Grace because she was the color grey and my car now her name is Cecily! I call her Cess the sesspool haha even though I keep her very tidy! I named her Cecily because she's a Civic! My next car is going to be a Buick Encore and I've already decided to name her Bianca 
PS. My dad said cars are always girls so I've always just named them girls names!
Fun fact: In Arabic we don't have a gender neutral word like "it" to call objects, so all objects have a gender and are either male or female, so we call them he or she depending on which gender the word falls under. Cars are, in fact, female.
That is cool. Do you get to pick the gender? So can you decide a car is female and a table male? And someone else decide the reverse? Or is everyone aligned?
Arabic has the most convoluted grammar rules in the universe, and there are tons of them. It's not easy to explain (or understand...)
Basically, words ending with a certain letter called "ta marboota" are female, conventional "female" words like "pregnant" are female, all body parts that come in pairs like eyes or hands are female, and the names of the alphabets are female. Clear as mud, right?!0 -
kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »
This reminds me. My husband thanks inanimate objects for things. He's embarrassing at the self-checkouts that talk to you because he'll actually bend down and say 'Thank you' to it.Susieq_1994 wrote: »AngryViking1970 wrote: »Sounds like you're a naturally strong person, so you probably don't need it. I do. I'm quite the weakling. Well, physically anyway. Mentally, no. Mentally I'm known as the Boot Camp Drill Sargent in my family. Physically, well??? Let's just say that sometimes going in and out of the grocery store I step onto the automatic door thingy and the door doesn't open. Thankfully, I learned from "Toy Story" to jump up and down once or twice and the door opens. My son finds this highly amusing and will lag behind me just to watch it happen.
See and I can picture that and it's awesome. haha
Awesomely embarrassing, yes!
I don't jump up and down, but sometimes I have to cha cha back and forth to catch the sensor. We'd be a blast trying to get into the store together.
I just wave at it... When I was a kid and I was too young (read: short) for the sensor (it's at the top of the door around here...) to see me, a male employee came over and just waved at it and it opened. I've been doing that ever since, and it works every time. I probably still look like a moron, waving at the door... "Hey there, door!"
I confess that one time I was shopping at a grocery store while I was in college & dropped a bunch of coins. As I was scurrying to pick up change I thanked someone for helping me to pick some of it up. It turns out it was me & I saw myself in a reflection & thought it was someone else. So embarrassing haha.
HAHAHA this I totally laughed out loud at- too funny!0 -
kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »
This reminds me. My husband thanks inanimate objects for things. He's embarrassing at the self-checkouts that talk to you because he'll actually bend down and say 'Thank you' to it.Susieq_1994 wrote: »AngryViking1970 wrote: »Sounds like you're a naturally strong person, so you probably don't need it. I do. I'm quite the weakling. Well, physically anyway. Mentally, no. Mentally I'm known as the Boot Camp Drill Sargent in my family. Physically, well??? Let's just say that sometimes going in and out of the grocery store I step onto the automatic door thingy and the door doesn't open. Thankfully, I learned from "Toy Story" to jump up and down once or twice and the door opens. My son finds this highly amusing and will lag behind me just to watch it happen.
See and I can picture that and it's awesome. haha
Awesomely embarrassing, yes!
I don't jump up and down, but sometimes I have to cha cha back and forth to catch the sensor. We'd be a blast trying to get into the store together.
I just wave at it... When I was a kid and I was too young (read: short) for the sensor (it's at the top of the door around here...) to see me, a male employee came over and just waved at it and it opened. I've been doing that ever since, and it works every time. I probably still look like a moron, waving at the door... "Hey there, door!"
Oh that is funny! Well, only because you have to deal with it and I don't. My husband spends way too much time home alone now that he's retired. He talks to himself constantly and when he's not talking he's whistling. He now does this out in public. Drives me nuts. Seriously??? Shhhhhh. It's like walking around in public singing. Can you please NOT call attention to us for no reason?
Whistlers grate on my nerves! Especially if they're shrill.
There's an old man who shops at my store who sings & it's adorable & hilarious all at the same time. The one day he went around singing The Star Spangled Banner. Now there's another old man that brings a piccolo in that sounds freaking awful! Makes me want to ram the piccolo down his throat.
Are we twins? I thought I was the only one!! My dad whistles ALL the time, I can't handle it!! Especially when he does it in the car! GRRR whistling for me is like nails on a chalk board for someone else
0 -
pearso21123 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I would be pissed, like I said in my last post, I would want to freak out.....
I have read a lot of the posts that say it is a deal breaker, and while some people feel that way, I do not always think it is that easy.
If it is some guy you have been with a few months or something, of course, get out right away. But if it is someone you have been with for many years and otherwise the relationship is good and this is not repeat behavior, IMO you really have to decide if it is something worth throwing the whole relationship out.
I know this might not be a popular opinion, but I do not believe the monogamy is natural for humans. Most animals are not monogamous. Even if you are doing your best to be monogamous, sometimes you become drawn to something you cannot control.
I am a firm believer that some people will always cheat, and some people may never, but given the right set of circumstances EVERYONE is capable of cheating. Ever see the movie Unfaithful? Perfect example.
Thanks. I appreciate it. This is the approach I'm taking. Like I said I haven't talked to him so I want to see what he has to say. I don't know if it's a good idea but as I've been going through things this week, I've been writing down thoughts/feelings. If he is open to listening, I want to share how it's affected me. Overall he has been great so this is a surprise. I'm not sure he realized how bad this really is. But then again, he was hiding it so maybe he does...
I have five free therapy sessions through work so I'm going to get his schedule and figure out when we are both free to go and make an appointment if he is willing. If not, I will give up.
I agree though. I think that monogamy is hard for a lot of people and probably not natural. However, I'd rather have someone admit to me that they aren't happy being with just me instead of going behind my back. If he is a man who wants to be in a relationship with me, I don't want to share and he will have to say no to temptation.
And yes, I've seen Unfaithful. That is a sad movie.
Also, I hope you are doing okay. I love the pictures of your rodent baby and I feel so bad for you. At least you know he had a good life with you!
I can't read books, stories, or watch movies like this, just makes me sick all over again. I do believe people can be monogamous, yes it's super hard and you have to work at it TOGETHER, but that is what COMMITMENT is. If you want to be in an open relationship, by all means do whatever floats your boat- but it's the lying and hiding things that are the problems. No good can come of it. My parents just celebrated their 31st wedding anniversary and I have no idea if either strayed nor do I want to know as it's their business but seeing as they're still very much in love and just how their relationship dynamic is I highly doubt either ever has. Again, monogamy is difficult but doable. I think saying we're not meant to be monogamous is a cop out personally, or giving people an excuse, but that's just my opinion!
I agree. I've been faithful to my husband for 15 years and have never had any difficulties staying monogamous. To my knowledge, the same is true of him, even though there have been times when he's had the opportunity to cheat. We made a promise to each other when we were married. Marriage isn't easy, but we both work hard to make it work. We're both committed to our family. Society today condones adultery and makes excuses for people's bad behavior. I say people need to be responsible for their own behavior and quit making excuses. Show some integrity, people!
I'm torn on the issue because I can see both sides. However, I totally agree. I've never once cheated on anyone. I've had people hit on me but if I'm in a relationship, I am not interested in anyone else. I'm not even tempted.
I think society is a big part of a lot of it (as well as technology making it so easy to do/get away with).0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »spacequiztime wrote: »
My only experiences with Facebook come from a fake account I set up to get emails about movie screenings and trying to fix something for my parents. I'm a fairly quiet and reserved person outside the 'net. It's just weird to think of people used to that side of me more open.spacequiztime wrote: »
Oh god, the idea of someone I know in real life recognizing me online scares me. I think I'd deactivate and remake if that happened here.I do not ever reveal my name online because it is ridiculously unique (I'm serious; I was named after my mom's best friend from high school) and I'm paranoid that someone who knows me will see it and know it's me.
Why? Don't most people have Facebook? I'm surprised I don't have stalkers or anything because I'm so lax about information about myself. It's a blessing and a curse I'm so naive and want to believe everyone is good! You'd think after working with juveniles, being a corrections officer, and now working in child support I'd be the exact opposite!
Ahh okay I see now! I'm the same here, there, everywhere haha Loud and I love to talk!
I'm actually the only Sawsan Al-Hadhrami on Facebook (at least I was as of last year or so), so the whole world can find me. But I don't really care, because I share next to nothing online (except in this thread... I share way too much in this thread!) and so I just use my real name everywhere. I've got nothing to hide, at least nothing in what I share online!
I facebook stalked you . Those cookies look AWESOME!
I just did too, and they do! And I sent a friend request.
This is scary. This thread is moving into real life? I wonder if I need therapy?
16 almost 17 years ago I was on a a similar (but different) thread of sorts. Some of the women from this ivillage thread over time formed a yahoo group. There has been some attrition but nearly 17 years later we still check in nearly daily with each other. All of us have met some of us but we have never managed yet to all get together. We know each other's phone numbers and home addresses. It was carefully screened and we took time to get to trust each other but sometimes internet does move very nicely into real life.
We have been there through good and bad times and really have some great friendships.
That is really neat!! Hey I know the internet can be a scary place, but I met by boyfriend there 0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »@BZAH10 love your new pic too and what a great color! And your bicep still looks fantastic!
Thank you! And thank you to anyone else who mentioned my new picture! I didn't change it to get compliments. I just see others changing theirs and thought I'd join in with a summer-ish pic.0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »GUYS, I JUST DID TWENTY PUSHUPS, IN. A. ROW!!! (Yep. I'm that excited about it.
)
Great job!
That is so awesome! I can only do like 2 in a row. I'm working on it!0 -
Alma102724 wrote: »Ok heres my 3rd contribution to this thread:
My dad AND my dog died on April 19. My dog at 3:00am and my dad at 5:28pm. He had a stroke and was recovering from it, was set to be released, then he had another massive stroke which did it for him. He was on a breathing tube, which he was against from the get go, but he was able to communicate with his foot. (up and down for yes, side to side for no) I was able to talk to him and ask him questions like "Do you understand what will happen if we take the tube out?" So in a sense I was able to get some type of closure. However right now, at this moment, I feel guilty for being so impatient with him towards his last days, I feel guilty for sometimes not even missing him, and I feel guilty for forgetting that he's gone. Towards the end of his days, he was either in dialysis or in the hospital and when he was home, he said very little but was always upbeat and happy (for the most part, well as happy as he could be given the situation/s he was put in.) It just feels like I didn't "feel" his passing even though as I write this it hurts my heart knowing he's gone.
My dog, we had her for 15 years. When my dad was diagnosed with renal failure so was my dog, when he was diagnosed with arthritis so was she, etc. She was close to him but she was still my dog. When he had his first stroke she had a seizure. When he had his second one she had another seizure. She stopped eating and I blame myself for not watching her as I should have because for a whole week we were going back and forth to the hospital to be at my dad's bedside. I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible because I knew he wasn't going to be around for much longer. I didn't want to believe it but somehow I gave in to it and it wasn't until the day before her passing that I realized how thin she had gotten. We came home that night to sleep for a few hours and shower, my dad had since been taken off the breathing tube and it was just a waiting game at that point. I let her in, she was breathing rapidly so I thought it was just because she was excited and would calm down. She never did. She started throwing up nothing because there was nothing in her stomach so it was a dry heeve type of thing. I took her to the ER, once I pulled in to the parking lot she passed out. I thought she died. I ran inside screaming and she threw up some foamy stuff. The doctor ran out to meet me and took her back. I fell in to one of the consult rooms where I was inconsolable. I knew if she died my dad would follow. The tech came out told me how much it would be to stabalize her and I told her to do it I didnt care, it was my dog just save her. A few minutes later the doctor comes out and tells me she has fluid in her lungs and around her heart and he needed me to decide what I wanted to do. I knew I was going to have to contribute to my dad's funeral expenses and I knew if they drained it, it would just come back again.
I chose to have her put down rather than the latter. Now I feel guilty for not saving her, for not doing everything I could to take care of her. It all happened so fast.
I called my brother who stayed with my dad that night, screaming and crying for him to check on dad and make sure he was breathing, he was. I went back home with my dog in a plastic bag, let her two girls (she had puppies once, I kept two) say goodbye and we buried her. I slept for maybe an hour and it was off to the hospital again.
My dad passed later that day at 5:28pm.
I feel guilty for a lot of this. I feel like I'm cold for not missing either one of them, when everyone told me they saw the love I had for them both, but as I write this I can't help but feel so much hurt inside of me.
We came home to find my dad's recliner empty and my dog's bed as well. She wasn't there to comfort me and neither was he. Our house feels so strange now.
That is absolutely heartbreaking. I am so sorry for your losses. We can't help the way we grieve and we should never feel guilty for our feelings. You obviously loved both of them a lot and you made the best decision you could in both instances. Hugs.
0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »spacequiztime wrote: »
My only experiences with Facebook come from a fake account I set up to get emails about movie screenings and trying to fix something for my parents. I'm a fairly quiet and reserved person outside the 'net. It's just weird to think of people used to that side of me more open.spacequiztime wrote: »
Oh god, the idea of someone I know in real life recognizing me online scares me. I think I'd deactivate and remake if that happened here.I do not ever reveal my name online because it is ridiculously unique (I'm serious; I was named after my mom's best friend from high school) and I'm paranoid that someone who knows me will see it and know it's me.
Why? Don't most people have Facebook? I'm surprised I don't have stalkers or anything because I'm so lax about information about myself. It's a blessing and a curse I'm so naive and want to believe everyone is good! You'd think after working with juveniles, being a corrections officer, and now working in child support I'd be the exact opposite!
Ahh okay I see now! I'm the same here, there, everywhere haha Loud and I love to talk!
I'm actually the only Sawsan Al-Hadhrami on Facebook (at least I was as of last year or so), so the whole world can find me. But I don't really care, because I share next to nothing online (except in this thread... I share way too much in this thread!) and so I just use my real name everywhere. I've got nothing to hide, at least nothing in what I share online!
I facebook stalked you . Those cookies look AWESOME!
I just did too, and they do! And I sent a friend request.
This is scary. This thread is moving into real life? I wonder if I need therapy?
They're all over Wattpad too, as I'm sure you've noticed. I'm happy to add you, but just keep in mind that I'm super inactive on Facebook. I don't usually like airing my life out for anyone to see, although it may not seem that way on this thread! Generally I'm a very private person. I actually freaked out thinking that my sister might check out this thread and see my posts yesterday... O.O0 -
xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »So I'm doing the happy dance- I wore a pair of pants to work that although they say size 6, let's be real, they're vanity sized and I'm really more like a 10. But... I haven't been able to wear these pants since before I was pregnant with my 9 month old, so almost 2 years? 2 years? something like that.
And I'm now down to 21.6 lbs til goal. I'm also 1.6 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight. I was hoping to do the "9 months on, 9 months off" thing, but it's looking like it'll be closer to 9.5 months off. Oh well. What's important is that I'm doing it, right?
I have a hard time with pants. I lost 160 lbs in 2008-early 2009 and kept it off even after my 1st pregnancy, then gained 20 lb back, got pregnant with my son and had 20 lbs left from that. So all together, I had 40 to lose. I still kept 75% of my weight loss off, so ok not too bad. But I honestly need a paniculectomy (spelling?) I have stomach skin that hangs badly and I have to tuck it into my underwear (I know, gross, sorry). I was waiting until I maintained my goal weight and was done having kids (we are) until I started saving for the surgery. Also, I checked into it- surgeons want you as low of a BMI as possible so they know they're just cutting skin, not all the fat/blood vessels underneath.
So in the picture below, that's the weird lumpy thing around my hips- stoopid skin But I got cute orange pants on, so yayyy!
Aw yayy!!! That's so exciting- way to go!
You look great!! Forget vanity sizing, you're definitely a 6!!0 -
Wow, today has been busy in here. I can't even begin to keep up. But my name is Shirley. I hate it. Who the heck names their kid Shirley .
My oldest daughter is Rachel, and although I can't admit this to my DH, she was named after the Friend's character. Both daughters have somewhat unusual middle names, Raven and Rain. No Shirleys, because I just couldn't do that to them.
And don't call me Shirley!
I also named my daughter after Rachel Karen Green. However, we spelled it Rachael because my husband's name is Michael and I wanted to honor him in spelling her name similar to his. He absolutely knows that's where I got the name and she does too. She has a cousin named Raven.
I absolutely love that movie.0 -
I confess that I have been putting off telling you all this good news but...
My son was awarded a scholarship from our state due to his disability that covers the cost of his private school (tried a few public schools but our state is scraping bottom in public schools and it was a horrible experience) and tutoring and therapies. The fact that as a single mom just starting a career (2 years now) I am able to see him get all the support he needs to be his best person - this is awesome! This can only be used for very specifically approved things but saves me so much money that I would have found somehow but now can use for other necessities as well. This is such a relief and completely unexpected.
Then I just got an email from a club I belong to (because my son loves this particular hobby) where all the guys in the club are making him a project of this hobby to have ready for him when he gets home (awwwwwwwww). He has about 70 grandpa's who have taken him in to their hearts in this club that has to do with model trains.
My daughter is doing very well with her food and mood and I've actually seen her laugh a few times today (she's interning with me so we have lots of together time.) One of my favorite bands (Cake) is going to be in town when I'm out of town and she is planning to go to the concert with her friends (she looked so smug about it I had to laugh).
MY (can you tell I"m smitten) SO booked us our haunted hotel room in a ghost town for our Halloween plans and he has already ordered his Dread Pirate Roberts costume. I guess I'd best get working on that Princess Buttercup wedding dress...
Today is a good day.
That's all awesome news, except for the haunted hotel room! Glad life is good!0 -
kelly_c_77 wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »
The funny thing is that my sister's name is Georgia. People always get a good laugh over that when we introduce ourselves at the same timeFluffySandwich wrote: »And about names- mine is Savannah. My mom was going to name me Isabella if I had dark hair, but I was born blonde.... so Savannah it was. It's a pretty popular name in the Southern United States, but in Montreal it has gotten butchered so many times. I haven't met a single person with my name up here!
I named one of my former dogs Savannah, for Savannah Georgia actually, because I always wanted to go there. All of my dogs since then have had geographic names.
When one of my young coworkers was pregnant, knew she was having a girl, and couldn't think of a girl's name... I suggested Savannah. My rationale was that her son had the same name as one of my earlier dogs so her second child should be named after my dog too. Turns out her husband went to school with a Savannah and didn't like the girl so Savannah was tainted for him as a name. However, ever since then I have referred to her daughter as Savannah instead of her real name.
I agree, it's really difficult watching the (still living) loved ones around you suffer. I cried a lot during the funeral. And you're right about our dads not suffering anymore, at least there is thatAlma102724 wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »
Don't blame yourself or feel bad for any of the feelings you are experiencing. Death has a way of shaking you up like that, and you had two significant losses in one day. I can't express how sorry I am!Alma102724 wrote: »Ok heres my 3rd contribution to this thread:
My dad AND my dog died on April 19. My dog at 3:00am and my dad at 5:28pm. He had a stroke and was recovering from it, was set to be released, then he had another massive stroke which did it for him. He was on a breathing tube, which he was against from the get go, but he was able to communicate with his foot. (up and down for yes, side to side for no) I was able to talk to him and ask him questions like "Do you understand what will happen if we take the tube out?" So in a sense I was able to get some type of closure. However right now, at this moment, I feel guilty for being so impatient with him towards his last days, I feel guilty for sometimes not even missing him, and I feel guilty for forgetting that he's gone. Towards the end of his days, he was either in dialysis or in the hospital and when he was home, he said very little but was always upbeat and happy (for the most part, well as happy as he could be given the situation/s he was put in.) It just feels like I didn't "feel" his passing even though as I write this it hurts my heart knowing he's gone.
My dog, we had her for 15 years. When my dad was diagnosed with renal failure so was my dog, when he was diagnosed with arthritis so was she, etc. She was close to him but she was still my dog. When he had his first stroke she had a seizure. When he had his second one she had another seizure. She stopped eating and I blame myself for not watching her as I should have because for a whole week we were going back and forth to the hospital to be at my dad's bedside. I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible because I knew he wasn't going to be around for much longer. I didn't want to believe it but somehow I gave in to it and it wasn't until the day before her passing that I realized how thin she had gotten. We came home that night to sleep for a few hours and shower, my dad had since been taken off the breathing tube and it was just a waiting game at that point. I let her in, she was breathing rapidly so I thought it was just because she was excited and would calm down. She never did. She started throwing up nothing because there was nothing in her stomach so it was a dry heeve type of thing. I took her to the ER, once I pulled in to the parking lot she passed out. I thought she died. I ran inside screaming and she threw up some foamy stuff. The doctor ran out to meet me and took her back. I fell in to one of the consult rooms where I was inconsolable. I knew if she died my dad would follow. The tech came out told me how much it would be to stabalize her and I told her to do it I didnt care, it was my dog just save her. A few minutes later the doctor comes out and tells me she has fluid in her lungs and around her heart and he needed me to decide what I wanted to do. I knew I was going to have to contribute to my dad's funeral expenses and I knew if they drained it, it would just come back again.
I chose to have her put down rather than the latter. Now I feel guilty for not saving her, for not doing everything I could to take care of her. It all happened so fast.
I called my brother who stayed with my dad that night, screaming and crying for him to check on dad and make sure he was breathing, he was. I went back home with my dog in a plastic bag, let her two girls (she had puppies once, I kept two) say goodbye and we buried her. I slept for maybe an hour and it was off to the hospital again.
My dad passed later that day at 5:28pm.
I feel guilty for a lot of this. I feel like I'm cold for not missing either one of them, when everyone told me they saw the love I had for them both, but as I write this I can't help but feel so much hurt inside of me.
We came home to find my dad's recliner empty and my dog's bed as well. She wasn't there to comfort me and neither was he. Our house feels so strange now.
I don't know if this will be of any help to you, but I lost my dad last year. He had been struggling with multiple sclerosis ever since before I was born, and he spent the last years of his life almost completely paralyzed. I lived with him in high school and helped to take care of him (basic things like cooking meals, etc), but I feel horrible about how irritated I was at him sometimes for needing the treatment he did (too hot, too cold, needed to be turned over in his bed). Saying this feels me with shame, but I loved him deeply as it sounds like you did your own father. We are people too, though, and can't always be perfect individuals.
For a long time I just felt shock over it, and still do in a sense... I don't cry over him very often at all (there have been times when I have been overcome with grief and couldn't get out of bed), and feel guilty about it, but I cannot bring myself to say the word ''dad'' unless I am talking to my family... it brings up all these sad feelings.
Whether you cry or are in shock or cannot bring yourself to feel much of anything, people mourn and grieve in different ways and it doesn't mean you didn't care. Again, I'm so sorry.
Yes that is exactly how I felt! Especially how you mentioned not crying at all, some days I'm so nonchalant about everything. Then there's days like this, where I think I should be sad.
For him it was always too hot or cold, too much light coming in it had to always be dark and I'd get so frustrated and tell him he needed to be in the sunlight and he'd say his eyes hurt with the bright light. I didn't realize to what extent that's why I feel bad.
I can't say my dad is dead out loud or anything mentioning the word death, dying, etc. I just can't. Honestly (confession) I feel worse watching my mom cry than knowing my dad is gone. At least I know he's not suffering but her, she loved that man. She was with him 40+ years I can't imagine what she must be feeling.
I have to agree with this also. My parents were together for almost 50 years when my mom passed last year. My mom was a stay at home mom and my dad retired at an early age. So once he retired, they were both home every day together for the past 25 years and were so close. They built their own little world in that house and now my dad has to live in it...alone. It is heartbreaking. Going through my mom's things to help clean out the house was just awful...everything in there had a memory to go with it...and we had to see my dad struggle with each item he touched. In my 36 years, I had never seen my dad cry...until last year. Now it's kind of normal to see him cry...because he does it so often.
That is heartbreaking, and I get where you are coming from. My dad was always a brutish bull type of dude. When my mom passed away two years ago he broke. Now he is a huge puppy dog and it is taking me a while to get used to it, but I love my dad and only wish my mom had gotten to see him as the humble caring man he is now.
Ps. Lucky for my dad my parents rented so we got him a new smaller apartment asap so as not to have him sitting in an apartment full of memories.0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »@BZAH10 love your new pic too and what a great color! And your bicep still looks fantastic!
Thank you! And thank you to anyone else who mentioned my new picture! I didn't change it to get compliments. I just see others changing theirs and thought I'd join in with a summer-ish pic.
Maybe I need a summerish cartoon update, too. Being in Saudi, the most accurate depiction I can think of is a human melted into a puddle on the sidewalk... Think I could find a picture like that?0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 389 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 919 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions