Obsessive/Unhealthy Dieting Relationship
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booksandchocolate12 wrote: »But if I don't continue to obsess, I end up gaining weight.
Not true. It is possible to strike a balance. "I have to obsess or I will gain weight" is an example of the "all or nothing" thinking that was mentioned up-thread.
If you don't want to take advantage of the sources that @Ninkyou posted, would you consider investing in a $15 paperback? "The Beck Diet Solution" addresses a lot of food/diet related issues, including "all or nothing" thinking.
Not all of the exercises were my cup of tea, but I found much of the book helpful.
Last month, I downloaded the audio version of "The Beck Diet Solution" from my library, which turned out to be not such a great format once I got to the exercises, especially since I was listening to it while walking, and have just ordered the paper version from my library. But I did listen to it for over an hour, and liked what I heard.
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OP, I think it's very normal to be very "all or nothing" with this. Just look at how many people here weigh every item they ingest to the gram, and have for months or years. There are things you can do besides diet 100% or 0%. Being aware that it's not right and willing to try new things is important. So good for you!
If you're paying WW and have meetings, talk to your leader. They can suggest things.
Does WW still have the Simply Filling plan or something similar? I think that's better for people who go overboard with measuring or who are driven nuts by it. Basically you eat freely from a huge list of foods (lean proteins, produce, some whole grains) and just count your 'extras' (fats, sugar, baked goods, alcohol). I haven't been to WW in a few years, though. But many years ago I lost a lot eating freely from a plan like that.
WW can also teach you ways to estimate portions so you don't have to bring your food scale with you. E.g., the size of your palm is roughly 3oz. of protein for most of us. One finger is roughly an ounce. The top segment of your thumb is roughly a tablespoon. I know WW gives out charts of good visual cues. I think a tennis ball is roughly a cup.
Good luck on the job hunt!0 -
WalkingAlong wrote: »OP, I think it's very normal to be very "all or nothing" with this. Just look at how many people here weigh every item they ingest to the gram, and have for months or years.
I don't think weighing/logging your food is an example of all or nothing thinking.
But avoiding social occasions/going to restaurants because you can't weigh your portions and don't know EXACTLY what's in the dish is an example of such thinking.
I would wager that the people here who have been most successful do the former, but not the latter.0 -
booksandchocolate12 wrote: »WalkingAlong wrote: »OP, I think it's very normal to be very "all or nothing" with this. Just look at how many people here weigh every item they ingest to the gram, and have for months or years.
I don't think weighing/logging your food is an example of all or nothing thinking.
But avoiding social occasions/going to restaurants because you can't weigh your portions and don't know EXACTLY what's in the dish is an example of such thinking.
I would wager that the people here who have been most successful do the former, but not the latter.
I said "weighing every item they ingest to the gram for months or years."0 -
WalkingAlong wrote: »booksandchocolate12 wrote: »WalkingAlong wrote: »OP, I think it's very normal to be very "all or nothing" with this. Just look at how many people here weigh every item they ingest to the gram, and have for months or years.
I don't think weighing/logging your food is an example of all or nothing thinking.
But avoiding social occasions/going to restaurants because you can't weigh your portions and don't know EXACTLY what's in the dish is an example of such thinking.
I would wager that the people here who have been most successful do the former, but not the latter.
I said "weighing every item they ingest to the gram for months or years."
Well, either you're weighing your food properly or you're not. Doing so properly doesn't make you obsessed. It makes you accurate - something which becomes increasingly important the closer you get to your goal weight.
I know this from having lost over 75 lbs and now being close to goal.
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This thread is really interesting to me. 3 nights a week of dinner social engagements is my MAXIMUM limit- meaning that after 3 invites, if people want to do something with me, I let them know I'll meet them after dinner, or at the movies, or gym, or I'll suggest going out for tea.
To be locked in to 3 nights a week of dinner engagement (before any other spontaneous invites)- seems like a lot to me. Maybe you are taking control with food because you don't have that same level of control with your schedule?
I think having flexibility and "me time" is important, and while I recognize that religion is a form of "me time" for a lot of people, I think having freeform "me time" where you can do anything you feel is crucial.
Does your diet restrict any foods or food groups or is it just about portions? Maybe you could eat what your friends eat but just bring a special plate or bowl so that you don't eat more than a certain quantity, and make light breakfast/lunch.
I also still at times, and used to all the time, cook for about 4 hours on a Sunday and prepare tupperwares for the whole week. This worked well for me too.0 -
I have the Beck Diet solution- both in paperback and on Audible. I must say, I'm not a fan. There's just something about the attitude I perceive that rubs me the wrong way. She seems condescending. Keeping index cards with reasons I want to lose weight on hand? I'm trying to get AWAY from obsessiveness. Sure, when I listen to it, it does help rein in some of my tendencies to "slash the other three tires", but the overall program just makes things worse.
I DID like "Mindless Eating" and "Slim by Design" by Brian Wansink. In that sense, I also love Leslie Sansone's "Eat Smart, Walk Strong." They're all more about creating healthy habits to help you lose or maintain your weight- smaller plates/glasses, eating more fruits and vegetables, etc.
But even if I set a few small goals: eating 5 fruits and vegetables, not eating after 9pm, working out for 30 minutes, and drinking 8 glasses of water, if I slip up and don't reach my goal one day, I find it nearly impossible to get back on track. It's my all-or-nothing/black and white thinking. I've gotten a LOT better, but it's still a struggle. Before you know it, one meal where I can't fill half my plate with fruit/veggies because there simply aren't enough (or any) being served turns into me breaking my "no seconds" rule or grazing/snacking for hours.0 -
I liked the index card idea (I have my whys saved on my phone) and I recommend it a lot to people who have a hard time staying on track. It's not obsessive at all, just a way to keep your eye on the prize when temptation is calling or motivation is lacking. Her book isn't going to work for everyone but I enjoyed it. I just find it interesting what you consider obsessive and what you consider normal.
If not having control over how your food is prepared or what is being offered is causing you anxiety (which to me sounds like it is), then maybe it is time to talk to someone using the resources provided in your post or maybe talking to your WW leader.0 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »
Then just stop doing that. Not sure what the issue is, here. You don't have to make yourself feel ripped off all the time in order to lose weight.I am just tired of not being able to go to a friend's house for dinner without packing a kitchen scale or bringing my own dinner. I'm tired of cooking a separate meal for myself in any social situation- whether it's dinner with friends or a family meal.
Edited to add: I 3rd the suggestion that it might be time for you to get some professional help.
How else does one get all the attention and sympathy though?
OP, I have seen you posting here for years. You insist that you can't lose weight. There is always excuse after excuse. You can't exercise. Your job won't give you a break, so your eating habits are poor. Your social life revolves around food. Others are sabotaging you. It goes on an on. When posters here give you suggestions, you insist that those ideas won't work for you for whatever reason you have. Several times you will contradict yourself. You go to other sites with the same posts and respond in the same manner.
I wish you all the best, but you really need to sit down and think about what is important to you and how you can get the support you need. Have you looked at some of the websites that may provide help for you, such as OA? The eating disorders link posted above? I think you need more help and guidance than what the people here can provide for you. People who are able to help restore your relationship with food.0 -
Totally not surprised that the OP has come up with "reasons" as to why everyone's suggestions won't work for her.-1
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Based on your posting history, I think you should seek professional help.
Time and time again the users of MFP have given you great advice only to be ignored and tossed to the side. Since you really don't want to listen to what we have to say, I can only hope you'll listen to a professional. You've been at this for years (and under other accounts) and you still are not getting anywhere. You're still talking about the same things as all of the other times and still making alot of excuses. There comes a point where if you can't do it on your own it's time to find help.
And other sites. When I first started using MFP again back in 2013 I remembered OP from her username/picture on WW having the same problems and using the same excuses.0 -
Based on your posting history, I think you should seek professional help.
Time and time again the users of MFP have given you great advice only to be ignored and tossed to the side. Since you really don't want to listen to what we have to say, I can only hope you'll listen to a professional. You've been at this for years (and under other accounts) and you still are not getting anywhere. You're still talking about the same things as all of the other times and still making alot of excuses. There comes a point where if you can't do it on your own it's time to find help.
And other sites. When I first started using MFP again back in 2013 I remembered OP from her username/picture on WW having the same problems and using the same excuses.
Yep. Me too.I have the Beck Diet solution- both in paperback and on Audible. I must say, I'm not a fan. There's just something about the attitude I perceive that rubs me the wrong way. She seems condescending. Keeping index cards with reasons I want to lose weight on hand? I'm trying to get AWAY from obsessiveness.
I know that not all of the exercises will be for everyone, as I indicated earlier. But, condescending? No. I mean, unless you equate "condescending" with "telling you things you probably don't want to hear".0 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »WalkingAlong wrote: »booksandchocolate12 wrote: »WalkingAlong wrote: »OP, I think it's very normal to be very "all or nothing" with this. Just look at how many people here weigh every item they ingest to the gram, and have for months or years.
I don't think weighing/logging your food is an example of all or nothing thinking.
But avoiding social occasions/going to restaurants because you can't weigh your portions and don't know EXACTLY what's in the dish is an example of such thinking.
I would wager that the people here who have been most successful do the former, but not the latter.
I said "weighing every item they ingest to the gram for months or years."
Well, either you're weighing your food properly or you're not. Doing so properly doesn't make you obsessed. It makes you accurate - something which becomes increasingly important the closer you get to your goal weight.
I know this from having lost over 75 lbs and now being close to goal.
There is no one official, proper way to estimate your intake (despite some strong opinions here). And it IS all estimates. I lost 50 lbs. to goal weighing no foods. Many, many people don't weigh any foods and lose weight. One's success doesn't mean their way is the only way. Or the right way.
I didn't click with Beck, either, and I tried that book several times. I feel like she does feel too obsessive for me. It's a popular one, though.0 -
I've tried OA many times. I don't see the point. Granted, I only tried the online meetings because they seemed less intimidating. You aren't allowed to use full sentences (at least in the meetings I've been to), and there's never any feedback given. I feel like it's a bunch of robots echoing each other: "tyfs" "relates" "hugs". I'll give it another go around though.
Switching to FtSoLK from HoneyLissaBee was never about an identity change. I developed FtSoLK (From the Scales of Lissa Kristine) years ago as a branch off of my blog "From the Mind of Lissa Kristine." FtSoLK became my online persona for dieting/weight loss. I created a Twitter and Instagram account under those names, and eventually decided to change my usernames on here, Weight Watchers, and Sparkpeople as well. That way, I can be identified across the board.
When it comes down to it, I do great when I cook everything for myself and have complete control over the food I am being served, but it gets to be too much after a while. My friends have no problem with me weighing/measuring my food. They are the most supportive friends I've known. If we go out to eat, my opinion is heard (unlike with a previous group of friends). If they offer me dessert and I refuse, they aren't offended. They don't push it. They're really great people. They're the kind of friends who I can text if I'm at the store with Ben and Jerry calling out to me. My ex-best friend and I used to push each other into multiple high-calorie meals out a week (complete with dessert). Now, I do spend time with friends who order pizza with whole wheat crust, keep rice on the side, or add butternut squash into stews/soups to thicken it. I go to Birthday parties where dessert cupcakes are made with coconut and almond flour and less sugar (no artificial sweeteners). If my friend offers to cook breakfast in exchange for an hour of babysitting, she'll ask me what I can/will eat.
I'm just tired of feeling out of control if I can't cook, weigh, and measure my food AND even trying to do something less daunting like writing down what I eat without worrying about measurements/numbers is STILL stressing me out.0 -
Yoga may be your best friend0
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I'm not sure how stretching will help, but I'll try stretching more. I can't get into the meditation aspect of yoga because that aspect of taking a yoga class conflicts with my religious beliefs.0
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Yoga is universal0
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I'm not sure how stretching will help, but I'll try stretching more. I can't get into the meditation aspect of yoga because that aspect of taking a yoga class conflicts with my religious beliefs.
This is really interesting to me. I was in Thailand learning about meditation over the summer. Although it was at a Buddhist temple, Buddhism wasn't a big part of the teachings. Mindfulness was a big part of the teachings though. It's interesting that your religion forbids meditation, but mindfulness is acceptable (I'm guess, because you said that you were reading about mindful eating). I'm not questioning what you are saying, just stating that from my experiences, I find this fascinating.
ETA: as for yoga, you don't really need to do any meditation with it. I think the suggestion was more to help with your stress and anxiety levels.0 -
I've tried OA many times. I don't see the point. Granted, I only tried the online meetings because they seemed less intimidating. You aren't allowed to use full sentences (at least in the meetings I've been to), and there's never any feedback given. I feel like it's a bunch of robots echoing each other: "tyfs" "relates" "hugs". I'll give it another go around though.
I'm just tired of feeling out of control if I can't cook, weigh, and measure my food AND even trying to do something less daunting like writing down what I eat without worrying about measurements/numbers is STILL stressing me out.
And this is why you need professional help.0 -
nutmegoreo wrote: »I'm not sure how stretching will help, but I'll try stretching more. I can't get into the meditation aspect of yoga because that aspect of taking a yoga class conflicts with my religious beliefs.
This is really interesting to me. I was in Thailand learning about meditation over the summer. Although it was at a Buddhist temple, Buddhism wasn't a big part of the teachings. Mindfulness was a big part of the teachings though. It's interesting that your religion forbids meditation, but mindfulness is acceptable (I'm guess, because you said that you were reading about mindful eating). I'm not questioning what you are saying, just stating that from my experiences, I find this fascinating.I've tried OA many times. I don't see the point. Granted, I only tried the online meetings because they seemed less intimidating. You aren't allowed to use full sentences (at least in the meetings I've been to), and there's never any feedback given. I feel like it's a bunch of robots echoing each other: "tyfs" "relates" "hugs". I'll give it another go around though.
I'm just tired of feeling out of control if I can't cook, weigh, and measure my food AND even trying to do something less daunting like writing down what I eat without worrying about measurements/numbers is STILL stressing me out.
And this is why you need professional help.
Well, the hospitalization I obviously need isn't in the budget right now.0 -
Yoga is universal!0
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nutmegoreo wrote: »I'm not sure how stretching will help, but I'll try stretching more. I can't get into the meditation aspect of yoga because that aspect of taking a yoga class conflicts with my religious beliefs.
This is really interesting to me. I was in Thailand learning about meditation over the summer. Although it was at a Buddhist temple, Buddhism wasn't a big part of the teachings. Mindfulness was a big part of the teachings though. It's interesting that your religion forbids meditation, but mindfulness is acceptable (I'm guess, because you said that you were reading about mindful eating). I'm not questioning what you are saying, just stating that from my experiences, I find this fascinating.I've tried OA many times. I don't see the point. Granted, I only tried the online meetings because they seemed less intimidating. You aren't allowed to use full sentences (at least in the meetings I've been to), and there's never any feedback given. I feel like it's a bunch of robots echoing each other: "tyfs" "relates" "hugs". I'll give it another go around though.
I'm just tired of feeling out of control if I can't cook, weigh, and measure my food AND even trying to do something less daunting like writing down what I eat without worrying about measurements/numbers is STILL stressing me out.
And this is why you need professional help.
Well, the hospitalization I obviously need isn't in the budget right now.
I don't think anyone suggested hospitalization, just that you could use more help than what we can offer here.0 -
So, to review:
Seeking professional help--No.
Beck Diet Solution--Didn't like it.
Setting small goals--Didn't work.
Overeaters Anonymous--Didn't see the point.
Yoga--Won't help, and is contradictory to religious beliefs.
OP, hopefully there is someone out there, somewhere in the world, who has the magical answer you're looking for. I'm just not sure that the mere mortals on MFP are up to the task.0 -
Based on your posting history, I think you should seek professional help.
Time and time again the users of MFP have given you great advice only to be ignored and tossed to the side. Since you really don't want to listen to what we have to say, I can only hope you'll listen to a professional. You've been at this for years (and under other accounts) and you still are not getting anywhere. You're still talking about the same things as all of the other times and still making alot of excuses. There comes a point where if you can't do it on your own it's time to find help.
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nutmegoreo wrote: »I'm not sure how stretching will help, but I'll try stretching more. I can't get into the meditation aspect of yoga because that aspect of taking a yoga class conflicts with my religious beliefs.
This is really interesting to me. I was in Thailand learning about meditation over the summer. Although it was at a Buddhist temple, Buddhism wasn't a big part of the teachings. Mindfulness was a big part of the teachings though. It's interesting that your religion forbids meditation, but mindfulness is acceptable (I'm guess, because you said that you were reading about mindful eating). I'm not questioning what you are saying, just stating that from my experiences, I find this fascinating.I've tried OA many times. I don't see the point. Granted, I only tried the online meetings because they seemed less intimidating. You aren't allowed to use full sentences (at least in the meetings I've been to), and there's never any feedback given. I feel like it's a bunch of robots echoing each other: "tyfs" "relates" "hugs". I'll give it another go around though.
I'm just tired of feeling out of control if I can't cook, weigh, and measure my food AND even trying to do something less daunting like writing down what I eat without worrying about measurements/numbers is STILL stressing me out.
And this is why you need professional help.
Well, the hospitalization I obviously need isn't in the budget right now.
I didn't mention hospitalization? There's alot of out-patient resources out there. You should visit the link I provided you earlier.0 -
booksandchocolate12 wrote: »So, to review:
Seeking professional help--No.
Beck Diet Solution--Didn't like it.
Setting small goals--Didn't work.
Overeaters Anonymous--Didn't see the point.
Yoga--Won't help, and is contradictory to religious beliefs.
OP, hopefully there is someone out there, somewhere in the world, who has the magical answer you're looking for. I'm just not sure that the mere mortals on MFP are up to the task.
+1 on this.
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I think obsession burnt you out, and if you continue that way there is a good chance that maintaining your goal weight might be impossible in the future.whenever you have to eat somewhere other than your home, something other than your cooked meal, just relax, take small portions and eat slowly, try to enjoy your time and meal with family and friends and then try to log it, for example. After counting calories for a while I can pretty much estimate the size of a portion and log it at the best of my ability , and even if I go over my calories for a little bit for the day and the worst scenario eat at maintenance, do you think that it will be terrible disaster ?0
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nutmegoreo wrote: »I'm not sure how stretching will help, but I'll try stretching more. I can't get into the meditation aspect of yoga because that aspect of taking a yoga class conflicts with my religious beliefs.
This is really interesting to me. I was in Thailand learning about meditation over the summer. Although it was at a Buddhist temple, Buddhism wasn't a big part of the teachings. Mindfulness was a big part of the teachings though. It's interesting that your religion forbids meditation, but mindfulness is acceptable (I'm guess, because you said that you were reading about mindful eating). I'm not questioning what you are saying, just stating that from my experiences, I find this fascinating.I've tried OA many times. I don't see the point. Granted, I only tried the online meetings because they seemed less intimidating. You aren't allowed to use full sentences (at least in the meetings I've been to), and there's never any feedback given. I feel like it's a bunch of robots echoing each other: "tyfs" "relates" "hugs". I'll give it another go around though.
I'm just tired of feeling out of control if I can't cook, weigh, and measure my food AND even trying to do something less daunting like writing down what I eat without worrying about measurements/numbers is STILL stressing me out.
And this is why you need professional help.
Well, the hospitalization I obviously need isn't in the budget right now.
I didn't mention hospitalization? There's alot of out-patient resources out there. You should visit the link I provided you earlier.
I did. I took the online screening and I'm not at risk for disordered eating. I don't have anorexia or bulimia, and I don't go on traditional binges.
I've tried little things like intermittent fasting, but even on the rare occasions that I was able to combine it with sticking to a calorie goal, I gained weight in the process. Plus, my schedule doesn't allow me to eat meals at the same time every day. Some days, lunch is at noon. Other days, it's closer to 4pm, and that's not likely to change anytime soon.0 -
Yes, but, yes, but, yes, but, yes, but, yes, but, yes, but, yes, but
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