Fat and Jealious new year
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kels11davis wrote: »Hmmm I was kinda in shock at how many negative comments you got so far. I'm no longer in the bar scene but last I was if someone continued to harass my friend I would have told them she wasn't interested either and to back off. Probly wouldn't have been far off from smacking him too for his comment but it woulda been the booze fault
Well if alcohol is to blame I guess she's off scott free.
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TheBeachgod wrote: »RuNaRoUnDaFiEld wrote: »myfelinepal wrote: »
Why not? I've had people at the gym laugh at me as "the trainer" with insults of why are they paying this guy for a job that the average gym rat could do. Eh. If that's their feeling, more power to them. What's confronting them going to do? People ALREADY know that they are being buttheads and confronting them could just lead to more unneeded BS. What happens if I walk away from it? Nothing. Letting it AFFECT ME is what they want. You're putting power in the hands of people who have ego issues. Must be my thick skin from doing door to door sales for years.myfelinepal wrote: »The correct response would have been to smile and walk away. He got the response he wanted and you fell for it. Emotional control might be something you want to work on this year. And as mentioned, physically attacking someone shouldn't be the way to handle a problem.
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I don't necessarily think smile and walk away is the right response either. That sounds like an awfully archaic ladylike response and shows the guy he can get away with insulting women without repercussions.
If someone insults you do you smile and walk away?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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It's nice that it can fluff your ego like that but what about the next person?
I agree you have to read the situation and sometimes you can walk away. But sometimes you have to stand up for yourselves and stop the BS even if you're at risk of violence from the other person.
But maybe that's my thick skin from coming out in a Christian school at 15.
This wasn't one of those times, she wasn't cornered with no way out. All she had to do was wave a bouncer/bar staff member over and he would have been kicked out.
Actually all she had to do was mind her own business. The guy was pestering her friend, not her.
Well that's all right then
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myfelinepal wrote: »The correct response would have been to smile and walk away. He got the response he wanted and you fell for it. Emotional control might be something you want to work on this year. And as mentioned, physically attacking someone shouldn't be the way to handle a problem.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
I don't necessarily think smile and walk away is the right response either. That sounds like an awfully archaic ladylike response and shows the guy he can get away with insulting women without repercussions.
If someone insults you do you smile and walk away?
If I decide to not to entertain someone's comments by smiling and walking away I don't see it as letting them know that they can get away with it but that what they say doesn't phase me. A lot of times like this people will make rude comments like that just to get a rise out of a person and see their reaction.0 -
myfelinepal wrote: »kels11davis wrote: »Hmmm I was kinda in shock at how many negative comments you got so far. I'm no longer in the bar scene but last I was if someone continued to harass my friend I would have told them she wasn't interested either and to back off. Probly wouldn't have been far off from smacking him too for his comment but it woulda been the booze fault
Well if alcohol is to blame I guess she's off scott free.
When is this board gonna get the 'like' feature???0 -
Unless physically attacked, you can walk away from any confrontation. IMO, it is a matter of ego.myfelinepal wrote: »
Why not? I've had people at the gym laugh at me as "the trainer" with insults of why are they paying this guy for a job that the average gym rat could do. Eh. If that's their feeling, more power to them. What's confronting them going to do? People ALREADY know that they are being buttheads and confronting them could just lead to more unneeded BS. What happens if I walk away from it? Nothing. Letting it AFFECT ME is what they want. You're putting power in the hands of people who have ego issues. Must be my thick skin from doing door to door sales for years.myfelinepal wrote: »The correct response would have been to smile and walk away. He got the response he wanted and you fell for it. Emotional control might be something you want to work on this year. And as mentioned, physically attacking someone shouldn't be the way to handle a problem.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
I don't necessarily think smile and walk away is the right response either. That sounds like an awfully archaic ladylike response and shows the guy he can get away with insulting women without repercussions.
If someone insults you do you smile and walk away?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's nice that it can fluff your ego like that but what about the next person?
I agree you have to read the situation and sometimes you can walk away. But sometimes you have to stand up for yourselves and stop the BS even if you're at risk of violence from the other person.
But maybe that's my thick skin from coming out in a Christian school at 15.
I've witnessed enough situations where someone was gravely hurt, even though they did "stand up" to someone. Weapons don't discriminate against gender, size or race.
But that's my take on it. Whether you agree or disagree, eh.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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This guy did a lot more than insult the OP. He was also aggressively pursuing her friend all night and wouldn't leave her alone in spite of the fact that it was quite clear she was not interested. He was aggressive, pushy, and violent. OP snapped and this guy pushed her when she slapped him. I'm guessing thanks to OP he found someone else to harass and/or rape last night. Give the girl a break. Stay out of that awful scene, OP.0
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Lol, if you think standing up to someone is going to "change" them, have fun with that. May they leave that one person alone? Maybe, but habitual behavior would just have them find someone else to do it to regardless of how many "stand up" to them.myfelinepal wrote: »RuNaRoUnDaFiEld wrote: »myfelinepal wrote: »
Why not? I've had people at the gym laugh at me as "the trainer" with insults of why are they paying this guy for a job that the average gym rat could do. Eh. If that's their feeling, more power to them. What's confronting them going to do? People ALREADY know that they are being buttheads and confronting them could just lead to more unneeded BS. What happens if I walk away from it? Nothing. Letting it AFFECT ME is what they want. You're putting power in the hands of people who have ego issues. Must be my thick skin from doing door to door sales for years.myfelinepal wrote: »The correct response would have been to smile and walk away. He got the response he wanted and you fell for it. Emotional control might be something you want to work on this year. And as mentioned, physically attacking someone shouldn't be the way to handle a problem.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
I don't necessarily think smile and walk away is the right response either. That sounds like an awfully archaic ladylike response and shows the guy he can get away with insulting women without repercussions.
If someone insults you do you smile and walk away?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's nice that it can fluff your ego like that but what about the next person?
I agree you have to read the situation and sometimes you can walk away. But sometimes you have to stand up for yourselves and stop the BS even if you're at risk of violence from the other person.
But maybe that's my thick skin from coming out in a Christian school at 15.
This wasn't one of those times, she wasn't cornered with no way out. All she had to do was wave a bouncer/bar staff member over and he would have been kicked out.
But the suggestion wasn't even to do that it was to smile and walk away aka not address the man's negative behaviour in any way.
To be clear I do not support the OP (if you read my other posts) but a blanket statement that all women should smile and walk away is so wrong.
Why do you think people with money seem to get away with everything? Peoples character don't change unless they want to change it willfully.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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peppermintpudgy wrote: »This guy did a lot more than insult the OP. He was also aggressively pursuing her friend all night and wouldn't leave her alone in spite of the fact that it was quite clear she was not interested. He was aggressive, pushy, and violent. OP snapped and this guy pushed her when she slapped him. I'm guessing thanks to OP he found someone else to harass and/or rape last night. Give the girl a break. Stay out of that awful scene, OP.
Were you there?0 -
peppermintpudgy wrote: »This guy did a lot more than insult the OP. He was also aggressively pursuing her friend all night and wouldn't leave her alone in spite of the fact that it was quite clear she was not interested. He was aggressive, pushy, and violent. OP snapped and this guy pushed her when she slapped him. I'm guessing thanks to OP he found someone else to harass and/or rape last night. Give the girl a break. Stay out of that awful scene, OP.
Great post. That is just beautiful.0 -
peppermintpudgy wrote: »This guy did a lot more than insult the OP. He was also aggressively pursuing her friend all night and wouldn't leave her alone in spite of the fact that it was quite clear she was not interested. He was aggressive, pushy, and violent. OP snapped and this guy pushed her when she slapped him. I'm guessing thanks to OP he found someone else to harass and/or rape last night. Give the girl a break. Stay out of that awful scene, OP.
So a guy talking to a woman in a bar is now a rapist....?
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Negative because we don't agree with smacking someone for a remark? You and the OP should hang out then.kels11davis wrote: »Hmmm I was kinda in shock at how many negative comments you got so far. I'm no longer in the bar scene but last I was if someone continued to harass my friend I would have told them she wasn't interested either and to back off. Probly wouldn't have been far off from smacking him too for his comment but it woulda been the booze fault
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Lol, if you think standing up to someone is going to "change" them, have fun with that. May they leave that one person alone? Maybe, but habitual behavior would just have them find someone else to do it to regardless of how many "stand up" to them.myfelinepal wrote: »RuNaRoUnDaFiEld wrote: »myfelinepal wrote: »
Why not? I've had people at the gym laugh at me as "the trainer" with insults of why are they paying this guy for a job that the average gym rat could do. Eh. If that's their feeling, more power to them. What's confronting them going to do? People ALREADY know that they are being buttheads and confronting them could just lead to more unneeded BS. What happens if I walk away from it? Nothing. Letting it AFFECT ME is what they want. You're putting power in the hands of people who have ego issues. Must be my thick skin from doing door to door sales for years.myfelinepal wrote: »The correct response would have been to smile and walk away. He got the response he wanted and you fell for it. Emotional control might be something you want to work on this year. And as mentioned, physically attacking someone shouldn't be the way to handle a problem.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
I don't necessarily think smile and walk away is the right response either. That sounds like an awfully archaic ladylike response and shows the guy he can get away with insulting women without repercussions.
If someone insults you do you smile and walk away?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
It's nice that it can fluff your ego like that but what about the next person?
I agree you have to read the situation and sometimes you can walk away. But sometimes you have to stand up for yourselves and stop the BS even if you're at risk of violence from the other person.
But maybe that's my thick skin from coming out in a Christian school at 15.
This wasn't one of those times, she wasn't cornered with no way out. All she had to do was wave a bouncer/bar staff member over and he would have been kicked out.
But the suggestion wasn't even to do that it was to smile and walk away aka not address the man's negative behaviour in any way.
To be clear I do not support the OP (if you read my other posts) but a blanket statement that all women should smile and walk away is so wrong.
Why do you think people with money seem to get away with everything? Peoples character don't change unless they want to change it willfully.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
You're probably right. But waving a white flag against unlikely odds is not my style.0 -
Yep. I'm not willing to call this guy a potential rapist, but we can't take the OP's reaction in a vacuum. Let's recognize this guy for what he is and what he did.peppermintpudgy wrote: »This guy did a lot more than insult the OP. He was also aggressively pursuing her friend all night and wouldn't leave her alone in spite of the fact that it was quite clear she was not interested. He was aggressive, pushy, and violent. OP snapped and this guy pushed her when she slapped him. I'm guessing thanks to OP he found someone else to harass and/or rape last night. Give the girl a break. Stay out of that awful scene, OP.
And one more thing about this guy, OP. HE is not crying today. He forgot about this as soon as he found his next target to harass. Think about this when you decide what you're going to take from this.
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I have certainly stepped in when an overly insistent guy wouldn't leave a friend alone, and I'd do it again. Just because a guy found the guts to pursue a woman in a bar doesn't give him a free pass to keep pushing when he's aware his advances are unwelcome.
Being called fat and jealous was harsh, rude and a douche move by a guy who sounded like a bit of adick.
BUT the slap, followed by the wish for an all out brawl makes me inclined to think OP was aggressive and was probably over reacting from the get go. That's where she lost me. The slap was assault, and the want for an escalated brawl was just as bad as a dude looking for a fight. Moral highground lost.0 -
peppermintpudgy wrote: »This guy did a lot more than insult the OP. He was also aggressively pursuing her friend all night and wouldn't leave her alone in spite of the fact that it was quite clear she was not interested. He was aggressive, pushy, and violent. OP snapped and this guy pushed her when she slapped him. I'm guessing thanks to OP he found someone else to harass and/or rape last night. Give the girl a break. Stay out of that awful scene, OP.
What? Is this a serious post? A guy hitting on a girl in a bar on NYE, possibly/probably unwanted based on the ranting of her friend who admits she was put out and didn't like playing the game, is likely to harass or rape someone because the OP reacted so badly and assaulted him?
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Lol, isn't this what bouncers or security are for? Let them take the dude out.peppermintpudgy wrote: »This guy did a lot more than insult the OP. He was also aggressively pursuing her friend all night and wouldn't leave her alone in spite of the fact that it was quite clear she was not interested. He was aggressive, pushy, and violent. OP snapped and this guy pushed her when she slapped him. I'm guessing thanks to OP he found someone else to harass and/or rape last night. Give the girl a break. Stay out of that awful scene, OP.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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peppermintpudgy wrote: »This guy did a lot more than insult the OP. He was also aggressively pursuing her friend all night and wouldn't leave her alone in spite of the fact that it was quite clear she was not interested. He was aggressive, pushy, and violent. OP snapped and this guy pushed her when she slapped him. I'm guessing thanks to OP he found someone else to harass and/or rape last night. Give the girl a break. Stay out of that awful scene, OP.
Where did you read that?0 -
salembambi wrote: »standing up for your friend was the right thing to do his reaction is very typical and basic
Doesn't her friend get to decide if it was the right thing to do? Because I'd be *kitten* furious.
I mean, I'm making things up here, but think about it from the friend's point of view. It's New Year's Eve, you're just trying to have a good time at a bar, and not only do you have some doofus hitting on you and refusing to pick up on go-away signals, but then all of a sudden you have to deal with bouncers and bartenders and potentially the police because your drunk friend decides you need a knight in shining Spanx to protect you from bar doofuses and physically starts a fight with him.
I'd have hauled the drunk friend out of the bar, shoved her in a cab, and told her not to call me again until she stopped taking her cues for how to behave in public from Jersey Shore reruns.0 -
Oop, double post.
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Triplestep wrote: »
Yep. I'm not willing to call this guy a potential rapist, but we can't take the OP's reaction in a vacuum. Let's recognize this guy for what he is and what he did.peppermintpudgy wrote: »This guy did a lot more than insult the OP. He was also aggressively pursuing her friend all night and wouldn't leave her alone in spite of the fact that it was quite clear she was not interested. He was aggressive, pushy, and violent. OP snapped and this guy pushed her when she slapped him. I'm guessing thanks to OP he found someone else to harass and/or rape last night. Give the girl a break. Stay out of that awful scene, OP.
And one more thing about this guy, OP. HE is not crying today. He forgot about this as soon as he found his next target to harass. Think about this when you decide what you're going to take from this.
How do you two have so much more information than the rest of us?
Is the guy on MFP? Did he post a thread too about how he was unaffected by it? Did OP post a different thread with more details of his aggressive behaviour that I missed? Or the actions her friend took to deter him?
Yes, we can't take the reaction in a vacuum, but there is a whole lot of info from both sides missing.
We don't even know what he was doing. Was he just trying to chat her up about the new Star Wars movie every time she walked by or was he trying to grind up on her on the dance floor? Did she even tell him no thanks, I hate Star Wars?
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