Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »Coastalpath wrote: »This is long so don't expect people to read it - just need to get it out!
Like a lot of other posters here I am going through lots of life stresses at the moment and the last few days have felt very sad, numb and unmotivated. I am ever so slightly eating my feelings 'grief bacon' but am logging it all so I can see it in black and white. My confession today is that I am fed up with never feeling as though I am allowed to be stressed or upset. Work, home, health are all suffering at the moment, but I am just expected to suck it up. If one more person says to me 'it could be worse' I might scream. I am silently screaming and unfortunately the pain is beginning to show on my face. I know things could be worse, just doesn't mean that because someone somewhere has it worse than me that I just have to 'be fine' all the time.
Dealing with mixed emotions is so hard - so happy for friends and loved ones who have fantastic things happening, mixed with my grief and sadness for what I am secretly going through. Not wanting to see friends because I don't want to make them miserable mixed with worrying I am not being a good friend by seeing them and sharing in their joys. Or, worse, that I am making them feel guilty for being happy.
Feels better to 'get it out' but I am so sad at the moment and I just wonder when bad things will stop happening!
Your feelings are valid. What you are going through is real and it is difficult for you. We understand and I am sure we have all been there at some point. You ARE allowed to feel this way and you ARE allowed to vent.
Yup. This! Hugs to you.
Coastal (responding to the first post since I never saw it) I feel the same. I pretty much feel like I'm drowning. I'm expected to be the rock for everyone, and most of the time I stoically am. But times like right now, I just want to scream and cry and throw a fit. I want someone to comfort ME and no one is. I'm supposed to hold it together and do 1,000 different things well every day, without fail or exception.
I joke with people a lot that it sucks to be me, because I don't get a "down day", but it's true. I'm expected to be on point 24/7 and I'm struggling. I get the "count your blessings" and "it could be worse" a LOT. Yes, it could be. In the scheme of things, what bothers me could be construed as petty. It doesn't mean it hurts less or I'm less upset. I am grateful for what I have, but aren't I also allowed to be upset too?!
Warning- the below will make me sound like an ungrateful brat. I know this, but they are MY feelings. I'm working on processing them, but it takes time.
I found out on Saturday that good friends of ours (who have 2 boys about the same age as us) are wanting a 3rd. They want to try for a girl. They previously said they were done but the DH changed his mind. I went upstairs and cried. I have wanted 3 kids since I was little. DH said no, 2 was all he could take. He got a vasectomy last Nov so there will only be 2. I agreed because I don't believe in forcing someone to have more kids if they don't want to. I'm not the only one involved in the decision. DH also swore we could look into adopting, which helped ease my feelings about the V.
I have regretted it EVERY DAY since. When I see parents out with 3 or more kids, I'm envious. If one or more is a girl, I am so jealous. I want a daughter. I always have. I love my boys so much, but there is a part of me that will always hurt because I wanted a girl. Both times, the u/s tech told me they were girls and I was blissful for a few weeks until told they were boys. They will never know. I will NEVER tell them they aren't "enough" for me, because they are. I am grateful they are both here and healthy and I would NOT trade them for anything, but I feel a twinge every time I look at a girl or girl baby. DH has also now decided he doesn't want to adopt, so I feel a bit of a pang of "bait and switch" sometimes when I think about it. Mostly I want 3 kids, but not gonna lie, a girl would be awesome.
I feel so alone, because DH is d-o-n-e. 2 is enough for him, he doesn't remotely want a 3rd. Talking to him about it doesn't help, because he has a hard time sympathizing with me. Ok, so he joked around and said I could get a dog to "mother". I agreed. Now last night he is reneging and saying "well, we can get a dog when we get x, y, and z done around the house". This will literally be YEARS. He knows this. Bait and switch #2.
He also said I could look into getting a new car within the month. So I've been plotting out savings, trade-in value, etc. This past weekend he decided nope, my Jeep runs fine for now and maybe we'll think about it in 6 months. Bait and switch #3.
I'm frustrated, I'm sad, I feel like everything I want always comes last after everyone else, and yes I know this is all first world problems, but right now it's rough. On top of it, I'm dieting strictly, so I think I'm just in a funk and crabby from that too. It's the one thing I feel like I'm succeeding at, though, so I don't want to give it up. I have 10.5 lb to go. I'm SO close. I just want to accomplish Something, ya know?
*ok, sorry for the pathetic vent. Carry on*
I'm sorry, that must be tough.
Mr. Mo has wanted to have another kid pretty much since Rachael was born. I never wanted to have kids (didn't have the best childhood) when we got married, so having one was more than enough for me. Plus, I was in labor for 27 hours and still ended up having an emergency C-section. The thought of having to go through that again, was too much for me.
While we were on vacation, he asked me why we never had another kid because it makes him sad when he sees a family with a couple kids strolling down the beach or sitting together at a restaurant. I didn't really have a great answer besides the ones mentioned above, and I feel guilty for not having more of his babies (we make beautiful kids
). Now, we're both in our late 30's and as far as I'm concerned, that ship has sailed, especially with all the SD drama. But I still feel bad for him, but not bad enough to want to have another kid. 
When I married my husband, I had one son and he had three daughters. We never thought of having kids and felt we had enough. I got a dog for our first anniversary; she was our kid . Well fast forward a few years and surprise! at 39 I was pregnant. We weren't trying or trying to avoid it, just happened. I had her after I turned 40. I knew I was done after that, so got that factory shut down. You never know. We love her just as much as any of the others and don't regret a minute of it. After that, his oldest daughter, who is in her 20's, had a little girl about 15 months after we had Olivia. Crazy stuff.
ETA: I put up a pic of little bit on the random pics thread.
I got a puppy for our 1st anniversary too! And I had a baby 1 month after my 40th birthday. We were definitely trying tho. I'm pretty sure we're done. My husband is content with just one but I think his reasoning has to do with how much daycare costs. I would love to have another but I think my age is a problem. Of course the doctor says it's still possible.
Nowadays we seem to be having kids later in life. Lots of OBs treat us the same as a younger ladies, as long as there are no known genetic or physical issues. I just don't have the energy plus I want to be able to do the couples only vacation before I retire. I am already pushing that one!
I'm 29 and no where near being married or having kids so I'm sure I'll join the group of being an "older" lady when having children...whatevs! It seems to be the smarter thing to do anyhow with the cost of living so outrageous these days!
Have you all seen the movie Idiocracy? It is making fun of, sort of, the practice of waiting until later in life to have children by the "smart" people while the "dumb" people just keep on having babies. It was filmed here in Austin and I personally know a couple of people in the movie.0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »Thanks for the well wishes, everyone. I have to admit that part of the frustration is that I'm really ticked off at myself for getting sick in the first place. I've had this disorder for the better part of three years, and living with a chronic disease long-term means you learn how to manage it well (as I'm sure @Italian_Buju can attest to) or you're doomed. I learned all the little nuances and whispers of my body and when to stop and take it easy. But after a six month respite from any sort of flares, I got overconfident and stopped paying attention.
In hindsight, as an ill person, I KNEW and still know that I'm not capable of 60 minutes of stationary bike PLUS 36 flights of stairs PLUS a one hour walk, especially not when I'm fasting, which makes me much more prone to weakness. But I did that TWO DAYS IN A ROW without even thinking about it. So this flare up is all my stupid fault, and I'm pretty mad at me. I'm also mad at my body for not being healthy, which is a common resentment I have that always comes to the fore when I get sick. Stupid body, stupid me, stupid everything.
I would give my daughter a time out for saying stupid.
Please stop being so hard on yourself. You're super great!! I don't know anything about FND but it sounds very difficult to deal with. Continued prayers for your quick recovery. & Thank goodness for Mr SusieQ taking care of you.0 -
kellienw335 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »@pofoster21 - Love the shoes, although not sure how you walk in those! I can't wait until I drop some more weight so I can wear cute shoes again. I wear tennis shoes to work at the moment. It helps me to get in more steps. Also, we have a program that awards leave time every quarter if you get a certain number of minutes of exercise every month. Totally worth it!
Platforms. I keep telling you ladies this. Seriously. Try them.
That's what I wore when I was thinner, but seriously I wear a size 12 and it's hard to find shoes! And I can't buy them online because I have to make sure they don't hurt my feet and I am terrible about returns! There are only two stores near me that sell dress shoes in my size, Payless and Shoe Carnival. I always have to buy tennis shoes in men's sizes because I need good shoes to workout. Anyone else with big feet?
I thought I had big feet (size 9) but Rachael wears an 11 and I don't think her feet are done growing yet. Her best friend (who's 22 hours younger) wears a 12. However, her parents are 6'2 and 6'4. Mr. Mo and I are 5'9 and 5'7.
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I just ate a banana and I thought about back when I spent some time in a hospital. There was a girl who sat next to me and started ranting about the proper way to eat a banana. She said that her mom and sister peeled back the banana and ate it while it still sat in the rest of the peel. She claimed to have never seen anyone else do it like that.... and all I could think was ''Wait... you REMOVE the whole banana before eating it???'' I had never seen her way and she had never seen mine.
She thought this was crazy:
Most people eat their bananas like this, right?
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FluffySandwich wrote: »I just ate a banana and I thought about back when I spent some time in a hospital. There was a girl who sat next to me and started ranting about the proper way to eat a banana. She said that her mom and sister peeled back the banana and ate it while it still sat in the rest of the peel. She claimed to have never seen anyone else do it like that.... and all I could think was ''Wait... you REMOVE the whole banana before eating it???'' I had never seen her way and she had never seen mine.
She thought this was crazy:
Most people eat their bananas like this, right?
I remove the whole thing but have eaten bananas like that in the past. Ohh, debate! 0 -
riderfangal wrote: »The current term at Hogwarts has just finished and new enrolments are starting now, for anyone who's interested:
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10206199/hogwarts-weight-loss-challenge
LOVE HP
I think I'm most excited about London as I get to go to HP world and see all the toursity HP sites like Platform 9 3/4 at Kings Cross Station, woot woot!!!
@LBuehrle8 I am so jealous. I love love love HP. I just finished rereading the series about a month ago!
Oh I LOVE HP, too!! I'm planning to re-read the series this summer. My bestie and her family were recently at HP World in Florida and had a GREAT time!! I'd love to go someday.0 -
FluffySandwich wrote: »I just ate a banana and I thought about back when I spent some time in a hospital. There was a girl who sat next to me and started ranting about the proper way to eat a banana. She said that her mom and sister peeled back the banana and ate it while it still sat in the rest of the peel. She claimed to have never seen anyone else do it like that.... and all I could think was ''Wait... you REMOVE the whole banana before eating it???'' I had never seen her way and she had never seen mine.
She thought this was crazy:
Most people eat their bananas like this, right?
YES! Unless adding it to a fruit salad of course0 -
FluffySandwich wrote: »I just ate a banana and I thought about back when I spent some time in a hospital. There was a girl who sat next to me and started ranting about the proper way to eat a banana. She said that her mom and sister peeled back the banana and ate it while it still sat in the rest of the peel. She claimed to have never seen anyone else do it like that.... and all I could think was ''Wait... you REMOVE the whole banana before eating it???'' I had never seen her way and she had never seen mine.
She thought this was crazy:
Most people eat their bananas like this, right?
Raelynn has to have her banana out of the peel, or else she doesn't want to eat it. I always thought it was just her lol! And now I want a banana sandwich like I had growing up (bread, DUKES mayo, and sliced bananas). Oh, I need some more bananas! :laugh:0 -
kellienw335 wrote: »Patting myself on the back this afternoon. Went out for lunch with friends and looked up calories on a couple things and decided what I was going to have...which I've done in the past and then still not ordered the predetermined meal. I ordered the fajitas and soup combo and didn't eat the tortillas so probably about 650ish calories!!
I fully admit that I am not at all capable of doing this. Especially not with the fresh tortillas that come with fajitas--oh, how I love tortillas.
I'm absolutely terrible with my self control when it comes to eating out. We do it very rarely though, so it doesn't have a huge effect on my weight unless I use it as an excuse to stuff my face for the rest of the day. On Eid day I've asked my husband to take me to a traditional Yemeni restaurant for lunch, so hoping that it will be as awesome as Yemeni food is said to be. 0 -
FluffySandwich wrote: »I just ate a banana and I thought about back when I spent some time in a hospital. There was a girl who sat next to me and started ranting about the proper way to eat a banana. She said that her mom and sister peeled back the banana and ate it while it still sat in the rest of the peel. She claimed to have never seen anyone else do it like that.... and all I could think was ''Wait... you REMOVE the whole banana before eating it???'' I had never seen her way and she had never seen mine.
She thought this was crazy:
Most people eat their bananas like this, right?
I remove the whole thing but have eaten bananas like that in the past. Ohh, debate!
I don't eat many bananas but I usually remove them totally and slice them and put them in a bowl. If I eat one without doing that, I leave part of the peel like on like in the picture so I don't get banana on my hands, though (or my hands on the banana for that matter.)0 -
kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Glinda1971 wrote: »So confession time:
I've been closing my diary everyday while it looks good and then mindlessly stuffing extra food in my face that I don't want or need.
I've only lost 0.6 of a lb in 2 weeks so I know that has to stop.
I apologize to everyone who has been liking the diary of lies. The only goal I'm setting today is to honestly log everything I stuff in my face.
ETA: just posted that as my status too. I'm actually ashamed of myself.
I've done this too. I log my food and I'm all pleased with myself for such a great day. Then I find myself in the kitchen snacking.
I swear sometimes it feels like I'm doing a math equation - I like to successfully complete it with my macros/calories all nice & pretty, but then I seem to forget I actually have to EAT the food I've logged (and only that food).
Yup, me too. Except that I usually do it more when my diary isn't filled out fully--if I can't pre-log my day, it tends to fall to pieces. While undiagnosed, I do have a lot of OCD-like symptoms, and not knowing exactly what I'm supposed to eat is quite a stressful thing for me. Along with my all-or-nothing attitude, I have to pre-log or I'm doomed.
Susie I am the same way! I had one of those days on Monday.
I haven't had one for a while, thank God. I'm really hoping that will continue for the foreseeable future. Not too sure though, because today and yesterday I've been feeling awfully munchie, although I'm pretty sure it's just out of boredom and self-pity since I can't DO ANYTHING. When I actually think of eating any specific food, my lack of appetite is still prevailing so far; I don't actually want anything. :-/0 -
I have eaten 3 very large cookies today. Lunch meeting at work- did well by only eating a small sub sandwich, no chips. But the COOKIES! No self control at all.
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AngryViking1970 wrote: »What's with all the sweet pickle hate? I love ALL the pickles. More for me, tra la la!
I am in this camp. I like dill, bread & butter, sweet gherkin and all relish.
Me too!
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quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Guys? I want to bake these: http://prettysimplesweet.com/chocolate-chip-cookie-cheesecake-bars/
... Anyone willing to take them off my hands if I were to offer to bake them for you? Not that I can even bake in this condition, but I'm bored out of my mind and want something to do so I've been browsing recipes. :-/
You don't have to ask me twice!! Oh wow!! YUM
I really wish I knew more people just so I can bake and dump my baked goods on them. *sigh* But Eid is coming and I'm totally making a HUGE peanut butter pie and totally eating a ton of it. Calories don't count in Eid, after all.
Yum! What's your favorite thing to bake? You could make some blondies & make some peanut butter cookie dough to go on top of them.
Everything! Cookies, mostly, and blondies. I'm really not a big fan of most cakes (blasphemy, I know), so I almost never make cakes unless someone else is going to do most of the eating (like for family parties and such). I'm really thinking of baking the chocolate chip cookie cheesecake bars that I posted a link for yesterday along with the peanut butter pie, but I'm thinking that it might be too much--there are only two of us, after all! I REALLY want to bake it, though. Sigh.
In case you missed that link, it's this one: http://prettysimplesweet.com/chocolate-chip-cookie-cheesecake-bars/
I'm not a fan of chocolate with my cheesecake, but I am willing to give these a try.
Alright, I'll send them to you and @LBuehrle8 then... Half for you and half for her! 0 -
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FluffySandwich wrote: »I just ate a banana and I thought about back when I spent some time in a hospital. There was a girl who sat next to me and started ranting about the proper way to eat a banana. She said that her mom and sister peeled back the banana and ate it while it still sat in the rest of the peel. She claimed to have never seen anyone else do it like that.... and all I could think was ''Wait... you REMOVE the whole banana before eating it???'' I had never seen her way and she had never seen mine.
She thought this was crazy:
Most people eat their bananas like this, right?
I remove the whole thing but have eaten bananas like that in the past. Ohh, debate!
Oy, I don't eat bananas either way! There's very few foods that I just plain won't eat, but bananas top that list - I can't stand the smell or the taste or the texture, none of it! Right now peanut butter is also on the list (the smell has been making me nauseous lately), and eggplant... plus any kind of dried fish or shrimp like used in Asian cuisines (fresh fish and shrimp are perfectly fine), and caviar. That's about it.0 -
kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Guys? I want to bake these: http://prettysimplesweet.com/chocolate-chip-cookie-cheesecake-bars/
... Anyone willing to take them off my hands if I were to offer to bake them for you? Not that I can even bake in this condition, but I'm bored out of my mind and want something to do so I've been browsing recipes. :-/
You don't have to ask me twice!! Oh wow!! YUM
I really wish I knew more people just so I can bake and dump my baked goods on them. *sigh* But Eid is coming and I'm totally making a HUGE peanut butter pie and totally eating a ton of it. Calories don't count in Eid, after all.
Yum! What's your favorite thing to bake? You could make some blondies & make some peanut butter cookie dough to go on top of them.
Everything! Cookies, mostly, and blondies. I'm really not a big fan of most cakes (blasphemy, I know), so I almost never make cakes unless someone else is going to do most of the eating (like for family parties and such). I'm really thinking of baking the chocolate chip cookie cheesecake bars that I posted a link for yesterday along with the peanut butter pie, but I'm thinking that it might be too much--there are only two of us, after all! I REALLY want to bake it, though. Sigh.
In case you missed that link, it's this one: http://prettysimplesweet.com/chocolate-chip-cookie-cheesecake-bars/
Yum those look good!
Anyone ever make these?
http://www.lovefromtheoven.com/2014/11/03/candy-bar-brownies/
Yikes. I have to admit that those would probably make me nauseous after just a few bites--imagine the crazy richness! I haven't tried them, but I remember reading a similar recipe by Ree Drummond from The Pioneer Woman Cooks and thinking that they sounded a bit too much for me.0 -
AngryViking1970 wrote: »What's with all the sweet pickle hate? I love ALL the pickles. More for me, tra la la!
I am in this camp. I like dill, bread & butter, sweet gherkin and all relish.
Me too!
I love all the pickles! I keep a jar of pickles and a jar of banana peppers at the office for snacking on 0 -
kelly_c_77 wrote: »xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »I'm almost done with Survivor 29 and I am really upset by the final three. One of them I like ok (and I think for sure is going to win), the other two I never really liked... and the person I wanted to win got voted out in fourth place. ARGH. Hate it when that happens.
On another note, I keep hearing some weird sound coming from my kitchen and I'm not sure what it could be. I told my boyfriend our apartment must be haunted or something. It almost sounds like some water is splashing on the floor violently, but I can't find anything wrong. We recently had an ant infestation so maybe a big ant is making noise in our wall as revenge for our ant murder.
Creepy. I hope you can figure out what it is. If you do, let us know.
Back in about 2009 or 2010, we had a few months were my whole family was experiencing weird things (in different locations) that I've never been able to explain to this day. It was really weird... I felt like we were all haunted for a while too.
Had a whole post on this but it got eaten, so here's myCliffNotes:
*cue creepy music and/or men in white coats to take me away, whichever you prefer*
I don't think you are crazy. Like I said it was the weirdest thing that for a couple years my whole family was experiencing weird things. Loud bangs and tapping noises, things would move on their own etc. Nothing before or since.
A lot of different things happened but here are a couple examples:
~I had a glass candle holder that was sitting behind a couple other items on a shelf. When I got home from work one day the holder was on the floor and the glass was shattered all over the carpet. For this to happen it would have had to have been picked up and moved over the other items in front of it and slammed against the soft carpet.
~I was at work and I worked at the front desk. I heard the elevator chime as I usually did when someone came up them. I heard and saw the door handle jiggle which used to happen a lot (we had glass on the sides and then a locked wooden door). I went to the door to help let the person in but no one was there. I checked the cameras for that time and couldn't see anyone pass by any of the glass windows.
I love hearing stories like this and the others that were posted...but if they happened to me? I'd cry in a corner forever.
If you get scared easily maybe avoid this haha. I don't want to give anyone nightmares.
It was scary. The worst though was just the feeling of being watched at night. I haven't had any problems with this before or since as I said (just for a while during that time period). So people will probably think I'm crazy but I would be trying to sleep and I felt like if I opened my eyes I would see something evil sitting in front of me staring into my face so I NEVER opened my eyes when I felt like that because I didn't want to see anything.
I have tons of stories like that from growing up. TONS. As Muslims, we believe in the existence of Jinn (as I mentioned before), and many of these things are attributed to the actions of the jinn. We've had knives fly across our kitchen by themselves before, along with non-existent children's voices and running sounds, lamps moving across tables and crashing to the floor by themselves, and a whole bunch of other things.
The one you mentioned about trying to sleep has happened to me and to my sister. A friend of my mother's who is knowledgeable in the ways of the jinn told us to go into the room after dark and ask the jinn politely to please leave because the house is occupied, and my mom did that; it didn't happen again afterwards. It was weird. Also, my mom and brothers kept seeing a man out of the corner of their eye in the same house, then there would be nothing when they turned around to take a look.
There's a very old city in Oman outside of the capital region called Bahla, and it's known as the haunted city--many people who live there are afraid to leave their homes after dark because that's when the jinn are said to be most active.0 -
raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »I just ate a banana and I thought about back when I spent some time in a hospital. There was a girl who sat next to me and started ranting about the proper way to eat a banana. She said that her mom and sister peeled back the banana and ate it while it still sat in the rest of the peel. She claimed to have never seen anyone else do it like that.... and all I could think was ''Wait... you REMOVE the whole banana before eating it???'' I had never seen her way and she had never seen mine.
Most people eat their bananas like this, right?
Raelynn has to have her banana out of the peel, or else she doesn't want to eat it. I always thought it was just her lol! And now I want a banana sandwich like I had growing up (bread, DUKES mayo, and sliced bananas). Oh, I need some more bananas! :laugh:
In the peel! I haven't had a banana and mayo sandwich in FOREVER! So yummy! Pretty sure it's a southern thing though. My mom is from SC originally but moved to IL when she married my dad. My southern cousins introduced me to it when we were visiting SC on vacation.0
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