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"You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?



  • imccree23imccree23 Member Posts: 3 Member Member Posts: 3 Member
    arahn777 wrote: »
    It is embarassing when people say that because I never know how to respond. It's just because they are not used to seeing you as "thin" yet. If you were always 125 no one would say anything. I think you look great and your calorie range shows you have a healthy perspective. I think the best response is something like "No, I am fine and I feel great!"

    That's a good point; it's not necessarily my current weight, but rather the deviation from my previous weight in comparison to how I look now.

    sun_fish wrote: »
    I have dealt with this as well. Unfortunately, I don't have a snappy comeback. I usually just give a vague "I'm within a healthy weight range" or "my doctor is very happy with my current weight". I find it so interesting that the same person who is saying it would never dream of telling another "you're too fat", but I really think it's the same thing.

    All I can tell you is that is gets better with time. I hit my goal weight around 7 months ago, and the comments are on the decline.

    If you are in the normal range for BMI and at 18% BF, I doubt you have body dysmorphia or an eating disorder. However, you could have a chat with your doctor, just to confirm this.

    I could not agree more about the "too skinny" comments being the same as "too fat", yet no one would dare tell anyone they were looking too fat (well, not in a civilized conversation anyway!).

  • imccree23imccree23 Member Posts: 3 Member Member Posts: 3 Member
    I totally agree with the statement that people don't say you're too fat. People are just rude.
    I started my weight loss back on May 2015 when I was 146.5 pounds. I am about 5'1. Becoming uncomfortable with myself, getting the full under jaw, full face, and thicker arms, pushing 150 pounds, getting older, and wanting to be healthy, I was ready to make a change. At the end of September 2015 I was finally at my goal weight of 110. I was eating healthy, feeling great, and working out 5-7 days a week.
    Then bam, the questions came. "Are you sick?" "Don't lose no more weight." "Are you okay?" "What have you been doing?". "You're too skinny".
    I started looking more at myself wondering, do I really look that bad? At this point I just wanted to maintain my goal weight and work at staying healthy, but I felt like discontinuing my efforts.
    I decided, some people want to see you fail. Some people don't want to see you succeed because of their failures. The key to fitness is being healthy and I knew the exercising was helping thw stress I dealt with as well. For once in my life I was and am proud of myself for succeeding. I have always given up on my efforts in many things. It's easy to do when your own family doesn't give you support or help motivate you when obstacles get in your way. My mother even said to me "don't lose no more weight, you're too skinny". "Your head looks long". I'm like, what the heck? This didn't happen overnight.
    I motivated ME and with the hard work it took to get me at this weight I'm gonna make every effort to stay as healthy and physically fit for as long as I can, while I can.
  • katarina005katarina005 Member Posts: 259 Member Member Posts: 259 Member
    I hate this. I've heard this before need more carbs, a woman has to have some fat blah blah blah. Rain on my parade! I think bottom line people are always going to tell you based on what they think is good for themselves and really, that has nothing to do with you! Actually, for the first time in my life I am happy with the way I look naked. And I do not think I am too skinny. Women need to stop criticizing each other and just accept one another for who they are period. It's not healthy behavior and doesn't produce anything.
  • katarina005katarina005 Member Posts: 259 Member Member Posts: 259 Member
    T_X_L wrote: »
    It's been my experience overall that people's comments like that are a reflection of what they think of themselves. Maybe some people are feeling inadequate about themselves because you've done something they haven't, or in the case of the friend who's 10 lbs. lighter, maybe she's losing a secret sense of superiority.

    pretty wise words. makes me think of a lunch out I had with a friend, who was encouraging me to eat things like cheesecake and was eating loads of junk herself.
  • Panda_bratPanda_brat Member Posts: 291 Member Member Posts: 291 Member
    I explain things with science. That usually shuts them up. I provide data from the NIH, and I do not have to hear the too skinny or toothpick comments anymore (at least from that person)
  • heathervazquez75heathervazquez75 Member Posts: 33 Member Member Posts: 33 Member
    This is such a weird thing!! My father in law always comments that I look skinny and "don't get too skinny!" I lost a lot of fat from my face but my body looks great! I'm strong and still a little thick. I feel like I look just right and it makes me feel bad when people say things like that. You never forget it either. Like one time I ran into a male friend in the grocery store and he commented on my weight! I was not happy and I told him that you don't say that to people, and that I will never forget that he said that. Same with my father in law just stop already!!
  • ProtranserProtranser Member Posts: 517 Member Member Posts: 517 Member
    just today, I sent some shirtless pics to my SO of me flexing and not flexing. The response? "I am going to call an anorexia hotline. You look underweight to me."

    My bmi is just now 24.6. And this could just be a water fluctuation getting me this low lol...

    >:) humblebrag
  • alismommy1992alismommy1992 Member Posts: 72 Member Member Posts: 72 Member
    Well at 5'6 and 125 lbs im pretty sure you look super skinny i say this for personal experiance when i got down to 138 im also 5'6 i got those comments from friends and family alot i had 15% body fat ...i guess the only thing u can do is ignore the comments i mean its ur body and health
  • DrEnalgDrEnalg Member Posts: 650 Member Member Posts: 650 Member
    This may be part of it too. The fatter the average American gets, the more abnormal and distressing it is for the average American to see what a normal-BMI human looks like.


  • 2307dee2307dee Member Posts: 62 Member Member Posts: 62 Member
    Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences, thoughts and opinions on this issue. It is so refreshing to know there are so many of you who encounter the same issues once their weight loss hits a point where people actually notice a significant change.

    After losing almost 90lbs over three years (the last 50lbs with MFP) I can honestly say that the "you're too skinny" comment has been coming thick & fast for me recently. Up until now I have been taken back, almost apologetic and shameful, for what I have achieved. I am 5ft 2" and 110lbs, with a very healthy BMI. After reading your posts, I am no longer going to be.

    My favourite response so far was this one. "Too skinny for what?". LOL! I can't wait to use it, and I'm pretty sure I won't have to wait long! Keep up the wonderful work everyone, and always smile knowing you have worked so damn hard for what you've achieved. Don't let ignorance, jealousy and stupidity ruin it xx
  • Panda_bratPanda_brat Member Posts: 291 Member Member Posts: 291 Member
    I show people the following graph of my BMI. I am in the upper healthy zone. I mention this is based on the national institute of health, and I go by them, and not average people with little to no medical background.

  • CassidyScaglioneCassidyScaglione Member Posts: 673 Member Member Posts: 673 Member
    Never been at the stage where anyone has called me skinny... closest i have gotten is a spanish lady telling me i had nice shape, lol.

    But every person has a different body type and carries weight differently... There IS a healthy BMI, but that's something to discuss with your doctor, not your co-worker who likes donuts too much. If you have enough energy to do the things you love doing without struggling, then i wouldn't worry too much.
  • cooperalexis88cooperalexis88 Member Posts: 2 Member Member Posts: 2 Member
    This thread helped me so much! It hurts incredibly bad to hear the people closest to you say negative things about your appearance after you've worked sooo hard to be the best you that you can be. I've recently got many comments from family suggesting that they think I am anorexic. It pisses me off soooo much. I have more strength and muscle now than ever before! My husband always has to stick up for me and vouch that I eat constantly!
  • elga_threselga_thres Member Posts: 117 Member Member Posts: 117 Member
    Some people told me not to lose weight anymore, I just gave them a smile. Now even though I'm on maintenance, they tell me to gain weight... Of course I won't do that. It's getting annoying. I keep telling to myself that I didn't try to lose weight for them, I do it to improve my health.
  • dutchandkiwidutchandkiwi Member Posts: 1,389 Member Member Posts: 1,389 Member
    I am not even in maintenance yet (BMI is 26.5) I know from the few times that I have been in this region and slightly below that I have a hourglass figure. However as I gain weight that changes to a pearshape. My upperbody stays relatively thin for a very very long time. I keep all my junk in the trunk so to say. As a result when I loose weight my upperbody and face loose first before the aft is even considering coming out of that trunk. Only now when I am heading towards a healthy BMI am I loosing there where I would love to be loosing first, but simply don't.

    Now I am getting this - you are skinny and stop loosing weight - at lot at the moment. Primarily from my mother and MIL. I am very annoyed with myself as to how I am allowing myself to be affected by it. It irritates me as it is clear to me that both do not know what a healthy weight looks like. In the case of my mother, she is morbidly obese, I can see that me loosing weight is in effect somewhat threatening for her as it is showing her even more how out of shape she is. Still it affects me negatively and it takes me some time to get over such conversations. Thankfully I resort to excersise to get past it not to food now. and I have a wonderful husband that simply tells me I look so cool in my sports clothes and that I am in the best shape he has ever seen me.

    Also now I have had my bikeride since my last conversation with my mum in whihc she told me I was stickskinny I am so mad that I am going to work on upping my excersise. I will get rid of those last 3-4kg to be in the middle of my BMI region
  • discordiamaximadiscordiamaxima Member Posts: 2 Member Member Posts: 2 Member
    This has been so refreshing to read. I've been in the same boat. I'm 5'8", and weighed 180+ pounds last March. I am now down to 132, and have been eating healthy and have been exercising. People keep telling me I'm "too tiny" and that "guys like curves", which is silly to me as I'm not doing it for the guys, I'm doing this for myself. I'm at the point where I'm trying to build a little muscle and have actually been eating more, and the negative comments are just very frustrating. I'm within healthy range for my bmi, too. People are funny
  • yourhiddengemyourhiddengem Member Posts: 171 Member Member Posts: 171 Member
    I question my maintaining weight tbh. But other people question it also.
  • AcmacedoAcmacedo Member Posts: 17 Member Member Posts: 17 Member
    arahn777 wrote: »
    I haven't ever posted before, but appreciate the support that this forum offers and want to get in on it! Lately, I've been in need of support from those who understand the struggles of weight loss and maintenance.

    Since the fall of 2013, I went from 180lbs to 125lbs (female, 5'6") and have been maintaining at 125 (+/- 2lbs) for the past 6 months. As time goes on, I have gotten more and more serious about exercise and specifically running. I really enjoy seeing where my body can take me and it's motivating to break my personal records and times while running.

    In the process, my body fat percentage has dropped to around 18% and while I am happy with the way I look, a lot of people around me keep making comments like "you're too skinny" or "you had better not lose any more weight". It's not just 1 or 2 people either -- it's many of those I am close to and even family members. It really makes me second guess myself and question whether I have some kind of body dysmorphia or eating disorder even though I am within the healthy range for BMI and I eat between 1800-2300 calories/day (depending on how much I work out).

    Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you respond to comments like this?

    I get this 24/7. I'm 5'4 and 102 lbs. I work out, eat healthy, drink tons of water & I get told constantly I'm " too skinny" I don't let it bother me. I used to be 140 lbs, which isn't bad but I wasn't comfortable how I felt and I have never felt better now . I try not to let others opinions bother me . In the end, it's how you feel about yourself .

  • robingmurphyrobingmurphy Member Posts: 345 Member Member Posts: 345 Member
    Back when I lost weight several years ago and got down to the middle of my healthy weight range, I had people tell me "You're too skinny!" I was severely tempted to respond with "You're just too fat!" mostly because I consider that such a rude thing to say. What I actually said was, "I'm actually just not right in the middle of the medically proscribed healthy weight range. I think that because so many people in modern society are overweight that all of our perceptions of what a healthy body is has become distorted. I love how I look and I feel great!"
  • robininflrobininfl Member Posts: 1,137 Member Member Posts: 1,137 Member
    Not really, no. I am lean and nobody says I look too skinny, except for the subset of men who think women need to be "curvy" to be feminine (I wouldn't be curvy if fat, anyway, I'd be dumpy, you can't magically put fat where you want it). I'm 5'9" and only under 125lb I start to get a few comments, though usually they are positive even at that weight, which I do actually think is the point where I start getting too skinny. Which, oddly enough, is the lowest healthy BMI measurement for my height.

    It seems to me that people, in general, vastly overestimate healthy weight. It's my understanding that being lighter and leaner is associated with better health outcomes, even if it's not what we all find the most beautiful.

    What's true for me is that when people who were previously fat lose weight they can look odd for awhile, like there is a guy at work who did lose a lot of weight, he's tall and now is thin, but he has not good muscle tone so is sort of skinny-fat. I think people might see that and think he needs to put on weight, but really it is more just that he would look better firmer, not necessarilly "filled out" again. My immediate reaction is that he looked better fatter, I have to logic myself out of that reaction. Even so, I would NEVER say to him that he was too skinny or looked better before he got to a healthy weight.
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