WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR FEBRUARY 2016

Sylvia ... Breathe! Don't make any decisions until you've talked to your husband. You need to be united on this one 100%! Decide whether you want permanent custody ... And the likely fallout you will suffer from your son. Then move forward... I'm praying for you!

Sylvia~ my oh my I wish there was something we could do or say... is there something social services could do to help. If he is the primary parent they are not in a good situation physically or legally.. If I am not overstepping my bounds, could you speak with the school counselor and have her point you in the right direction? If you son has signed papers giving you guardianship I would work with that.. The kids need a stable enviorment to thrive.. I know your husband you you love them to pieces.. do what you need to do for your health and theirs.. My Love to you always..
went and visited a friend of mine, and we laughed for a good hour, then went to see my dad, came home swept and washed the floors.

Joyce ... Our lab, 11 years old sleeps most of the day but has bursts of activity. In regards to your question ... Do you have a dog whose activity levels has suddenly changed? I would be concerned then.

Margaret, praying hard for your son, and for you. I know it must be stressful.

Vicki, I'm so sorry about your mother's condition. Hugs for you, too.

Sylvia, my heart breaks for you and the stress under which you are living.

Barbie, Mary, and Pip, you continue to inspire me.

I went to the gym this morning. The other Trim and Tone class was meeting. The gal who has lost 80 lbs joined them today. Said she was done with the core stuff. The rest of us worked on cardio until they were finished, then did our ball marches, glute bridges, clams, and leg lifts, picking up blueberries the whole time (had to throw that in for y'all). I'm continuing to be a team player since it is only two weeks. When I got home I walked the old 2.65 mile circle with DH, so got in 5 miles today.

Kroger had artisan lettuce on sale yesterday, so am going to make a huge salad for supper.

Happy Thursday ! ! !

Katla,Lenora – My DD was here last week to audition for The Voice, and I was unfortunately surprised by her size, and I just saw her over Christmas. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make her dedicated to her health, but since I’m still far from perfect, I will just pray from the sidelines, and offer her healthy choices and conversations whenever possible.

Sylvia – The point Joyce makes is very enlightened, albeit painful to consider. And even if that is what your son is doing, there is a good chance he is completely unaware that he is doing it. I’d be willing to bet that his fear, grieving, emotions, etc are all over the page every day, and it gives him comfort to know that you will step up in this time of need, but he doesn’t have the proper words to express. It is VERY difficult to be the strong one, but it is you, and your grands will be better people for it. I admire you ! ! ! // Update: I’m so sorry that things have turned toward the worst. I hope you can stay strong for the sake of those grandkids ! ! ! Don’t give up hope, and try not to worry about what could be, but take care of you, so you can handle what ever comes to be ! ! ! My gut is leaning toward contacting someone in the County Foster Care system, to make sure your house is prepared properly, to prevent any snags that could erupt when it becomes time for custody decisions. I also agree with Allison about talking to someone at the school.

Gloria – I take whatever generic Prilosec-type medication that is cheapest the day I am shopping. But I take it as much to lessen the problems with “sludge” in my gall bladder as the acid reflux. I still eat spicy food, so it’s mostly my own fault.

Pat – enjoy your sunshine and warm temperatures. I wish I labeled all the little “bits and pieces” that I put in the freezer, because maybe that way I would use the stuff, instead of tossing it in the garbage when I need more space.

Margaret – Hugs and Prayers ! ! !

Pip – Hooray for Kirby !

Vicki – Hooray for the swimsuit NSV. I’m so happy for you – dancing ! ! ! Hugs for the situation with your Mom !

Becca – Hugs for the divorcing friends situation and Facebook problems. When I was going through my “unmarriage”, I specifically told certain friends that I hope they don’t choose sides, and I meant it. I must admit that there were a few others that I had hoped would choose sides, and I was willing to give them up. A messy divorce helps no one, and I hope you are able to stay neutral. You are wise; I’m certain you can handle it.

Yvonne – Hugs and fast healing for your cough/cold ! ! !

I eat breakfast everyday, since as far back as I can remember. I wake up hungry. But I start with a little milk in my coffee, then have a “regular” breakfast a few hours later at work. If I could make the time, I would eat at home before leaving for work.

I’m a little sad right now. I put my fitness tracker on before leaving for work, and now it is gone. I checked the parking lot and my car.

I probably won’t be able to read or post tomorrow, because I am training a new receptionist for one of the clinics we will be opening in a different state (Oklahoma maybe?).

Today is my yearly review, so I have to stay busy today, too. And just for the record, cleaning and organizing my house is counter-productive for my weight. Last night I was organizing my dining room table and I found a Godiva dark chocolate bar, and I ate several pieces. If I had left the mess I wouldn't have found the chocolate, and I wouldn't have known what I was missing. lol ! ! !

Hugs for Everyone ! ! !

Terri in Milwaukee

Sue In Washington – Cracker has decided that she either doesn’t like the Puppy Chow (2nd bag) as much as she did the 1st go round. Her first bag of food we bought from the PetSmart store and it is about 2x the price of the Purina Puppy Chow we changed her to. Rather than eating twice a day; she nurses her morning meal all day; then finishes it and wants a new cup put in it. She normally eats the 2nd cup entirely before she goes to bed. If she goes outside to run with my DOS’s dogs, she usually will eat quickly for her 2nd meal (evening). She’ll sit when we tell her to; but, “OK” is not going to mean she will eat it. It’s almost like she is looking at us with a “WHAT?” in her eyes.

Katla – Are you responding to Leonora or me (Lenora); Leonora hasn’t posted much other than her original ‘here I am’ posting. As for helping someone who won’t listen. I am not saying anything good, bad, or indifferent about DDnL#1’s weight or weight loss; she could probably buy some bottles of Ensure or Boost and some fruit bars; and substitute that for her meals and feel full and lower her caloric intake by over 1000 and lose weight; but, I am the ‘fire-breathing, dragon-mouth, *kitten* from Hell MnL (but that is the way she was brought up). Her mother was married 5 or 6 times and I’m sure she had a few in her life. She loves my DOS – and has told DDnL#1 not to leave him, she doesn’t know how good she has it. DOS is not ‘perfect’ by any means; but, he does not hit her or run around on her and really says very little about her weight. She probably weighed maybe 145-150lbs when they got married and she is at least 5’7” or 5’8” tall. She sees her goal as being 145lbs; but, she really needs to set mini-goals along the way so that she does not get so discouraged. But, like I said, she is looking for a ‘magic pill’ and there isn’t one.

I’m 64, soon to be 65 (next month); and, I haven’t minded any of the “Big O” birthdays until this one; but, I think it is because DH turned “70” the same year. Hopefully, prayerfully, he will still have nearly 20 more years to go. We have a lot of fun together and joke with one another all the time. I’m not sure I want to know the story about the blueberries … But, I like being in my 60's; you can get away with saying so much and people don't think so ill of you.

I went on Duolingo and punched in Spanish; can you actually learn more than one language. I’m not too good at this. I should have taken French in school (or Latin). We never knew we’d have such an influx of Hispanics in this area doing migrant work. If I had know Spanish, I would have been able to make upwards to $600 a day interpreting in federal court for a day. They pay by the 1/2 day; $300 for any part of the morning; and a total of $600 for any part of the afternoon including the morning. My son, who looks very Hispanic should have stayed in 4 years of Spanish. They use an attorney for all the defendants. He also can read and write the language; that also helps. A lot of different 'dialects' so he has to get use to whether they're from Mexico or from other Central America country.

Becca – I deleted my FB account because my DDnL#1 would post things that really were NOT meant to be put on a social networking site. She’d try to be the mediator of her friends’ marital woes. She tried to get DOS to get involved in a couple of them; and, he would not ‘bite’. I got tired of her posts to or about me being sent to my family members and their friends. I don’t think that people realize that what they post there does not stay there. Sisters both deleted her as a friend. My oldest sister called and gave her the ‘what for’ after I told her that ‘it was not MY problem’. And it wasn’t … she had blocked me and I could not respond to her posting; although I saw all of them.

GloworminWA – I’m not about to let anybody get my goat by trying to make me feel bad because what I am doing is making me ‘drop the weight’. DH and I are too proud of me to do that. THX!

Miriam – You probably gained muscle weight while losing fat weight. Muscle weighs more than fat. I was upset once for gaining a pound; but, nurse/MD told me not to be because my muscle weight had gone up and my fat weight had gone down. Drinking water so that my water % is high is another thing I do. I drink a minimum of 10 cups of water/3 of them are coffee; so I am still getting 8 cups of water a day, sometimes more.

Sylvia – What illness(es) does your son suffer from? I just find it difficult that the kids are exposed to this abuse. Is he physically ill, have mental issues, dominated by the stepmother, or is he just a plain old @$$? Sorry … not knowing the full story, the later seems to be what he is (maybe with some mental issues) and a wife (stepmom) who does want anything to do with the kids. Does she have any of her own, or does she not want the responsibility of having them around. When I married my DH I inherited a daughter; but, as she got older, she became more like her own mother – total self-centered and selfish.

After his Mom died, she let us know ‘in no uncertain terms, that she did NOT want us in her life’. That really hurt DH; but, after 8 years she is about as ‘dead’ to us as his Mother is. She has a child (a grandchild) who will never know her Papa; that is something that jerks me to no end; but, we have 3 granddaughters that are biological and a step-granddaughter that we never consider her as a ‘step’. We treat her the same way we treat our other granddaughters.

DH’s first granddaughter was killed when she was struck by a drunk/high teenager while crossing a street with a group of friends of hers. I don’t think that the SD ever got over it – even though she would call us and cry for hours; and, then said that her Mother had told her to ‘get over it’. Gee, how do you get over losing a child (especially an only child)? She and new husband did the in vitro thing to have the child they have. We have not seen or heard from them in 8 years (this April). She put a ‘sticky’ note on a death certificate that DH had asked for, so they (DBnL and DH) could cash in a $3000 insurance policy that she did not know about; with a notation that ‘if we needed anything else to call the funeral home, not her’. She wanted her 1/3rd of it; but, she never ever allowed them to get put back on their Mother’s banking accounts, nor did she allow them to be put as co-beneficiaries on the mutual funds that she bought by using a POA (she had pulled off the Internet) and took over $60K out of the lockbox to do so with. She committed ‘elder abuse’ and ‘elder fraud’ and there was little we could do about it because we did not know she had done so until right before; and she would not have been able to legally make another Will as she wasn’t not competent. She had divvied up the contents of her house. What she had not already taken, we had our choice in. She took her jewelry; which had been written down and attached to the Will – she marked through things that were supposed to be mine and took it. I did get my DMnL’s antique ladies writing desk and her china cabinet. One day, she’ll have to answer for it; I have forgiven her, in my heart; but, I don’t ever want to see her again. We liked her husband a lot, he was a nice person. Always made us wonder what she has said about the estrangement. I question whether I should inform her ‘if’ something happens to DH before anything happens to me. I’ve asked my boys to make that decision and their attitude is to find out from DH – his attitude is ‘no’. So, ‘no’ it will be. She has to know that he is getting older (since her Mother is the same age). But … sez la vie (such is life).

I’ve got a BF who has a grandson who is about as ‘sorry as they get’. He hocked her computer this week (which had our tax return, her sisters’ tax returns, and hers as well on it). All were almost finished. She said yesterday that she was ‘supposed’ to get it back that afternoon. I doubt that’ll happen. I’d be calling around the pawn shops in both counties and asking if he had hocked them and then call the police and go up and identify it. They are supposed to keep names of the people who hock things so that ‘if’ they are stolen the person who owns them can get them back. She doesn’t want to call the police because the boy’s father has been trying to press charges against him for stealing some of his welding tools. I don’t understand it. The boy NEEDS to be ‘in jail’ … he is NOT going to change. He’s into drugs too deep.


Terri_mom – Let us know how her auditions go with “The Voice”. What genres does she like to sing? If the chairs turn around does she have a favorite judge? I think all of them are good judges. Blake, Ferrell, Adam and Christina would be my choices in that order. Ferrell is really talented.

Welcome to all the “Newbies” … let us know more about yourselves. What name you prefer to be called, where you live (general or specific), marital status, children/grandchildren, hobbies, what keeps you motivated, etc. Some have been her for years, some of us maybe the last year. Just hop in and post. If you are behind a few days, start on the current day and post, then you can go back a page without losing what you’ve typed. Or save the post first and then edit it. Some of us open up a Word Processing program side-by-side and go down the posts we have something to add to and cut and paste it in the last box of the time. Barbiecat will post a ‘new’ link on the last day of the month to follow then bookmark it by hitting the outline of the star until it turns yellow; next time you will come to the community and hit the gray star between the bell and gear; and a drop down list will come down; it will take you back to that last point you posted. Some of us put a smiley face in the boxes, it helps us find our spot easier.

Cracker sleeps a lot during the daytime. DH lets her out in the AM when he wakes up; I let her out about every 2 or 3 hours (or whenever she wakes up from her 'beauty naps'). Let her out about 7 - 8; and then before I go to bed (about 11:00pm). She loves to go out when DH comes home; because she knows that DOS's dogs will be out. She runs like the wind. When she comes in, she might eat a bite; but, then she comes over and gets in her bed; or she'll play with her toys. She knows how to take them out of the box; I'd like to teach her how to put them back in it. That's probably not ever going to happen. I keep trying to get a picture of her sleeping on her back; but, if I get up she wakes up. Hard to remember to get my cell phone by my chair and leave it on.

Lenora

Dear Heather, Mary, DJ, Beth, Pat drkatie, and Terri,
Thank you for continued prayers. It is a waiting game now and hopes that he responds to the help offered. Our job right now is to advocate for him behind the scenes. Because he is ill I am minimally paying off his bill balances so that he doesn't accrue charges. I am praying for all the wonderful people in the system who will help our son.
Thank you for acknowledging the stress to us. We are planning a date with friends to see the Humpback movie at our science museum and a dinner out to follow on Saturday.

I went to help me friend and her Kindergarten class and was greeted by a little boy who told me he loved me. Just what I needed.

The other exciting thing is the Dalai Lama is giving a speech in Minneapolis on Sunday. I was too late to get first choice seats. I did get second choice seats and will be attending Sunday. I have to pack light because of security, so no pictures. I will have to fill you in later on Sunday.

Margaret

Had a healthy day of treating myself well with good, healthy food choices (salmon, broccolli and a giant salad) as well as hitting the gym to do cardio circuit for 45 minutes, that is a NSV for me.

For all you declutter bugs, I admit joy at cleaning out two hall closets, reorganizing and tucking things away neatly, luckily there were no candy bars to be found to sabotage such joyful progress!

I only have 8 more days before I am reunited with DH and DD from their trip and it isn't stressing me out yet. I will be busy all weekend and the upcoming work week. I do like the quiet and enjoy cooking "smelly" food, broccoli and salmon with no complaints from the peanut gallery.
Karen from NY

Hello ladies: Went this morning to get my annual eye exam for the sarcoidosis. Things went well, everything looks okay but I swear the doctors keep getting younger and younger. This guy looked like he was about 19. However he seems to know his stuff. Bad part is having my eyes dilated, etc. gave me a whopper of a headache. Came home took some naproxen and laid down for a bit. I am doing better now and everything is no longer blurry. Have to get things marked for used tack sale this afternoon. It will be nice to get unnecessary stuff moved out of the barn.

Gloria - If you want to look up reliable medical studies go to Pubmed on the internet. These are official government studies not just random ones sponsored by drug companies, etc. This is the site my dietitian used to help me with vitamin D issues pertaining to sarcoidosis. They can be hard to read and decipher so have a medical dictionary handy.

Margaret - Prayers for you, DS and DH. Glad you are finding good and happy things too in your life and not just concentrating on the stress.

Sylvia - Continued prayers for you and all in your family. I think you are getting lots of good advise on here.

Time to go clean stalls and feed the picky ponies (really horses).

Healing angels to all who need them and congratulations to those with victories. Sue in WA

Margaret, (((hugs))) to you and prayers for your son.

Sylvia, I really think it is time to get some legal advice and get custody of those kids. What their dad is doing is going to haunt them the rest of their lives. My folks got divorced when I was 8, my dad remarried immediately, my mom a year later. Then four years after the divorce my dad died of lung cancer. Some of the things he said and did in those last few years (and his new wife) still make me tear up and I am 58 at the end of this month! Yes, he was in pain, and yes he was not getting enough oxygen to the brain and probably on steroids too, but it still damaged me permanently. IF I had been getting more support from another adult (my mom and stepdad made things worse) than I would not have been so affected by his actions and words. I know you are scared of whether you can manage with the kids, but I know that you can! Remember, I wasn't sure I could either! Those kids love you and need the stability you can offer them RIGHT NOW. Not after he dies but now!

Sylvia - I hope that my post did not upset you; it was meant to ask questions about how and why your son is doing what he is doing. I sincerely apologize if I did. I guess due to family issues involving a granddaughter ... it just infuriates me when parents mistreat their child(ren). What they grow up seeing has a life-long effect on them. Friend wrote me an email and told me that he had a terminal lung disease. I guess that fear has to be involved in what he is feeling. Maybe he is rough on the kids because he does not want them to 'feel anything for him'. Maybe you and your husband need to make a trip to go see him and sit down and talk about 'what's best for the kids'. Whether it is an agreed to "Guardianship" or some legal document that will allow you and/or your husband can do what is necessary for their well-being. Such as seek medical help should any of them need it (or even add them to your own insurance policy). I've been told by my insurance company that it is 'easy' to put them on the insurance; but, much harder to take them off.

I think a "Guardianship" would work for you to have some control over what gets done for the children; but, you really need to talk to an attorney. Some have suggested getting DFACS involved. That would be my 'last resort' ... as they might decide that none of you are best and put them into foster care, and, probably dividing them up between 3 different families. I thought y'all had a 'custody battle' already with the 'ex-wife'. So when did the 'step-mom' come into play? It's bad that she can't care for the children and instead puts them 'in the middle'. It's like she is jealous of their time with their Dad or something. It doesn't sound like a very good set-up and this is causing you a lot of stress (angina).

This back-and-forth with the kids; or you getting them involved in something that the Dad won't follow through with because it is too much trouble for him isn't good. I know when our DOGD's custody was changed to her Daddy it was changed when she was 14. We had looked into some things from the time she was 12 until she was 14 and the child's petition would be binding on the court (if the Judge decided it was best for her custody to be changed) upon her petition to the court. In fact, she signed the petition ON her 14th birthday. One of the things we looked into was braces; but, the dentist and the orthodontist discouraged it so long as she was in the custody of her mother - because she is an alcoholic, did not have a job, probably would miss appointments which would put off the length of time she'd be in them. That was the very first thing that my DOS and DDnL#1 did when they got custody of her. She had awful teeth (peg teeth) and they did not want others to make fun of her if she smiled. They really went 'overboard' to getting her involved in school activities and other things.

She started HS at a new school and was not pulled out of the 8th grade class in another town, since the change occurred 3 months before the end of school. The School Board allowed her to stay in the middle school because they also did not want to disrupt her studies. The school counselor would tell DOS and DDnL#1 that they could always tell when she had been with her mother or with her. We had always been told that 'if' the school thought there was any kind of abuse or neglect of the child they had to (by law) report it. This was never done, just the comments about her being prepared for class, clean, etc. This child was changing diapers and fixing bottles when she was only 5 years old; because most of the time, her mother was passed out on the sofa or the floor or in bed. She had to get dressed and walk 2 blocks to catch the bus. It was a lot more horrible than we could even imagine. She was in 4 or 5 different schools by the time she was in middle school. She did stay the 3 years at the same school in middle school. Her youngest sister changed schools 8 times between kindergarten and 3rd grade when DFACS took her and the middle daughter out of the home. DOGD was already out here; middle daughter had been living with her paternal grandmother - who still paid child support to 'ex' just to appease her. Of course, that stopped when the youngest child was removed by DFACS. They already knew that she was caring for her.

She was totally blind-sighted when DFACS came and took the youngest child from the home. I don't know if it was the DOGD or the biological father who reported the horrific living conditions in which she was living. She brought her to DOGD's graduation and they were going to let her spend the weekend. They got her home; and she had head lice so bad that you could literally see them crawling on her head and she had sores from it. DDnL#1 bought 2 bottles of treatment; treated her, took her home and gave her the 2nd bottle for her to treat her 2 or 3 days later. DOGD called the youngest child's biological father after DFACS called her and asked 'if' she could take her. She did NOT want her to be put into foster care; because that would have meant that she could not visit with her; and, they could take away parental rights from both of them if they so chose to do so. She called the Dad and told him what was going on; so he contacted DFACS in TN where he was living at the time and they got in touch with the local DFACS.

Both were told that they'd have to move out of the renovated motels into apartments before either of them would be considered. He move the following week into a 2-bedroom apartment and the fiancée of the maternal grandfather agreed to keep her after school. The mother-'ex' did not move, she did not get a job, she did not go to AA, she just did not care. She's be 'in jail' on 2 different occasions since. The Dad told DFACS that 'when' he put her into school, there would NOT be any jerking her out to go back to her Mom. DOS would not allow DOGD to accept the responsibility of 'motherhood' as she was starting college and would not have had any way to care for her. She saw her at Christmas (first time in many months or more) and said that she had put on the weight she needed to be at; had gotten glasses, and was not taking anything off anybody; doing very good in school, and, most of all 'happy' and 'well cared for'. I think that most state DFACS department 'try' to do what is in the child's/children's best interest; but, being with a family member is usually the best for everybody concerned.

If you do go to DFACS they will investigate you and your husband and make random home inspections and they will also check with their school counselors (or they do here, in GA). I feel for you and your husband and especially for the children. They have to be totally 'blown away' with their Dad's behavior. While I realize that his life is going to be cut short; maybe he needs to be reminded of what his children are being put through. Even 'if' you have to make sure that the 'step-mother' is also 'in the same room' while you do so. Anyway, you and your husband need to find out 'what your rights are'. First person they'll contact will be the biological mother, if living, and fit - that doesn't sound like that's the case. Then brothers and/or sisters over the age of 18, aunts, uncles, then grandparents. It's a real shame that people that want children, can't have any; and the ones that treat them like pawns in a game or are neglectful just pop them out almost yearly. She's told her younger sister that the letters their mother writes to them are nothing but lies. I think she is beginning to see what DOGD had been through for 14 years.

Oh, to top things off; my DOS's 'ex' was getting $1700 a month in food stamps (alone) when she got arrested. That doesn't count any other Medicaid benefits. It was better for her to 'not work' than it was for her 'to work'. Both our families don't spend that together total a month. Lord only knows what else she was getting in the way of 'benefits'. Sorry, sorry, sorry piece-o-work! DOGD says that she won't be the least bit surprised to find out that her mother has been murdered (by a john or a pimp) or OD'd on something. We're just happy that we got her when we did ... she is a beautiful, smart young woman who is well on her way through college; she'll be a full Junior this coming Summer; and she has a good head on her shoulders. I don't think she is going to take summer classes this summer; but, she might only take one and volunteer at a vet's office. She's been in summer school for two years already.

Lenora

Again, if I said anything that hurt you or made you mad, I'm sorry and I hope that you will accept my apology.

Hi everyone,
I'm kind of down and out with a bad chest cold (again...seems like I've been sick a lot this winter).
But the picture of Shep made me happy!

Didn't do much today. Will check in tomorrow.

Kimses in MA

Ok ladies leave for my vacation tonight have alot of anxiety about being with him on this trip but I am going to try and make the best of it. WISH me luck. Will post and catch up on the 27th.

Anne from Wisconsin