Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
Replies
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I know you hate people apologising for asking you questions, @Susieq_1994, but I only do because I feel like that stereotypical ignorant privileged white girl, and I don't want to offend.
So...there is that - robe, I'm sorry, I don't know the word for it - the long black one with the head and face covering. But it gets to 60C in Oman, right? So, um...how do the women not die of heatstroke?
That's alright, it doesn't offend me!
It's called an abaya, and most of them don't cover the head or face--They're basically just black dresses. I wear one myself. The headscarf and niqab (face covering) are all separate pieces. There is one that has a head covering attached as well, but these are mostly worn by older ladies, as it's just an older style.
That said, I wear the abaya and headscarf. I don't find it hot, personally--I actually find it cooler than when I wear "regular" clothing like skirts and blouses because the abaya tends to be very lightweight. It's also because I've been covering for a very long time--If I didn't cover, I'd probably feel hotter due to the sun burning my skin!
My sister wears a niqab, and according to her, it did feel very hot in the first week, but she says it doesn't feel like that anymore now that she's used to it.
Just an add-on: The abaya isn't a must, Islamically. Women are encouraged not to wear very bright colors for the purpose of attracting men (yes, men have a rule that involves not attracting women--it isn't a sexist rule), but you're allowed to wear whatever color you like, as long as you're covered properly.
I prefer the abaya in Saudi Arabia because everyone wears it (I've seen like... two people so far that didn't... Even the non-Muslims wear it!) and I just don't want to stand out. In Oman, I often wear regular colored dresses, skirts, blouses, etc. Unless I'm lazy. Because the abaya is really easy to just throw on and be done.
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I know you hate people apologising for asking you questions, @Susieq_1994, but I only do because I feel like that stereotypical ignorant privileged white girl, and I don't want to offend.
So...there is that - robe, I'm sorry, I don't know the word for it - the long black one with the head and face covering. But it gets to 60C in Oman, right? So, um...how do the women not die of heatstroke?
Ah, and one more thing. (The edit function is being dumb)
Nobody goes outside if they can help it in the summer! Regardless of what you're wearing, you're going to get heatstroke staying out there... Everyone hides in air-conditioned buildings all day long, where it's nice and safe from the blazing sun.
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orangesmartie wrote: »Morning all. Just checking in. Meds taken. Am now going to walk up to Charlie's school to do swimming with his class. I do it every friday.
Yay life feels normal now...my early am buddies are back. And swimming sounds awesome! I need to get back to the pool....0 -
orangesmartie wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »Hi all,
Sorry I haven’t been around for a while. Well I’ve been reading, but not posting. I’m having a really bad couple of weeks and I didn’t want to dump it all on you guys. However, I have missed you all immensely. Its strange how much I rely on this thread for fun and motivation. I don’t think you’ll ever know how much you have all helped motivate me.
My diet and exercise has gone out of the window, the binge monster is well and truly in situ and my brain is telling me all sorts of horrible things, about how fat and unfit I am, and always will be, and theres little point trying. And no matter how much weight I lose, my boyfriend will still never love me and I’ll never be able to climb the mountain and blah blah blah blah.
I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. I’m so fat and just can’t see how I’m going to get it off. And I know binge eating isn’t going to help, but I seem totally incapable of controlling it.
There’s a bit of an issue going on between my boyfriend and I. We need to address it, but I am avoiding the issue. Because, irrational me says he’s going to tell me all the things I don’t want to hear (that I believe about myself). So the poor guy has been getting a really hard time, for something I *think* he might say. I’m not being very grown up about things at the moment.
Most of the problem is I have not been taking my anti-depressants properly. I miss lots of days at a time, and that is obviously contributing to the blackness. Rationally I know I can fix that. I have reminders on my phone and email to take it, but I mostly just ignore them. I don’t know why. I know they help.
And just to make another excuse, theres a lot going on. My mum has cancer and is having her operation today. Her recovery time means I need to be home to have Charlie (2yo nephew) a lot more, which interferes with my life a bit, and well just excuses really. I feel overwhelmed with everything.
I’m sorry to dump this all on you, but a couple of people here told me it might help to get it out. And a big thank you to those of you who messaged me to check in: @pofoster21, @girldownsouth and @nonoelmo @Lois_1989. I really did appreciate it, and it was nice to think people noticed and cared enough to send a note. I hope I can remember to do the same for others.
I am trying to remember that today is a new day and all I can do is try. And some advice given to me in a message was that you will be able to help me with that. And I know its true. As a support group, you lot are amazing.
And I have been reading and reading to get back to this... I am so glad you are back!!! I have missed you and this thread will help...it totally helps me. Whatever the problems with the boyfriend if you love each other it'll work out. And don't worry about that mountain! You can totally kick its a**. And frankly, i know you keep complaining about your weight, but the picture from the mountain doesn't look like you are 'so fat' so get that right out of your head! We are here for you! And good luck with your Mom's surgery.
Thank you *hugs* i have really appreciated your support over the last couple of weeks.
The boyfriend problem is actually very small, and nothing more than most couples have (just getting a bit thoughtless). i blew it out of proportion. I know we'll correct it.
I'm sorry i keep complaining - i will try not
Its not complaining. It's expressing your feeelings. There is a difference. Express away! 0 -
I am really apt to forget to pack socks. I remembered! A rare day.
Remember (pages ago) I love beautiful undergarments - I pack about twice as many undergarment selections as I need so I'll have the exact right color combination / cut / fit and strap type for every outfit and options should I change my mind. Other than that I pack light.
I forgot to complete checking into my flight (I thought I had) so I'm boarding at the end of the line.
I always have a psychological need to use the restroom on a flight - I usually ignore it b/c it is so inconvenient.
My most embarrassing moment EVER was on a flight - it is completely hilarious to me now - but at the time I thought I'd die of humiliation.
~~~~ok have a great weekend. This is a super great group of people.
Ummmmm ok so WHAT was that embarrassing moment? Now I MUST know!0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »I was looking earlier and it seems as if the modern gift for the 15th anniversary is a watch. The traditional is crystal, but I really can't think of anything crystal my husband would like. I think I'm going to get him a watch but I'm not sure how to sneak it to Florida with us without him know what it is. Do they allow wrapped items in a suitcase or carryon? I would hate for it to get lost of broken on the way there, so I would feel safer if it were in my carryon or in my backpack. Any suggestions on nice but not Rolex-priced time pieces? I was thinking Bulova or Citizen. Are those nice?!
Also, T-10 DAYS!!!
You can wrap it and put it in the carry on. Do not put it in the suitcase, they sometimes inspect the suitcases and things can go missing. They will xray the carry on when you go through security, but it will be fine. The only thing you have to take out of the bag as you go through security is your laptop and small electronics.
The last time I flew and checked a bag I had a lovely note from the TSA when I opened my bag.
Has happened to name a few times. And they broke a portable dvd player on me once and my suitcase on another occasion.0 -
spacequiztime wrote: »I can't see gifs or any image really on the Android app.
Really? I can. Are you on an older phone?0 -
Man after reading for like 8 hours to catch up I admit to being a bit disappointed this is all I get this am. I know tonight will be busy again. I'll try to catch when 1000 occurs!0
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pofoster21 wrote: »I was looking earlier and it seems as if the modern gift for the 15th anniversary is a watch. The traditional is crystal, but I really can't think of anything crystal my husband would like. I think I'm going to get him a watch but I'm not sure how to sneak it to Florida with us without him know what it is. Do they allow wrapped items in a suitcase or carryon? I would hate for it to get lost of broken on the way there, so I would feel safer if it were in my carryon or in my backpack. Any suggestions on nice but not Rolex-priced time pieces? I was thinking Bulova or Citizen. Are those nice?!
Also, T-10 DAYS!!!
You can wrap it and put it in the carry on. Do not put it in the suitcase, they sometimes inspect the suitcases and things can go missing. They will xray the carry on when you go through security, but it will be fine. The only thing you have to take out of the bag as you go through security is your laptop and small electronics.
The last time I flew and checked a bag I had a lovely note from the TSA when I opened my bag.
I did too a couple of times while I was travelling to the states. And I think the people who flew out of Lynchburg (which I did only one, then drove to Dulles the rest of the time because it was a terrible flight to Charlotte and I hated the idea of missing my transatlantic flight because the tiny connection was messed up) got one every time. I think that was probably because they have a quota and there aren't many people on that flight heading to international destinations, so they just do then all.0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age ) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
So did your husband court you? You seem really well suited and he seems a sweetheart. Did you know each other well when you married?
Well, what usually happens is that the couple will sign a marriage contract, so they're married Islamically, but they're considered "engaged" until the wedding is over. The Islamic wedding contract can be nullified as long as the couple hasn't consummated the marriage, so they can take their time getting to know each other.
My husband actually proposed two weeks after we met, but we got married a year later. We actually are very well-suited, and he's a wonderful husband. Due to my anxiety issues, I can be pretty high strung at times. Adding in my depression and disability pretty much equals a hot mess. He's endlessly patient and really good at making me laugh when I'm down. I don't know what I would do without him! 0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »I am really apt to forget to pack socks. I remembered! A rare day.
Remember (pages ago) I love beautiful undergarments - I pack about twice as many undergarment selections as I need so I'll have the exact right color combination / cut / fit and strap type for every outfit and options should I change my mind. Other than that I pack light.
I forgot to complete checking into my flight (I thought I had) so I'm boarding at the end of the line.
I always have a psychological need to use the restroom on a flight - I usually ignore it b/c it is so inconvenient.
My most embarrassing moment EVER was on a flight - it is completely hilarious to me now - but at the time I thought I'd die of humiliation.
~~~~ok have a great weekend. This is a super great group of people.
Ummmmm ok so WHAT was that embarrassing moment? Now I MUST know!
Me too!!0 -
spacequiztime wrote: »
Yeah, your posts are one of the reasons this thread is great.pofoster21 wrote: »
Ditto!quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age ) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
You're so good about sharing your culture. I just want to say thanks for that.pofoster21 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age ) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
You're so good about sharing your culture. I just want to say thanks for that.
Ditto!
Yes @Susieq_1994 I agree. I had some Muslim students but I never discussed religion with them, only chemistry. You have taught me a lot.
Thank you both!! 0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »spacequiztime wrote: »I can't see gifs or any image really on the Android app.
Really? I can. Are you on an older phone?
I can't either, since the last time my phone did an update. I have a Sony xperia z10 -
pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Does anyone get in food ruts? There's nothing I want to eat, so whatever I make doesn't really satisfie me... I guess that's why I've been snacking so much the last couple days.
I hate this! I tell myself that I will eat better tomorrow but I can't even think of anything I want to have for breakfast... that just sucks. Nothing just sounds appealing. Except junk. I'm feeling gross and disappointed in myself for eating 700 calories over maintenance today... mostly from granola bars etc.
I pretty much eat the same thing every day. When I don't eat that thing I get sad and wish I had eaten it. I like my food rut. Then I get tired and switch to a new habit!
Me too! Current food obsession: Peanut butter chocolate oatmeal. I get so sad if I don't get to eat it every day, it feels like I missed something awesome.
Exactly how I feel when I switch it up. Not sure I would love peanut butter chocolate oatmeal though. That just doesn't sound appealing though I love peanut butter.
I imagine it tasting like a gigantic no bake cookie.
lol! It doesn't taste much like one to me. It just tastes kind of like a thick hot chocolate with a hint of peanut butter. Kind of, but not exactly. I'm not sure what to compare it to, actually!
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girldownsouth wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »spacequiztime wrote: »I can't see gifs or any image really on the Android app.
Really? I can. Are you on an older phone?
I can't either, since the last time my phone did an update. I have a Sony xperia z1
Hmm I have a Samsung Galaxy 4 and 5. Can see fine on both. Sometimes people's avatars don't show up but most times I see everything. Weird.0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age ) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
So did your husband court you? You seem really well suited and he seems a sweetheart. Did you know each other well when you married?
Well, what usually happens is that the couple will sign a marriage contract, so they're married Islamically, but they're considered "engaged" until the wedding is over. The Islamic wedding contract can be nullified as long as the couple hasn't consummated the marriage, so they can take their time getting to know each other.
My husband actually proposed two weeks after we met, but we got married a year later. We actually are very well-suited, and he's a wonderful husband. Due to my anxiety issues, I can be pretty high strung at times. Adding in my depression and disability pretty much equals a hot mess. He's endlessly patient and really good at making me laugh when I'm down. I don't know what I would do without him!
I am glad you get to make a choice! And you have said many things about him that made it clear you were well suited. I hope you got some sleep at last! You were silent for a bit so I assume yes!0 -
spacequiztime wrote: »I can't see gifs or any image really on the Android app.
Really? I use the Android app and I can see everything just fine.0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age ) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
So did your husband court you? You seem really well suited and he seems a sweetheart. Did you know each other well when you married?
Well, what usually happens is that the couple will sign a marriage contract, so they're married Islamically, but they're considered "engaged" until the wedding is over. The Islamic wedding contract can be nullified as long as the couple hasn't consummated the marriage, so they can take their time getting to know each other.
My husband actually proposed two weeks after we met, but we got married a year later. We actually are very well-suited, and he's a wonderful husband. Due to my anxiety issues, I can be pretty high strung at times. Adding in my depression and disability pretty much equals a hot mess. He's endlessly patient and really good at making me laugh when I'm down. I don't know what I would do without him!
I am glad you get to make a choice! And you have said many things about him that made it clear you were well suited. I hope you got some sleep at last! You were silent for a bit so I assume yes!
It depends on the family, actually, but usually nowadays the girl gets to choose.
Yup, I did get some sleep, thankfully! I still ate too many cookies last night, though.
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[Susieq_1994 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Glinda1971 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Glinda1971 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Glinda1971 wrote: »I like being friends with the people from this thread.
Because I know nobody will put their judgy pants on when they see my diary.
I never put judgy pants on when I see diaries! I understand what it's like to struggle, and plus I just get jealous when it's full of yums...
But yours is private, I can't even see it even though we're friends--so nobody can put judgy pants on at all!
I thought I had unlocked that for friends. I will fix it.
Thanks.
You're welcome! I love browsing diaries; you'll find a lot of 3000+ calories days if you browse mine, though (and a ton of empty days, these past few months, unfortunately.).
Honesty is good though. I struggled about opening it for friends because I was afraid people would judge. But, then I thought "It's my lifestyle and if they want to judge, so be it. I'm usually pretty good - except a couple Saturdays ago when I drank my dinner.
Ha, mine is open to the public. I have no shame! (Actually, I just don't think anyone cares enough to go and stalk it.)
Mine is open too. But when I go over, I will often just put quick calories because nobody needs to know that I had half a pint of ice cream over my calories... at least this way they might think it was 200 calories of broccoli or something (as if).
But I never 'complete' my diary and I stopped posting pretty much everything on my feed (diary completion, weight loss etc) anyway, so I don't think anyone is looking.
I log what it actually is because I'm obsessive and I want to know exactly how many grams of protein, carbs, etc. had--I never use Quick Add when I can help it. I don't care if everyone sees that I ate 10 chocolate chip cookies or something.
Well once I've reached my protein goal, it doesn't really matter to me, and I pretty much always do anyway.newfutures wrote: »kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »Glinda1971 wrote: »I like being friends with the people from this thread.
Because I know nobody will put their judgy pants on when they see my diary.
Have you guys seriously had people judge you about your diaries?
I don't recall ever having anyone judge anything I ate but I think I had someone question me about my sodium intake a few times.
The only time I would judge someone about their food diary or delete them would be from them eating under 1,000 calories everyday.
I would only give constructive criticism if someone asked for it & usually only looked at food diaries to see if I could get any new food ideas. Personally I found looking at food diaries to be tedious.
Yes. I had people tell me I eat too much junk. Unfriended very fast too.
why would you delete someone because the amount of calories THEY eat? If they are not trying to force you to eat like that in anyway why does it offend you so much that you should delete them?
No I deleted them because they commented on what *I* ate.
I keep my diary closed even to my friends because I don't really want other people's opinions on it when they don't necessarily know my goals or what I care about. I deleted some people who got judgey whenever I ate anything processed, for example (because I'm not trying to cut that stuff down) and people who offered unsolicited advice on my protein goal (I'm not lifting and I don't need to raise my goal when I feel energetic and not hungry, you know?)
This is how I feel too...
Once I can get past my problem with emotional binges due to losing my mom, dog, and cat (and other misc. events) last year, I should be able to feel more comfortable opening it up to friends (now that I have some ). But for now, I'll keep it closed for fear of being judged..even though we aren't supposed to wear our judgey pants.
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Italian_Buju wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »smashley_mashley wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I can barely eat rice as rice, I do not understand eating it as dessert when there are so many better things out there!!
Big Brother people - I just saw a clip of Audrey (transgender houseguest) being interviewed by Jeff Schroeder.....I do not know why they keep using him to do interviews and stuff for that show....he is a jerk....ugh
Julie just got choked up talking about said house guest saying that she hopes fans watch with an open heart and an open mind and learn something about a community they might not know about
I haven't watched any of the interviews...but what makes you say that Jeff is a jerk? I've always thought he was a sweet, silly, fun guy. I loved both him and Jordan.
As did I. I loved watching Jordan on Amazing Race, I just wish that she made it further. Never could stand Rachel.
I could not stand Rachel, ugh.
Did you not find that Jeff treated Jordan pretty poorly during AR?
Rachel irritated the crap out of me. I always feel like Jeff talks down to Jordan; like just sit there and be pretty, but don't talk.
YES! He is homophobic AND misogynistic!
Clearly, I need to pay better attention. Maybe because I didn't watch Amazing Race...or was it like this when they were on BB too?
I do not watch AR normally but did only that one season to see Jordan (I love her)....and I found he was really mean to her, he yelled at her a lot and like another poster said, he treats her like she is stupid a lot of the time.
The homophobic stuff was from Big Brother, but did not air on TV, but it was all over the TMZ type news about crap he kept saying....its been years and I do not remember exactly what he said for most of it, but the one that really stuck with me was he was arguing with other people in the house because they were talking about how the headmaster of the school in the Harry Potter series was a gay character (I don't know the names, never read or saw any HP ever), and Jeff kept going on about how stupid that was because you would never put a gay person in charge of a bunch of kids.....really? REALLY?? WTF Jeff???
Ohh yeah, I never saw or heard any of that...but totally not cool. I saw a commercial for a show called Marriage Boot Camp(?) and Jordan and Jeff are on it...thought of watching it, but never did. Maybe I'll try to tune in next time I see that it's on and see how he's treating her and how he is just in general. I really never would have guessed.0 -
And now I feel worse because my husband asked why I didn't drive him to school. I don't know why - I should have, I was just in such a panic I wasn't thinking straight.Oh, I am such a bad mother! My son is in the middle of diploma exams - I checked the calendar a dozen times and wrote down that his last two exams are on Monday. Got a call from the school at 9.34 saying that he should be in an exam right now and that they'd let him in if he got there by 10.00. I hauled him out of bed and thrust the car keys in his hand. He should be able to get there on time. I'm shaking. How could I have messed up so badly?
Oh I hope you don't feel too bad. You're an awesome mother just for being so caring. I love my mother, but when I was a teenager, it didn't even occur to me to share my exam timetable with her.0 -
kelly_c_77 wrote: »Confession: I'm a bad friend. My best friend is moving into a new house in a couple weeks. She created an event thing on Facebook asking people to come help them move. I have no desire to help them. I hate moving myself, why would I want to move someone else? I'm also not overly fond of her family, or her husband and his family (who will be there). What makes me feel worse about my laziness is that she's 8 months pregnant and isn't able to do any of the moving/lifting. In my defense she will have (at least) her husband, 2 brothers-in-law, 1 sister-in- law (and her boyfriend), and most likely both sets of parents moving them. So... with 7-9 people helping, do I really need to be there? I feel terrible, but I still don't want to do it.
Sometimes I feel like an alien from outer space. I see you all describe situations like this and I'm left blinking and wondering if it is normal to expect other people to help you move. I'd probably be suckered into it just because I wouldn't know whether or not I was supposed to do it. I don't think you should do it just because you feel terrible though.
I'm the same way. I don't get the "expectation". Then again I'm known as the meanie in real life because I drive a full size truck. It's often "assumed" I can / will help since I have a truck to help haul! NO. If I'm going out of town do I expect to drive your economy-sized car to save gas? Well alright then. Hire movers or figure it out. No one touches my truck. (sorry, rant, touchy subject for me)
My husband also has a truck (it's a lowered [read slammed] 63 long bed Chevrolet with VERY little ground clearance) and people are constantly asking him to help them move/haul things. He is a wonderful man so he rarely says no even when it could cause damage to his truck. He's just too nice sometimes. Well, most of the time.
Oh, he's MUCH nicer than me! There is no way I'd use a 63' Chevy to help people move. That would be a "show" car, not one used for hauling. I'm selfish, though.
I'm also the opposite: I prefer my trucks lifted. That way I can see everything in traffic that is happening around me and if anyone pulls out in front of me they get a grill in their rearview mirror.
You're the one blinding me with their headlights?
Not on purpose! I'm a very courteous driver until someone else is an idiot. Then it's GAME ON. Well, not so much anymore. Way too many crazies out there. I have a friend who is a super aggressive driver (I'm not). Some girl cut him off so he gestured at her rudely. At the next stop sign SHE got out of her car and started pounding on his window. Then she saw that his wife was in the car so she went for her instead. Pulled open the passenger side door and the two "ladies" ended up scrapping in the street. Literally, rolling around on the ground in the street. I still can't get over that. THAT is definitely NOT me!
Yikes! Stories like that are the reason that I just mutter stuff under my breath(can't really say anything out loud due to my son being in the car most of the time)..I would never flip someone off or anything like that..too scared. Funny story though....My best friend tailgates people a lot. One time, she pulled up to a stop sign and the woman in the car in front of her got out and walked up to her window. My friend rolled her window down and the woman said, "If you don't get off my *kitten*, I'm going to KICK your *kitten*"!! That obviously freaked my friend out so she waited a few minutes before driving again. So anyway, a bit later down the next road she sees an accident. It's the woman who yelled at her...she got into an accident with a truck carrying 5 port-o-potties (sp?) and they all tipped off the back of the truck around her car. (Just want to say...the accident part isn't funny. I would never wish an accident on someone. But the fact that a bunch of portable toilets tipped over on her is pretty funny to me). My friend was pretty glad to have waited before following the woman after being confronted...
Karma!
Confession my OCD got the better off me and I knew I had missed a few pages last Thursday so came back and found them. I need to get a life. Sigh.0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »
Does this happen often? I knew that diabetes could be tough to control, but I didn't realise how finicky it could be. I'm really sorry you have to deal with this.Italian_Buju wrote: »I have a rant today:
I am having a "I hate diabetes' day.....not that I ever love it, but today it is really upsetting me.
This morning I slept in, it was the first day I did not have to get up and make lunch for my son. I came online for a bit and then noticed it was getting late and I had to get to my PT appt. So, I just had some toast for breakfast, LIKE A NORMAL PERSON MIGHT. I got into the shower,, and was so dizzy I nearly fell over. I felt sick for a long while. When I got to the office, I check my blood sugar and it is literally three times what it should be.
Why? Not because I did not take my shot or because I ate too much sugar....but because I did not have enough protein to slow the speed of the carbs in the rye toast (which has a lower GI level, which is why I eat it instead of my beloved "Italian" bread).
I have been sick all day because of that one mistake. It is after 6pm and I have not even been able to eat anything yet and I never made it to the gym. Even though my blood sugar is normal now, the rush high and crash low has made me tired and sick. I have a headache and just want to go to bed....
But, I must go put in the laundry now, and clean the kitchen, and deliver packages for our meeting next week.....UGH
It does not happen often because I am on top of it. I actually am amazed by diabetics that can just do whatever and not worry about it...I am super on top of crap. I have had it 27+ years though, some have it and are just feeling high and sick all the time so they do not know what it feels like to feel good.
It is finicky...I have to make sure I have a good protein carb ratio, I have to make sure that I take my shot within a certain period of time before eating, depending on the reading....I have to test ten times a day to make sure I know what I am at....I have to make sure I am at 8 before exercise so I do not bottom out, I have to make sure I stop eating four hours before bed so I can have my last shot or I wake up high....it never ends!
I have to make sure I do not get too hot because long term diabetics have an impaired ability to sweat and cool their own bodies, I am not allowed to cut my own toe nails, I have to get it done every four weeks because I -might- cause an infection cutting too far down, or slightly sideways.....I take three medications that cause weight gain, and one of them is weight based, so the more I gain, the more I need, the more I take, the easier to gain....
Like I said in a earlier post, I have long term anemia caused by (they are assuming at this point), long term diabetes...I do not produce enough red blood cells, and it makes me out of breath and tired all the time....and sometimes dizzy....
I have a million and one appts every month, needing to get my feet checked, my eyes checked, my kidney checked, my heart checked, because everything is affected.
To give a good idea....insurance rates for a type one diabetic are in the same class as a cancer survivor (in remission) and someone HIV positive (not full blown AIDS).......a lot of people think you take your shots and it is not a big deal, but it is attacking me from the inside out constantly.....I have a few friends that have had diabetes for about half the time I have, and three of them have had heart attacks, and one just lost two toes (and nearly her foot), and is now going blind.
Sorry for the downer rant....I am a bit pissy about having it today.....
WOW! I am SO SORRY that you have to go through all of that DAILY, FOREVER! 0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »
Oh, I will say "My friend Susie."
Me too! Don't stop talking about it!riderfangal wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »KAjourneyof15 wrote: »My confession is I have stretch marks literally ALL over my body. I have them on my boobs, stomach, thighs, and all over my back. Never pregnant, just formerly morbidly obese. I know stretch marks are normal but when they cover the majority of your body, it's a little overwhelming to accept that. I never took care of myself/my body as a teenager and unfortunately I can't do anything about the damage that has been done. What a great wish it would be to be able to go back in time and have a second chance with your body. I wish I knew then what I know now...but what can ya do? I am only 22 and I feel as if my body is just ruined. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, it's honestly a very sad situation. You only get one body, and I messed mine up, there's no turning back really. As you can tell I have a lot of regrets. I also deal with loose skin but that's a whole other story on it's own. Hopefully at some point in my life I will feel better about my body and learn to accept it as who I am, but that hasn't happened yet.
Unfortunately, this is me as well. I do have some hope that the stretch marks will fade away and the skin will tighten up, because I'm only twenty. Twenty two isn't much older, so why give up hope?
SusieQ, I had no idea you were only 20!!! (Sorry if the 'only' sounds condescending, not intended. I am literally twice your age ) Have you been married very long?
I guess she was from the 1994 in her handle...are you turning the big 2-1 this year?!
That I am, in October. Although it's not really a big thing for me, since 21 is usually only a big date because people are legal drinkers then. Although I DO become eligible to apply for a free government-issued piece of land, the right of every Omani citizen, when I turn 21.
I assumed it was your birthdate as well but never thought much about how old that made you. How long have you been married? And is it normal for a Muslim woman to be married that young? And to something you said a long time ago (before I got so behind) you are very mature for your age.
Not necessarily Muslim women, but Arab women, yes. Early marriage is encouraged in Islam, since extramarital relationships are forbidden and it's pretty hard for most people to remain celibate for so many years after puberty. But the average age of marriage is different in each culture, and not necessarily dictated by religion.
A sad fact: The age of marriage is getting higher in the Arab world only because most young men can no longer afford to get married. Fathers are demanding crazy-high dowries (a girl is eligible for a dowry in Islam, and she is the one who's supposed to pick it and the money/gift is supposed to be hers alone, but some selfish families demand high dowries and then the father keeps it, saying that it's his payback for all the years of taking care of his daughter. Yes, seriously. -_-), along with demands of gold jewellery, a huge wedding, a new wardrobe... And all of it is supposed to come out of the young man's pockets. This is very contrary to Islam's teachings and makes me quite angry; most men have to take a loan just to get married!
My father demanded a 6000 ($16000) Omani rial dowry (meant to be mine, he wouldn't touch the money), because he didn't want to look bad by "giving his daughter away cheaply" <--- Another stupid cultural thing. But since Islamically the dowry is my choice... I took the 6000 for the sake of appearance to appease my dad, then secretly returned every penny of it to my husband after the wedding was over. I also had a super tiny wedding and insisted on paying for it myself, with any money I had left from my years of working (I had to stop due to my FND, but I've worked since I was 15). I also refused new clothing/jewellery/etc. I find it so stupid and wasteful.
I've been married for 1.5 years, as you'll see as you get further back into the thread.
You're so good about sharing your culture. I just want to say thanks for that.
I'm just happy that people don't find me boring for always talking about both my culture and religion! You're very welcome.
I love hearing about your culture!!
Same here! I have learned SO much from @Susieq_1994! Now I'm waiting for some of these topics to come up in conversations in real life and I can be all smug about my new-found knowledge! Then if anyone asks me how I know I can be all vague and mysterious and say "I know someone online. It's a secret, though."
I start to talk about you guys in real life then stop as I realize people will think I am nuts. Especially my best friend. I think she thinks I am crazy how involved I am with a bunch of people I have never met.
This is me too, lol.
Me three. I often talk about you guys and just say people I know.
Same here! When I start to talk about everyone from "the confessions thread", my husband kind of raises his eyebrows like, "uh huh, ok"...and them I'm like,
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Whew ok now I can honestly say I've read every page (if not every post! )0
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Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Does anyone get in food ruts? There's nothing I want to eat, so whatever I make doesn't really satisfie me... I guess that's why I've been snacking so much the last couple days.
I hate this! I tell myself that I will eat better tomorrow but I can't even think of anything I want to have for breakfast... that just sucks. Nothing just sounds appealing. Except junk. I'm feeling gross and disappointed in myself for eating 700 calories over maintenance today... mostly from granola bars etc.
I pretty much eat the same thing every day. When I don't eat that thing I get sad and wish I had eaten it. I like my food rut. Then I get tired and switch to a new habit!
Me too! Current food obsession: Peanut butter chocolate oatmeal. I get so sad if I don't get to eat it every day, it feels like I missed something awesome.
Exactly how I feel when I switch it up. Not sure I would love peanut butter chocolate oatmeal though. That just doesn't sound appealing though I love peanut butter.
I imagine it tasting like a gigantic no bake cookie.
lol! It doesn't taste much like one to me. It just tastes kind of like a thick hot chocolate with a hint of peanut butter. Kind of, but not exactly. I'm not sure what to compare it to, actually!
This is definitely not making me want to try it.0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »I know you hate people apologising for asking you questions, @Susieq_1994, but I only do because I feel like that stereotypical ignorant privileged white girl, and I don't want to offend.
So...there is that - robe, I'm sorry, I don't know the word for it - the long black one with the head and face covering. But it gets to 60C in Oman, right? So, um...how do the women not die of heatstroke?
Ah, and one more thing. (The edit function is being dumb)
Nobody goes outside if they can help it in the summer! Regardless of what you're wearing, you're going to get heatstroke staying out there... Everyone hides in air-conditioned buildings all day long, where it's nice and safe from the blazing sun.
Well, this is logical Thankyou for the explanation. I used to sit next to a girl when I was at high school who wore a headscarf, and I remember thinking that it looked like really thin, light material. I didn't realise the abaya was made of the same material.
The super-excellent part I suppose is that skin cancer rates among women must be very low there? 0 -
Confession: I ordered an awesome pair of purple sunglasses from Versace. They were back ordered and I was impatient and grumpy yesterday so I skipped the gym and went to Sunglass Hut and bought a pair of rose / wine colored Burberry's. Just got notice today the Versace's will be here tomorrow. Whoops. Total impulse buy, but I'm already feeling fabulous in the Burberry's. Can hardly wait to get the Versaces!
I can't be trusted with expensive sunglasses. I have 6-10 pairs at any time because I constantly lose or break them. I have one pair of Gucci glasses my mom got on super clearance and then decided she didn't like, and I'm paranoid when I wear them. Ha!0 -
pinkraynedropjacki wrote: »I am addicted to...... sprinkles.
That's understandable. Sprinkles taste like happiness, afterall. 0 -
Confession:
I'm a crazy animal person. I have a select few friends that I enjoy their company, but I'd much rather be at home with my animals than out in social situations (which I find very awkward) I also have abit of a zoo...
snakes, beardy, geckos, dogs, cats. etc.0
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