Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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Ok heres my 3rd contribution to this thread:
My dad AND my dog died on April 19. My dog at 3:00am and my dad at 5:28pm. He had a stroke and was recovering from it, was set to be released, then he had another massive stroke which did it for him. He was on a breathing tube, which he was against from the get go, but he was able to communicate with his foot. (up and down for yes, side to side for no) I was able to talk to him and ask him questions like "Do you understand what will happen if we take the tube out?" So in a sense I was able to get some type of closure. However right now, at this moment, I feel guilty for being so impatient with him towards his last days, I feel guilty for sometimes not even missing him, and I feel guilty for forgetting that he's gone. Towards the end of his days, he was either in dialysis or in the hospital and when he was home, he said very little but was always upbeat and happy (for the most part, well as happy as he could be given the situation/s he was put in.) It just feels like I didn't "feel" his passing even though as I write this it hurts my heart knowing he's gone.
My dog, we had her for 15 years. When my dad was diagnosed with renal failure so was my dog, when he was diagnosed with arthritis so was she, etc. She was close to him but she was still my dog. When he had his first stroke she had a seizure. When he had his second one she had another seizure. She stopped eating and I blame myself for not watching her as I should have because for a whole week we were going back and forth to the hospital to be at my dad's bedside. I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible because I knew he wasn't going to be around for much longer. I didn't want to believe it but somehow I gave in to it and it wasn't until the day before her passing that I realized how thin she had gotten. We came home that night to sleep for a few hours and shower, my dad had since been taken off the breathing tube and it was just a waiting game at that point. I let her in, she was breathing rapidly so I thought it was just because she was excited and would calm down. She never did. She started throwing up nothing because there was nothing in her stomach so it was a dry heeve type of thing. I took her to the ER, once I pulled in to the parking lot she passed out. I thought she died. I ran inside screaming and she threw up some foamy stuff. The doctor ran out to meet me and took her back. I fell in to one of the consult rooms where I was inconsolable. I knew if she died my dad would follow. The tech came out told me how much it would be to stabalize her and I told her to do it I didnt care, it was my dog just save her. A few minutes later the doctor comes out and tells me she has fluid in her lungs and around her heart and he needed me to decide what I wanted to do. I knew I was going to have to contribute to my dad's funeral expenses and I knew if they drained it, it would just come back again.
I chose to have her put down rather than the latter. Now I feel guilty for not saving her, for not doing everything I could to take care of her. It all happened so fast.
I called my brother who stayed with my dad that night, screaming and crying for him to check on dad and make sure he was breathing, he was. I went back home with my dog in a plastic bag, let her two girls (she had puppies once, I kept two) say goodbye and we buried her. I slept for maybe an hour and it was off to the hospital again.
My dad passed later that day at 5:28pm.
I feel guilty for a lot of this. I feel like I'm cold for not missing either one of them, when everyone told me they saw the love I had for them both, but as I write this I can't help but feel so much hurt inside of me.
We came home to find my dad's recliner empty and my dog's bed as well. She wasn't there to comfort me and neither was he. Our house feels so strange now.0 -
Jumping in on the name thing- I am Cecilia, named after my grandfather Cecil. One of my first bosses called me CC, which I morphed to Ceci. (My family calls me C-ya) My married name is of Greek origin and I love that I have a unique name!
I named my daughter Samantha (would have been Samuel if a boy), because I wanted a Sam. (She goes by Sami now.)
I love the name Cecilia! So pretty! I don't have kids or pets so I name my cars
My first car in high school and college was named Goldie because she was gold, I know real original! My second car was named Grace because she was the color grey and my car now her name is Cecily! I call her Cess the sesspool haha even though I keep her very tidy! I named her Cecily because she's a Civic! My next car is going to be a Buick Encore and I've already decided to name her Bianca 
PS. My dad said cars are always girls so I've always just named them girls names!0 -
Jumping in on the name thing- I am Cecilia, named after my grandfather Cecil. One of my first bosses called me CC, which I morphed to Ceci. (My family calls me C-ya) My married name is of Greek origin and I love that I have a unique name!
I named my daughter Samantha (would have been Samuel if a boy), because I wanted a Sam. (She goes by Sami now.)
I love the name Cecilia! So pretty! I don't have kids or pets so I name my cars My first car in high school and college was named Goldie because she was gold, I know real original! My second car was named Grace because she was the color grey and my car now her name is Cecily! I call her Cess the sesspool haha even though I keep her very tidy! I named her Cecily because she's a Civic! My next car is going to be a Buick Encore and I've already decided to name her Bianca
PS. My dad said cars are always girls so I've always just named them girls names!
Fun fact: In Arabic we don't have a gender neutral word like "it" to call objects, so all objects have a gender and are either male or female, so we call them he or she depending on which gender the word falls under. Cars are, in fact, female.
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Don't blame yourself or feel bad for any of the feelings you are experiencing. Death has a way of shaking you up like that, and you had two significant losses in one day. I can't express how sorry I am!Alma102724 wrote: »Ok heres my 3rd contribution to this thread:
My dad AND my dog died on April 19. My dog at 3:00am and my dad at 5:28pm. He had a stroke and was recovering from it, was set to be released, then he had another massive stroke which did it for him. He was on a breathing tube, which he was against from the get go, but he was able to communicate with his foot. (up and down for yes, side to side for no) I was able to talk to him and ask him questions like "Do you understand what will happen if we take the tube out?" So in a sense I was able to get some type of closure. However right now, at this moment, I feel guilty for being so impatient with him towards his last days, I feel guilty for sometimes not even missing him, and I feel guilty for forgetting that he's gone. Towards the end of his days, he was either in dialysis or in the hospital and when he was home, he said very little but was always upbeat and happy (for the most part, well as happy as he could be given the situation/s he was put in.) It just feels like I didn't "feel" his passing even though as I write this it hurts my heart knowing he's gone.
My dog, we had her for 15 years. When my dad was diagnosed with renal failure so was my dog, when he was diagnosed with arthritis so was she, etc. She was close to him but she was still my dog. When he had his first stroke she had a seizure. When he had his second one she had another seizure. She stopped eating and I blame myself for not watching her as I should have because for a whole week we were going back and forth to the hospital to be at my dad's bedside. I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible because I knew he wasn't going to be around for much longer. I didn't want to believe it but somehow I gave in to it and it wasn't until the day before her passing that I realized how thin she had gotten. We came home that night to sleep for a few hours and shower, my dad had since been taken off the breathing tube and it was just a waiting game at that point. I let her in, she was breathing rapidly so I thought it was just because she was excited and would calm down. She never did. She started throwing up nothing because there was nothing in her stomach so it was a dry heeve type of thing. I took her to the ER, once I pulled in to the parking lot she passed out. I thought she died. I ran inside screaming and she threw up some foamy stuff. The doctor ran out to meet me and took her back. I fell in to one of the consult rooms where I was inconsolable. I knew if she died my dad would follow. The tech came out told me how much it would be to stabalize her and I told her to do it I didnt care, it was my dog just save her. A few minutes later the doctor comes out and tells me she has fluid in her lungs and around her heart and he needed me to decide what I wanted to do. I knew I was going to have to contribute to my dad's funeral expenses and I knew if they drained it, it would just come back again.
I chose to have her put down rather than the latter. Now I feel guilty for not saving her, for not doing everything I could to take care of her. It all happened so fast.
I called my brother who stayed with my dad that night, screaming and crying for him to check on dad and make sure he was breathing, he was. I went back home with my dog in a plastic bag, let her two girls (she had puppies once, I kept two) say goodbye and we buried her. I slept for maybe an hour and it was off to the hospital again.
My dad passed later that day at 5:28pm.
I feel guilty for a lot of this. I feel like I'm cold for not missing either one of them, when everyone told me they saw the love I had for them both, but as I write this I can't help but feel so much hurt inside of me.
We came home to find my dad's recliner empty and my dog's bed as well. She wasn't there to comfort me and neither was he. Our house feels so strange now.
I don't know if this will be of any help to you, but I lost my dad last year. He had been struggling with multiple sclerosis ever since before I was born, and he spent the last years of his life almost completely paralyzed. I lived with him in high school and helped to take care of him (basic things like cooking meals, etc), but I feel horrible about how irritated I was at him sometimes for needing the treatment he did (too hot, too cold, needed to be turned over in his bed). Saying this feels me with shame, but I loved him deeply as it sounds like you did your own father. We are people too, though, and can't always be perfect individuals.
For a long time I just felt shock over it, and still do in a sense... I don't cry over him very often at all (there have been times when I have been overcome with grief and couldn't get out of bed), and feel guilty about it, but I cannot bring myself to say the word ''dad'' unless I am talking to my family... it brings up all these sad feelings.
Whether you cry or are in shock or cannot bring yourself to feel much of anything, people mourn and grieve in different ways and it doesn't mean you didn't care. Again, I'm so sorry.0 -
FluffySandwich wrote: »
It's very interesting! I'm now on chapter 11 and I am feeling the main character's dread. You're helping me to become more knowledgeable about Islam (I know virtually nothing about itSusieq_1994 wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »
I've started reading your story and am now on chapter 6Susieq_1994 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »This potty training fiasco is really testing my patience right now. I love my kid, and I know she has other issues, but holy hell this is an exhausting venture!
I waited until mine were way too old to do it. I admire people who have the courage to do it with 2yos... My kids were 4.
Believe it or not, many Arabs insist that their children have to be potty trained by the age of one. This is especially strict in the non-Gulf Arab countries like Palestine and Syria. An American Muslim lady married to a Palestinian man once confided in my mother that she felt like a parenting failure because of her in-laws' shock that her son wasn't potty trained when he was one.
Aw that's sad! She shouldn't feel that way, kids all learn at different paces!
This may be a silly question so I apologize, but, when you're speaking with your husband or friends and family do y'all speak Arabic then? Does everyone know English? Yours is better than mine I feel like!
My husband is fluent in English, and we use English exclusively at home (we have a rented apartment where we live alone). His family speaks very little English, so I use Arabic when I'm visiting their home.
My immediate family uses English exclusively at home as well (my mom is American and doesn't understand a lot of Arabic), but my father's family speaks next to no English and I speak Arabic there.
When I worked, I spoke Arabic with my colleagues, because most of them didn't speak much English either, but most of the population in Saudi Arabia and Oman (especially the younger generation) do have rudimentary knowledge of English, and many actually have excellent English language skills. It really depends on where you are. If you're in the capital, you'll find 99% of the people speak English and I'll usually use English with them because I'm completely fluent in English and only about 85% fluent in Arabic. If you're in the villages or interior regions of Oman, you won't find many English speakers at all.
Why does everyone keep apologizing for asking me questions? Am I that intimidating? Bombard me, people, I don't mind! And for God's sake, everyone stop apologizing! 
Haha sorry for apologizing and just doing it again there!! thanks for answering my question that is so neat you're Bilingual!
Can I pretend to be tri-lingual since I understand British English too? I think you're a terrific writer. I love to write, too, so maybe I'll start using Wattpad at some point
Thank you so much! I'm glad you're enjoying it. Wattpad is a lot of fun to write on! I usually post my poetry there, that book is my first attempt at an actual book with an actual plot... 
), so thank you for that!
And about names- mine is Savannah. My mom was going to name me Isabella if I had dark hair, but I was born blonde.... so Savannah it was. It's a pretty popular name in the Southern United States, but in Montreal it has gotten butchered so many times. I haven't met a single person with my name up here!
It's actually quite a nice beginner's book for Islam; it doesn't really go much further in than the basics, since it's being written from the POV of a non-Muslim child. 0 -
Jumping in on the name thing- I am Cecilia, named after my grandfather Cecil. One of my first bosses called me CC, which I morphed to Ceci. (My family calls me C-ya) My married name is of Greek origin and I love that I have a unique name!
I named my daughter Samantha (would have been Samuel if a boy), because I wanted a Sam. (She goes by Sami now.)
I love the name Cecilia! So pretty! I don't have kids or pets so I name my cars My first car in high school and college was named Goldie because she was gold, I know real original! My second car was named Grace because she was the color grey and my car now her name is Cecily! I call her Cess the sesspool haha even though I keep her very tidy! I named her Cecily because she's a Civic! My next car is going to be a Buick Encore and I've already decided to name her Bianca
PS. My dad said cars are always girls so I've always just named them girls names!
My sister has always named her cars, too! Her first car was ''Ringo Carr'' after the Beatles' Ringo Starr 0 -
God what the... 1300 new posts, really??0
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I confess that I am addicted to chapstick. I carry it with me everywhere. I mention this because I just had a 2nd one bite the dust on me this week and I'm so glad I have a spare in my desk at work. It doesn't have to be the Chapstick brand. I will try all kinds and probably have 10 tubes at home. I bought myself some for my Christmas stocking last year.
I am too!!! I hate dry lips!0 -
My mom bought me some champagne before she left Montreal and I'm getting ready to pop it open and drink it with my boyfriend. Wish you guys could join me for a Confession Time toast
Speaking of which... how much does the other group thread get used? I always think I can't keep up with this one thread, but I just remembered there's another one too!
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FluffySandwich wrote: »My mom bought me some champagne before she left Montreal and I'm getting ready to pop it open and drink it with my boyfriend. Wish you guys could join me for a Confession Time toast
Speaking of which... how much does the other group thread get used? I always think I can't keep up with this one thread, but I just remembered there's another one too!
Not much at all. There's a thread for pet pics and a very slow confessions thread.0 -
raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »Wow, today has been busy in here. I can't even begin to keep up. But my name is Shirley. I hate it. Who the heck names their kid Shirley .
My oldest daughter is Rachel, and although I can't admit this to my DH, she was named after the Friend's character. Both daughters have somewhat unusual middle names, Raven and Rain. No Shirleys, because I just couldn't do that to them.
People call my daughter Raven all the time. I'm always saying "No, RaeLYNN, not Raven." She even corrects people, "No, it's Waewynn!" Sigh, I've doomed her to a name everyone will confuse with another lol.
Raelynn is a pretty name, and I bet she sounds so cute saying it.
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Susieq_1994 wrote: »Jumping in on the name thing- I am Cecilia, named after my grandfather Cecil. One of my first bosses called me CC, which I morphed to Ceci. (My family calls me C-ya) My married name is of Greek origin and I love that I have a unique name!
I named my daughter Samantha (would have been Samuel if a boy), because I wanted a Sam. (She goes by Sami now.)
I love the name Cecilia! So pretty! I don't have kids or pets so I name my cars My first car in high school and college was named Goldie because she was gold, I know real original! My second car was named Grace because she was the color grey and my car now her name is Cecily! I call her Cess the sesspool haha even though I keep her very tidy! I named her Cecily because she's a Civic! My next car is going to be a Buick Encore and I've already decided to name her Bianca
PS. My dad said cars are always girls so I've always just named them girls names!
Fun fact: In Arabic we don't have a gender neutral word like "it" to call objects, so all objects have a gender and are either male or female, so we call them he or she depending on which gender the word falls under. Cars are, in fact, female.
That is AWESOME! Thanks for the information!! Susie you (among many others here) have taught me so many neat new things!0 -
@fluffysandwich- your name is beautiful!0
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I love the pet pics!FluffySandwich wrote: »My mom bought me some champagne before she left Montreal and I'm getting ready to pop it open and drink it with my boyfriend. Wish you guys could join me for a Confession Time toast
Speaking of which... how much does the other group thread get used? I always think I can't keep up with this one thread, but I just remembered there's another one too!
Not much at all. There's a thread for pet pics and a very slow confessions thread.
Thank you, that's very kind@fluffysandwich- your name is beautiful!
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I haven't used the group at all since that first day I have a hard enough time keeping up here!0
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Oh and @fluffysandwich enjoy that champagne with your boy!0
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xMrBunglex wrote: »I confess I scored some serious Husband Points today - last week I ordered flowers for my wife to be delivered to her office today, and made the card out from the cats.
Just talked to her, she's giddy! (Fist pump)
Haha well done *highfive!*0 -
Alma102724 wrote: »Ok heres my 3rd contribution to this thread:
My dad AND my dog died on April 19. My dog at 3:00am and my dad at 5:28pm. He had a stroke and was recovering from it, was set to be released, then he had another massive stroke which did it for him. He was on a breathing tube, which he was against from the get go, but he was able to communicate with his foot. (up and down for yes, side to side for no) I was able to talk to him and ask him questions like "Do you understand what will happen if we take the tube out?" So in a sense I was able to get some type of closure. However right now, at this moment, I feel guilty for being so impatient with him towards his last days, I feel guilty for sometimes not even missing him, and I feel guilty for forgetting that he's gone. Towards the end of his days, he was either in dialysis or in the hospital and when he was home, he said very little but was always upbeat and happy (for the most part, well as happy as he could be given the situation/s he was put in.) It just feels like I didn't "feel" his passing even though as I write this it hurts my heart knowing he's gone.
My dog, we had her for 15 years. When my dad was diagnosed with renal failure so was my dog, when he was diagnosed with arthritis so was she, etc. She was close to him but she was still my dog. When he had his first stroke she had a seizure. When he had his second one she had another seizure. She stopped eating and I blame myself for not watching her as I should have because for a whole week we were going back and forth to the hospital to be at my dad's bedside. I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible because I knew he wasn't going to be around for much longer. I didn't want to believe it but somehow I gave in to it and it wasn't until the day before her passing that I realized how thin she had gotten. We came home that night to sleep for a few hours and shower, my dad had since been taken off the breathing tube and it was just a waiting game at that point. I let her in, she was breathing rapidly so I thought it was just because she was excited and would calm down. She never did. She started throwing up nothing because there was nothing in her stomach so it was a dry heeve type of thing. I took her to the ER, once I pulled in to the parking lot she passed out. I thought she died. I ran inside screaming and she threw up some foamy stuff. The doctor ran out to meet me and took her back. I fell in to one of the consult rooms where I was inconsolable. I knew if she died my dad would follow. The tech came out told me how much it would be to stabalize her and I told her to do it I didnt care, it was my dog just save her. A few minutes later the doctor comes out and tells me she has fluid in her lungs and around her heart and he needed me to decide what I wanted to do. I knew I was going to have to contribute to my dad's funeral expenses and I knew if they drained it, it would just come back again.
I chose to have her put down rather than the latter. Now I feel guilty for not saving her, for not doing everything I could to take care of her. It all happened so fast.
I called my brother who stayed with my dad that night, screaming and crying for him to check on dad and make sure he was breathing, he was. I went back home with my dog in a plastic bag, let her two girls (she had puppies once, I kept two) say goodbye and we buried her. I slept for maybe an hour and it was off to the hospital again.
My dad passed later that day at 5:28pm.
I feel guilty for a lot of this. I feel like I'm cold for not missing either one of them, when everyone told me they saw the love I had for them both, but as I write this I can't help but feel so much hurt inside of me.
We came home to find my dad's recliner empty and my dog's bed as well. She wasn't there to comfort me and neither was he. Our house feels so strange now.
Was that this April? I'm so sorry. What an awful day for you and your family. You don't need to feel guilty, there are so many emotions tied into grieving and none of them are wrong. How awful for you.0 -
Another slightly embarrassing confession:
If I have alcohol in my hand, I will spend no time at all drinking the whole thing. I don't do it on purpose, I guess I'm just a fast drinker! Everyone is always telling me to slow down, which is a little bit embarrassing I just poured myself champagne and drank the thing like I would a soft drink, forgetting it contained alcohol!! Guess practice makes perfect 
I don't know how people drink so slowly.
... I will make myself sick one day.0
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