Obsessive/Unhealthy Dieting Relationship
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prettysoul1908 wrote: »Hi Ftsolk. Do you really want to lose weight or do you just like talking about it? I ask because it seems that you're making this even harder than it has to be. And I can relate. I had to adjust because I don't want to obsess and diet. I want to control my weight in a sustainable manner.
So you've been weighing food for a while... Right? Have you developed the instinct to be able to gauge a serving size? Leave the scale home (still log the food though) and Try it for a couple weeks and see what impact it has on your losses. You may be surprised!
The anxiety you're feeling isn't necessary to lose weight and it's probably time to try other methods so you can move on to sustainable weight loss.
I wish you the best of luck!
OP I think that a lot of your has to do with what I bolded. You mentioned that you are on a lot of different sites all related to your weight loss. If you spend a lot of time talking about weight loss it may be causing to burn yourself out as well. Having an outlet to be able to connect to others or be able to get your thoughts out is great, but if you have a bunch of different accounts/sites/blogs to keep up with regarding weight loss it's either obsessive or just attention seeking. Either way like I said I think it's contributing to your burn out.0 -
I have the Beck Diet solution- both in paperback and on Audible. I must say, I'm not a fan. There's just something about the attitude I perceive that rubs me the wrong way. She seems condescending. Keeping index cards with reasons I want to lose weight on hand? I'm trying to get AWAY from obsessiveness. Sure, when I listen to it, it does help rein in some of my tendencies to "slash the other three tires", but the overall program just makes things worse.
I DID like "Mindless Eating" and "Slim by Design" by Brian Wansink. In that sense, I also love Leslie Sansone's "Eat Smart, Walk Strong." They're all more about creating healthy habits to help you lose or maintain your weight- smaller plates/glasses, eating more fruits and vegetables, etc.
But even if I set a few small goals: eating 5 fruits and vegetables, not eating after 9pm, working out for 30 minutes, and drinking 8 glasses of water, if I slip up and don't reach my goal one day, I find it nearly impossible to get back on track. It's my all-or-nothing/black and white thinking. I've gotten a LOT better, but it's still a struggle. Before you know it, one meal where I can't fill half my plate with fruit/veggies because there simply aren't enough (or any) being served turns into me breaking my "no seconds" rule or grazing/snacking for hours.
My life changed dramatically when my therapist pointed out that "between black and white, there is a whole lotta grey - life is in the grey". Realize that grey is ok.0 -
Even aim for the gray sometimes as an exercise in getting comfortable with it. Eat a meal with the wrong portion of veggies and then force yourself right back on track. Sometimes we let our neuroses give us excuses to give up. Fight back. You know the tendency. You have the power to intervene. There's a brief moment when you make a choice in your head to let the black and white thinking win. You know it when it happens.
"My dinner wasn't 100% perfect, so I'll just eat the dessert, and the wine, and the this...." Just a few times of deciding not to let it win gives you the power to not give in to it in the future.
"My dinner wasn't 100% perfect so I'll just eat the rest." Intervening thought: "No, my goals still matter and my dinner was close enough. I don't have to be perfect to succeed. I don't need the dessert. I haven't blown it yet but if I go off the rails in this moment, I will have. And I'll have reinforced the black or white thinking that's plaguing me."0 -
You appear to have maturity and attention seeking issues. Address those, then address weight loss.0
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WalkingAlong wrote: »Even aim for the gray sometimes as an exercise in getting comfortable with it. Eat a meal with the wrong portion of veggies and then force yourself right back on track. Sometimes we let our neuroses give us excuses to give up. Fight back. You know the tendency. You have the power to intervene. There's a brief moment when you make a choice in your head to let the black and white thinking win. You know it when it happens.
"My dinner wasn't 100% perfect, so I'll just eat the dessert, and the wine, and the this...." Just a few times of deciding not to let it win gives you the power to not give in to it in the future.
"My dinner wasn't 100% perfect so I'll just eat the rest." Intervening thought: "No, my goals still matter and my dinner was close enough. I don't have to be perfect to succeed. I don't need the dessert. I haven't blown it yet but if I go off the rails in this moment, I will have. And I'll have reinforced the black or white thinking that's plaguing me."
This is good advice, and sounds like what I read in The Beck Diet Solution.
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I do bring food with me places. THAT IS THE PROBLEM. I'm tired of going over to people's houses and eating my own food at dinnertime. It's WEIRD.
Somewhere up there you said "unfortunately my social life revolves around food". No, food is around for all of us all the time. It's your perspective or mentality putting the focus on the food. Somebody else's focus might be on catching up with a particular friend.
After doing this calorie counting/weighing thing for months, are you not developing a sense of what a reasonable portion of food looks like and how it feels against your appetite? Do you eat at these events weven though you aren't hungry? After months of eating at my calorie goal with just a few days going over, I've developed a pretty good sense of what feels like too much. I'd be hard pressed to eat more than around 700 calories in one sitting and not know it. At that point it is a choice whether I want to continue on.
So, I guess my suggestion is to change your focus away from food being the center of these activities, and also work on listening to and learning your body's hunger/satiety signals.
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Moving from total control which is unsustainable to controlled chaos which is where most of us live is more like surfing a wave. Sometimes life overwhelms but starting again is as easy as getting back on the board.
Asking life to be as straight and predictable as a train ride means dynamiting any mountains in the way, laying track, pounding nails...way too much investment for everyday folks.
I always love reading your comments. Such wisdom, such great analogies.
OP, I find myself to be the obsessive type as well. Not just with food -- with everything. I get totally focused on whatever it is I'm wanting to do for a few weeks or months at a time, and then I get burned out on it. After many years, I've realized a few things.
(1) I need to strive for SOME balance. I can't neglect my classes, research, teaching, etc (I'm a grad student) to nurture my obsession of the month. So, I try to pencil in set times when I'll be doing my work, and then I don't feel anxious or guilty.
(2) I can't do everything. It's alright to let some of the non-essentials go if I want to really focus on something else for a while. I can re-incorporate them into my life when my obsession wanes.
(3) Take full advantage of motivation when it strikes, and if you get burned out, realize that it's OK to take a break.
So, here's what I recommend. Decide what your priorities are and what you really want to focus on right now. If that's weight loss, then focus on it. If you're invited to stay for dinner after babysitting, say no thank you. Don't spend the night. Maybe do just the one bible study that works out with eating dinner beforehand. Realize that your focus is on eating healthily, and know that you won't have to weigh and measure everything forever but it's your tool right now. And if you need a break after a few weeks, take it.
If you don't want to focus on weight loss right now, that's okay too. It sounds like you've got a lot going on.
Also, you may want to read up on ADHD. The control you seek, the tendency to hyper-focus on things, and the anxiety are all very typical of ADHD. There are many successful people who have it (actually, the profession with the highest percentage of people with ADHD is ER surgeon). Even if you don't think you have it and aren't diagnosed, there are a plethora of techniques developed that can help you learn to use these tendencies to work for you, rather than against you.
Best of luck!
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If you are very religious, can't you talk to your pastor or someone else at the church? Don't they have counseling at church? Perhaps the answer you are searching for here on the boards can be found in your religion. I'm just suggesting this because it seems like the "regular" suggestions here don't seem to work for you.0
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I do bring food with me places. THAT IS THE PROBLEM. I'm tired of going over to people's houses and eating my own food at dinnertime. It's WEIRD.
I'm trying to think what I'd do if I ate out that often. Usually I'd eat less earlier in the day, but that would get old going out so much.
I think I'd wish it were a situation where I could cook my own food or a function where I didn't have to eat. Fortunately for you, the friends don't mind you using their kitchen, so you could bring your own food! And the Bible studies have a different purpose than the food, so you could opt out and eat before or after! Nice. The solutions really are right there, but they are what is aggravating you.
If you are really upset that others don't have to do that, you'd have to do what 'naturally' thin people tend to do: eat less at other times, exercise more/be more active and/or eat smaller portions.
They also don't have to run a deficit, so that's where our past catches up to us that way. It sucks, but those extra candy bars (for me, lol) don't just magically disappear. We ate too much at some point, so getting upset about it needs to acknowledge our part in it (in the past). It wasn't done to us. The extra weight is because of choices the other people didn't make and we did. But it's good that changing choices takes care of that problem over time
It's very fixable! But the aggravation shouldn't be an excuse to not see what's right in front of us*. It is hard, tho, and yes, obsessive seeming at times. Good luck!
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I think if the Beck Diet solution was written differently, I'd like it more. I DO like some of the things I've read in it. I just don't care for her approach. I definitely am less black and white about dieting than I used to be. I can go out for burgers and fries with friends and go right back to eating quinoa and broccoli the next day.
The problem is, I haven't been able to do that every time, and I'm so sick and tired of weighing, measuring and tracking. The idea of eating plain yogurt with fruit as a snack doesn't overwhelm me. I bought chicken sausage, vegetables, and lentils to throw together for lunch on Tuesday when I'm out with friends (I have to pack a lunch for this). I bought frozen seafood. I figure this upcoming week (Monday through Saturday), I'll have 18 meals. 14-16 of those will likely be meals at home OR meals that I'm packing. That means, even if I do have dinner at a friend's house a couple times during the week, at least 75% of my food should be reasonable. And it's not like my friends eat terribly. Tuesday, if I eat at a friend's house for dinner, I know there will be a TON of veggies (my friend will sneak vegetables in EVERYTHING- shredded carrots mixed in ground beef, butternut squash puree in chili). The worst thing about eating there is that her husband is on a low-carb diet, so everything is full fat, but that's what I prefer anyway. (And it means that things like pasta and rice are kept on the side, so I can avoid the white rice that she eats).
Even if I do decide to have pizza when I babysit Saturday night (assuming they decide to order it), that's still in my 2-4 potential meals out of the house this week (and I'll probably throw some veggies on the side to make it a LITTLE better if I don't bring my own dinner (if I end up out of the house for breakfast or lunch, I'm less worried because lunch at my friend's houses usually involves me raiding their refrigerator and throwing something together).
I wonder if I just focus on eating mostly whole, minimally processed ingredients at home (whole grains, vegetables, fruit, dairy, healthy fats) while avoiding added sugar and obvious junk food, then maybe that'll be a good start. Then, out of the house, I can try incorporating little tricks that I know I should try following: filling up the plate once unless it's fruits/veggies, skipping sweets unless it's actually a special occasion or rare-homemade treat (which I'm usually good about doing), and trying to stick to a semi-consistent schedule of eating breakfast, lunch, dinner, and maybe 1-2 snacks).
That's what I need. I need a way to eat well most of the time, enjoy time with friends, and NOT obsess over calories or points or any of that.0 -
So many have commented that you need supports in place. I agree!
Perhaps a bit of reading to help along the way: I have read Geneen Roth's 'Food Love and God' and found some 'aha' moments that I have really caused me to think differently about things (it's reallly not always about the food). I hope you can get 'excited' about this new journey. If you want it bad enough, you will 'find a way'.0 -
You're so busy watching the guppies swim you don't notice the shark chomping on your boat.
AKA
You are so focused on the small things you can't see the bigger picture.
I think you should seek out professional help, regardless of the financial concerns (there are free resources as I said, low-income options, financial aid, loans, payment plans etc. Money is NOT the issue.)
You're your own worst enemy.
Get the help you need and stop focusing on every little thing you cannot control. You have issues that run deeper than just LCHF or Eating clean or even weight loss in general. You need to learn personal responsibility, you need to learn to stop making excuses and you need to learn how to listen. Every single suggestion that has been put forth in this thread (and all of your others) has been shot down for whatever reason you have. It's really not that difficult. Seriously, it's not. You're making it bigger than it really is and you have every excuse as to why it's like that.
I want you to think hard about this next question. And I mean REALLY think about it. And then answer.
What do you want the most?
(Ex: I want to get a job. I want to get married. I want to buy a car. I want a new blouse. I want to lose weight. I want to walk around the block everyday. I want a new color lipstick. I want a piece of cake. I want to go to the beach. I want to play in the snow.)0 -
Moving from total control which is unsustainable to controlled chaos which is where most of us live is more like surfing a wave. Sometimes life overwhelms but starting again is as easy as getting back on the board.
Asking life to be as straight and predictable as a train ride means dynamiting any mountains in the way, laying track, pounding nails...way too much investment for everyday folks.
I don't have any good suggestions for the OP because I don't have enough in me to put up with that much stress around dieting. I find it hard and do whatever I need to make it easier on me.
I love describing it as controlled chaos. Best thing I've read all weekend about eating. Thank you @jgnatca. Need that right now.0 -
I think the simple answer is portion control. You can eat anything just limit the amount and don't focus on "healthy" foods vs "unhealthy" foods.0
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I think if the Beck Diet solution was written differently, I'd like it more. I DO like some of the things I've read in it. I just don't care for her approach. I definitely am less black and white about dieting than I used to be. I can go out for burgers and fries with friends and go right back to eating quinoa and broccoli the next day.
The problem is, I haven't been able to do that every time, and I'm so sick and tired of weighing, measuring and tracking. The idea of eating plain yogurt with fruit as a snack doesn't overwhelm me. I bought chicken sausage, vegetables, and lentils to throw together for lunch on Tuesday when I'm out with friends (I have to pack a lunch for this). I bought frozen seafood. I figure this upcoming week (Monday through Saturday), I'll have 18 meals. 14-16 of those will likely be meals at home OR meals that I'm packing. That means, even if I do have dinner at a friend's house a couple times during the week, at least 75% of my food should be reasonable. And it's not like my friends eat terribly. Tuesday, if I eat at a friend's house for dinner, I know there will be a TON of veggies (my friend will sneak vegetables in EVERYTHING- shredded carrots mixed in ground beef, butternut squash puree in chili). The worst thing about eating there is that her husband is on a low-carb diet, so everything is full fat, but that's what I prefer anyway. (And it means that things like pasta and rice are kept on the side, so I can avoid the white rice that she eats).
Even if I do decide to have pizza when I babysit Saturday night (assuming they decide to order it), that's still in my 2-4 potential meals out of the house this week (and I'll probably throw some veggies on the side to make it a LITTLE better if I don't bring my own dinner (if I end up out of the house for breakfast or lunch, I'm less worried because lunch at my friend's houses usually involves me raiding their refrigerator and throwing something together).
I wonder if I just focus on eating mostly whole, minimally processed ingredients at home (whole grains, vegetables, fruit, dairy, healthy fats) while avoiding added sugar and obvious junk food, then maybe that'll be a good start. Then, out of the house, I can try incorporating little tricks that I know I should try following: filling up the plate once unless it's fruits/veggies, skipping sweets unless it's actually a special occasion or rare-homemade treat (which I'm usually good about doing), and trying to stick to a semi-consistent schedule of eating breakfast, lunch, dinner, and maybe 1-2 snacks).
That's what I need. I need a way to eat well most of the time, enjoy time with friends, and NOT obsess over calories or points or any of that.
Again, have you tried WW Simply Filling plan?
http://www.weightwatchers.com/util/art/index_art.aspx?tabnum=1&art_id=65271&sc=3002
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I think if the Beck Diet solution was written differently, I'd like it more. I DO like some of the things I've read in it. I just don't care for her approach. I definitely am less black and white about dieting than I used to be. I can go out for burgers and fries with friends and go right back to eating quinoa and broccoli the next day.
The problem is, I haven't been able to do that every time, and I'm so sick and tired of weighing, measuring and tracking. The idea of eating plain yogurt with fruit as a snack doesn't overwhelm me. I bought chicken sausage, vegetables, and lentils to throw together for lunch on Tuesday when I'm out with friends (I have to pack a lunch for this). I bought frozen seafood. I figure this upcoming week (Monday through Saturday), I'll have 18 meals. 14-16 of those will likely be meals at home OR meals that I'm packing. That means, even if I do have dinner at a friend's house a couple times during the week, at least 75% of my food should be reasonable. And it's not like my friends eat terribly. Tuesday, if I eat at a friend's house for dinner, I know there will be a TON of veggies (my friend will sneak vegetables in EVERYTHING- shredded carrots mixed in ground beef, butternut squash puree in chili). The worst thing about eating there is that her husband is on a low-carb diet, so everything is full fat, but that's what I prefer anyway. (And it means that things like pasta and rice are kept on the side, so I can avoid the white rice that she eats).
Even if I do decide to have pizza when I babysit Saturday night (assuming they decide to order it), that's still in my 2-4 potential meals out of the house this week (and I'll probably throw some veggies on the side to make it a LITTLE better if I don't bring my own dinner (if I end up out of the house for breakfast or lunch, I'm less worried because lunch at my friend's houses usually involves me raiding their refrigerator and throwing something together).
I wonder if I just focus on eating mostly whole, minimally processed ingredients at home (whole grains, vegetables, fruit, dairy, healthy fats) while avoiding added sugar and obvious junk food, then maybe that'll be a good start. Then, out of the house, I can try incorporating little tricks that I know I should try following: filling up the plate once unless it's fruits/veggies, skipping sweets unless it's actually a special occasion or rare-homemade treat (which I'm usually good about doing), and trying to stick to a semi-consistent schedule of eating breakfast, lunch, dinner, and maybe 1-2 snacks).
That's what I need. I need a way to eat well most of the time, enjoy time with friends, and NOT obsess over calories or points or any of that.
OP I've seen you post lengthy posts like this many times where you over analyze every possible detail. What you are proposing is just fine. Do that. You don't have to weigh every single item that goes in your mouth. I lost weight and don't own a food scale. You don't have to give up a social life. I lost weight and eat in restaurants or food that other people make on a regular basis. You can eat mostly your whole minimally processed foods when you cook for yourself and then indulge when you go out. No problem. That's what most people do. Your situation is not really different or more challenging than anyone else on here who manages to lose weight and carry on a normal life with work, church, family, friends, etc.
It's all fine. I think I've said this to you in other threads. We have a phrase at work for when people hem and haw and agonize over the details of a project rather than just starting because they are too afraid of failure.
JFDI. Just F-ing Do It.
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WalkingAlong wrote: »I think if the Beck Diet solution was written differently, I'd like it more. I DO like some of the things I've read in it. I just don't care for her approach. I definitely am less black and white about dieting than I used to be. I can go out for burgers and fries with friends and go right back to eating quinoa and broccoli the next day.
The problem is, I haven't been able to do that every time, and I'm so sick and tired of weighing, measuring and tracking. The idea of eating plain yogurt with fruit as a snack doesn't overwhelm me. I bought chicken sausage, vegetables, and lentils to throw together for lunch on Tuesday when I'm out with friends (I have to pack a lunch for this). I bought frozen seafood. I figure this upcoming week (Monday through Saturday), I'll have 18 meals. 14-16 of those will likely be meals at home OR meals that I'm packing. That means, even if I do have dinner at a friend's house a couple times during the week, at least 75% of my food should be reasonable. And it's not like my friends eat terribly. Tuesday, if I eat at a friend's house for dinner, I know there will be a TON of veggies (my friend will sneak vegetables in EVERYTHING- shredded carrots mixed in ground beef, butternut squash puree in chili). The worst thing about eating there is that her husband is on a low-carb diet, so everything is full fat, but that's what I prefer anyway. (And it means that things like pasta and rice are kept on the side, so I can avoid the white rice that she eats).
Even if I do decide to have pizza when I babysit Saturday night (assuming they decide to order it), that's still in my 2-4 potential meals out of the house this week (and I'll probably throw some veggies on the side to make it a LITTLE better if I don't bring my own dinner (if I end up out of the house for breakfast or lunch, I'm less worried because lunch at my friend's houses usually involves me raiding their refrigerator and throwing something together).
I wonder if I just focus on eating mostly whole, minimally processed ingredients at home (whole grains, vegetables, fruit, dairy, healthy fats) while avoiding added sugar and obvious junk food, then maybe that'll be a good start. Then, out of the house, I can try incorporating little tricks that I know I should try following: filling up the plate once unless it's fruits/veggies, skipping sweets unless it's actually a special occasion or rare-homemade treat (which I'm usually good about doing), and trying to stick to a semi-consistent schedule of eating breakfast, lunch, dinner, and maybe 1-2 snacks).
That's what I need. I need a way to eat well most of the time, enjoy time with friends, and NOT obsess over calories or points or any of that.
Again, have you tried WW Simply Filling plan?
http://www.weightwatchers.com/util/art/index_art.aspx?tabnum=1&art_id=65271&sc=3002
Yes, I have. It's just not flexible enough for me. I can't have a sandwich for a quick meal (I can't eat most light breads, and I don't want to waste my weeklies on bread when I might need them to go out). I do try to eat more power foods, but I need more flexibility than what Simply Filling allows. (I also need to eat more fat. Two teaspoons of olive oil just won't cut it).0 -
Can't, can't, can't, can't...how about, more accurately, "I won't"?
I feel bad for the posters who are genuinely trying to give you good advice here. Sticking your fingers in your ears and going "blah blah blah I can't I can't" is not going to make the weight disappear.0 -
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i lost weight and used no excuses0
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