Obsessive/Unhealthy Dieting Relationship
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@kshama2001 -- Reading my post again, I can see that I sounded a bit callus, like I don't care what my guests want/can't have, etc. That's really not the case.
Fortunately, the one thing that no one in my family has is a nut allergy. I know those can be severe, and if a guest did have such an allergy, yes, I would be mindful of that.
But I don't cook with that "no salt" salt substitute because my father-in-law watches his sodium intake. I don't make everything fat-free, sugar-free (taste free). Should I accommodate the whims of my sister-in-law, who is on a different diet craze every time I talk to her?
I serve a variety of foods. Maybe not everyone can eat everything, but there's something for everyone, know what I mean?
If we took into account every restriction of every person in our lives, we would just put a jug of water on the table and call it a day.0 -
booksandchocolate12 wrote: »@kshama2001 -- Reading my post again, I can see that I sounded a bit callus, like I don't care what my guests want/can't have, etc. That's really not the case.
Fortunately, the one thing that no one in my family has is a nut allergy. I know those can be severe, and if a guest did have such an allergy, yes, I would accommodate them and serve nut-free dishes.
But I don't cook with "no salt" because my father-in-law watches his sodium intake. I don't make everything fat-free, sugar-free (taste free). Should I accommodate the whims of my sister-in-law, who is on a different diet craze every time I talk to her?
I serve a variety of foods. Maybe not everyone can eat everything, but there's something for everyone, know what I mean?
If we took into account every restriction of every person in our lives, we would just put a jug of water on the table and call it a day.
Lol about the jug of water. My mother was eating a low fiber diet for a while and about the same time my brother became a vegetarian, so I stopped bringing both of them food for our casual get-togethers and let them do their own thing.
My future mother-in-law has low sodium salt at her house but I make no effort at all to cook low sodium myself.0 -
booksandchocolate12 wrote: »There's got to be something there that the OP could eat even in small portions. Healthy and sustainable weight loss requires us to adapt to a variety of situations and not live in the bubble of our own kitchens.
Agreed. But, by her own admission, OP finds this difficult.The issue is that if I'm not preparing the food then I don't know how many calories (or points) I'm really eating. That means I'll probably end up hungry because I don't want to go over my calories and gain weight OR I'll say "screw it" and eat too much.
It's not unusual to have an all or nothing attitude toward weight loss, but it will make it harder to lose weight and keep it off. You are the only one who can change your mindset, ftsolk. You have to find a way to make your diet work for you. However, I don't think it unreasonable to bring your own food while you are working on changing your mindset.0 -
I guess my question is, as kindly as I can ask it, why would you worry about what others think when you bring your scale to their houses? I have a friend who brings her scale and her own food when we have get-togethers because she knows that the food being served is not in her best interest. Another gentile question: Who are you losing weight for? Is it for yourself or are you always dieting for others so they won't judge you? One thing I have found that works for myself when I know I'm going to eat somewhere else is to watch what I am eating during the day-sort of 'saving' up calories-and then eat about a quarter to a half of what I would normally eat of any 'dinner party foods'. I don't think anyone would be offended if you asked for a smaller plate and avoided some of the higher calorie foods. I know I wouldn't be offended if someone trying to get healthier came to my house to eat. Our get-togethers are for enjoying each others company not judgement over what a person is or is not eating. All that being said, your life seems to be very hectic and whether your friends like it or not, judge you or not, maybe you could just reflect on what part of your schedule can you live without to help avoid stress and exhaustion. Any time we go into stress mode, it's like the fight or flight syndrome all the time. A body has difficulty losing weight if it's stressed all the time. When is the last time you just relaxed, possibly did some deep breathing exercises and had no place to go-your time is your own time, not what somebody else expects of you? When was the last time you were truly happy? Maybe a therapist could help you understand yourself better, as some have mentioned, and maybe get to the root of why you have to be so busy all the time or why food has become sort of a weapon against yourself. Good Luck!0
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Well, seeing as I am unemployed, "professional help" is a bit out of my price range. That's why I decided to opt for a more affordable route.
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
I'm sure there are plenty of free or low cost places that can help you. Even if you do not feel ED fits your personal problem, the resources they provide will lead you into the right direction. You have an unhealthy relationship with yourself and food, you need help.0 -
I'm not worried about what others think- especially since I know my friends support me. Sometimes- like when they refuse to offer me a slice of cake- I wish they'd support me a little less.
I, personally, am just TIRED of it. I feel like I'm obsessing over food.
But if I don't continue to obsess, I end up gaining weight.0 -
Trust me work your way into it and it is okay to screw up. Start with the calories, you'll get bigger portions with much of the 'healthier' things but I suggest food/drink that provide 3 things.
1. Make you feel fool/satisfied 2. Taste nice & 3. low in calorie overall (If you have no idea just look up stuff with a topic for low calorie e.g. chicken, vegetarian or pasta and you'll find something to nom). If you get used to something a bit lower you will not gain if you go a bit over.
It is simple but hard, however you have all of us supporting you. I personally lost 20kilograms but between a few months of little exercise, busy and careless overeating I pushed it back up 7 kilos and now down another 2. It all builds. I'm not finished with my weight loss journey but I'm totally willing to do it together. Even if only online
! Feel free to message, comment etc.
Good Luck!0 -
You said you use Weight Watchers. Do you go to meetings? Talk to your leader. If you are doing online only, I know they have an option for a personal coach...0
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But if I don't continue to obsess, I end up gaining weight.
Not true. It is possible to strike a balance. "I have to obsess or I will gain weight" is an example of the "all or nothing" thinking that was mentioned up-thread.
If you don't want to take advantage of the sources that @Ninkyou posted, would you consider investing in a $15 paperback? "The Beck Diet Solution" addresses a lot of food/diet related issues, including "all or nothing" thinking.
Not all of the exercises were my cup of tea, but I found much of the book helpful.
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@ftsolk - I want to get back to the part about you losing 20 pounds since October. That's GREAT! I think you can relax a little.
I believe on another thread you said you were reading Brian Wansink's "Mindless Eating"? Can you just employ the strategies he suggests when you eat away from home? (And bring the scale when you are comfortable doing so.)0 -
booksandchocolate12 wrote: »But if I don't continue to obsess, I end up gaining weight.
Not true. It is possible to strike a balance. "I have to obsess or I will gain weight" is an example of the "all or nothing" thinking that was mentioned up-thread.
If you don't want to take advantage of the sources that @Ninkyou posted, would you consider investing in a $15 paperback? "The Beck Diet Solution" addresses a lot of food/diet related issues, including "all or nothing" thinking.
Not all of the exercises were my cup of tea, but I found much of the book helpful.
Last month, I downloaded the audio version of "The Beck Diet Solution" from my library, which turned out to be not such a great format once I got to the exercises, especially since I was listening to it while walking, and have just ordered the paper version from my library. But I did listen to it for over an hour, and liked what I heard.
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OP, I think it's very normal to be very "all or nothing" with this. Just look at how many people here weigh every item they ingest to the gram, and have for months or years. There are things you can do besides diet 100% or 0%. Being aware that it's not right and willing to try new things is important. So good for you!
If you're paying WW and have meetings, talk to your leader. They can suggest things.
Does WW still have the Simply Filling plan or something similar? I think that's better for people who go overboard with measuring or who are driven nuts by it. Basically you eat freely from a huge list of foods (lean proteins, produce, some whole grains) and just count your 'extras' (fats, sugar, baked goods, alcohol). I haven't been to WW in a few years, though. But many years ago I lost a lot eating freely from a plan like that.
WW can also teach you ways to estimate portions so you don't have to bring your food scale with you. E.g., the size of your palm is roughly 3oz. of protein for most of us. One finger is roughly an ounce. The top segment of your thumb is roughly a tablespoon. I know WW gives out charts of good visual cues. I think a tennis ball is roughly a cup.
Good luck on the job hunt!0 -
WalkingAlong wrote: »OP, I think it's very normal to be very "all or nothing" with this. Just look at how many people here weigh every item they ingest to the gram, and have for months or years.
I don't think weighing/logging your food is an example of all or nothing thinking.
But avoiding social occasions/going to restaurants because you can't weigh your portions and don't know EXACTLY what's in the dish is an example of such thinking.
I would wager that the people here who have been most successful do the former, but not the latter.0 -
booksandchocolate12 wrote: »WalkingAlong wrote: »OP, I think it's very normal to be very "all or nothing" with this. Just look at how many people here weigh every item they ingest to the gram, and have for months or years.
I don't think weighing/logging your food is an example of all or nothing thinking.
But avoiding social occasions/going to restaurants because you can't weigh your portions and don't know EXACTLY what's in the dish is an example of such thinking.
I would wager that the people here who have been most successful do the former, but not the latter.
I said "weighing every item they ingest to the gram for months or years."0 -
WalkingAlong wrote: »booksandchocolate12 wrote: »WalkingAlong wrote: »OP, I think it's very normal to be very "all or nothing" with this. Just look at how many people here weigh every item they ingest to the gram, and have for months or years.
I don't think weighing/logging your food is an example of all or nothing thinking.
But avoiding social occasions/going to restaurants because you can't weigh your portions and don't know EXACTLY what's in the dish is an example of such thinking.
I would wager that the people here who have been most successful do the former, but not the latter.
I said "weighing every item they ingest to the gram for months or years."
Well, either you're weighing your food properly or you're not. Doing so properly doesn't make you obsessed. It makes you accurate - something which becomes increasingly important the closer you get to your goal weight.
I know this from having lost over 75 lbs and now being close to goal.
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This thread is really interesting to me. 3 nights a week of dinner social engagements is my MAXIMUM limit- meaning that after 3 invites, if people want to do something with me, I let them know I'll meet them after dinner, or at the movies, or gym, or I'll suggest going out for tea.
To be locked in to 3 nights a week of dinner engagement (before any other spontaneous invites)- seems like a lot to me. Maybe you are taking control with food because you don't have that same level of control with your schedule?
I think having flexibility and "me time" is important, and while I recognize that religion is a form of "me time" for a lot of people, I think having freeform "me time" where you can do anything you feel is crucial.
Does your diet restrict any foods or food groups or is it just about portions? Maybe you could eat what your friends eat but just bring a special plate or bowl so that you don't eat more than a certain quantity, and make light breakfast/lunch.
I also still at times, and used to all the time, cook for about 4 hours on a Sunday and prepare tupperwares for the whole week. This worked well for me too.0 -
I have the Beck Diet solution- both in paperback and on Audible. I must say, I'm not a fan. There's just something about the attitude I perceive that rubs me the wrong way. She seems condescending. Keeping index cards with reasons I want to lose weight on hand? I'm trying to get AWAY from obsessiveness. Sure, when I listen to it, it does help rein in some of my tendencies to "slash the other three tires", but the overall program just makes things worse.
I DID like "Mindless Eating" and "Slim by Design" by Brian Wansink. In that sense, I also love Leslie Sansone's "Eat Smart, Walk Strong." They're all more about creating healthy habits to help you lose or maintain your weight- smaller plates/glasses, eating more fruits and vegetables, etc.
But even if I set a few small goals: eating 5 fruits and vegetables, not eating after 9pm, working out for 30 minutes, and drinking 8 glasses of water, if I slip up and don't reach my goal one day, I find it nearly impossible to get back on track. It's my all-or-nothing/black and white thinking. I've gotten a LOT better, but it's still a struggle. Before you know it, one meal where I can't fill half my plate with fruit/veggies because there simply aren't enough (or any) being served turns into me breaking my "no seconds" rule or grazing/snacking for hours.0 -
I liked the index card idea (I have my whys saved on my phone) and I recommend it a lot to people who have a hard time staying on track. It's not obsessive at all, just a way to keep your eye on the prize when temptation is calling or motivation is lacking. Her book isn't going to work for everyone but I enjoyed it. I just find it interesting what you consider obsessive and what you consider normal.
If not having control over how your food is prepared or what is being offered is causing you anxiety (which to me sounds like it is), then maybe it is time to talk to someone using the resources provided in your post or maybe talking to your WW leader.0 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »
Then just stop doing that. Not sure what the issue is, here. You don't have to make yourself feel ripped off all the time in order to lose weight.I am just tired of not being able to go to a friend's house for dinner without packing a kitchen scale or bringing my own dinner. I'm tired of cooking a separate meal for myself in any social situation- whether it's dinner with friends or a family meal.
Edited to add: I 3rd the suggestion that it might be time for you to get some professional help.
How else does one get all the attention and sympathy though?
OP, I have seen you posting here for years. You insist that you can't lose weight. There is always excuse after excuse. You can't exercise. Your job won't give you a break, so your eating habits are poor. Your social life revolves around food. Others are sabotaging you. It goes on an on. When posters here give you suggestions, you insist that those ideas won't work for you for whatever reason you have. Several times you will contradict yourself. You go to other sites with the same posts and respond in the same manner.
I wish you all the best, but you really need to sit down and think about what is important to you and how you can get the support you need. Have you looked at some of the websites that may provide help for you, such as OA? The eating disorders link posted above? I think you need more help and guidance than what the people here can provide for you. People who are able to help restore your relationship with food.0 -
Totally not surprised that the OP has come up with "reasons" as to why everyone's suggestions won't work for her.-1
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