Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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MissKalhan wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Sigh I pretty much own this page. So for today:
I miss checking in with you guys during the day, I really don't like this posting of stuff all at once, I feel like I miss all the action, but I really do need to focus on work.
Our daily motivations are really starting to work for me. I didn't want to fail again today so I made myself go out at 11:20 to run for 30 minutes so I could keep my commitment.
I liked hot yoga. Sweat like crazy. And the calorie burn can't be beat.
I have a random and rather narcissistic confession. When I run these days I tend to keep touching my sides and my stomach. I love how it feels with all the muscles working and only a little skin and fat under there...and no love handles. When I run with my friend I hope she doesn't notice I do it. Its become almost automatic every few minutes. Kind of weird...but it is motivating for me!
I am one of those people who while running can't help but look into the shop window's because my reflection is there. Yes, I am vain and I like seeing how I look while running lol
*whispers* me too
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@Susieq_1994 Sending you big hugs and glad today is a little better!
@raelynnsmama52512 hugs to you and your little one as well
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Glinda1971 wrote: »So confession time:
I've been closing my diary everyday while it looks good and then mindlessly stuffing extra food in my face that I don't want or need.
I've only lost 0.6 of a lb in 2 weeks so I know that has to stop.
I apologize to everyone who has been liking the diary of lies. The only goal I'm setting today is to honestly log everything I stuff in my face.
ETA: just posted that as my status too. I'm actually ashamed of myself.
I've done this too. I log my food and I'm all pleased with myself for such a great day. Then I find myself in the kitchen snacking.
I swear sometimes it feels like I'm doing a math equation - I like to successfully complete it with my macros/calories all nice & pretty, but then I seem to forget I actually have to EAT the food I've logged (and only that food).
Yup, me too. Except that I usually do it more when my diary isn't filled out fully--if I can't pre-log my day, it tends to fall to pieces. While undiagnosed, I do have a lot of OCD-like symptoms, and not knowing exactly what I'm supposed to eat is quite a stressful thing for me. Along with my all-or-nothing attitude, I have to pre-log or I'm doomed.
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Glinda1971 wrote: »So confession time:
I've been closing my diary everyday while it looks good and then mindlessly stuffing extra food in my face that I don't want or need.
I've only lost 0.6 of a lb in 2 weeks so I know that has to stop.
I apologize to everyone who has been liking the diary of lies. The only goal I'm setting today is to honestly log everything I stuff in my face.
ETA: just posted that as my status too. I'm actually ashamed of myself.
I've done this too. I log my food and I'm all pleased with myself for such a great day. Then I find myself in the kitchen snacking. I swear sometimes it feels like I'm doing a math equation - I like to successfully complete it with my macros/calories all nice & pretty, but then I seem to forget I actually have to EAT the food I've logged (and only that food).
me too. Last night I was on the exercise bike at 11pm because after I ended my log I had a snack that I needed to work off.
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Susieq_1994 wrote: »spacequiztime wrote: »
That chair does look pretty good! It reminds me of a better version of a red transport wheelchair Amazon kept trying to recommend me.Susieq_1994 wrote: »I have been relocated to my second location of the day! Which is to say that I'm now stuck on the couch instead of in my bed, but hey, I've got my laptop now! Here's a blurryish picture of the sample sport wheelchair that I might be getting:
...I love that shade of blue.
Glad to see you are feeling better.
Thanks! I think it looks cool, much nicer than the "standard" hospital grade wheelchairs that we found here when we looked for some.
Physically I'm mostly the same, feeling slightly less exhausted and my legs seem to be working a teensy bit better. But mentally I'm in better shape today, I think--it no longer feels as though someone pulled a plug in my brain and drained all of my mental energy out.
Susieq_1994 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Ok since we are going to be more accountable and post what we do each day to motivate each other I figure if I post what I do and not what I was supposed to do then it won't work. Since none of you will know what I intended. So my goals for today:
Walk 25000 steps (not hard at barn)
Run 1 hour
Address my chairs comments on my prospectus
Not envy @MoHousdon her husband or her vacation.
Edited to add I may not be able to achieve the last one.
Edited again for no alcohol
The last bit made me smile.
I'm currently on 1102 but I'm reading EVERY SINGLE POST so I'm properly caught up when I jump back in.
You aren't making it any easier. I am ragingly jealous.
Are you going to unfriend me?!
I don't think she would. Just envy you. On a side note, I told my husband that I didn't envy you because he's awesomer than Mr. Mo. He laughed.
Uh oh it's a battle of the Mr's!
Nah, it isn't a battle. I'm sure @MoHousdon's Mr. is perfect for HER and mine is perfect for ME and we'd hate to have each other's husbands.
He IS perfect for me, but by no means perfect.
Same here; nobody is perfect, but he's definitely perfect for me. 0 -
@pofoster21 I think you're crazy for doing an Ironman without training. Crazy and a little masochistic, perhaps. All the same, go out there and have a great time! 0
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MissKalhan wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »Sigh I pretty much own this page. So for today:
I miss checking in with you guys during the day, I really don't like this posting of stuff all at once, I feel like I miss all the action, but I really do need to focus on work.
Our daily motivations are really starting to work for me. I didn't want to fail again today so I made myself go out at 11:20 to run for 30 minutes so I could keep my commitment.
I liked hot yoga. Sweat like crazy. And the calorie burn can't be beat.
I have a random and rather narcissistic confession. When I run these days I tend to keep touching my sides and my stomach. I love how it feels with all the muscles working and only a little skin and fat under there...and no love handles. When I run with my friend I hope she doesn't notice I do it. Its become almost automatic every few minutes. Kind of weird...but it is motivating for me!
I am one of those people who while running can't help but look into the shop window's because my reflection is there. Yes, I am vain and I like seeing how I look while running lol
*whispers* me too
I'm certainly not running anywhere, but anytime I can catch a glimpse of myself, I'm doing it.0 -
orangesmartie wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »pofoster21 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »So, bad news: woke up feeling bleurgh today. Currently sitting in Krispy Kreme with a doughnut and a latte. Good news: I bought three, have eaten one, don't want the other two. Sucks to be me: on my way to work
How are things going with the boyfriend? You mentioned that it "imploded" and never went any further.
Its still broken. We called a truce over the weekend, due to travelling and climbing. But *shrug* we're talking, not sure whats going to happen
I am sorry. How is the girlfriend doing? You did advise that when one component is broken they all are. Because I am unbelievably nosy what is the issue. You kind of indicated it was minor but it seems to be escalating.
Beware, this is long - and remember you did ask!
To be honest, I am struggling with where I go from here. I love both of them very much, but he has totally devastated me with these things, after 3 years together.
Obviously this is a condensed version, but I don’t know what else to say.
I am so sorry. I confess I always wondered how a threesome could truly have an equal relationship, if you recall early on I said I didn't think I could handle it at all, I would always be insecure in that situation. But now that you are well into it and all of you love each other, I wonder if counseling for all of you would work? He sounds like he has a lot of issues period, which he needs to work on and which affect all 3 of you. Certainly spending the night at a Starbucks is not healthy for you. Read Susie's later post on taking care of yourself... you need to do that first and foremost. You will never be happy in this relationship if you are not happy with yourself. Then and only then can you make a relationship equitable and work...and you have 2/3 to make work which is incredibly difficult, I would imagine.
Hugs to you and feel free to message me anytime you need a sympathetic ear. Without much productive advice I an afraid. XOXOXOX
It can work, its just difficult. Triadic relationships such as ours are rare, because, its generally not easy to find two other people that you fall in love with, who also fall in love with each other.
I think when i say equal, i don't mean equal in terms of how much you love someone, but more, that you view the relationships as equally important. I love both my partners, but for different reasons. I have never tried to quantify it (i love Mrs more than Mr for example). I just know that i love them both, very much. I guess its the same as having more than one child. You generally love them for all their quirks and faults, and don't think i love X more than Y.
He does have issues and we are trying to support him in working on them, he let them slide when he started this new job and we're back to telling him it is essential. I have suggested group counselling, but trying to find a counsellor that can deal with our dynamic is tough.
Staying at starbucks wasn't my first choice, but all the hotels were full, so it seemed the safest option, well lit, toilets, drinks, CCTV. It wasn't like i was going to get a lot of sleep anyway. Next time, i'll book a hotel before storming out
The thing is, when we're all working and pulling in the same direction, our relationships are absolutely amazing, so easy and comfortable. we all get on so well, have such similar views on things and can spend hours having random conversations, about not very much. We've even designed our dream house (for when we win the lottery) to the extent of getting out a laptop and drawing floorplans in paint. We have been friends a very long time and i think perhaps what we have is more a difference in language X means Y to me, but him it means Z. I need to clarify this, and will be doing so this weekend. Equally, when things go wrong, they go spectacularly wrong.
I have to say, I really appreciate all of you letting me vent here, even though i'm sure most of you are horrified at the situation and i'm not making it look any better but it is helping me sort out my thoughts and feelings, without getting into that nasty internal negative spiral.
i am not horrified by any means.
i'm more concerned with your well being and want to make sure you're ok.
i admire you, actually. i know i have way too many personal issues (including jealousy) to even try to make that work.
This is how I feel as well. I wouldn't be able to handle anything like that. Too many issues as it is.
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raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »Well, now that I'm a little calmer, I think I can update everyone on Raelynn's situation. (( Cliff noting what the doctor said and it's a bit long. ))
-She has been officially and definitely diagnosed with SPD and Anxiety.
-The only treatment for her SPD and (at her age) Anxiety is occupational and behavioral therapy. Unfortunately, we can't afford the therapy, so that can't happen until we get approved for TEFRA (secondary Medicaid for special needs and insurance), but:
-She is being referred to ChildFind (services through the school district), but the county/district we live in is notoriously difficult for getting kids in. We'll have to see what they tell us.
-Doctor also gave us information on some community resources that may be available for us, just depends on if there is anything in Laurens County.
-She scored an 81 on the tests they did yesterday, which puts her right below "average" for her age and development, but the score for "average" runs between an 85-115 (low average-high average) so according to that she's just below which could mean she will be denied TEFRA. Doctor did tell me to be prepared to file an appeal should that happen and she will help us with it.
-She's been having issues with going to sleep for a while now, like fighting sleep and crying at bedtime, and waking up multiple times in a night so we have to start her on melatonin 2 hours before bedtime, because she's so wound up she can't go to sleep (SPD effect). We also have to start her on a fiber regimen, because she has a terrible habit of holding poops (major SPD problem).
-Basically, we have to keep her life as routine and rigid as possible. No potty training, no big changes, just making sure she knows what to expect every day so hopefully it will help alleviate some of her anxiety issues until we can get therapy going. (Needless to say, our plans of "expanding our family" are on hold until further notice since that would obviously be a huge change in her life. Which, if putting that on hold makes her life easier and we can help her, I'm okay with that.)
She's got a long way to go, but we're going to do everything that we can to help her!
Thinking about you and your sweet girl!0 -
@raelynnsmama52512 I am so sorry that you, and your little girl, are having to deal with all of this, and am sending you prayers and virtual hugs! For what it's worth, I'm amazed by how strong you seem in the face of all of these challenges, and I think that your little girl is extremely blessed to have such a strong, caring mom who's focused on her well-being. We're all rooting for her!0
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Susieq_1994 wrote: »raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »Well, now that I'm a little calmer, I think I can update everyone on Raelynn's situation. (( Cliff noting what the doctor said and it's a bit long. ))
-She has been officially and definitely diagnosed with SPD and Anxiety.
-The only treatment for her SPD and (at her age) Anxiety is occupational and behavioral therapy. Unfortunately, we can't afford the therapy, so that can't happen until we get approved for TEFRA (secondary Medicaid for special needs and insurance), but:
-She is being referred to ChildFind (services through the school district), but the county/district we live in is notoriously difficult for getting kids in. We'll have to see what they tell us.
-Doctor also gave us information on some community resources that may be available for us, just depends on if there is anything in Laurens County.
-She scored an 81 on the tests they did yesterday, which puts her right below "average" for her age and development, but the score for "average" runs between an 85-115 (low average-high average) so according to that she's just below which could mean she will be denied TEFRA. Doctor did tell me to be prepared to file an appeal should that happen and she will help us with it.
-She's been having issues with going to sleep for a while now, like fighting sleep and crying at bedtime, and waking up multiple times in a night so we have to start her on melatonin 2 hours before bedtime, because she's so wound up she can't go to sleep (SPD effect). We also have to start her on a fiber regimen, because she has a terrible habit of holding poops (major SPD problem).
-Basically, we have to keep her life as routine and rigid as possible. No potty training, no big changes, just making sure she knows what to expect every day so hopefully it will help alleviate some of her anxiety issues until we can get therapy going. (Needless to say, our plans of "expanding our family" are on hold until further notice since that would obviously be a huge change in her life. Which, if putting that on hold makes her life easier and we can help her, I'm okay with that.)
She's got a long way to go, but we're going to do everything that we can to help her!
So sorry to hear all of this! This happens a lot to lower-income families in Oman who need help paying for therapies from the Social Development sector of the government; the solution, it seems, has always been to make a lot of noise and fuss.
I know a lot about the process in Oman because my mother opened and owns the very first private special needs center in Oman, and she charges fees on a case by case basis. They're a non-profit charity center, and they try to take all children regardless of whether the parents can actually pay for them or not, and she's done a lot of noise-making at the Ministry of Social Development in her efforts to help lower-income families get government funding for the therapies their children need.
Thank you! ❤️
It's just irritating to hear "your daughter needs help and I know you can't afford it, we can apply for help to cover costs but she's probably going to be denied". Like I told her doctor, yes my husband makes 40K per year, but that's just on paper. Once taxes and insurance and everything else comes out it's significantly less. When I say we can't afford it, I mean it. It just irritates me that there's so many hoops to jump through just to help my kid have as much of a normal life as possible.
Also, God bless your mother for what she does! I'm truly thankful there are people in this world who do stand up for these kids and families, not just here but all over the world! ❤️0 -
I'd say pass, as it's really popular and there's normally a wait list. Let the fans get in!kellienw335 wrote: »The current term at Hogwarts has just finished and new enrolments are starting now, for anyone who's interested:
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10206199/hogwarts-weight-loss-challenge
That's hilarious! So, I'm not a HP fan, but it sounds like lots of fun. Should I try it or pass since I'm not into HP?
There are other challenges I see every now and again - Lord of the Rings, Hunger Games etc. that might be more your thing?
I'm actually not doing the Hogwarts one again next term. It was fun, but I found it demanded a bit more attention than I was prepared to give.
Thanks! I'm not into LOTR or HG either. Just a weirdo I guess.0 -
raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »Well, now that I'm a little calmer, I think I can update everyone on Raelynn's situation. (( Cliff noting what the doctor said and it's a bit long. ))
-She has been officially and definitely diagnosed with SPD and Anxiety.
-The only treatment for her SPD and (at her age) Anxiety is occupational and behavioral therapy. Unfortunately, we can't afford the therapy, so that can't happen until we get approved for TEFRA (secondary Medicaid for special needs and insurance), but:
-She is being referred to ChildFind (services through the school district), but the county/district we live in is notoriously difficult for getting kids in. We'll have to see what they tell us.
-Doctor also gave us information on some community resources that may be available for us, just depends on if there is anything in Laurens County.
-She scored an 81 on the tests they did yesterday, which puts her right below "average" for her age and development, but the score for "average" runs between an 85-115 (low average-high average) so according to that she's just below which could mean she will be denied TEFRA. Doctor did tell me to be prepared to file an appeal should that happen and she will help us with it.
-She's been having issues with going to sleep for a while now, like fighting sleep and crying at bedtime, and waking up multiple times in a night so we have to start her on melatonin 2 hours before bedtime, because she's so wound up she can't go to sleep (SPD effect). We also have to start her on a fiber regimen, because she has a terrible habit of holding poops (major SPD problem).
-Basically, we have to keep her life as routine and rigid as possible. No potty training, no big changes, just making sure she knows what to expect every day so hopefully it will help alleviate some of her anxiety issues until we can get therapy going. (Needless to say, our plans of "expanding our family" are on hold until further notice since that would obviously be a huge change in her life. Which, if putting that on hold makes her life easier and we can help her, I'm okay with that.)
She's got a long way to go, but we're going to do everything that we can to help her!
Hang in there Mommy!! This sounds like a lot to deal with and I'm sure you're doing/going to do great but don't forget to take care of yourself too!! (((hugs)))0 -
I heard that your dreams get extra crazy when you're pregnant. I love dreams and keep a dream diary on my computer. Last night I dreamed that I had something stuck in my teeth... and I finally managed to pull it out- a long string of spaghetti. Then more and more kept coming, so it turns out I had like 20 strings of spaghetti stuck in that spot between my teeth. It was kind of freaky for some reason.FluffySandwich wrote: »I used to have those all the time in my early 20s. Now I actually am pregnant, my dreams have been completely devoid of anything baby-related. Funny how the brain works. I did dream my mattress was made of cheese the other night. I had to lie really still and evenly to avoid crumbling it!
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Yuck that dream description freaked me out too. I used to keep a dream journal as well but I used to have some major dreams back then and remember them. Now I can only remember pieces of dreams.
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A while back, we were talking about kids and having an only child, I mentioned that I only have the one daughter and got grief about not having more kids. Well, there's more to the story-
When I married my current husband, my daughter was 13 and living pretty much with her dad. I was 42, DH was 37. He had never been married before and wanted children. I got pregnant pretty quickly after we got married. We were ecstatic. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. We were devastated. It didn't help matters that my daughter got pregnant at 14 and it seemed like everyone was having babies but me. (It took me a long time for me to be able to even look at a baby without crying.) By the time we felt like we were ready to try again, it was too late- early menopause. It is still hard for me to talk about, and he is still bitter about it.
I'm so sorry you went through that. (Hugs!)0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »Well, now that I'm a little calmer, I think I can update everyone on Raelynn's situation. (( Cliff noting what the doctor said and it's a bit long. ))
-She has been officially and definitely diagnosed with SPD and Anxiety.
-The only treatment for her SPD and (at her age) Anxiety is occupational and behavioral therapy. Unfortunately, we can't afford the therapy, so that can't happen until we get approved for TEFRA (secondary Medicaid for special needs and insurance), but:
-She is being referred to ChildFind (services through the school district), but the county/district we live in is notoriously difficult for getting kids in. We'll have to see what they tell us.
-Doctor also gave us information on some community resources that may be available for us, just depends on if there is anything in Laurens County.
-She scored an 81 on the tests they did yesterday, which puts her right below "average" for her age and development, but the score for "average" runs between an 85-115 (low average-high average) so according to that she's just below which could mean she will be denied TEFRA. Doctor did tell me to be prepared to file an appeal should that happen and she will help us with it.
-She's been having issues with going to sleep for a while now, like fighting sleep and crying at bedtime, and waking up multiple times in a night so we have to start her on melatonin 2 hours before bedtime, because she's so wound up she can't go to sleep (SPD effect). We also have to start her on a fiber regimen, because she has a terrible habit of holding poops (major SPD problem).
-Basically, we have to keep her life as routine and rigid as possible. No potty training, no big changes, just making sure she knows what to expect every day so hopefully it will help alleviate some of her anxiety issues until we can get therapy going. (Needless to say, our plans of "expanding our family" are on hold until further notice since that would obviously be a huge change in her life. Which, if putting that on hold makes her life easier and we can help her, I'm okay with that.)
She's got a long way to go, but we're going to do everything that we can to help her!
This must be so difficult for you. Best if luck getting her the treatment she deserves. Remember the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
Oh, yes to this. My cousin has a special needs child and she has had to learn to open her mouth and say something when she doesn't think he is getting the care he needs. I don't know about you but I'm completely non-confrontational so that part would be hard for me.0 -
kellienw335 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »I have to say, I really appreciate all of you letting me vent here, even though i'm sure most of you are horrified at the situation and i'm not making it look any better but it is helping me sort out my thoughts and feelings, without getting into that nasty internal negative spiral.
Not horrified! I actually find relationships with multiples, including polygamy, fascinating. It's not for me, but I've researched it quite a bit. The fact that I feel like I kind of know you and really want you guys to be able to work this out and be happy adds a whole new level to my education on the subject. I hope that isn't somehow offensive or insensitive. I'm team Mr Mrs & Ms Orangesmartie all the way!
Me too! I understand this relationship dynamic more than anyone would know. (I have a very private side to me that others do not know about and really fear I would be judged on here if I spoke of it - not to mention this is a public forum and I don't need anyone IRL to know this stuff) The struggles within this type of relationship are real and the love is real too, it is absolutely possible to be in deep love with more than one person at the same time.
I remember you mentioning it WAY back in the thread. You said your husband is a very patient man.0 -
I stayed up entirely to late last night chatting with a British friend of mine, I got 5 hours of sleep and I'm cranky as all hell. Meanwhile he got 3 maybe and is chipper as all hell.
Confession: I'm an old lady and need my sleep god dammit!0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »Bleh. Today is just bleh. I'm so sick of being stuck in one place with nothing to do, and I'm starting to get weepy and whiny. Poor Mr. Susie.
On a bright note, today I've been able to use my walker twice, so I'm starting to improve a little.
Progress is good! Glad you're still hanging around.0 -
So sorry - that must be very hard. This is another reason why nobody should ask anyone about their family size/structure. It can be an extremely sensitive issue. If someone wants to talk about it, they will.A while back, we were talking about kids and having an only child, I mentioned that I only have the one daughter and got grief about not having more kids. Well, there's more to the story-
When I married my current husband, my daughter was 13 and living pretty much with her dad. I was 42, DH was 37. He had never been married before and wanted children. I got pregnant pretty quickly after we got married. We were ecstatic. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. We were devastated. It didn't help matters that my daughter got pregnant at 14 and it seemed like everyone was having babies but me. (It took me a long time for me to be able to even look at a baby without crying.) By the time we felt like we were ready to try again, it was too late- early menopause. It is still hard for me to talk about, and he is still bitter about it.
Exactly this. There are just some things that people need to stay out of and mind their own business. Why do you (general you) need to know if/when I'm going to have another baby or why I'm choosing not to? That's right, you don't. We have one son and have talked in the past about possibly having another. We've decided for multiple reasons that we're not going to try for another baby...and our family of three feels complete, as is. Of course, we are actually a family of 8 because we have five cats...but you know what I mean! 0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »Coastalpath wrote: »This is long so don't expect people to read it - just need to get it out!
Like a lot of other posters here I am going through lots of life stresses at the moment and the last few days have felt very sad, numb and unmotivated. I am ever so slightly eating my feelings 'grief bacon' but am logging it all so I can see it in black and white. My confession today is that I am fed up with never feeling as though I am allowed to be stressed or upset. Work, home, health are all suffering at the moment, but I am just expected to suck it up. If one more person says to me 'it could be worse' I might scream. I am silently screaming and unfortunately the pain is beginning to show on my face. I know things could be worse, just doesn't mean that because someone somewhere has it worse than me that I just have to 'be fine' all the time.
Dealing with mixed emotions is so hard - so happy for friends and loved ones who have fantastic things happening, mixed with my grief and sadness for what I am secretly going through. Not wanting to see friends because I don't want to make them miserable mixed with worrying I am not being a good friend by seeing them and sharing in their joys. Or, worse, that I am making them feel guilty for being happy.
Feels better to 'get it out' but I am so sad at the moment and I just wonder when bad things will stop happening!
Your feelings are valid. What you are going through is real and it is difficult for you. We understand and I am sure we have all been there at some point. You ARE allowed to feel this way and you ARE allowed to vent.
Yup. This! Hugs to you.
Coastal (responding to the first post since I never saw it) I feel the same. I pretty much feel like I'm drowning. I'm expected to be the rock for everyone, and most of the time I stoically am. But times like right now, I just want to scream and cry and throw a fit. I want someone to comfort ME and no one is. I'm supposed to hold it together and do 1,000 different things well every day, without fail or exception.
I joke with people a lot that it sucks to be me, because I don't get a "down day", but it's true. I'm expected to be on point 24/7 and I'm struggling. I get the "count your blessings" and "it could be worse" a LOT. Yes, it could be. In the scheme of things, what bothers me could be construed as petty. It doesn't mean it hurts less or I'm less upset. I am grateful for what I have, but aren't I also allowed to be upset too?!
Warning- the below will make me sound like an ungrateful brat. I know this, but they are MY feelings. I'm working on processing them, but it takes time.
I found out on Saturday that good friends of ours (who have 2 boys about the same age as us) are wanting a 3rd. They want to try for a girl. They previously said they were done but the DH changed his mind. I went upstairs and cried. I have wanted 3 kids since I was little. DH said no, 2 was all he could take. He got a vasectomy last Nov so there will only be 2. I agreed because I don't believe in forcing someone to have more kids if they don't want to. I'm not the only one involved in the decision. DH also swore we could look into adopting, which helped ease my feelings about the V.
I have regretted it EVERY DAY since. When I see parents out with 3 or more kids, I'm envious. If one or more is a girl, I am so jealous. I want a daughter. I always have. I love my boys so much, but there is a part of me that will always hurt because I wanted a girl. Both times, the u/s tech told me they were girls and I was blissful for a few weeks until told they were boys. They will never know. I will NEVER tell them they aren't "enough" for me, because they are. I am grateful they are both here and healthy and I would NOT trade them for anything, but I feel a twinge every time I look at a girl or girl baby. DH has also now decided he doesn't want to adopt, so I feel a bit of a pang of "bait and switch" sometimes when I think about it. Mostly I want 3 kids, but not gonna lie, a girl would be awesome.
I feel so alone, because DH is d-o-n-e. 2 is enough for him, he doesn't remotely want a 3rd. Talking to him about it doesn't help, because he has a hard time sympathizing with me. Ok, so he joked around and said I could get a dog to "mother". I agreed. Now last night he is reneging and saying "well, we can get a dog when we get x, y, and z done around the house". This will literally be YEARS. He knows this. Bait and switch #2.
He also said I could look into getting a new car within the month. So I've been plotting out savings, trade-in value, etc. This past weekend he decided nope, my Jeep runs fine for now and maybe we'll think about it in 6 months. Bait and switch #3.
I'm frustrated, I'm sad, I feel like everything I want always comes last after everyone else, and yes I know this is all first world problems, but right now it's rough. On top of it, I'm dieting strictly, so I think I'm just in a funk and crabby from that too. It's the one thing I feel like I'm succeeding at, though, so I don't want to give it up. I have 10.5 lb to go. I'm SO close. I just want to accomplish Something, ya know?
*ok, sorry for the pathetic vent. Carry on*
I'm sorry, that must be tough.
Mr. Mo has wanted to have another kid pretty much since Rachael was born. I never wanted to have kids (didn't have the best childhood) when we got married, so having one was more than enough for me. Plus, I was in labor for 27 hours and still ended up having an emergency C-section. The thought of having to go through that again, was too much for me.
While we were on vacation, he asked me why we never had another kid because it makes him sad when he sees a family with a couple kids strolling down the beach or sitting together at a restaurant. I didn't really have a great answer besides the ones mentioned above, and I feel guilty for not having more of his babies (we make beautiful kids ). Now, we're both in our late 30's and as far as I'm concerned, that ship has sailed, especially with all the SD drama. But I still feel bad for him, but not bad enough to want to have another kid.
When I married my husband, I had one son and he had three daughters. We never thought of having kids and felt we had enough. I got a dog for our first anniversary; she was our kid . Well fast forward a few years and surprise! at 39 I was pregnant. We weren't trying or trying to avoid it, just happened. I had her after I turned 40. I knew I was done after that, so got that factory shut down. You never know. We love her just as much as any of the others and don't regret a minute of it. After that, his oldest daughter, who is in her 20's, had a little girl about 15 months after we had Olivia. Crazy stuff.
I just turned 40 in March and the idea of dealing with a newborn again scares me to the very fiber of my soul...
Confession: I love my son, but I didn't love the newborn/baby stage all the much. The more independent he becomes, the more I like it.
I completely agree about the newborn stage. She will be five in a couple of weeks and is very independent. It has its moments but I wouldn't trade her or that personality. Very sassy. I tell her dad he gets to deal with her as a teenager or I might kill her.
The newborn stage is hard! We are potty training right now and that's not easy either. I loved it when my son could get himself dressed, shoes on, and get in the car by himself!
@crosbylee - Your daughter is beautiful!0 -
raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »Well, now that I'm a little calmer, I think I can update everyone on Raelynn's situation. (( Cliff noting what the doctor said and it's a bit long. ))
-She has been officially and definitely diagnosed with SPD and Anxiety.
-The only treatment for her SPD and (at her age) Anxiety is occupational and behavioral therapy. Unfortunately, we can't afford the therapy, so that can't happen until we get approved for TEFRA (secondary Medicaid for special needs and insurance), but:
-She is being referred to ChildFind (services through the school district), but the county/district we live in is notoriously difficult for getting kids in. We'll have to see what they tell us.
-Doctor also gave us information on some community resources that may be available for us, just depends on if there is anything in Laurens County.
-She scored an 81 on the tests they did yesterday, which puts her right below "average" for her age and development, but the score for "average" runs between an 85-115 (low average-high average) so according to that she's just below which could mean she will be denied TEFRA. Doctor did tell me to be prepared to file an appeal should that happen and she will help us with it.
-She's been having issues with going to sleep for a while now, like fighting sleep and crying at bedtime, and waking up multiple times in a night so we have to start her on melatonin 2 hours before bedtime, because she's so wound up she can't go to sleep (SPD effect). We also have to start her on a fiber regimen, because she has a terrible habit of holding poops (major SPD problem).
-Basically, we have to keep her life as routine and rigid as possible. No potty training, no big changes, just making sure she knows what to expect every day so hopefully it will help alleviate some of her anxiety issues until we can get therapy going. (Needless to say, our plans of "expanding our family" are on hold until further notice since that would obviously be a huge change in her life. Which, if putting that on hold makes her life easier and we can help her, I'm okay with that.)
She's got a long way to go, but we're going to do everything that we can to help her!
I know you will! Glad you popped in because I was just thinking about you! Hugs and prayers!0 -
kellienw335 wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »I have to say, I really appreciate all of you letting me vent here, even though i'm sure most of you are horrified at the situation and i'm not making it look any better but it is helping me sort out my thoughts and feelings, without getting into that nasty internal negative spiral.
Not horrified! I actually find relationships with multiples, including polygamy, fascinating. It's not for me, but I've researched it quite a bit. The fact that I feel like I kind of know you and really want you guys to be able to work this out and be happy adds a whole new level to my education on the subject. I hope that isn't somehow offensive or insensitive. I'm team Mr Mrs & Ms Orangesmartie all the way!
Me too! I understand this relationship dynamic more than anyone would know. (I have a very private side to me that others do not know about and really fear I would be judged on here if I spoke of it - not to mention this is a public forum and I don't need anyone IRL to know this stuff) The struggles within this type of relationship are real and the love is real too, it is absolutely possible to be in deep love with more than one person at the same time.
I remember you mentioning it WAY back in the thread. You said your husband is a very patient man.
VERY!0 -
@raelynnsmama52512, I'm sorry. Sounds like a lot...and I'm sure you're overwhelmed with all the info and not knowing if you will get the financial help you need. You are a wonderful mother, doing anything and everything that you can for you little girl. It may take some adjusting, but you will figure it out. Routine is good!! Big changes can be scary for anyone. Hang in there and vent in here anytime you need to!
Did you ever get your Doctor's appointment/medication taken care of? Sorry if I missed that part...0 -
riderfangal wrote: »A while back, we were talking about kids and having an only child, I mentioned that I only have the one daughter and got grief about not having more kids. Well, there's more to the story-
When I married my current husband, my daughter was 13 and living pretty much with her dad. I was 42, DH was 37. He had never been married before and wanted children. I got pregnant pretty quickly after we got married. We were ecstatic. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. We were devastated. It didn't help matters that my daughter got pregnant at 14 and it seemed like everyone was having babies but me. (It took me a long time for me to be able to even look at a baby without crying.) By the time we felt like we were ready to try again, it was too late- early menopause. It is still hard for me to talk about, and he is still bitter about it.
I am so sorry you went through this. From first hand experience it really is devastating. It is the loss of hopes and dreams and birthdays and graduations, first steps and weddings. I lost a daughter at 30 weeks. She was stillborn and I still cry on the anniversary I delivered her. I don't know if you are religious but at her funeral the priest told me I have an angel sitting at the right hand side of God who will be whispering in his ear to make sure I am looked after. That thought has brought me a lot of comfort over the years. Coincidentally almost 10 years to the day my son was born
I can't imagine. (Hugs)0 -
xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »I'm almost done with Survivor 29 and I am really upset by the final three. One of them I like ok (and I think for sure is going to win), the other two I never really liked... and the person I wanted to win got voted out in fourth place. ARGH. Hate it when that happens.
On another note, I keep hearing some weird sound coming from my kitchen and I'm not sure what it could be. I told my boyfriend our apartment must be haunted or something. It almost sounds like some water is splashing on the floor violently, but I can't find anything wrong. We recently had an ant infestation so maybe a big ant is making noise in our wall as revenge for our ant murder.
Creepy. I hope you can figure out what it is. If you do, let us know.
Back in about 2009 or 2010, we had a few months were my whole family was experiencing weird things (in different locations) that I've never been able to explain to this day. It was really weird... I felt like we were all haunted for a while too.
Had a whole post on this but it got eaten, so here's myCliffNotes:
*cue creepy music and/or men in white coats to take me away, whichever you prefer*
I don't think you are crazy. Like I said it was the weirdest thing that for a couple years my whole family was experiencing weird things. Loud bangs and tapping noises, things would move on their own etc. Nothing before or since.
A lot of different things happened but here are a couple examples:
~I had a glass candle holder that was sitting behind a couple other items on a shelf. When I got home from work one day the holder was on the floor and the glass was shattered all over the carpet. For this to happen it would have had to have been picked up and moved over the other items in front of it and slammed against the soft carpet.
~I was at work and I worked at the front desk. I heard the elevator chime as I usually did when someone came up them. I heard and saw the door handle jiggle which used to happen a lot (we had glass on the sides and then a locked wooden door). I went to the door to help let the person in but no one was there. I checked the cameras for that time and couldn't see anyone pass by any of the glass windows.
I love hearing stories like this and the others that were posted...but if they happened to me? I'd cry in a corner forever.0 -
kelly_c_77 wrote: »
So sorry - that must be very hard. This is another reason why nobody should ask anyone about their family size/structure. It can be an extremely sensitive issue. If someone wants to talk about it, they will.A while back, we were talking about kids and having an only child, I mentioned that I only have the one daughter and got grief about not having more kids. Well, there's more to the story-
When I married my current husband, my daughter was 13 and living pretty much with her dad. I was 42, DH was 37. He had never been married before and wanted children. I got pregnant pretty quickly after we got married. We were ecstatic. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. We were devastated. It didn't help matters that my daughter got pregnant at 14 and it seemed like everyone was having babies but me. (It took me a long time for me to be able to even look at a baby without crying.) By the time we felt like we were ready to try again, it was too late- early menopause. It is still hard for me to talk about, and he is still bitter about it.
Exactly this. There are just some things that people need to stay out of and mind their own business. Why do you (general you) need to know if/when I'm going to have another baby or why I'm choosing not to? That's right, you don't. We have one son and have talked in the past about possibly having another. We've decided for multiple reasons that we're not going to try for another baby...and our family of three feels complete, as is. Of course, we are actually a family of 8 because we have five cats...but you know what I mean!
YES! I know people don't realize that I'm in my 40's. When I mention that my husband and I are recently married, more than half of the people will ask if we're going to have any kids.
I'd love to, but my husband chose to let his ex run his life for 15 years and forced him to get fixed because she "didn't want to have to remember to take the pill every day".
Yes, I know my bitterness probably makes me sound bad, but it's there nonetheless.0 -
riderfangal wrote: »@Susieq_1994 Sending you big hugs and glad today is a little better!
@raelynnsmama52512 hugs to you and your little one as wellTigerNY128 wrote: »raelynnsmama52512 wrote: »Well, now that I'm a little calmer, I think I can update everyone on Raelynn's situation. (( Cliff noting what the doctor said and it's a bit long. ))
-She has been officially and definitely diagnosed with SPD and Anxiety.
-The only treatment for her SPD and (at her age) Anxiety is occupational and behavioral therapy. Unfortunately, we can't afford the therapy, so that can't happen until we get approved for TEFRA (secondary Medicaid for special needs and insurance), but:
-She is being referred to ChildFind (services through the school district), but the county/district we live in is notoriously difficult for getting kids in. We'll have to see what they tell us.
-Doctor also gave us information on some community resources that may be available for us, just depends on if there is anything in Laurens County.
-She scored an 81 on the tests they did yesterday, which puts her right below "average" for her age and development, but the score for "average" runs between an 85-115 (low average-high average) so according to that she's just below which could mean she will be denied TEFRA. Doctor did tell me to be prepared to file an appeal should that happen and she will help us with it.
-She's been having issues with going to sleep for a while now, like fighting sleep and crying at bedtime, and waking up multiple times in a night so we have to start her on melatonin 2 hours before bedtime, because she's so wound up she can't go to sleep (SPD effect). We also have to start her on a fiber regimen, because she has a terrible habit of holding poops (major SPD problem).
-Basically, we have to keep her life as routine and rigid as possible. No potty training, no big changes, just making sure she knows what to expect every day so hopefully it will help alleviate some of her anxiety issues until we can get therapy going. (Needless to say, our plans of "expanding our family" are on hold until further notice since that would obviously be a huge change in her life. Which, if putting that on hold makes her life easier and we can help her, I'm okay with that.)
She's got a long way to go, but we're going to do everything that we can to help her!
Thinking about you and your sweet girl!@raelynnsmama52512 I am so sorry that you, and your little girl, are having to deal with all of this, and am sending you prayers and virtual hugs! For what it's worth, I'm amazed by how strong you seem in the face of all of these challenges, and I think that your little girl is extremely blessed to have such a strong, caring mom who's focused on her well-being. We're all rooting for her!
Aww, thanks y'all! ❤️0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Guys? I want to bake these: http://prettysimplesweet.com/chocolate-chip-cookie-cheesecake-bars/
... Anyone willing to take them off my hands if I were to offer to bake them for you? Not that I can even bake in this condition, but I'm bored out of my mind and want something to do so I've been browsing recipes. :-/
You don't have to ask me twice!! Oh wow!! YUM
I really wish I knew more people just so I can bake and dump my baked goods on them. *sigh* But Eid is coming and I'm totally making a HUGE peanut butter pie and totally eating a ton of it. Calories don't count in Eid, after all.
Yum! What's your favorite thing to bake? You could make some blondies & make some peanut butter cookie dough to go on top of them.0 -
riderfangal wrote: »A while back, we were talking about kids and having an only child, I mentioned that I only have the one daughter and got grief about not having more kids. Well, there's more to the story-
When I married my current husband, my daughter was 13 and living pretty much with her dad. I was 42, DH was 37. He had never been married before and wanted children. I got pregnant pretty quickly after we got married. We were ecstatic. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. We were devastated. It didn't help matters that my daughter got pregnant at 14 and it seemed like everyone was having babies but me. (It took me a long time for me to be able to even look at a baby without crying.) By the time we felt like we were ready to try again, it was too late- early menopause. It is still hard for me to talk about, and he is still bitter about it.
I am so sorry you went through this. From first hand experience it really is devastating. It is the loss of hopes and dreams and birthdays and graduations, first steps and weddings. I lost a daughter at 30 weeks. She was stillborn and I still cry on the anniversary I delivered her. I don't know if you are religious but at her funeral the priest told me I have an angel sitting at the right hand side of God who will be whispering in his ear to make sure I am looked after. That thought has brought me a lot of comfort over the years. Coincidentally almost 10 years to the day my son was born
to you and everyone who has EVER lost a child at any point in it's development/life. I have two high school friends who had stillbirths (correct term?).. they (and you) are so unbelievably brave to be able to talk and share their stories. I'm not sure I could handle it... 0
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