"You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?
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When I first got these types of comments I thought it was flattering. No one had ever called me "skinny" in my life! Now I am at goal weight and I find it extremely annoying. Just yesterday, my boss checked in with me that I'm ok and not planning to lose any more weight because "people" have been worried about me. The word bony was used. Ugh... 5'6 and 150 lbs is definitely not too skinny. Funny no one was concerned when I was 50 lbs overweight. Still looking for that perfect response but so far I have just said "Thanks for noticing, I feel fantastic!" with a big fake smile plastered on. Fortunately, I also have a lot of people in my life who have the good sense to congratulate me on my hardwork and tell me I look great. I'll just focus on them.1
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A lot of doctors aren't used to people my age having low body fat, and I get some strange comments. One doctor assumed that I work out too much and that was why my knee hurt; actually, I had broken a bone. Another one figured I have an eating disorder; I'm really not that thin, just 50 years old and not overweight.0
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Off topic, but I hope I look as lovely as you do when I get to 50.lithezebra wrote: »A lot of doctors aren't used to people my age having low body fat, and I get some strange comments. One doctor assumed that I work out too much and that was why my knee hurt; actually, I had broken a bone. Another one figured I have an eating disorder; I'm really not that thin, just 50 years old and not overweight.
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@neldabg thanks!0
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It's interesting reading through this thread. I actually am guilty of saying to my sister in law " you're not going to lose any more are you?" She was saying she still had half a stone more to lose but I was really worried as she looked so gaunt and drained. Her figure looked lovely, but it's the face that can often show when it might be time to stop
I'm sure there are people who have jealousy or insecurities too, and their formerly fat friend being slim can make them realise their own failings. I think it boils down to who it is making the comment and what their motivation is for commenting. It could just be someone who cares, or it could be a total arsehole1 -
It's interesting reading through this thread. I actually am guilty of saying to my sister in law " you're not going to lose any more are you?" She was saying she still had half a stone more to lose but I was really worried as she looked so gaunt and drained. Her figure looked lovely, but it's the face that can often show when it might be time to stop
Welllll, I dunno. I think it's a factor that we all lose weight differently, i.e., from different parts of the body at different rates, and with different amounts of loose skin & such as a result.
I lost weight from my face and upper body first; those got somewhat gaunt (face, with some loose skin) or thin looking (upper body, with ribs visible), but there were (are) still some pretty substantial fat deposits on my hips/thighs/abdomen where others don't see them under clothes (and that's where I'm losing now). It's a personal preference, but I'm not going to stop when my *face* looks best; I'm going to stop when I feel like I've achieved the healthy overall weight I want. (P.S. My doctor has endorsed my weight loss plans.)
If one is worried about a close friend, I think it might be a better plan to have a conversation about their progress and how they're thinking about it, if that's possible - friendly & interested, not confrontational - and get a feel for whether their attitudes about weight and eating are healthy, or distorted.
Appearance, especially publicly-visible portions thereof, may be a poor guide, especially when we're used to seeing the person look a certain way.1 -
Never in my life have I ever been told I was too thin. Not even when I was 5'7" and a skeletal 118 lbs with pants I could pull of still zipped and buttoned at the end of spending a year in the dorms without a dorm fridge and a cafeteria which always seemed to be closed when I was awake and not in class. And the nicotine winged monkey riding my back.
As for Sara Pittman's article link? Not what I think when I think "too skinny". She looks perfectly smack dab in the middle of average "healthy" BMI to me. *shrug* If a lot of people think that's "too skinny", there's a lot of people walking around with warped body perceptions.0 -
I'm good friends with a married couple.
Right after I first started visibly showing my weight loss I was having dinner at their house and the husband asked me if I thought his wife looked too big.
Like he was saying that his wife is shorter than me and bigger than me and she looks great so why would I want to lose weight?
That whole conversation stumped the hell out of me.
His wife is bigger than I was when I started to lose weight. When he said that I was thinking that I wouldn't want to weigh her weight but obviously I wasn't about to answer that question. That was one minefeild I was not about to walk into. Like I'm not gonna discuss your wife/one of my best friends weight. That's just strange and creepy.1 -
yeah, since losing fifty pounds I have people say that to me all the time. but my BMI is on the upper range of "normal" and it's staying there; people just think that overweight is normal because so many people are overweight0
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reachingunder120 wrote: »I'm good friends with a married couple.
Right after I first started visibly showing my weight loss I was having dinner at their house and the husband asked me if I thought his wife looked too big.
Like he was saying that his wife is shorter than me and bigger than me and she looks great so why would I want to lose weight?
That whole conversation stumped the hell out of me.
His wife is bigger than I was when I started to lose weight. When he said that I was thinking that I wouldn't want to weigh her weight but obviously I wasn't about to answer that question. That was one minefeild I was not about to walk into. Like I'm not gonna discuss your wife/one of my best friends weight. That's just strange and creepy.
Man, that's the kind of question where the only right answer is to fake your death on the spot.8 -
rankinsect wrote: »reachingunder120 wrote: »I'm good friends with a married couple.
Right after I first started visibly showing my weight loss I was having dinner at their house and the husband asked me if I thought his wife looked too big.
Like he was saying that his wife is shorter than me and bigger than me and she looks great so why would I want to lose weight?
That whole conversation stumped the hell out of me.
His wife is bigger than I was when I started to lose weight. When he said that I was thinking that I wouldn't want to weigh her weight but obviously I wasn't about to answer that question. That was one minefeild I was not about to walk into. Like I'm not gonna discuss your wife/one of my best friends weight. That's just strange and creepy.
Man, that's the kind of question where the only right answer is to fake your death on the spot.
It was hella strange. Like I think it was his way of saying you're thin enough or something but it was a strange way to do that. I'm just glad his wife didn't hear the convo. Like I love them but... What?0 -
I had a colleague look me up and down in disgust last week as in her opinion "im too skinny". However everyone else in my life who's opinion I value say I look really good and healthy.....but with that golden nugget comment of "dont lose any more". Funny how when I weighed 245lbs no one ever commented on my size but now I'm nearing 150lbs (I'm 5' 9") everyone thinks they're entitled to an opinion! Anyone else find that?1
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People tell me that all the time. But, my doctor does not tell me that, my running club buddies don't tell me that, the people I work out with don't tell me that...so I ignore everyone else. I think a lot of well-meaning people simply don't know what fit and healthy people look like.2
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I had a colleague look me up and down in disgust last week as in her opinion "im too skinny". However everyone else in my life who's opinion I value say I look really good and healthy.....but with that golden nugget comment of "dont lose any more". Funny how when I weighed 245lbs no one ever commented on my size but now I'm nearing 150lbs (I'm 5' 9") everyone thinks they're entitled to an opinion! Anyone else find that?
Yeap, my mother had celiac. She would put rocks in her pockets and wear her heaviest clothing to visit her doctor. Her lowest weight with the rocks and extra clothes was 72 lbs for her 5' 7" frame. She was very skinny. My daughter tells me she fears I'm to skinny because she says my butt looks like mom's, although I'm 149 lbs at 5' 8". Guess i need a little more toning. But what discussed most were my pastoral colleagues who insist I lost weight due to stress, even though I dropped from 227 down to 149 with a doctor's eye and insistence I had to lose weight. Trying to show them fitness pal and telling them a doctor follow my weight loss caused comments that I'm not living in reality! I feel very unsupported, yet I'm celebrating making my goal and happy at my energy level and new clothes.4 -
People tell me that all the time. But, my doctor does not tell me that, my running club buddies don't tell me that, the people I work out with don't tell me that...so I ignore everyone else. I think a lot of well-meaning people simply don't know what fit and healthy people look like.
Similar here. People's views of what is normal has changed as the majority of people in the US are overweight or obese. I'm the same weight I was in college, but relative to other people, I'm now slimmer than I was back then.0 -
It's never come up. I guess I'm still fat.2
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I get people telling me that all the time. I told a friend that I was thinking of getting some sessions with a personal trainer this year to continue my goals and the response I got was "you don't need one".
Other comments I get are:
"you can eat this, you go to the gym all the time"
"you don't have any more weight to lose"
People assume that weight loss and management are so easy because they see the results, but they're not there with you to see all the hard work you put into it. They also don't realize that once you lose weight you have to continue to work at maintaining it. It's a lifestyle change, not a temporary fix that will yield permanent results.4 -
I'm a guy who lost 130 lbs with no intention of gaining muscles (I only do cardio) and I get this a lot in the office. Also from family. Even my parents. I remember them telling me to lose weight or I'll die early a LOT when I was younger (overweight by the age of 8 and obese by 12), but now that I've lost it to Normal BMI range, they tell me I'm too skinny. Inside I'm just like wtf do you want from me. I didn't do this for you. I can't say that to their face (I want to but I'll be dead in .5 seconds, I like to live thank you very much) but that's what i feel.
I also get "That's [weightloss] unhealthy. you need to gain back some weight" comments from acquaintances and in my mind I'm just like b*tch you have Chicken McNuggets on one hand and a Large Coke on the other and you have the audacity to tell me what I did was unhealthy?
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Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you respond to comments like this?
I dealt with the same problem when I first officially lost weight. I went from 196-121 and within the first few months some people would tell me "I look to skinny". At first I had those thoughts "am I developing an eating disorder?" and especially "do I have body dysmorphia" because sometimes I still "feel" overweight. I started to realize that most of those comments were coming from people who had a very unhealthy out look on life, were very overweight and might have been jealous of my accomplishments. Especially when they would spitefully tell me to "eat a cookie you're too thin". Usually I just ignore them/shrug them off and they go away. I don't usually justify comments like that with a response. If any of my close relatives made a comment, I knew it was because it was too new for them (especially because I lost most of my weight while away at school, so they didn't see the overall slow process but the end result). It's been about 4 years now and no one tells me I'm too skinny and I definitely don't have an eating disorder.
You just need to listen to your body and do what feels right for you. As long as you're staying within what doctors would consider a healthy range for your body, I would just ignore people; unless they are close loved ones who are genuinely concerned for your health, they need a dose of MYOB!
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CalorieCountChocula wrote: »It's never come up. I guess I'm still fat.
Or maybe you're the lucky person who has sane friends . . . !1 -
My mother on the phone today told me that I looked like I had lost more weight and "you don't want to get too skinny!". It's like there's a tipping point. Up to 140 lbs or so people were so proud of me and said I looked awesome and praised the hell out of me. Now that I'm 126 lbs people are suddenly worried, think I'm too thin, ask me if I'm OK and if I'm eating.
I'm 5'4, 126 lbs is right in the middle of my normal weight range I hate having to repeat that over and over.
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At 5'2" and 123 I've been battling the same 25 pounds for decades- up and down. I'm on my low end now, and planning on staying here. Recently a friend who has seen me go up and down in weight twice (but I doubt she noticed) said she wished she had my genes and metabolism as I was so lucky I didn't have to watch what I ate.
She's about 50# overweight all I could mutter was that it wasn't genes or metabolism, it was getting up at 6 am 6 days a week to work out that did it. Her reply was that she didn't have time to do that. No discussion of food as she wasn't interested in hearing that it took hard work and commitment and "watching what I ate", and had walked out of the room. I think she's like most people. And then at some point they say "you're too skinny", but I haven't heard that yet. 0 -
I still think that there is much less "skinny shaming" than "fat shaming" in society if we are being honest. Skinny folk are generally seen as nicer, more attractive, smarter, healthier, more dedicated, etc.
Let's not pretend that skinny or normal body weight folks are some discriminated class of citizens.
I also think 99% of the time those who say don't lose too much or that you are getting skinny are just reconciling the new you with the old you they have known forever. While it may be annoying or bothersome, it's really understandable and quite normal IMO.
I completely agree with this.
Skinny is meant as a compliment in today's society. It's sort of like if we run together and I'm like "if you run any faster, your shoes are going to catch on fire." Am I insulting how fast you run? No I'm trying to compliment you while being funny. Am I jealous of how fast you run? Quite possibly. Should you be insulted I just commented on how fast you run? No. Do I joke about how slow other people run? No, because that's an insult. Maybe the difference is a lot of folks on here are trying to be fit and healthy rather than society's currently positive model values of skinny/scrawny. I'll leave with a quote "Never assume malice when stupidity will suffice."1 -
just say its only because you are so used to me being fat, simple, to the point and the word fat seems to help people relise that they are being rude!1
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The first time I lost weight (44kg), the skinny-shaming got so bad from my two sisters, my mother was on the phone crying because they convinced her that I was anorexic. I wasn't - I was a healthy 63kg. My elder sister is my height and was the same weight as me. My other sister was obese. Back then, I didn't know how to answer.
This time I know what to do. I will not allow such negativity in my life or allow ANYONE to get away with comments like that. Fat shaming is horrible; it happened to me quite a lot when I was younger, but skinny shaming is another dimension.2 -
Yeah I'd gotten that... I say past tense, because I slipped and gained some weight back. I'm 5'10" and, at my lowest, was around 150-155--a perfectly healthy weight, but compared to 220-240, a big drop (plus being tall, weight is distributed differently). When I hit that weight, I stopped trying to eat at a calorie deficit, so it's not like I was still trying to lose weight--hell, I ate anywhere from 1800-2500 calories a day, depending--but people still felt the need to comment.
I'm at 175-180 now, and I wanna get back down under 160, plus do more strength training to become more toned, but showing my boyfriend pictures of when I was at my lower weight, he said I was "too skinny" and "too awkward." I was happy with the tall, skinny, and awkward deal, tbh. I think that being tall and being thin go hand in hand with being awkward, and awkward suits me just fine anyway.
Oh well. He also thinks I'd look better with lower cut jeans and stretched ears, but he loves me even though I won't necessarily concede to either of those preferences. He'll be chill with me losing some weight, especially since he likes hips/collarbones.0 -
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my mom has been the worst offender on this for me. even though i could probably lose another 10 lbs and still be in the "healthy" weight range (bmi-wise).
honestly, i think it has everything to do with her and nothing to do with me. she is now where i was at my starting point; had she spent the last year focused on slimming down like i have, i don't think she'd say that "i'd better not lose any more weight."
i'm back down to my high school weight, and she never had a problem with me being this weight when i was in high school (and i'm still 5'0", so i doubt that 100 pounds looks different on me now then it did ten years ago).1 -
People tell me this a lot and I'm like right on the line for normal/overweight according to my bmi, LOL. I'm 5'5 and 148-150lbs. I'm looking to lose 10-15lbs during my fitness/strength training journey. I'm on the higher end of the bmi, and certainly am not "too skinny". Sometimes when people say this I'd like to whip out my stomach roll but I usually just say "Nah I'm a good weight right now" depending on who it is.
BUT- I used to weigh over 200lbs, and was always much bigger since I was 8-9 years old. Everyone I know is used to seeing me like that, and due to health issues I dropped the last bit quite fast. I think it takes time for people to get used to seeing a healthier or "skinnier" you.1 -
I get that a lot. I never know how to respond because as a ballerina the question makes me feel even worse. Despite popular belief, my ballet instructors have always encouraged me to gain weight and I have never had an eating disorder. They have given me protein shakes and bars and different meal plans to try and gain weight, but nothing seems to work. I eat more calories on the days I have classes or rehearsals than when I don't. I have been stuck at this weight for about 4 years and I am really trying to gain at least another 10.1
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