Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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Confession:
I'm a crazy animal person. I have a select few friends that I enjoy their company, but I'd much rather be at home with my animals than out in social situations (which I find very awkward
) I also have abit of a zoo...
snakes, beardy, geckos, dogs, cats. etc.0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age
) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
I found of this super educational. It's good to know that dowries etc. are not necessarily tied to the religion rather than the culture, and that not everyone thinks alike.
I also find it interesting how people always make assumptions about others, it seems no matter what our background. I got married at a relatively young age for where I live (I was 23). I'm an atheist so there was no religious reasoning behind it. Everyone assumed I must be pregnant (nope, that happened 6 years later). I don't understand why people couldn't simply assume the reason I married was because I found the guy I expect to spend the rest of my life with. Why would they try to come up with alternative theories?
Like you, I also had a tiny wedding as I didn't want to spend loads of money on one day when we had so much more to spend it on (like a house!). The small and cheap nature of the day (but it was wonderful!) only added fuel to the accidental pregnancy theories. At least my dad didn't follow that assumption, he knows me better than most!0 -
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Flashback to the topic of little dresses (I'm packing and planning clothes for my trip). Here is the most recent dress I picked up (mother's day gift to myself) and it is fairly typical of my "style" at home and on weekends. Comfy!! I'm planning to travel in it tomorrow. So far I've got four dresses, one pair of jeans and one pair of shorts packed. (And a rain coat in case it rains at the baseball game on Monday.)
http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/charter-club-petite-mirrored-print-shift-dress?ID=2119309&pla_country=US&CAGPSPN=pla&CAWELAID=120156340001875893&catargetid=120156340001235625&cadevice=c&cm_mmc=Google_Womens_PLA-_-RTW+Womens_Women's+Dresses_Charter+Club-_-66679803181_-_-_mkwid_rEXzSnVS|dc_66679803181|-|rEXzSnVS
Adorable! I love Macy's!!0 -
I messaged her about making other arrangements for the cat if she's not going to be living with us. I'm not sure how she'll respond but it needed to be done. I'm going to take my meds and pass out now. Nighty night.
Goodness for you and your husband's sake I hope she'll find other arrangements for her cat! Positive thoughts for your family!0 -
orangesmartie wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »Hi all,
Sorry I haven’t been around for a while. Well I’ve been reading, but not posting. I’m having a really bad couple of weeks and I didn’t want to dump it all on you guys. However, I have missed you all immensely. Its strange how much I rely on this thread for fun and motivation. I don’t think you’ll ever know how much you have all helped motivate me.
My diet and exercise has gone out of the window, the binge monster is well and truly in situ and my brain is telling me all sorts of horrible things, about how fat and unfit I am, and always will be, and theres little point trying. And no matter how much weight I lose, my boyfriend will still never love me and I’ll never be able to climb the mountain and blah blah blah blah.
I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. I’m so fat and just can’t see how I’m going to get it off. And I know binge eating isn’t going to help, but I seem totally incapable of controlling it.
There’s a bit of an issue going on between my boyfriend and I. We need to address it, but I am avoiding the issue. Because, irrational me says he’s going to tell me all the things I don’t want to hear (that I believe about myself). So the poor guy has been getting a really hard time, for something I *think* he might say. I’m not being very grown up about things at the moment.
Most of the problem is I have not been taking my anti-depressants properly. I miss lots of days at a time, and that is obviously contributing to the blackness. Rationally I know I can fix that. I have reminders on my phone and email to take it, but I mostly just ignore them. I don’t know why. I know they help.
And just to make another excuse, theres a lot going on. My mum has cancer and is having her operation today. Her recovery time means I need to be home to have Charlie (2yo nephew) a lot more, which interferes with my life a bit, and well just excuses really. I feel overwhelmed with everything.
I’m sorry to dump this all on you, but a couple of people here told me it might help to get it out. And a big thank you to those of you who messaged me to check in: @pofoster21, @girldownsouth and @nonoelmo @Lois_1989. I really did appreciate it, and it was nice to think people noticed and cared enough to send a note. I hope I can remember to do the same for others.
I am trying to remember that today is a new day and all I can do is try. And some advice given to me in a message was that you will be able to help me with that. And I know its true. As a support group, you lot are amazing.
And I have been reading and reading to get back to this... I am so glad you are back!!! I have missed you and this thread will help...it totally helps me. Whatever the problems with the boyfriend if you love each other it'll work out. And don't worry about that mountain! You can totally kick its a**. And frankly, i know you keep complaining about your weight, but the picture from the mountain doesn't look like you are 'so fat' so get that right out of your head! We are here for you! And good luck with your Mom's surgery.
Thank you *hugs* i have really appreciated your support over the last couple of weeks.
The boyfriend problem is actually very small, and nothing more than most couples have (just getting a bit thoughtless). i blew it out of proportion. I know we'll correct it.
I'm sorry i keep complaining - i will try not
You are not complaining! That's what we're all here for to listen and be supportive!0 -
Morning/Afternoon/Evening everyone! I woke to many an email this morning. I'm really touched that it was noticed I haven't been around lately, normally this isn't the case. I apologise for not being around, work is a bit like the bus service at the moment. As in you get nothing, and then everything happens all at once and I've been drowning in paper work. Many pages will be skipped over on here I'm afraid, but I won't be able to read it today, I plan on clearing my desk of paper and being up-to-date by the end of the day today, but I will have a really good reading session over the weekend I think I might even have to make notes.
Miss you all!
Yay happy to hear you're doing well!! Come back when you can, we miss you!0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »I know you hate people apologising for asking you questions, @Susieq_1994, but I only do because I feel like that stereotypical ignorant privileged white girl, and I don't want to offend.
So...there is that - robe, I'm sorry, I don't know the word for it - the long black one with the head and face covering. But it gets to 60C in Oman, right? So, um...how do the women not die of heatstroke?
That's alright, it doesn't offend me!
It's called an abaya, and most of them don't cover the head or face--They're basically just black dresses. I wear one myself. The headscarf and niqab (face covering) are all separate pieces. There is one that has a head covering attached as well, but these are mostly worn by older ladies, as it's just an older style.
That said, I wear the abaya and headscarf. I don't find it hot, personally--I actually find it cooler than when I wear "regular" clothing like skirts and blouses because the abaya tends to be very lightweight. It's also because I've been covering for a very long time--If I didn't cover, I'd probably feel hotter due to the sun burning my skin!
My sister wears a niqab, and according to her, it did feel very hot in the first week, but she says it doesn't feel like that anymore now that she's used to it.
Just an add-on: The abaya isn't a must, Islamically. Women are encouraged not to wear very bright colors for the purpose of attracting men (yes, men have a rule that involves not attracting women--it isn't a sexist rule), but you're allowed to wear whatever color you like, as long as you're covered properly.
I prefer the abaya in Saudi Arabia because everyone wears it (I've seen like... two people so far that didn't... Even the non-Muslims wear it!) and I just don't want to stand out. In Oman, I often wear regular colored dresses, skirts, blouses, etc. Unless I'm lazy. Because the abaya is really easy to just throw on and be done.
That is so neat, thank you for explaining the difference between all the pieces! I would totally wear the abaya too just to be able to throw it on and be comfy!0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »Morning all. Just checking in. Meds taken. Am now going to walk up to Charlie's school to do swimming with his class. I do it every friday.
Yay life feels normal now...my early am buddies are back. And swimming sounds awesome! I need to get back to the pool....
I always think that too when I see @girldownsouth posts her swimming workouts! It motivates me to get back in the pool! Now just need to get a one piece that fits...
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Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age ) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
I found of this super educational. It's good to know that dowries etc. are not necessarily tied to the religion rather than the culture, and that not everyone thinks alike.
I also find it interesting how people always make assumptions about others, it seems no matter what our background. I got married at a relatively young age for where I live (I was 23). I'm an atheist so there was no religious reasoning behind it. Everyone assumed I must be pregnant (nope, that happened 6 years later). I don't understand why people couldn't simply assume the reason I married was because I found the guy I expect to spend the rest of my life with. Why would they try to come up with alternative theories?
Like you, I also had a tiny wedding as I didn't want to spend loads of money on one day when we had so much more to spend it on (like a house!). The small and cheap nature of the day (but it was wonderful!) only added fuel to the accidental pregnancy theories. At least my dad didn't follow that assumption, he knows me better than most!
I don't think it's negative assumptions I will say from my perspective I have changed so much and done so much since I was 19-20 that to get married at that time was nearly unheard of with my friends and acquaintances and in today's society I am always surprised. And almost no one assumes pregnancy any more as the are so many options with that. But I also live in the tri-state area. I know other places those assumptions still exist. Even in the outer edges of my state.0 -
kelly_c_77 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »
Oh, I will say "My friend Susie."
Me too! Don't stop talking about it!riderfangal wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age ) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
You're so good about sharing your culture. I just want to say thanks for that.
I'm just happy that people don't find me boring for always talking about both my culture and religion! You're very welcome.
I love hearing about your culture!!
Same here! I have learned SO much from @Susieq_1994! Now I'm waiting for some of these topics to come up in conversations in real life and I can be all smug about my new-found knowledge! Then if anyone asks me how I know I can be all vague and mysterious and say "I know someone online. It's a secret, though."
I start to talk about you guys in real life then stop as I realize people will think I am nuts. Especially my best friend. I think she thinks I am crazy how involved I am with a bunch of people I have never met.
This is me too, lol.
Me three. I often talk about you guys and just say people I know.
Same here! When I start to talk about everyone from "the confessions thread", my husband kind of raises his eyebrows like, "uh huh, ok"...and them I'm like,
I call it the discussion thread when talking to people from the 'outside' LOL0 -
I messaged her about making other arrangements for the cat if she's not going to be living with us. I'm not sure how she'll respond but it needed to be done. I'm going to take my meds and pass out now. Nighty night.
Good for you! Let's pray you get the response we are all hoping for!0 -
I am really apt to forget to pack socks. I remembered! A rare day.
Remember (pages ago) I love beautiful undergarments - I pack about twice as many undergarment selections as I need so I'll have the exact right color combination / cut / fit and strap type for every outfit and options should I change my mind. Other than that I pack light.
I forgot to complete checking into my flight (I thought I had) so I'm boarding at the end of the line.
I always have a psychological need to use the restroom on a flight - I usually ignore it b/c it is so inconvenient.
My most embarrassing moment EVER was on a flight - it is completely hilarious to me now - but at the time I thought I'd die of humiliation.
~~~~ok have a great weekend. This is a super great group of people.
Have fun!!0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »Morning all. Just checking in. Meds taken. Am now going to walk up to Charlie's school to do swimming with his class. I do it every friday.
Yay life feels normal now...my early am buddies are back. And swimming sounds awesome! I need to get back to the pool....
I always think that too when I see @girldownsouth posts her swimming workouts! It motivates me to get back in the pool! Now just need to get a one piece that fits...
Unfortunately mine doesn't very well, I keep meaning to buy a new one before I flash everyone in the pool!0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »
Me too! Don't stop talking about it!riderfangal wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age ) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
You're so good about sharing your culture. I just want to say thanks for that.
I'm just happy that people don't find me boring for always talking about both my culture and religion! You're very welcome.
I love hearing about your culture!!
Same here! I have learned SO much from @Susieq_1994! Now I'm waiting for some of these topics to come up in conversations in real life and I can be all smug about my new-found knowledge! Then if anyone asks me how I know I can be all vague and mysterious and say "I know someone online. It's a secret, though."
lol! It actually makes me really sad to see that some people who actually live among Muslims know nothing about them, just because everyone is afraid to offend by asking questions! :-/ So I spread my information far and wide!
As an example, I know a young Muslim girl living in the U.S. who plays softball, and one day she was performing her prayer in a corner of the field and her coach was all confused and kept asking if she was okay. She's been playing softball for years, but nobody on her team knows that Muslims pray?
Not that I think they're bigots or anything! I just think that the fear of offending people has reached a point where it's ridiculous--everyone wants to be so politically correct and not offend anyone or ask any questions that we're actually getting more and more ignorant about each other, which is only going to cause MORE problems down the road because nobody understands anyone else!
As you can see, since I'm always harping on about it... This topic is pretty close to my heart. My form of dawah (literally means invitation; it means teaching others about Islam) is to spread information about how we (Muslims) live so others won't fear us or feel afraid to ask us things in case they offend us.
You're awesome. I like to think (optimistically) that in my area (which has a lot of new Canadians and also quite a large Islamic Academy private school) we're pretty accepting and knowledgeable about the larger minority groups in our city, but I know it isn't always the case and, speaking for myself, I don't know anyone who grew up in the Middle East (apart from some friends who grew up in expat compounds), so I find your life especially interesting. All my Muslim acquaintances are at least second-generation Canadians so I've never heard much about day-to-day life somewhere like Saudi Arabia or Oman.
Aww, thank you! I hope you're right, but I do doubt that everyone in a particular area is accepting and knowledgeable about Muslims. But I guess finding someone who is from/lives in the Middle East can be a new experience!
I once saw a guy in an online chatroom talking about how he worked in Saudi Arabia and how everyone owned a camel and used them to get to work and school, and everyone lived in tents. I thought it was ridiculously stupid of him to do that--it just promotes making Arabs look like a bunch of backwards weirdos. I don't think he had actually visited the Middle East in his life. -_-
Sounds like something akin to every person from Texas owning a horse and having an oil well in their back yard. I live there and know it isn't true, just the stereotype that gets put out there.
On a similar note, everyone in England has met the Queen and we all have bad teeth. Fact.0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age ) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
I found of this super educational. It's good to know that dowries etc. are not necessarily tied to the religion rather than the culture, and that not everyone thinks alike.
I also find it interesting how people always make assumptions about others, it seems no matter what our background. I got married at a relatively young age for where I live (I was 23). I'm an atheist so there was no religious reasoning behind it. Everyone assumed I must be pregnant (nope, that happened 6 years later). I don't understand why people couldn't simply assume the reason I married was because I found the guy I expect to spend the rest of my life with. Why would they try to come up with alternative theories?
Like you, I also had a tiny wedding as I didn't want to spend loads of money on one day when we had so much more to spend it on (like a house!). The small and cheap nature of the day (but it was wonderful!) only added fuel to the accidental pregnancy theories. At least my dad didn't follow that assumption, he knows me better than most!
I don't think it's negative assumptions I will say from my perspective I have changed so much and done so much since I was 19-20 that to get married at that time was nearly unheard of with my friends and acquaintances and in today's society I am always surprised. And almost no one assumes pregnancy any more as the are so many options with that. But I also live in the tri-state area. I know other places those assumptions still exist. Even in the outer edges of my state.
I always thought you were one of the Canadians!!0 -
Welcome back!Morning/Afternoon/Evening everyone! I woke to many an email this morning. I'm really touched that it was noticed I haven't been around lately, normally this isn't the case. I apologise for not being around, work is a bit like the bus service at the moment. As in you get nothing, and then everything happens all at once and I've been drowning in paper work. Many pages will be skipped over on here I'm afraid, but I won't be able to read it today, I plan on clearing my desk of paper and being up-to-date by the end of the day today, but I will have a really good reading session over the weekend I think I might even have to make notes.
Miss you all!
0 -
girldownsouth wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age ) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
I found of this super educational. It's good to know that dowries etc. are not necessarily tied to the religion rather than the culture, and that not everyone thinks alike.
I also find it interesting how people always make assumptions about others, it seems no matter what our background. I got married at a relatively young age for where I live (I was 23). I'm an atheist so there was no religious reasoning behind it. Everyone assumed I must be pregnant (nope, that happened 6 years later). I don't understand why people couldn't simply assume the reason I married was because I found the guy I expect to spend the rest of my life with. Why would they try to come up with alternative theories?
Like you, I also had a tiny wedding as I didn't want to spend loads of money on one day when we had so much more to spend it on (like a house!). The small and cheap nature of the day (but it was wonderful!) only added fuel to the accidental pregnancy theories. At least my dad didn't follow that assumption, he knows me better than most!
I don't think it's negative assumptions I will say from my perspective I have changed so much and done so much since I was 19-20 that to get married at that time was nearly unheard of with my friends and acquaintances and in today's society I am always surprised. And almost no one assumes pregnancy any more as the are so many options with that. But I also live in the tri-state area. I know other places those assumptions still exist. Even in the outer edges of my state.
I always thought you were one of the Canadians!!
Nope NJ! And until yesterday I thought you were Australian. 0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »Confession: I'm a bad friend. My best friend is moving into a new house in a couple weeks. She created an event thing on Facebook asking people to come help them move. I have no desire to help them. I hate moving myself, why would I want to move someone else? I'm also not overly fond of her family, or her husband and his family (who will be there). What makes me feel worse about my laziness is that she's 8 months pregnant and isn't able to do any of the moving/lifting. In my defense she will have (at least) her husband, 2 brothers-in-law, 1 sister-in- law (and her boyfriend), and most likely both sets of parents moving them. So... with 7-9 people helping, do I really need to be there? I feel terrible, but I still don't want to do it.
Sometimes I feel like an alien from outer space. I see you all describe situations like this and I'm left blinking and wondering if it is normal to expect other people to help you move. I'd probably be suckered into it just because I wouldn't know whether or not I was supposed to do it. I don't think you should do it just because you feel terrible though.
I'm the same way. I don't get the "expectation". Then again I'm known as the meanie in real life because I drive a full size truck. It's often "assumed" I can / will help since I have a truck to help haul! NO. If I'm going out of town do I expect to drive your economy-sized car to save gas? Well alright then. Hire movers or figure it out. No one touches my truck. (sorry, rant, touchy subject for me)
My husband also has a truck (it's a lowered [read slammed] 63 long bed Chevrolet with VERY little ground clearance) and people are constantly asking him to help them move/haul things. He is a wonderful man so he rarely says no even when it could cause damage to his truck. He's just too nice sometimes. Well, most of the time.
Oh, he's MUCH nicer than me! There is no way I'd use a 63' Chevy to help people move. That would be a "show" car, not one used for hauling. I'm selfish, though.
I'm also the opposite: I prefer my trucks lifted. That way I can see everything in traffic that is happening around me and if anyone pulls out in front of me they get a grill in their rearview mirror.
You're the one blinding me with their headlights?
Not on purpose! I'm a very courteous driver until someone else is an idiot. Then it's GAME ON. Well, not so much anymore. Way too many crazies out there. I have a friend who is a super aggressive driver (I'm not). Some girl cut him off so he gestured at her rudely. At the next stop sign SHE got out of her car and started pounding on his window. Then she saw that his wife was in the car so she went for her instead. Pulled open the passenger side door and the two "ladies" ended up scrapping in the street. Literally, rolling around on the ground in the street. I still can't get over that. THAT is definitely NOT me!
Yikes! Stories like that are the reason that I just mutter stuff under my breath(can't really say anything out loud due to my son being in the car most of the time)..I would never flip someone off or anything like that..too scared. Funny story though....My best friend tailgates people a lot. One time, she pulled up to a stop sign and the woman in the car in front of her got out and walked up to her window. My friend rolled her window down and the woman said, "If you don't get off my *kitten*, I'm going to KICK your *kitten*"!! That obviously freaked my friend out so she waited a few minutes before driving again. So anyway, a bit later down the next road she sees an accident. It's the woman who yelled at her...she got into an accident with a truck carrying 5 port-o-potties (sp?) and they all tipped off the back of the truck around her car. (Just want to say...the accident part isn't funny. I would never wish an accident on someone. But the fact that a bunch of portable toilets tipped over on her is pretty funny to me). My friend was pretty glad to have waited before following the woman after being confronted...
Karma!
Confession my OCD got the better off me and I knew I had missed a few pages last Thursday so came back and found them. I need to get a life. Sigh.
I actually forgot to add that my friend was a bit of a jerk and as she drove by the accident, she actually beeped her car horn and waved to the woman.0 -
The problem with owning too many shoes is you can never find the ones you want to wear among all the boxes. The good thing is when you find a pair you bought months ago but never wore, forgot about and then find again. And they are perfect. Total win.
I believe I have mentioned both my shoe obsession and 'shopping in my closet' before. 0
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