i just cant...

Regardless of how condescending a statement sounds to YOU, it is really the truth, and it really is that easy. IF we buy cosmic brownies, I cannot NOT eat them, I lack self control when it comes to those (And they are not even that good). When I whine about this to my husband he says "Just don't eat them" And then I want to punch him, BUT I know I really just want to punch myself (And eat all the brownies) It makes me dislike my own inability to just not eat them. SO, I just don't buy them. I do have the self control to NOT bring them into my home, I do not have enough self control to not eat the box once they are home.
I am on day 120, and the hardest thing to learn is self control, the other crap is Math. For me, it is WANTING to be thin, more than WANTING to grab a kit kat every single time I walk by the candy dish. IT is also not eating in private very much, I'm still pretty good, but not perfect. I went to Fazolis yesterday with my husband and kids. HEllo all the bread sticks you can eat, I had already logged before we went in. IT was much easier to not eat more than the 2 I logged, because I was with my husband, not that he would say anything mean..but it helps me.
It really does come down to calories in, calories out and the self control to make that happen.

I personally dislike the catch all ideas of "self control" or "will power." They are easy terms and easy to use a a catch all. But as someone who KNEW for many years that I was doing physical harm and deepening mental harm to myself pointing the blame on self control or lack of will power is just too simplistic and possibly ignorant.

When some have gotten to the point of their mental health affecting their physical health, the ability to make correct decisions can become difficult. I know it has for me. I completely understood what was happening as my depression took control. I knew trying to comfort my depression with food was irrational and physically damaging. I understood the ramifications. I even told myself over and over as I plowed through a loaf of bread and a half jar of peanut butter that what I was doing was eventually going to kill me. At the least make my life even more miserable. I wanted to stop, but it was like the motions were being driven by another me telling me this is the way to feel better. It was the same response when the depression episodes got so bad that I didn't want to get out of bed or do anything. I knew it was wrong and I should not wallow in my depression as it made it worse. But, I was helpless.

Too many people assume because the ideas of self control and will power worked for them it should work for all. I disagree to an extent. Yes they can play a role in most people, but there are sometimes major obstacles to overcome that have a stronger grip that makes a person's self control and willpower ineffective. At least until the main reasons are overcome in some way.

I am not an expert at all in any of this, but I looked at myself as I destroyed my life over 25 years and saw these patterns of losing control over the most basic things about myself. Once I and my doctor were able to figure the real causes, then finding an effective way to control or over come those causes allowed my own self control and willpower to exert themselves. I believe, again I am no expert with zero formal training in how the mind works, I have gained some of my ability to not allow my mind to control me during those episodes of severe depression. I am learning to control and adjust to them. This gives me the abilities of my will power and self control to help me make better decisions.

Please note that this is how I am getting through this and is in no way the same for anyone else. Also, I still have bad times and struggle many days with not over eating to comfort my depression. It will always be a struggle for me. Right now things are working good. Down 74 pounds in 18 weeks.

fishshark wrote: »

not sure if its because I got 3 hours of sleep due to a sewage like breaking under my house haha buuut. I find the responses of "will power" and "self control" so aggravating. So when you gained weight you activly chose to over eat and gain weight. Those things are learned over time after trial and error of adapting CICO. Ive said it before, if it were as easy as self control then id just about assume no one on the planet would ever gain weight or fall victim to bad choices.

For me it wasn't just will power and self control, it was all about food choices. When I ate SAD, I craved sweets and felt hungry most of the time. Back then it all came down to will power but when I felt tired, shakey and cranky from hunger, will power was not going to win - especially over the many months it would take to lose my extra fat.

Then I switched my eating to a very LCHF diet. I needed willpower for about a week to get through the cravings and hunger I was denying. I could do such a short stint of self control. Less than a week isn't much time. Doable.

Once I got through that I no longer needed will power and self control. My hunger dropped to very low levels and my physical cravings for foods (carbs specifically) virtually disappeared. Mentally I would still love to have a pop or cinnabon, but I'd also like to drive down the median during rush hour and never do house work. It went from being a physical craving or need to a mental desire which was very easy to ignore.

My point is that I agree. Some of us are never going to have the will power to be miserable for months at a time. I couldn't do it and I tried - repeatedly. For me, I had to remove the need for self control and will power over food by changing my food choices. I had to cut way back on carbs. It worked. Weight loss is pretty easy now... Something to consider for those interested.

I've given people the "It all comes down to willpower" answer before, and every time I do I get so annoyed with myself; because on one hand, that really is the bottom line, but on the other, it's such a facile, content-free answer. Just have self-control! OMG I haz a genius! Surely I am the only person in the world to have ever had that insight or pointed it out to anyone!

I feel like if people could exercise self-control around food, they would. I really, really doubt anyone sits down to eat with the legitimate intention of becoming obese, or if they do, they're a pretty small minority. Telling someone to just exercise self-control is like telling an aspiring basketball player to just add six inches onto their vertical jump: true, probably, but truth value and helpfulness value are not the same thing. I like the idea of suggesting specific goals and behaviors much better.

lyttlewon wrote: »

DeguelloTex wrote: »

lyttlewon wrote: »

DeguelloTex wrote: »

fishshark wrote: »

i think i just take the "have self control" in a condescending way and that very could be my own perception and wrong.

I think "this is on you, you have the power to make it happen" is pretty much the opposite of condescending.

I think the way you said it sounds better than, "you just need to control yourself". One is empowering, the other one reminds me of my mom yelling at me in the bathroom at church for not sitting still in my seat.

They both say the same thing. You need to control yourself. You're the only one who can.

They don't say it in the same way. There is a reason people chose to use language in different ways. You can convey the same message multiple ways.

I could tell someone:

"I would like you to shut up right now."

OR

"Can we please talk about this later?"

They say the same thing, but one is inflammatory.

I didn't say that they say it in the same way. What I have said, multiple times, is that if you think there's a better way to say something, say it that way.

Maybe if there was less time spent policing others' tones, there'd be more time to make all of these eloquent posts everyone seems to think they can be making.

rabbitjb wrote: »

MarcyKirkton wrote: »

People who are judgmental bug me, too. But, there are too many around these days in life to let them bother me too much.

It's such a part of the internet, I think.

Me too

Also people who fail to see irony

There's a lot of that going around, too.